• Member Since 27th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Shilic


Just a trans girl writing horseword stories while thinking about all the longer stories I could be writing. And then not writing them because I get easily distracted.

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In her dreams, Moondancer is a unicorn.

In her dreams, in the magical land of Equestria, Moondancer has a girlfriend. Her name is Sunset Shimmer, and she's smart, talented, confident, and kind.

In her dreams, Moondancer knows what it's like to love, and to be loved.

The worst part about a good dream is waking up.


An entry in the May Pairings 2022 Contest. Loosely inspired by Neon Genesis Evangelion, but has no relation to it. (By 'inspired by' I mean 'inspired by the vibes I got while binging it on my phone through the night'.)

(Minor CWs: A brief mention of non-sexual nudity and an allusion to suicidal thoughts. Neither of these elements are present enough to justify full warning tags, at least in my opinion, but they are there and I get anxious about not warning people, just in case.)

Cover art by the fantastic MemPrices! Please check them out, they do great work.

Thanks to Roxylalolcat and SigmasonicX for pre-reading and editing.

Edit: Featured for... some period of time? Like, two days or so I think? It may have been at the top or maybe it was kept off by a clopfic, I don't remember but apparently this is something people like to keep track of, I dunno.

EDIT 2: Now with a reading from Rainbow Infinity, which can be found here!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 19 )

Well, I was not expecting to be seen like this. I, honestly can't put it into words on how much I related to this.

...I think I'll just say, very well done. This was, quite the experience to read through. I haven't been this personally engaged in a piece of literature for quite some time.

It was great pre-reading this. The prose does a lot of work in carrying the mood, clearly showcasing the malaise of Moondancer's human life while making clear it's a mental prison and not one forced on her by others, and demonstrating why she'd prefer the pony world so much. Of course, it's open to interpretation what actually happened at the end, but I'll choose to believe Moondancer is a pony with a girlfriend now.

Also, that's some fantastic cover art.

Posh #3 · May 22nd · · ·

Loosely inspired by Neon Genesis Evangelion, but has no relation to it.

Alright, but if there isn’t a scene where Moondancer and Sunset do a perfectly choreographed DDR routine to kill a big monster, and/or a scene where Moondancer becomes a squiggly line, I’m downvoting. I’m telling all my friends to downvote, and I’m getting my fifteen alt accounts (half of which write high-concept displaced shlock where I transform into Asuka and run around drop-kicking the ponies Germanly) to downvote too.

In her dreams, Moondancer has a girlfriend. Her name is Sunset Shimmer, and she’s the most wonderful pony in the world.

And, in her dreams, Moondancer is happy.

Well, you certainly know your target audience.

Red hair, messy and unkempt. Worn, ill fitting pyjamas, an old black sweater pulled over them. Pale skin that hasn’t seen sunlight in years. Behind her glasses, tired eyes, dark bags underneath that never seem to fade.

Lockdown, man. Fuckin’ Covid.

“And, ergo, I’d want someone just as smart, and as beautiful, as I am to be my girlfriend. And, oh look, there you are!”

I get that she means well in saying this, but with self-esteem like Moonprancer’s, a compliment like that could just as easily backfire.

Okay, okay!” Moondancer raises her hooves, her face burning scarlet in total embarrassment. “I get it, I get it!”

You’re missing a quotation mark. I tried writing it into my screen with a Sharpie, but that didn’t work. Also, I fucked up my monitor. I am billing you for this.

Moondancer stares at her monitors, light reflecting off her glasses. She adjusts herself on her chair, pulling her knees to her chest in a crouching position. No matter how many times she shifts, she never feels comfortable.

Moondancer, shrimping in her contoured Gamer Girl(tm) chair: “Why the FUCK can’t I get COMFORTABLE and WHY do I have SPINAL CONTUSIONS”

From the highest point, the top of Canterlot Castle, one can see for miles and miles. From there, Princess Celestia moves the sun and the moon, turning day to night and night to day.

And accomplishing very little in the interim.

Sunsets in Equestria are gorgeous; the sky painted a tapestry of yellows, oranges and pinks.

For Moondancer though, no sunset could compare to the Sunset sitting next to her.

Historians believe these two were very good friends.

Sunset laughs. “It’s okay, Moony. You’re allowed to stare.” She flips her hair. “Though, I don’t think I’m quite the sunset we came out here to see…”

Goddammit, you really made that pun twice, didn’t you? You got moxie. Real moxie.

“But nothing.” Sunset shakes her head. “I’m not interested in anypony else.”

“When I think about you, I- well, anyway.”

The next track starts. It’s a soft piece, a relaxing piano melody. She likes it, enough not to skip it, but it’s not loud enough. It’s not loud enough to entirely block out the sound of a distant door opening and shutting.

Based and Shinjipilled.

She falls face first onto her pillow. She grabs her phone, stuffing it under her pillow. The aria continues, enveloping her gentle noise. She grumbles, annoyed at how long it takes for her to fall asleep. She wants to leave the world behind, to escape into unconsciousness.

To escape into her dreams, where she can pretend she’s happy.

The tonal EVA-ness of this is apparent throughout, but this was the first time I latched onto what felt like a specific reference. I read this, and I think of that live-action segment toward the end of EoE, where Shinji and Rei quietly discuss the nature of dreams, reality, and escapism, all while Jesus Bliebet Meine Freude tinkles gently in the background. A moment of calm punctuating the horror of Third Impact. It’s one of my favorite scenes.

I make this comparison favorably.

Moondancer isn’t sure where she is.

Given the material, a Sea of Dirac, quite possibly.

Her body is weird, too. She can’t really feel it; she knows it’s there, but it seems formless, without a shape. She tries to look down, and she gasps. Instead of an arm, or a foreleg, she has both. Not a fusion between the two, or both separately, or one overlapping the other, but fully a foreleg and fully an arm at the same time. As if her body as a human and her body as a pony existed in the same space, both equally real.

holy shit is that a reference to neon genesis evangelion (1996) episode 26 the beast that shouted love at the heart of the world - take care of yourself

“No.” Sunset shakes her head again, defiantly. “I’m not. Equestria… it’s not a dream. It’s real, just as real as your waking world. Maybe… maybe even more so.”

“You didn’t know? There was this whole thing at CHS with, like, a mirror, and choreographed homoerotic song and dance...”

Having wrapped up the story, and setting aside review snark, I have a lot of, um, complex thoughts regarding the ending. I think I want to wait and see if the crystallize into a solid interpretation before I lay them out, possibly in a later review. Perhaps one featuring a picture of ice cream.

As for the story as a whole, I enjoyed it. Loved the juxtaposition between the two Moonpantsers, the prose, the sheer realness of Humandancer’s depression...

My only critique would be, I wish we had seen some of those qualities that Sunset saw in Moonfrancer. She tells us what she likes about the girl, but we don’t see those traits in action, you feel? Maybe if we’d seen her ramble a bit herself, idk.

No, this was good. Really good. I’m even going to forgo my planned downvote, because Moondancer did become a squiggly line. Well done.

Outstanding work here. Brilliant study in contrasts between the beauty of Equestria and the utter desolation of human Moondancer's existence. Thank you for it, and best of luck in the judging.

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My only critique would be, I wish we had seen some of those qualities that Sunset saw in Moonfrancer. She tells us what she likes about the girl, but we don’t see those traits in action, you feel? Maybe if we’d seen her ramble a bit herself, idk.

Honestly, I kind of like how we see so little of Moondancer's positive aspects. It reflects her attitude towards herself, grudgingly acknowledging some minor, unimportant above-the-norm capabilities amid the utter disappointment with which she views herself.

A-Are you okay? Because human Moondancer's experiences came off as unnervingly real to me.

If you need anything, I'm here for you.

Shilic #6 · May 23rd · · ·

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To quote a cooler version of myself: “No, not in the slightest. But that’s hardly a recent development.”

To be real, though, a lot of what went into Moondancer here is based on my own experiences and thoughts, but from years ago, before the lockdown, if you can believe it. Back when my only social interaction was as part of a group that I am no longer welcome in when I protested their backslide into softcore fetish art (but that's another story). Believe it or not, it was through the lockdown I managed to claw my way back, the free time afforded to others allowing me to make real connections. I started writing, cut a toxic community out of my life, cracked my egg, got myself addicted to the critically acclaimed MMO Final Fantasy XIV, found a girlfriend somehow...

To quote a stupid idiot child with an annoying voice: "I hate myself. But maybe, I can learn to like myself one day!"

Nearly everything Moondancer feels here is based on my feelings from some point in time. The difference is that she was never lucky enough to find a way to fight those feelings. There's no moral here, by the way; there's nothing I did differently to her that provides a way out. It's mostly just happenstance; I was in the right places at the right times, she wasn't.

Of course, Moondancer has her own escape.

...I'm not really sure what I was getting at here. I may have gotten a bit heavy. Oops.

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It's fine. And honestly, the whole world is heavy these days.

Posh #8 · May 23rd · · ·

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Honestly, I kind of like how we see so little of Moondancer's positive aspects. It reflects her attitude towards herself, grudgingly acknowledging some minor, unimportant above-the-norm capabilities amid the utter disappointment with which she views herself.

I s’pose? But I was thinking about how the qualities Sunset loves about her might very well be things she hates about herself. That’s precisely why Sunset loves likes deems her worthy of grace.

I've always loved this kind of premise, the simple yearning for a situation you believe you can't have. I've wrote something on this site using that, and I find myself returning to those kinds of stories time and again. Now I can add yours to that list.

Honestly, it's quite beautiful. The emotional turmoil, the foreshadowing, the evocative scene-setting, it all comes together to make something very satisfying to read. And for one of my favorite side characters as well, which is simply icing on the cake.

I tip my hat to you, Shilic. Well done,

Huh. Was expecting the end to show Moondancer in an asylum, lost to her dreams.

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It’s tagged Sad not Dark lol

Is there going to be a sequel?

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Probably not.

Excellent story. A part of me can definitely relate to this.

m16
m16 #15 · May 25th · · ·

This is the deepest fic I’ve ever read. Definitely relate

Oof. Powerful. Good job.

I loved this; your description of depression was so powerful and evocative. Great work <3

Greetings. Your reading has been completed and can be found below. I hope you enjoy.

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