• Member Since 6th Jul, 2020
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Soft Shake


(She/her / Ze/zir) Local aroace who ships way too much

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Source

Although it was quite difficult to stomach, Octavia left today open for... absolutely nothing. As she promised. She only hopes that Vinyl wakes up soon so they can at least have an obnoxious music battle some time soon. Its been far too quiet without her.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 3 )

Cute story. I always like comfy slice-of-life stuff like this. I wish it was a little bit longer though. You had some minor grammatical errors and some awkward word choice here and there, but nothing too distracting. I would complain about the real-world pop culture reference if that pun at the end hadn't made me chuckle.

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Thanks so much for the feedback! The length and possibly some word choice is because I wrote it for a 1000 words contest, but I agree that this idea probably would have been executed better if I let it be longer. Part of the reason I tried it was because I'm pretty inexperienced at writing short things. And yeah I get that. I had been thinking about replacing the TV with a boardgame but in the end I admit it was just a case of laziness. Glad you liked it though!

I don't think you want to use "falsetto" here. It indicates an artificially higher tone than the singer's natural range. Hence, you know, the "false."

Also, the TV out of nowhere took me out of the story. It's a good tale of a busy mare trying to figure out this "relaxing" business, but that shift disrupted my immersion, and the mandate length never gave me a chance to get it back. Still, thank you for this and best of luck in the judging.

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