• Published 21st Sep 2012
  • 7,217 Views, 117 Comments

Ptolemy - Wellspring

Twilight Sparkle resorts to Black Magic in an attempt to bring back Surprise.

  • ...



It was a very beautiful day. The sky was blue, birds chirping and sun shining. It was the kind of day where everypony knows that nothing could go wrong.

A pink pony singled out by her constant hopping, laughing and waving left a trail of smiles in her wake, as she did every day of anyday. Wherever she jumped, trotted or just simply appeared from nowhere this pony would capture the eyes of the nearest creatures and be mesmerized by the sheer innocence projected by her very being.

“La la-la la-la,” the pink pony hummed. “Big adventure... la-la-la-la... a beautiful heart, faithful and strong... la la-la”

Not only was it a very beautiful day, it was a very special day too. The 1000th Summer Sun Celebration will be held tomorrow morning.

“Oh, Pinkie Pie!” a mare called out from Sugar Cube Corner, “Were you able to deliver that order?”

“Yes, Mrs. Cake.” The pinky pony, whose name was Pinkie Pie, replied happily. “I gave out the cupcake recipe to Applejack just like you asked. She’ll be able to make yummy apple cupcakes now.”

“Thank you, Pinkie. You can take the rest of day off now.”

“Gee, thanks Mrs. Cake.”

“Oh, and take these to go.” Mrs. Cake took out a pan of fragrant blueberry cupcakes and handed it to Pinkie Pie.

Outside her control, the pink pony’s tail started twitching. Mrs. Cake tripped down the stairs as she was handing the treats. Faster than the average earth pony, Pinkie Pie was already below Mrs. Cake just in time to catch the mare in her hooves and the cupcakes with her mouth.

“Hmm! That is delish.”

“Thank you for saving me, Pinkie.” the mare said, recovering to her feet. “However do you do it?”

“I guess I just do it.” Pinkie shrugged as she trotted away, humming the same melody.

Even to Pinkie Pie it was a mystery. Ever since she saw that rainbow back when she was a filly her body started having what she jokingly called the Pinkie Sense. Her body had an ability to predict the future by twitching in various places. At first she thought it was weird, even for her. But as she realized that this ability was mostly used to protect ponies; like from falling objects or being chased by bees or opening doors, she found herself lucky to have such a rare gift.

Not only the Pinkie sense, her body had other tricks as well. For some reason she can just vanish without a trace and reappear elsewhere. Or sometimes even stretch and bend past it limit without difficulty. Or just take something, anything, from anywhere; mostly balloons and party stuff. And an even weirder part is that nopony, not even herself, seemed to question something that seemed so unnatural.

But none of her special talent have troubled her more than a brief, seemingly irrelevant, event of her childhood that began it all. There was like a missing piece of memory that bridged the fulcrum that turned her life around it all: between seeing the rainbow one second and crying alone on top of a cliff.

She could remember it clearly. She remembered suddenly standing in the middle of a storm. She wouldn’t know, for the life of her, why she couldn't stop crying. At that time something of great value was lost, she was sure, but with it came a sense of freedom long fulfilled, a sense of both completion and reassurance that the right thing had happened –that the story was over, and for the rest of her life all she needed was to be happy and maintain this happpiness. She was happy. And from that time onwards Pinkie Pie never felt loneliness ever again.

“I’m such a silly little twinkie-pinkie.” Pinkie Pie shook her head. The past was the past. There was no use worrying about it. It was such a beautiful day and so long as all is right in the world it would always remain this beautiful.

Speaking of partying, she thought as she continued to trot through Ponyville, should I visit Fluttershy? She could use help with singing with the birds. Or Rarity with the decorations. Or Rainbow Dash with the- oh wait, silly me, I keep forgetting I don’t have any wings.

“Maybe the ponies in Ponyville have interesting things to talk about.” A new voice distracted her from her train of thoughts. She was surprised to see a purple baby dragon with green spikes. One that she has never seen before. “C’mon, Twilight, just try”

Pinkie Pie looked closer. It took her a full second before her eyes could prove the sight to her mind.

And then she saw her.

There she was: a lavender unicorn mare. Dark indigo mane, with strands of magenta and purple, kept straight down her neck. She had wide open eyes that glowed with a glimmer as their eyes met. Her cutie mark was a sparkling pink star that resembled the glitter of magic.

“Uh... Hello?” said the unicorn.

There was something about her, something awfully familiar. Pinkie Pie felt that this pony was a clue to that missing bridge in her memory. A thousand meaningless and incoherent thoughts flooded Pinkie’s mind like a torrent.

Here she was, yet who was she?

Pinkie felt a twitch somewhere in her body; telling her that this pony, somehow, would change their lives forever.

Pinkie gasped in surprised and ran off. She doesn’t know why. She was feeling excited. She was feeling calm. She was feeling imminent danger. She had never felt safer in her life. The inexplicable mystical air in that unicorn drew her in. And instead of fear it was joy she felt.

It was funny, she thought, she had never seen her before yet she felt that they were already the best of friends. That same instinct that propelled her forward now screamed and laughed happily at this serendipity. She had a new mission. She have to make sure that the unicorn should never be alone.

Surround her with friends.

Who should she get first? Applejack? Rainbow Dash? Fluttershy? Rarity? The five of them, she knew, were all connected to her.

Pinkie Pie broke into a gallop, racing side by side with her thoughts. She felt she was given a second shot at life. She ran with the energy of foal ready to face the day, she could’ve run through entire Equestria if she had the time. She ran, and ran, and ran; the air has never felt so fresh.

They will all be friends, Pinkie Pie thought, she won’t be lonely. Not anymore; not this time. And I know just what this calls for.

Carrying the high noon on her shoulders; wind bouncing her pink fluffy mane; smile growing bigger and bigger with each step; wide eyes, laughing joyously in triumph–Pinkie Pie ran.

Comments ( 85 )

This is my very first fanfic and my first attempt at writing Sci-Fi/Fantasy and fight scenes.
I know there is a lot of rough edges to be polished due to my lack of editors (though I know this isn't an excuse).
All constructive criticisms are welcome, but please bear in mind that this is my first attempt with this genre.
I hope you enjoy reading it, as much as I have enjoyed writing it.


62,610 word. My jaw just hit the floor. Wow, that is an incredibly impressive wordcount for your first fanfic ever! I can't wait to read, the thesis like description seems like it has a ton of potential.



Hory shiet so many words! This would be better to read for me to put it to three chapters for 20k words but ok... I think, I'm going to take a look at it later ;]

Prepare your body, 61k chapter.

*See's new story on the main page with an intriguing summary.*
*Clicks title for more info.*
*See's word count after reading story summary*


Welp, so much for sleep. (It's 11:50 right now, by the way).
Also, over 61,000, all crammed into the first chapter alone? JEEZ, man, if you had incorporated the epilogue into that, that would be considered one heck of a one-shot.
I. Am. DEFINITELY! Going to read this.

Should I read this? I have no idea.

While the description is very eye catching and your author's note respectable, I do not read stories if I have no idea what they are about.

I know it's a dark and tragic sci-fi/fantasy, taking place in the canon universe and involving some action. Starring primarily Twilight and Pinkie, with mane 6 involvement and additional minor show characters. And that, based on the title and description quote, it likely relates to theoretical scientific advancement.

None of this tells me whether I will actually enjoy it.

The genre is expected. Pretty much every single FiM fic has either a fantasy or sci-fi setting.
The characters are mostly irrelevant to what the story is actually about.
And the Tragedy and Dark tags, barring others, actually makes me want to avoid this story. The only thing that might override this aversion would be a more ground level synopsis of the plot, if said information provided enough intrigue to overlook the apparent negativity implied.

I am almost tempted to spoil the story, but I kinda don't wanna, so I'll give a vague summary. Be warned this summary has a lot of holes in it; The story was so long I ended up skimming it mostly.

Twilight Sparkle is dabbling in Black Magic to revive her dead friend Surprise (apparently the Element of Laughter before Pinkie Pie or something like that; don't worry I didn't get it initially either). In the process she does some horrid stuff and basically brings about the Apocalypse to Equestria. I'm leaving out everything in between so you can find out for yourself.


Yeah, actually my bad for not investigating the short description: "Twilight Sparkle resorts to Black Magic in an attempt to bring back Surprise."

Surprising (heh) how much information a single sentence imparts compared to a whole paragraph.

Oh well, at least I now know that the plot of this story does not interest me.


Well, at least you didn't get your mental image of Twilight Sparkle completely fragged and confusified.

Yes, I know that was gibberish, but whatever.


Oh plenty of fics have done that for me already.
I just tend to only read things that cater to my own interests.

um... 61k words? yeah this isn't getting read right now. I will put it in Read Later though.

Story had some very good ideas but your biggest flaw is putting it all in one chapter. That could have easily been split into many chapters and that wold improve the reading experience.

Thank you for the feedback and the fave.:twilightsmile:
The primary reason why I forced the whole story to a single chapter, aside from the Epilogue, was my attempt to give the story that prologue feel; i.e. for the Friendship is Magic canon. Whether I succeded on that objective remains to be seen. Admittedly, I didn't think it would bother the community too much considering how avid readers everyone is; I guess that was a miscalculation on my part. :twilightblush:


I know that I must read this story eventually, but that word-count...

I am so scared!:fluttershbad:


I saw your reasoning but... chapters, please. Like this its just...unwieldy, and scaring away many potential readers.

Somehow, the only thing that affected me emotianally much at all was the scene where twilight comes back calling herself Ptolemy. That image somehow... i dont know what im feeling, but ive been feeling very confused/unsettled/other/indescribable for an hour now and its not going away... and its 3.30 in the morning here, how am i supposed to sleep now?

AH! So you've reached the same conclusions I have!

Read it in one sitting. Marvellous, but also a new reminder why I really shouldn't read anything with a tragedy tag. Damn.

Nopony is going to read this. The description tells us nothing about what the story's actually about, and the huge wordcount is going to turn off a lot of people.

I'm reading through this. It's good so far, there are a few tense errors, but it's a good read.

I'm having a little trouble getting into the story though. Why have you randomly replaced Pinkie Pie with Surprise? I know nothing about previous MLP generations, but Surprise is often a 'previous version' of Pinkie. It's a little confusing, and I'm waiting for an explanation in the story.

Thank you very much for the comment.
The short description of the story is "Twilight resorts to Black Magic in an attempt to bring back Surprise."
As far as the description is concerned, I know that leaving out the plot runs the risk of the reader staggering blindly in confusion and trying to make sense of the what seems to be the senseless. However, for the overall purpose of the story, I thought that it would be best to give as little as possible for the sake of the ending which would, hopefully, resolve all lingering questions.

I would very much like your feedback after finishing the story. Thank you. :raritywink:


Then you should really break up this story into separate chapters. A 60,000 word chapter is just to long. A novel's length is 50,000 words. You don't put a novel length work in one chapter. No person wants to sit at a computer for that long just to read one thing, and its not like it is a book where you can save your spot. Do yourself and your readers a favor and break it up.

You asked me to leave a comment when I finished this, but I really don't know what to say.

It's huge. Vast. Intricate. Sad. Happy.

How do you even write something so complicated? How does it all congeal so well?

I loved it. It took me two sittings to read, but bah. It's beautiful. The first half made me feel sad and empty, and the sheer brutality and -I don't want to spoil anything, you know- just made me yearn for a happy ending.

The end was sad and wonderful at the same time. I teared up a little. It's almost bittersweet.

There were a lot of errors. A few sentences I had no idea what you were trying to say. It's not really a huge problem though.

Thank you for writing this. :heart:

I'm not sure I understand the significance of the name Ptolemy though. What did I miss?

Thank you very much for giving me your feedback. I highly appreciate it! :scootangel:

The reason why I made Twilight call herself Ptolemy was to indicate her final choice to fully succumb to Black Magic. I chose Ptolemy as a reference to Claudius Ptolemy, the ancient Greek astrologist who posited the geocentric theory; i.e. that Earth is the center of the universe. Twilight Sparkle did exactly just that by being the fulcrum and the pivot point where the "new universe" was created and based.


Funny, I thought you were referencing the Ptolemy family of ancient Egypt. You know, Cleopatra and all that.


What... what is wrong with me? Am I... am I actually crying? Dear god man, what... how... I'M SUPPOSED TO BE A HEARTLESS VOID DAMNIT!!!
I'm sorry yo, I just need a minute.

I'm not joking here. Like seriously. I've felt disturbed after reading some stories. I've felt sad after others. A rare few have almost managed a tear. But this... THIS? I actually fucking cried.

62,610 words? Magnificent job bro. First time writing? You have a talent for this. This story is, at the least, on par with Eternal, in my opinion. And just for the record, I felt only sad after reading Eternal.

63K works in one sitting? Yeah, I love reading that damn much. Think it took me like an hour or something.
And to repeat Pokey the Unicorn's sentiments, this story was a work of art. Fucking beautiful bro. Don't stop writing, EVER.

Jeez man, 63K for your first story alone?! Dear god, think how long your future stories will be.

All hats off to my friend. I read this in one sitting and crap IS...IT...AMAZING!!!

Sedulously this is one of the best stories I have ever read, I highly anticipate more from you!

Wow. This is an excellent piece of work. I have to think a while just on how to properly comment on it.

This is one of the best fics I've ever read.

As I understand it, Ptolemy tapped into the unlimited power source that was Surprise (V2.0) to either travel back in time or create an alternate universe where Surprise, now Pinkie Pie, grew up on a rock farm instead of in Cloudsdale. All this so that Twilight would not kill Surprise / Pinkie Pie and start using Black Magic.
The storytelling was fine, but the plot is lacking. Why didn't Twilight simply explain the situation to her friends and mentor? Why not travel back in time / create an AU where all references to black magic have been destroyed? For an intelligent being with unlimited power, Twilight was being awfully uncreative.


First of all, I would like to thank you very much for the comment and the time you have taken to read Ptolemy.

1. Yes, your understanding of the main general plot was correct. Let me just clarify that Twilight created an alternate new universe and did not went back in time (as time travel does not change the eventual outcome, as we have seen in season 2 episode 20).

2. I find the "Let's all put our differences aside and talk" a very weak and rushed literary device. It could be applied to every fiction to resolve all major conflicts but you wouldn't have much of a plot (Imagine Lelouche in Code Geasse explaining his grand plan until everyone agrees). In addition, having been accused of killing Surprise, inflicting self-exile, almost going insane, murdering Spike and Rarity, and eventually destroying Ponyville, I doubt anypony alive will want to listen to her explanation: "Hello everypony. I'm gonna kill you all and cause the death of the universe. But don't worry, I'll make a new one where we're all happy."

3. Alright, I have a major fault in this one for not having explained it in the fic fully, I have only implied it and hoped that the reader would piece everything together. It was very presumptious and conceited of me to think that all readers would pay as much attention to detail as I did. I will explain it now.
Reading Fountainhead's quotation in the description agai, he theorizes that even the universe is a product of the subconscious (i.e. emotions). In the fic, Twilight mentions to Spike that the spell Corporatio is her soul given substance; and that the structure of the newy formed matter made is determined by an Element of Harmony and the caster's own subconscious (Twilight uses the term "projection") or image of what is beng formed, in this case Surprise v.2.0. This is why Surprise did not come out as a white coated pegasus with golden mane, Twilight's image of her has been deformed in addition to the fact that was made to a container of large amounts of bio-energy. Now, you might be asking, why in Celestia's name did Twilight make Surprise into a bomb and didn't just add her into the new universe? Two reasons: 1.) She needed an almost unlimited amount of bio-energy to recreate the universe and 2.) She needed Surprise's subconscious projection of the universe. That's right, the bio-energy was from Surprise and the form was from Surprise. Which means that the filly Surprise created the new universe. Which means that the Friendship is Magic canon is structured from Pinkie Pie's subconscious!
This is why, by the end, Twilight explains that the best possible world, a world of happiness, can only come from Surprise.

I would like to thank you again Professor Whooves for pointing out your observations and for giving me the opportunity to explain the implications of the details of the plot. I hope I was able to answer your questions. I will consider the points you have made in the upcoming remastered version of Ptolemy. Hopefully, when that is publish, I would be able to recieve generous insight once again.


I'm not sure, but I think Season 3 Episodes 1 & 2 can be said to have proven to display that magic is indeed split into Unicorn & Black magics.

And upon thinking over my previous statement, I find myself exceedingly terrified.

I almost had it though. In the remastered version of Ptolemy I might change Black Magic to Dark Magic for consistency's sake. And Twilight Sparkle using Dark Magic was completely badass. :rainbowlaugh:

By the way, how's Shenanigans -Aftershock coming along. Can't wait to read it. :pinkiehappy:


Work on my own fic is sporadic. (Chapter Number - ARC - Chapter Name)

I don't always make a comment this long, but when I do, it's because this deserves it.


I was able to finish it in a single read. Almost exactly 8 hours. Your story is truly fitting the tags you have chosen. I am rather new to fanfics, so my words about how much this story is good won't have the same value as from the older, experienced users. Still, one fine good job.

As for the many times mentioned 60k words and chapter problem, I had no problem with it. Your story was so catching that there was no need for chapters - it would only delay me from reading.

Still, I had to admire that the ending was predictable. Or maybe predictable is not a good word. It was something I hoped for with all my strength. The story screamed for an ending like this . You put all the ponies through so great pain that the ending has to be exactly the same as you have used. Another thing that made me believe that this ending of yours had to take place was Twilight's actions. There is no absolute evil. There are only those, who strives for the good, using the paths which seems like an evildoing to us. Also - when there is no one who can remember the past, did it really happen? When there was no one to observe some act, did the act took place?

What I find very amusing is the fact that these characters are from the show meant for 8 years old girls and you transformed them into the epic scale heroes and villains.

I am not native English speaker, nor I consider my English anyhow awesome, so I don't care that much about the proper grammar. I am seeking the artist value - and in this story, I found it to be the ultimate one.

You, sir, through your hard work and fantasy have earned my honest like and favour. Thanks.

PS: I still hate you for what you have done to Rarity, Fluttershy and everypony else. Sometimes, all is not well, even if it ends well, if you know the path that led to that end.

The feels man, right in the feels:fluttercry:

Oh btw only took me an hour to read which means 1000k+ words a minute which means .....150+ words a second? Wtf?......im scarey

This fic you wrote is a single piece of concentrated awesome! Very well written, extremely well thought out, deeply touching, poetic, and conjuring images in the mind better than most novels. The only thing that could be improved is adding a bit more detail at times, and exploring a bit more side paths and consequences at times, but this fic, here as it stands, has still novel quality.

I got up at 5:30 AM today, started reading this fic somewhere around 8 PM, and now it is 2:25 AM. And it was worth it, worth every second.

A curse upon my inability to thumbs up more than once!:pinkiehappy:

Dude, I daresay that this is a work of art. If you dusted off the grammar and such (and hopefully break it into smaller chapters :twilightoops:) then I could easily see this get on EQD :raritywink:
write on, dear author!

1660133 So.. your a time lord?

2329962 Oh, you are going to do a re-edit? Sweet, I'll make sure to keep an eye out for it.

2330441 Sorry, bad joke. Uhh, they can read through large volumes of texts (10K+) in a matter of minutes. T'was the first thing I thought of.

So this universe doesn't have Pinkie Pie ,but instead has Surprise from G1? Okay with that.

You really need to cut this into several chapters. 61k for a single chapter is far too much (add ~10-12k more and you have the entirety of Harry Potter & The Philosopher's Stone)

So, how "soon" can I expect that revised version?
I don't care for chapters, just grammar. Thanks.


How about you go work on your attention span instead, kid?
60k isn't even close to long.

Uhh... a few months? 4-5 at least. :twilightoops:
I've suddenly become busier IRL and my current editors are busy editing my other Tragic Villain fic.
We'll be editing Ptolemy as soon as that other one is finished.
Sorry for the delay. :fluttershysad:


Thanks. I haven't read the fic yet and it has been recommended to me, I'll probably wait until the remastered version is out.


The average children's book is longer than this.
I have a life, too, and a very time-consuming job - still, a 60k fic is an appetizer.


Touchy, aren't we?
Why do you even bother commenting, in that case?
With a "lol ain't gonna read this" on top of that? Are you actually dysfunctional?
...oh wait, you are. Carry on.


Gentlemen, let's not do this.
I don't want to block or delete anyone's comment.
Please take this within the privacy of your PMs. Thank You.

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