That one guy who writes twenty stories, and doesn't update any of them.
In the land of Equestria, lives one Twilight Sparkle. She is a bit short on money at the moment. Together you, yes you the readers, will forge her path through robbery, escapes, heists and who knows what else.
A choose-your-own-adventure crossover with The Henry Stickmin Collection.
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Quite, not quiet, there's a difference.
Hmm. Have to admit that this does look like it could have potential. Certainly appreciated the effort in this alternate Twilight's backstory to make her a hybrid of herself and Henry. (especially with the stuff about the "dragon egg test" being the beginning of the end for the school) And, yeah, the bad luck concerning the honest job hunt makes sense too.
And, yeah, it DOES make sense that Neighsay is in the role of the Warden.
It's pretty easy to guess that either the Changelings or the Storm King's army would be in the role of the Toppats (more likely the Storm King's army given how much of a natural Tempest would be as the Right Hand/Hoof Man/Mare). And either Rainbow or Pinkie would be naturals for the role of Charles. But those are the only roles I'm going to guess (and I will freely admit that those guesses could be wrong).
As for the first choice, obviously the disguise since that one, at least, gives her the least amount of lumps for this first bit.
Has potential if done right this will be a fun ride
I look forward to seeing how this diverges from the source material with its new protagonist.
Possible idea for later:
1. One of the other spells Twilight learned over the years could be a "temporal memory" spell that allows her to remember every mistake she and her divergent timeline counterparts made in their decisions, so she remembers the stuff that killed her in other timelines even if she, herself, is very much alive. While this spell is useful in helping her learn from the mistakes of several different versions of herself, this has the downside of bombarding her mind with conflicting memories.
Again, thanks for getting this up. I definitely appreciated you going to the effort. Definitely liked the bits with Twilight's reflections as she got caught. And, as for what one to use next, I'm evenly divided between the Cell Phone (for the "Lawyered Up" Ending) and the Drill (for the "Badflank Bustout" Ending).
Possible reflection bit for the NRG Drink failure could have Twilight making the realization that the drink might make her strong enough to bend the bars and fast enough to casually stroll out like the guards were standing still, but her heart would explode very shortly afterwards.
Another possible one for much later ("Fleeing the Complex") could involve Twilight getting help with her escape from Neighsay from the one in the Ellie role and flipping a coin on whether to take him or her with her out of gratitude (as well as acknowledgement of how good it can be to have help from her recent experience with the one in the Charles role) or, not trusting her own luck with another pony, decide that she could help him or her better by calling for back-up AFTER she completed her own escape.
Definitely looking forward to more of this.
And, yeah, Shining might be too much of a good guy to deliver escape equipment to his little sister, but I COULD see him offering Twilight a chance at a pardon for helping take down a particularly dangerous band of criminals later on. But that is just a guess right now and just as likely to be wrong as right.
Thanks very much for getting the next chapter up. Definitely appreciate you going to the effort. Certainly liked the description of how the teleportation spell slab worked (or, was SUPPOSED to work) as well as how Twilight was able to avoid getting shot.
In the event that the evidence bag IS chosen, when Minuette asked how she could have tied the knot outside the bag while inside the bag, the prosecutor can point out "She's a unicorn. She has telekinesis." before Minuette retorts "Well, yes, but this doctor's note clearly states that she has taken severe physical injuries which would have thrown off her telekinesis. It would have been impossible for her to tie the knot from inside the bag. Which makes it much more likely that she didn't. She wasn't hiding in the bag. She was stuffed in it. As aforementioned, this doctor note clearly depicts her being quite seriously injured. She was unconscious."
After Minuette gets Twilight acquitted, there could be an additional scene with Twilight thanking her and admitting she will pay as soon as she has the money before Minuette reassures her that she knows Twilight is broke and this was pro bono.
At the start of the "Stealing the Diamond", there could be some scenes with Twilight as the new librarian in Ponyville (taking the job because it was one of the few paying jobs that she was qualified for doing and it was far enough away from Canterlot that most of them wouldn't know about her criminal record) interacting somewhat civilly to a few of the Ponyville residents before finding out about the diamond from a newspaper. When she find out the diamond is valuable enough to set her for life once she gets it fenced, she decides to try for it after the library's closing time (as she IS professional enough to wait until after the library's official closing time).
After Twilight successfully steals the Diamond, there could be a couple of brief scenes - one with shadowy figures grumbling about how some unicorn they never saw before beat them to the diamond and the other with another shadowy figure getting Twilight with a dart from a blowgun and commenting that the Captain is going to be extremely pleased with how Twilight was captured without anybody getting hurt.
My vote is for the attorney's badge.
We need another fail after all.
I quite understand about the delay. I have no problem with it. Anyway, certainly appreciate the exchanges and future chapter set-up. Definitely appreciated how Twilight could have mixed feelings (i.e. glad to get acquitted but not happy about the unprofessionalism in the courtroom while reflecting on listening to Pony Mason on the radio). Also glad to see the slight alteration to the Lawyered Up Ending (i.e. the bad feeling in her mouth while eating that sandwich instead of pursuing an armored vehicle right after leaving the courtroom). The added detail concerning Twilight's living situation after the trial was another great touch.
Since Twilight is trying NOT to get caught and also trying to minimize the damage to the museum, I would say "Sneaking In" (specifically the "Unseen Burglar" route) would probably be the best option.
Speaking of which, there could be a brief scene close to the end of the route (if it gets chosen) with Bon Bon commenting "I know Lyra was getting railroaded, but I needed a new job so I could afford a private detective to prove that what Minuette pulled in the court room was a complete lie to get Twilight acquitted."
I'm a bit disappointed. So far it seems like you are refusing to deviate from the original Henry Stickmin, even when it doesn't make sense to leave it the same. I was hoping to watch the butterflies effect this world.
I understand that it's easier the closer you stick to the original, but this needs to be more than just 'a novelization of a previous work, with the characters replaced by ponies.'
In the original it was closer to if somepony accused Pinkie of something that she did, but she needed her Pinkie powers to manage. Then she got off free because what she did was 'impossible',, and the judge didn't know her. A reasonable, if incorrect, ruling. Not this kangaroo court. This could have worked, but I feel like it needed a reason why the court was inept.
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Fair. I did toy with the idea of making the court more realistic, but decided to stay my hand because I believed the readers wanted her acquitted.
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I can understand that. Of course, making the court more realistic would have meant you could have still used either the "Sneaky Escapist" or "Badflank Bust-Out" routes (since those two routes were still available), but well, I'm mature enough to respect your right to choose how you wish to do things.
Of course, when we get to "Infiltrating the Airship" and get up to the "present" in "Fleeing the Complex", the respective "Government Supported Private Investigator" and "Convict Allies" routes would probably be the two most in (future) character for Twilight as those would be good ways to show her the value of Friendship.
And, speaking of "Fleeing the Complex", perhaps you could have the head guard commenting to Twilight "This time, you AREN'T going to be able to get yourself acquitted with a fast-talking lawyer and an incompetent judge and jury."
Pickaxe!
Jump Hoppers first (before going for the Teleporter) just so we can have at least ONE fail before the successful one.
The shrink ray fail is pretty funny I’d say go for that one.
I vote for the Invisibility Pill, AND THEN the Bit. So that we can have at least one fail before the right one - the fail that WOULDN'T get her caught too quickly.
Falcon Punch
Possible bit for getting past the last guard:
If Twilight decides to drop the diamond itself on the last guard, she can use her telekinesis to slow the drop down JUST ENOUGH where the diamond only knocks the guard out long enough for her to make it to relative safety with the diamond - specifically because she KNOWS that the police would look a lot harder for a murderer than for a thief (hence the preference for getting things done with minimal violence).
I do have one question.
We haven't had one yet, but what will happen if we pick a path that is timed, like if we picked the drill from the jail cell in Escaping the Prison?
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I'd put a timer limit on the voting period. If a majority vote isn't reached in that time, it would count as a failure.
Yeaaaa
Fails
Both of them.
Laser
Hmm. Two fails and a success. I wonder if Twilight learned a "temporal memory spell" allowing her to recall the failures her alternate timeline counterparts made (which would be useful in learning from not just her own mistakes, but also those of several other versions of herself and also explain her remembering the stuff that got her killed in other timelines even though she herself is still very much alive). And, yes, I know I already made that suggestion in an earlier review. Just wanted to make sure it wasn't forgotten.
For "Infiltrating the Airship", it can be explained that "This is the Storm Army. They are a rather large group of thieves and conquerors. We have plans to stop them, but first, we need to know their weaknesses, so we will know what will be most effective in dealing with the toughest members. Getting that information is where YOU come in. Getting into the airship won't be easy. It is a literal flying fortress loaded with heavily armed guards and high-tech security. But then, we wouldn't need somebody of your skills if it WERE easy."
And, if the "Government Supported Private Investigator" route gets picked (which I hope it does, as it would be a good way to help Twilight learn the value of friendship, which would make it the most in future character for her), a robot vaguely resembling Spike with wings could be used as the "Robo-Helper".
Laser
Hey there. Definitely liked the little spins on the failure with the laser cutter (using a shield to keep herself from getting cut and making a note to NOT trust something Trixie bought again) as well as her analyzing the case before finding the right place to strike it with the hammer.
I think Twilight needs a snack.
Liked the actually semi-logical reason for having the cheese - i.e. it was her intended lunch and just finishing it before getting to the plank.
I'm definitely voting for the Diamond (albeit with Twilight using her magic to slow the diamond's descent JUST enough where the impact will knock the guard out, but not kill him/her. After all, Twilight KNOWS that the police would look A LOT harder for a murderer than for a thief.
And, after that, two possible scenes both for set-up concerning Infiltrating the Airship.
The first scene has a pair of shadowy figures complaining about how somebody they didn't recognize stole the diamond before THEY could (these would be agents of the Toppat Clan Expy).
The other scene involves Twilight getting hit with a tranquilizer dart while trying to find a fence for the stolen diamond and gets taken away by a pair of Pegasi in uniforms for the Expies of the Government while she is still sleeping, one of the Pegasi commenting that the Captain is going to be extremely pleased they were able to capture Twilight with such little difficulty and without anybody getting hurt.
A possible starting dialogue for the "Infiltrating the Airship" portion:
Whoever you cast as the Captain: Ah, so you're awake. Splendid. I was worried that my troops put too much tranquilizer in that dart.
Twilight: Where am I?
Whoever you cast as the Captain: We really do want to give you a chance to work toward redemption. We DO have you on criminal charges. Attempted bank robbery, well, that trial fraud was your lawyer's idea, so we can't put THAT ONE on you, but you were still acquitted through fraud and stealing a multi-million bit diamond. However, a pony with your abilities would be too much of a waste rotting away in prison, so we want to give you a chance to do an extremely dangerous mission in exchange for earning a full pardon as well as a rather respectable paycheck.
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Hey! No backseat authoring.
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Okay. Sorry about that. (sheepish grin) Just let my imagination run away with me. Again, I profusely apologize.
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It's alright. No hard feelings.
Hey there. Thanks very much for getting this up AND for the spin on both of the Fails used before getting to the right one (including/especially the little Mythology Gags in the messages). And, yeah, I have to admit that I was half-expecting either Rainbow or Pinkie to be in the role of Charles, but using Scootaloo DID catch me by surprise. I can see it though.
And, yeah, hopefully, the earpiece will be picked because that route is the most in (future) character for Twilight. After all, it might teach her a few things about friendship. But, still, I will respect if another route gets voted on.
Come on guys, pick the Sticky frog.
It is the only true fail branch.
Plus, I want to see what Lighting Quick would look like.
Hey there. Thanks very much for getting this up. Certainly appreciated the detail of Spitfire giving Twilight those extra pieces of equipment for this mission.
And, as any of the three mistakes here would be at an especially bad time, I'm voting for the Vacuum.
Definitely looking forward to more of this.
So what would have happened if we picked sticky frog?
It would have lead to 2 options with both of them being fails.
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I probably would have gone through the options then rewound to the second place choice.
No fails, again.
My vote is Transdimensionalizer.
Thanks for getting the next chapter up. Did like Twilight trying to help Scootaloo come up with the right word for the evidence they are looking for.
Can't say much more than simply that I am really looking forward to more of this.
I picked Charles because I don't know what the difference between his and Scootaloo's options is.
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Actually, I'm pretty sure THAT ONE (the "Charles" one) was just a typo.
Thanks very much for getting this next chapter up. And, yeah, your spin on the two "Fails" made sense for this universe.
Scootaloo. To not pick that is a war crime.
Yes!
All fails attained.
It would be wrong not to pick Charles.
Great job on this chapter. Definitely liked the work that went into the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up here. So, Scoots was actually the co-pilot in training for the actual Charles, huh? Makes sense. Certainly explains why Scootaloo and Charles were BOTH options (even if unsuccessful ones). Silly me, I thought that was just a typo. Well, I'll freely admit that I was wrong. But, yeah, very good work on the fails before going to the correct option. Especially liked Scootaloo stopping Charles from actually crashing the copter into the airship.
REALLY looking forward to more of this.
You had the greatest plaaannn!
So glad Charles is here, he makes everything funnier
*Selects the Charles option repeatedly*
Thanks very much for getting this up. Yeah, I can understand how real world concerns can eat up time. Yeah, makes sense that Twilight would know the Stunner Spell (and also respected the frustration about the Key Card not being accepted the first two times).
And, yeah, I went with "Spook" for this one considering this IS a "Quick Time" bit.
REALLY looking forward to more of this.
I guess we won't get the "the duck flew right into the propeller. Oh what a mess" line that happens when we take too long here.
This isn't a good time Charles.. But still, that sounds crazy!
Wasn't Lyra also one of twilight's friends from canterlot? I remember one of them mentioning how Lyra hung out with them before moving to ponyville
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That never happened here. For Lyra magic school was a bust so she moved on with her life.