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Awareness and acceptance

Spike confesses his feelings to Rarity, but does not get reciprocated. However, after that, the dragon acquires something more than he could ever have imagined. He will understand a few particularly important things. Confessions after confessions and warm words.

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Starswirl the Beardless

Starswirl the Beardless #1 · May 3rd, 2022 · 1 · 5 · Part 1 ·

So, you've taken the risk and written a story about Spike's one-sided love for Rarity, a premise that has been done to death both in the show itself and in fanfics. If you want to make a story like this appealing, you really have to come at it from a new angle that will hook your readers in. For me, at least, that hook wasn't there. Based solely on what I've read so far, this story seems fairly generic, and consequently, I have no real desire to read further. I realize you plan on writing more, but it doesn't matter how good chapter two is if readers drop your story on chapter one.

If I were you, I'd really make sure this story has some sort of hook or at least something new or interesting in store for the next parts. Aside from that, my biggest concern is that your dialogue sounds very out-of-character, which is one of the fastest ways to take your readers out of a story. Try your best to fix that in subsequent chapters, and perhaps spend a little more time proofreading to avoid the sort of minor grammar/punctuation errors I noticed in this first chapter.

SV_Dragon