What seemed to be a simple trip to Applejack's farm to help with the harvest turned out to be more work than usual, as Twilight assists her friend in recovering from her sickness. Once Twilight purchases a blank book on her way home at a bookstore after visiting the farm one morning, she begins to record all of the details of her visits. A peek at her diary entries, however, just might shine a little light onto the feelings that Twilight starts to feel for her friend after spending a little more time than usual by her side.
An Applejack x Twilight Sparkle story, also my first fic. Definitely a work in progress, but I hope you enjoy it as more comes along!
Rated Teen, as there just might be some interesting romantic scenes further into Twilight's diary... (though nothing graphic/involving sex)
(Cover art made by toastwaffle93 on dA: http://toastwaffle93.deviantart.com/#/d4jnj75 )
Using the diary is an interesting angle, and I like what you've done with it.
TwiJack is my favorite ship too, although most people don't like it.
Diary as Framing Device. Not rare, exactly, but done well here -- and certainly appropriate, given that Twi is not likely to discuss things with anypony, even the object of her affections.
Yay, more TwiJack!
Glad to see it's becoming more popular. It's such an overlooked ship.
you know the old saying 'show don't tell'? well you showed us and then told us.
Trust me you can cut the tell part.
If I say "Pollyanna", will it tell you anything? Overplaying the "good vibes", there.
Try a little less saccarine and a bit more of spice for better mix.
It's always a treat to see more TwiJack.
Really, it's too early to tell if I'm going to really like this or not, but it looks interesting. I await more!
I'm definately looking forward to seeing more!
I think Twilight's overreacting a little much to Applejack's scolding, considering it was far worse in A Canterlot Wedding, this shouldn't have been that big of a deal.
Still looking forward to more.
I love the double updates, keep them up!
Im Loin all the updates! Keep em comin!
Aww...Twilight's so thoughtful.
Sorry, only gonna be able to upload one part tonight instead of my usual two, had way too much schoolwork to get taken care of today to get more writing done (and by schoolwork, I mean an assignment that took an hour or two to complete, followed my a bunch of time in Borderlands 2). The story is pretty much at its ending point anyway; the next entry will end up being an epilogue of sorts, though still at a good length sure enough!
I LOVE THIS STORY...strangely it reminds me of me and my girlfriend lol. anyway keep up the good work and ive loved every chapter!
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Dawwwww!
And thus, the moment of truth.
Sometimes, you just need fluff.
And with that, the story is now complete! Also yes, I know the last entry is a few numbers off; that's just to show the passing of time is all
And now that I have finally completed this story, I'm off to return to the wonderful world of Torchlight 2. Thanks to all of the readers that enjoyed the story, I'll be sure to write again sometime in the near future!
This story...
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Hnnnng... Very good sir.
/
I enjoyed this story. However, there were a few mistakes that made me chuckle:
As Applejack stepped in, she could see Twilight caught up in a book all about astrology...
Twilight is interested in astronomy, not astrology. Number one way to piss an astronomer off? Call them an astrologer. Astronomy is studying the skies. Astrology is a bunch of hokum.
Twilight giggled in response, especially when Spike moaned to notice that Applejack had taken up the couch...
This one had me laughing. Spike seems pretty excited that Applejack chose his spot! I'm pretty sure he should be groaning, not moaning. Also, the word order of that sentence is incredibly awkward. "Moaned to notice?"
There were a number of other things like that, just awkward expressions or questionable word-choices. Even so, I definitely enjoyed this one. You have a "thumbs up" from me. (It just occurred to me: isn't it odd that a MLP fanfic site has thumbs up and thumbs down buttons?)
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Agreed with this. The explanation was unnecessary as the target audience will know what Unicorn's are capable of. Better to over describe, though, then leaving the reading wondering WTF?
Also, you could space the paragraphs a bit. It makes a bit of an easier read.
One last thing, and this is just a suggestion:
I'm wondering if "I think I have a crush on Applejack!" maybe a bit more appropriate for the tone of the piece. This is, despite AJ getting a fever, a more lighthearted chapter. That said, the wording wasn't wrong as Twi would say something like that as well. Just a thought and purely subjection.
For a first fic, first chapter, you've handled it very well. Good word choices, perfect pacing, no overt grammatical issues that I could see while reading, and enough comedy to keep it where it needed to be.
Here, have one on me.
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Onwards!
So, much, sweetness! Its--HNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG!
I like this story a lot! Keep up the good work!
I think this is the kind of story the term "guilty pleasure" was created for...really great! ^^;
This story was amazing. I read it through in just one sitting because I just couldn't stop reading. Very cute story
That was easily one of the cutest TwiJack's I've ever read, good job! :)
This chapter gave me a warm fuzzy feeling. Especially when applejack and Twi hugged. <3
I wonder why I can't like this more than once...
This fic isvjust
Applejack reacted like, Twilight used Fluttershy as scapegoat for murder. The reaction might be overdone a bit.
So... there's no comments about how AJ just felt the need to have Twilights wet hair in her hat? Because that kinda made me laugh, even though that was kinda a serious moment. Good job so far though.
Most enjoyable
The whole idea of writing stories in the form of a series of letters or diary entries is something that I wish I could see more of. The story itself was rather sweet. The only problem I had with it was how Applejack wanted to be like Twilight. The new interest in reading wasn't so much of a problem as how it was told, but this is Twilight's Diary so I guess you could disregard the whole issue due to Twilight euphoria about the whole thing after it all took place. Having the last entry jump to 15, while confusing at first, was a cleaver idea to show progression at the end. By the last entry I was begging for spike or AJ herself to stumble upon the Diary just to see Twilight's reaction. Probably for the best that no one did otherwise the story would be gone as I'm sure Twilight would have kept her word.
Its always nice to see more TwiJack. Overall it was great and a fantastic evening read. Here's to hoping that you'll write something else with these two or perhaps anything else in general, although I fear I'm too late stumbling upon this after its 15 minutes of fame. Anyway, thank you for the story.
2399994 ... Unless Applejack is confused about her feeling for Twi
Da' fluffs
The story was quite cute, and it deserves the thumbs up . I had enjoyed the idea, and the way you carried them out.
The only reason I'm not favoriting this, is the writing itself. Some typos, some wrong words, some very basic and kinda silly espressions, and other similar things. This story has so much potential! If it was written better, with some nicer pacing and a more... complex use of words and expressions and all, I believe it'd be a fav-worthy story. Anyways, cheers! It was still an enjoyable read
I love how twilight is so iin character, that little helium comment at the end just nailed it for me.
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Nice story, good work.
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:0 YESSS