• Published 1st May 2022
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Bug in a Blizzard - Paracompact



Evidence emerges of a changeling among a tight-knit group of friends. A detective and his apprentice are sent by the Royal Guard to investigate.

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10. What Creature Am I?

Bluebird watched as Grid Iron trotted frantically back and forth, parallel to the mirror that ran the length of the gym’s far wall. Under stress, this pony’s moods were really something; before the cadet had even had the chance to ask about this “lie,” Grid had once again boiled over with emotion. Eventually, his rate of speech approached comprehensible levels:

“—didn’t mean to lie to you dude I really didn’t, it just seemed so weird but also forgettable, like I could just ignore it and it wouldn’t have ever been a thing you know? And I didn’t lie to you when I told you that he was acting his normal self when you saw him, that he’s a showboat, he just gets ahead of himself, so that’s why it’s so uncanny that now he’s—”

“Hold on a second, Grid,” Bluebird interrupted. He kept instinctively reaching for his notepad, only to brush against his bare sides. “Just so we’re on the same page, you’re talking about Bon, right?”

Grid’s face wrenched up a little. “Yes.”

“Okay. Take a deep breath for me. All right? … All right. Good. Now, what is it that has you all wound up? You say you think something’s been off about his behavior? If it’s any consolation, I think Bon in particular—”

Grid cut him off mid-soothe. “I’m kind of an idiot about this stuff, so… so I hope you’ll just say I’m misinterpreting things, and probably you will, but… Bon. He has totally been coming on to me.”

Well then. Bluebird was already willing to wager there was no misinterpretation. Still, he treaded softly: “You think so?”

“Yeah! And believe me, if I can notice it, it has to be pretty blatant, right?

“Like, the first day we got here, out of the blue he invites me to sit down with him at the piano… I’m an earth pony! My hooves don’t even fit on the keys! He just had me hold his own hooves as he played by himself! And I know he performs better with his magic anyway so I was like, what’s even the point?

“And then last week, me and Bon were watching some movie in the projector room, and I’ll admit it was boring and all, but Bon just cozied up right on my shoulder and fell asleep… There were pillows right next to him! And I could only think, like, dude, wasn’t this the movie you picked out? And since when did you like chick flicks anyway?

“And then there was this other time, I’d just finished a tough workout and was wiping myself down, and he—oh, well you get the idea by now. I mean, you agree it just might be flirting, don’t you? Or is it just my imagination?”

Bluebird felt a newfound sympathy for Bon’s efforts. “I’ve been told I have an overactive imagination, and even I can’t imagine a world where that’s not flirting.”

“All right. I guess I just wasn’t totally sure.” Grid slowed down a little, then stopped his pacing. He pressed the crown of his head up against the mirror, his sweat-slick mane leaving a residue on the glassy surface. In the reflection, Bluebird saw a more somber expression as he continued, “Maybe I was being dramatic when I called it a lie. It only really clicked for me, after this latest bit tonight. You, uh, didn’t happen to tell him anything about what I told you, after you walked in on me and Girard?”

His lack of romantic inclinations, he must’ve meant. “No, not at all.”

“Right. Well, I only wondered if you did, because after Bon brought me my dinner tonight—if you can call chocolate-covered strawberries dinner, anyway—he started asking me some… pretty personal questions. For the first time, I guess, I told him what I told you, that I never felt any of that stuff, and probably never would. I told him friendship was more than enough for me.

“Maybe I just, always assumed Bon felt the same way? I’ve really never seen him take an interest in anybody at school… and you know, he even told me as much: I turned the same questions back on him, and he admitted he didn’t think love was in the cards for him, either! So what’s the deal with his flirting, then? It’s s-suspicious!”

As if formulating a response wasn’t hard enough on its own, Grid scarcely offered the cadet the time to interject, instead continuing:

“And y’know, I-I might have said something awfully edgy to you earlier today, about having a ‘word’ with the changeling, like I wanted to take things into my own hooves… and I’ve been walking around with these zip ties in my pocket! As if, if I found the changeling on my own, I would tie him up and do… well, Luna-knows-what.

“But in reality, well, have you ever seen those movies with the changeling villains? The ones where at the end the changeling goes hoof-to-hoof with the hero, but then the changeling transforms into the hero’s special somepony or whatever, and the hero just totally locks up and gets the tar beaten out of him? It’s so lame and anticlimactic but… knowing what I know now, I think I could just be dumb enough to fall for something like that!”

“You mean to say,” Bluebird said, finally finding an in, “you don’t think you could stand to attack ‘Bon,’ or rather, an impostor wearing his skin?”

“Yeah. Or Girard, or Zorn, or anybody! It’s just such a sick, cowardly feeling…”

“It’s all right, Grid. There’s no way to be a coward here. Standing aside and letting the authorities handle it is simply the smartest thing you can do. And, where it concerns Bon, I honestly think you have nothing to worry about—whether he’s flirting with you or not, I think you’ll feel a whole lot better if you just have an honest chat with him about it.”

Bluebird truly could empathize with the young athlete; undoubtedly, the combination of a changeling crisis, love troubles, and simple teenage hormones was a three-pronged assault on his psyche. At least, assuming the individual in front of Bluebird really was an adolescent earth pony… more and more, the cadet had to consciously remind himself he had a mission to do.

“Say Grid, while I have you here,” Bluebird continued, stifling a yawn, “is there anything more you can tell me about Gloria’s accusation earlier? About you supposedly not being in the kitchen when you said—”

“Hey, don’t call it an accusation,” Grid snapped. “I don’t hold it against her just for saying what she saw. Or didn’t see. Or maybe, thinks she didn’t see. Whatever.”

“You’re right. Bad choice of words. I’m just a little tired at this hour,” Bluebird apologized. “But, is there anything more to it?”

Grid rubbed his cheek. “No. I-I don’t think there is.”

Not very helpful. Bluebird thought he would turn up the heat just a little. “Hm, don’t think so? Surely you would know if it was just as Bon suggested, that you were reaching for something under the countertop? Or you would know if you stepped out for a moment? Don’t get me wrong, off the clock I’m not normally this nosy, ahah. I just want to hear your side of the story, while it’s just the two of us.”

“I don’t thin—I mean, I know I didn’t step out while cooking. I remember I was listening to music on my headphones the whole time. And… I know I didn’t reach for anything under the counter?”

Grid proceeded to curse under his breath; even he had heard the uncertainty in his voice. Without needing to be prompted, he attempted to recollect more carefully, rubbing his temples as he did so:

“I was just cooking my same quinoa I always do… the grains are in the top shelf, and the pans are in the thing by the sink… I wouldn’t have had to reach down for the silverware, and—Oh! I think I got it!” Grid’s expression brightened instantly as he slapped his forehead. “I made a protein shake!”

“Should’ve known there was an innocent explanation! … Right?”

“You bet! I don’t make ‘em that often since I like to get my protein from natural sources and all, but I definitely fixed one up! And dude, wouldn’t you know it: We keep the protein powder in the cabinets under the counter!”

Grid was happy as a lark. It was certainly the cheeriest Bluebird had seen him tonight, and probably yesterday, too. Bluebird smiled, sharing Grid’s positivity; not only did he manage to extract a pertinent piece of info, but he inadvertently helped lift the youth’s spirits, too. The tailspin that was Bon’s interrogation was still fresh in the cadet’s memory.

After a time, Grid’s euphoria started to settle. With a little levity mixed with a little concern, he asked, “Y’know… what do you think the changeling is even doing here?”

The cadet laughed. “Well, isn’t that the million-bit question!”

“Nah, I mean, like, still doing here? Why doesn’t he just give up and go home by now? For his own sake?”

He trotted over to his water bottle and towel before packing up the both of them in a nearby gym bag.

“Maybe I’m just being dense, but like, what’s his endgame here? Isn’t the Royal Guard gonna be here in a matter of days anyway to totally take control? Or was Big Guns just trying to spook the changeling when he said that?” He smirked at the cadet.

Bluebird locked up, stalled in thought. He was not at all asking a dense question, the cadet recognized: In this scenario, the only thought on the changeling’s mind should have been escape—not just from Pesco and Bluebird, but from the authorities altogether. It was an obvious point of motive to think about, yet it had completely slipped past the junior detective. In his defense, he was used to being an independent investigator, not the vanguard to a bughunt!

Grid peered at Bluebird expectantly. He had paused his packing.

Already, Bluebird could understand there weren’t a lot of happy answers to Grid’s question. If the changeling wasn’t fleeing, it could only mean he still had business at the manor—but what business could possibly be worth all this danger?

“Huh, if I had to venture a guess,” Bluebird said chipperly, trying to preserve Grid’s peace of mind, “… maybe he’s just gotten chummy with his new friends at the manor and hates saying goodbye! Ahah.”

Grid gave a pity laugh. “Now that’s just silly! C’mon, I thought I told you no sugarcoating.”

“I’m sorry, it was a bad joke. To address your question seriously, I really have no idea.”

“Right.” Grid slung the gym bag over his shoulder. “But, you didn’t really answer my other thing: The Royal Guard is on their way, aren’t they? And they’re going to… pry this thing open with force, if they have to?”

Something about the way he was asking: Bluebird felt he couldn’t dodge this question even if he wanted to.

“Yes, um, they’re on their way,” the cadet said. It was the truth, after all, and Bluebird had only forgotten rather than refused to say as much the first time Grid had asked. “So don’t worry! If me and Pesco drop the ball, they’ll grab it before it even hits the floor.”

“Figured.” Grid eyed the gym doors. “Well anyway, thanks for the chat, dude. I really needed it. Now let’s both get some shut-eye, hey?”


Every day, week after week, “Windshear” made the same request with different words. She phrased them in alternation as either orders or questions:

“Let me leave.”ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ“When can I see my family again?”

“You need to help me escape.”ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ“Why can’t you free me like the others?”

“Kill me, I’d rather be dead…”ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Her demands became stronger, one after another, while his denials became weaker. Eventually he lost the will to lie to her that this was impossible, and it was all he could muster simply not to respond.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this, Scolus thought. He was used to comforting his assignments through worse bouts of terror, depression, homesickness, and more, especially during their first few nights. But he had always been able to make some progress, provide some amount of comfort, leverage some amount of hard-earned trust over time.

With Windshear, it would’ve been optimistic to say he was getting nowhere.

In particular, he was incapable of farming even the smallest strand of love from her. He couldn’t nourish himself, let alone set any aside for the Hive; in fact, so intense was his love malaise after each session with her that he had to indulge in selfish (and dangerous, should anybug report him) pick-me-ups off the clock with his more productive assignments—and even then, the hunger remained.

In his position, any other changeling would have given up the assignment, handed her off to somebug else. Knowing his colleagues, Scolus did not consider this an option he could pursue in good conscience.

Three weeks and two days after first meeting her, he finally gave in. He brought Windshear to a specific, defunct tunnel at the outskirts of the Hive’s underground transport network. At this hour, they were perfectly alone.

“I’m really glad you came around to helping me.” Windshear's smile was a bridge hanging between two rosy cheeks. “I knew you were a good bug, deep down inside. I was right to trust you.”

Her positivity and hope should’ve nourished Scolus, but he felt nothing. If he had been in the mood to feed, the cold cave wall might have given him more love. Scolus wasn’t sure what was the cause, but he wanted to blame himself for it.

“But, I’m still really scared, Scolus… Are you sure you can’t come with me?” she begged, eying the dark and cramped tunnel entrance beside her. “Is this, um, the way you’ve helped everypony else escape?”

“I’m sorry, I know this will be hard for you, but I can’t accompany you. It would be too long an absence on my part, if I came along. You have the map I gave you, right?” She nodded. “And here, if ever you start to feel lonely or scared, just turn this on with your magic for a few seconds, and breathe.”

Scolus took out from his bag the enchanted citrine, currently inert. To demonstrate as well as to comfort, Scolus lit the gem up with a spark from his horn, illuminating their immediate surroundings in a facsimile of sunlight.

Windshear winced at the bright glow as she re-extinguished the gem and levitated it into a small rucksack Scolus had given her. Rubbing her eyes vigorously, she said, “Thanks, but… you didn’t answer my question.”

Scolus had to think back a little. “Oh, how I helped everypony else? Um, it’s kind of a custom escape plan, each and every time. I have to be really careful about this, for your and my sake both.”

Windshear chewed her cheek as her only response. Scolus could only figure his answer hadn’t been terribly reassuring.

“But don’t worry!” he continued. “Everypony I’ve helped to escape, has escaped. Well, just to be honest, all but one. But even in his case, the worst that happened was that he was reassigned. He’s doing fine these days. After all, you can believe me when I say that we… we really just want you to be happy down here. We only abduct ponies in the first place because, well, for us, it’s…”

“… it’s how you survive,” she completed. “I understand. It’s only the natural order of things. Isn’t it?”

“Maybe. I do hope things can change a little, one day.”

Scolus thought back to that one escapee, the one who had been recaptured. It was true that he had, to Scolus’s knowledge, received no punishment other than being reassigned from Scolus as a precaution. Indeed, Scolus still saw him from time to time, mingling with the other prisoners.

A thought struck Scolus. “Hey, Windshear: Does the name Sidereal mean anything to you?”

That was his name, that of the unsuccessful escapee. Windshear’s eyes widened in response.

“He’s the one who told you about me, isn’t he? That every once in a while, I’m willing to… do this sort of thing, for those who can’t get comfortable down here?” Scolus suddenly felt more self-conscious with his words—he only hoped Sidereal was being discreet about who he told these things to.

Windshear giggled. “I guess you could say that. Nothing gets past changelings, huh?” She recomposed herself, and picked back up with a more serious tone: “But I really do wish this didn’t have to be goodbye. That I could properly express my gratitude for the risk you’re taking, betraying your own queen like this. But, I have family in Cloudsdale. They’re, um, they’re very important to me.”

“No thanks needed!”

Scolus floated his wings, attempting to soak in the unicorn’s loving words. Still, he came up dry.

Since his hatching, Scolus was prone to fits of random terror. For no particular reason, he felt one coming on. It wasn’t the time—this one, like all the rest, he pushed deep down inside himself.

There was no particular reason, he repeated to himself.

“Say, maybe there is something,” Scolus said. “Some teeny tiny way to pay me back, to make this a sweeter goodbye?”

“Hm?”

“Well, Windshear… That’s not your real name, is it?”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

The fit had to be indulged just a little. “And, and you’re not really from Cloudsdale. I might not know as much about surface societies as I would like, but I know a unicorn living in the clouds is just silly!”

Windshear looked at her own wingless sides a bit ashamedly. “I guess it is, isn’t it?”

“But it’s all right! I understand why you might have been suspicious of me, but after all this, I just think… You said you trusted me, didn’t you?”

“You’re right. I did say that!” She giggled again, and then took a strangely long time looking around the cavern before responding. “All right, ahhh, my name is Tumbleweed. And I’m from Dodge Juncture.”

Another lie, Scolus recognized. But this one was different—this one was concerning. “You mean… Dodge Junction, right?”

“Oh. Yeah!”

Anxiety climbed Scolus’s chest. “Appleloosa. You know Appleloosa, right? It’s the original settlement, Dodge Junction is just a nearby outpost. Tell me, is Appleloosa to the north or the south of Dodge Junction? It’s a weird question but please, I need an answer.”

“Umm… the north. Definitely.”

It was west. Anxiety died; panic exploded. “Okay, Tumbleweed, Windshear, whoever, I don’t need to know your name! But p-please, tell me about a place you know well! It doesn’t have to be one you or your family come from, just anywhere! Just to convince me you’re really… !”

“Ahhh…” She was having a hard time keeping a semblance of a straight face.

“T-this creature, all right? What creature am I right now?” In a flash of green light, Scolus transformed himself into a cute, clawed little creature. He meowed repeatedly at the one now calling herself Tumbleweed, begging her to answer. The simplest three-letter word, surely known to anypony in Equestria, right now was more urgent to Scolus than air to breathe.

Instead of any response or even a guess, “Tumbleweed” only giggled once more. This time, she didn’t stop herself, and her giggling gradually morphed into rollicking laughter. She continued to laugh, all the way until and after the point Scolus was forced out of his transformation by his biological limits.

“Well!?” he demanded.

Finally, her laughing fit subsided. “It’s not fair that you get to ask all the questions, Scole,” she growled, in an altogether foreign voice. “Why don’t you tell me: What creature am I?”

Scolus felt his stomach sink as green sparks flew off the body of the pony in front of him, slowly revealing the impostor underneath: It was none other than Clypeus, smiling something sadistic.

“You’re such an idiot, Scole. You know that, right? Just a real waste of potential. Why’s it the talented ones gotta be so disloyal?”

Clypeus looked at Scolus as if expecting some sort of explanation. Scolus was out of breath and out of his mind, in no state to offer a defense. He felt his hooves begin to backpedal on their own, only to clumsily trip over the uneven surface of the cave floor. He landed on his flank, and could only gape dumbly up at his accuser.

Clypeus turned toward the cave entrance and yelled, “He didn’t spill how he got the others out, but I think we’ve heard enough, haven’t we?”

“More than enough,” a deep voice called out from inside. A squadron of changeling soldiers poured out from the mouth of the cave, wings buzzing. Four of them landed to surround Scolus, and just as many spears soon surrounded his throat.

“C-Clypeus, has this all been a setup?” Scolus finally stammered. “A sting oper-operation, on the queen’s orders?”

“… Duh, Scole. Honestly, things in your brain just don’t add up right away, do they?” Clypeus rolled her eyes. “But you were right, you know. About Sidereal. He—”

“What did you do to him?” Scolus asked. “Did you t-torture him to make him talk?” The thought made Scolus nauseous.

“Torture him? Nah, you know how torture affects the lovestock. ‘Course, we were willing to go that far if we had to, but wouldn’cha know, he sold you out before we could even think up a good bribe!”

Raucous laughter erupted among the squadron. The metal spear tips jiggled uncomfortably against Scolus’s larynx.

“Anyway, Scole, here’s the upshot: Ponies aren’t your friends. And now, neither are changelings. Queen Chrysalis will have the final word on what we do with you, and I won’t speak on her highness’s behalf, but to put it lightly: I think you’ve had your last taste of royal jelly!”