Quick Wit Scenarios

by Antisocial Ind.

What Could I Do?

After an hour of trying to get everypony to leave, and to no avail, Kwik just sat down, frowning, waiting to die. Kwik was only 21, so he obviously wasn't waiting for natural death. Though technically scourging rage from Hell would be a natural reaction to a new roommate wrecking your house by throwing a huge party 4 hours after he first arrives. But ultimately, the horribly painful way in which Kwik would inevitably die must be classified as 'unnatural.' Either way, it didn't change the fact that his end was nigh. It was only a matter of time. He glanced over at the clock and saw that it was 8:59, which means that he had mere minutes to live. Since he was going to die anyway, Kwik figured he might as well spend it doing what he loved, and writing his last words to his family back in Manehattan.

"Screw that, where are those cupcakes?" he said to himself.

Of course, as is his fortune, there were no more cupcakes, and it was a bitter frustration. Which is funny because he could not get the taste of a lemon Sweetie Tart out of his mouth. But all digression aside, he looked back at the clock and it was 9:01. He was walking past the door when the knob opened and both Octavia and Vinyl walked in. Kwik ran over and hit the killswitch, shutting off the music and flashy lights. Why they had flashy lights at a party inside an average sized house, Kwik didn't know.

"Octavia, Vinyl, I swear I had nothing to do with this! I stepped outside and there was a note, and I walked and then there was music coming from the house, and I walked inside, the door was locked, everypony was inside, and Pinkie Pie just, I mean, 12 seconds, and-" Vinyl shoved a hoof in Kwiks mouth, as at that point his gibberish was annoying.

"Yeah. We know, dude." She removed her hoof from Kwik's mouth, and Kwik just stood there, mouth agape, staring at her in disbelief.

"So, so you knew about the party?"

Octavia answered first, followed by Vinyl.

"Yes we did."

"Uh huh."

"Oh well then that's a huge relief. Why did you not tell me?" Vinyl opened her mouth to explain but Pinkie Pie jumped in.

"Well, I throw a party for everypony when they first arrive! It's the best way to welcome someone and get to know them and get them acquainted with everypony in town! Plus dancing and stuff is FUN! He he haha!" She startled giggling. Kwik turned to Vinyl and Octavia, a smile creeping over his face.

"Oh, ok I get it. So while I was sleeping, you guys let everyone in, and when I stepped out, everyone put up decorations and stuff, right? Wow, that was good!" Vinyl and Octavia looked at each other, confused looks on their faces, then back to Kwik.

"Neither Vinyl nor I let anyone into the house," she said, eyebrow raised. Kwiks smile disappeared and he was confused yet again.

"Wait, then, how did she-" Vinyl leaned forward, put a leg around Kwik's neck, and pulled him in very close.

"Try not to question Pinkie Pie, your only going to hurt your brain." Pinkie's head rose up from in between them, looking at Vinyl.

"You used the wrong version of 'your'."

"Excuse me?"

"Nevermind!" She retracted her head and got up on an end table. "Ok, everypony! I am sorry to say that the party is now over. But, be ready for the party this Saturday at the Apple Family FAAAAAAAaaaaaaarm!"

Everypony started talking and mumbling as they slowly walked out the door. This was not at all what he expected, but that was probably a good thing. Growing up as he had, he always expected things to turn out worse than they probably would, which always led him to take caution whenever he made decisions. As a matter of fact, the decision to move to Ponyville was the first big decision he had ever made.

As the last of the ponies walked out of the house, Kwik closed the door and locked it. He walked back into the kitchen where Octavia was lading dishes into the dishwoofer. Kwik decided to ask Octavia if there were any job openings in Ponyville. Seeing as how he was very prideful, Kwik always found it hard to ask for help with anything, especially things that he should already be able to do. Which made what he was about to do somewhat difficult.

"Hey, Octavia?" She stopped and turned to look at him.

"Yes?"

"Well, I uh, was just wondering, if you, uh, could tell me, if ... uhm ... you and Vinyl sleep in the same bed."

Wait a second. That was not even close to 'Are there any open jobs in Ponyville?' Oh. Oh no. Oh nononononononononononono-

"Excuse me?"

"Oh uh, no, what I meant was, erm, I just, the um, I-" he was blushing and sweating profusely. Of course none of this was visible thanks to his dark coat hiding it.

"Of course we do!" she said with a smile. She even chuckled a little bit. "As though I could stay away from that sexy devil for even one night." This was not even close to what Kwik was expecting. Then again, nothing in this logic-forsaken town did.

"Oh. Well, that's, er, nice."

"Oh it's WAY better than nice. As a matter of fact, just the other night she and I had a little too much cider and-"

"OkThat'sCoolOctaviaIGotStuffToUhCountSoUhNight!" He darted away to his room as fast as he could, as he had no idea where Octavia was going with that sentence, nor did he care to find out. He crawled into his bed and tried to forget the imagery that flashed through his head, but to no avail. Eventually he passed into an effortless sleep.

The next day came early to Kwik when he woke up to a ridiculous bass drop. Trudging up the steps, he walked over to the fridge and made himself a sandwich. He took a bite, and while it was not bad, it was kind of like tofu had a lovechild with some bread and he was eating it like some sort of food God who demanded sacrifice. Why it had to be a food God Kwik had no idea, as his thoughts could not be expected to be normal that early in the morning. When he was done, he cleaned up. Neither Octavia nor Vinyl appeared to be home, as he heard nothing to suggest otherwise. He decided to just leave and start looking for a job. He walked out, locked the door, and walked into town. He walked all around town trying to find businesses, yielding no fruit.

He came to the marketplace, trying to find someone who looked overwhelmed. He approached an elderly looking mare on a rocking chair. She was mint green and had a bright green apple as her cutie mark. Kwik attempted to talk to her, thinking she could use a hand, being a frail old lady.

"Pardon, me, ma'am," Kwik said. She didn't even twitch. "PARDON ME, MA'AM!" he said, very loudly. He got a little nervous, as people were now looking at him funny. He decided he would try to find another vendor when a horrible, nails-on-chalkboard scream echoed from right behind him.

"GRANNY SMITH, WAKE UP THARE'S A CUSTUMER!" shouted an unknown voice.

"Whatja du huh?" Granny Smith was now away and looking flustered and confused. Kwik turned and looked for the source of the eagle-mating-call of a scream. He looked down and saw a cute little foal with a large red bow on her head. He looked back at Granny Smith and she just noticed he was there.

"What canuh do fer ya, sonny?" she asked, sweetly.

"Oh, um, I was wondering if you had any positions for an extra hand. Selling your apples, picking them, or what have you."
She squinted, thinking for a moment. Then she broke out what would have been a toothy smile if she was only 100 years younger, and replied "Shore thing we do, sonny!" How lucky! The first person he asks has a job opening!

"Oh, wow, that's great!" Kwik said, smiling widely. "What is it and when do I start?"

"Yeh can stert rite away!" she exclaimed, attempting to get out of her rocking chair. After a few uncomfortable moments, she did finally manage to lift herself out of the chair. "Applebloom, take this fine young gentlecolt back ter the farm. I've got shterf ter do. Tell Applejack I found'er a helper!"

"YAYSS MAYUM!" Applebloom said, apparently incredibly enthusiastic. Kwik was just as enthusiastic about being able to get paid.

"Alright, let's go!" Appleboom started walking, and Kwik followed right behind. He decided he'd get a little information before he got there.

"So, uh, Applebloom, is it just you, Applejack, and your granny?"

"Naw, there's also Big Macintosh!"

"Oh, cool. So who are Applejack and Big Macintosh?"

"Well, they're mah brother and sister. And you can jus' call'im Big Mac, that's what we always do."

"Alright then. So I am assuming you guys all have something to do with apples, right?"

"Yup! We gots a orchard of 'em, and AJ and Big Mac buck the trees and plow the fields and stuff. I'm too little to help'em wit stuff like that, so I help Granny Smith with the housework."

"Oh, so you guys are a family business then?"

"Uh huh!"

"Well that's pretty awesome!"

They arrived at the farm after about four minutes or so, and travelling along a beautiful path lined with apple trees. They arrived and in front of them was the big red Apple family barn. Over to the right was the orchard. There was a large silo to the left of the barn, probably holding grain. To the left of the silo was the house, most likely where everyone lived. A noise came from the barn, like someone dropping something.

"Son of a horseshoe!" came a deep, angry sounding voice. Kwik heard a sharp, high pitched intake of breath from his left. Kwik looked over at Applebloom and saw that she was in utter shock.

"BIG MACINTOSH!" came another voice, from behind the silo. A beautiful orange mare came around and over to the barn, looking more than a little peeved. "How many times've I told ya to not use them curse words like that! This time ya did it in front of Applebloom and a stranger!"

"Sorry Applejack," said the voice again. Kwik supposed that this was Big Mac. Big Mac came out of the barn, and he was the largest, most muscular pony Kwik had ever seen. This dude was massive. Kwik immediately wrote Applejack off of his 'potentially dateable' list, because if he dated Applejack then he'd have to risk getting the tar beaten out of him by a giant red monster of a pony.

"Woah," said Kwik. Both Big Mac and Applejack walked over to greet their new guests.

"Howdy, I'm Applejack, and this here's Big Macintosh." She reached out and Kwik shook her hoof. He did the same with Big Mac. Applejack could not hold it back any longer.

"AJ, Granny Smith told me to tell ya that this here's yer new assistant!" AJ's smile flickered a bit. She turned and looked back at Kwik, and looked him up and down. She did not seem very impressed. This sudden, unanticipated perusal of his body made Kwik slightly uncomfortable and he started blushing. He'd be even more nervous but he knew that his man blocked the view of his blushing, a small relief whenever he got nervous like this.

"Well, thas, err, good. Run along now Applebloom, the adults gotta work now."

"Ok. Bye guys!" She turned and ran off down the path into Ponyville.

"Now then, what's yer name, stranger?"

"My name is Kwik. And you are Applejack and Big Mac, yes?"

"Eeeyup."

"So, Granny Smith says yer gunna be helpin' us out here at the farm?"

"That would appear to be the case, yes. So, what am I going to do for you two?"

"Yer gonna come with me into the orchard and help us buck apples."

"Ok, and what is bucking apples?"

"It's when ya buck a tree and the apples fall out. Simple, right?"

"Sweet! Let's get to it!"

"Now hold on there sugarcube. I gots ta show ya how it's done properly before ya can go around hittin' our trees, ya hear?"

"Yes ma'am." Kwik was not expecting Mac to be a part of the conversation. So far he had only uttered three words, and even then only when he was addressed specifically. Strong and silent. I can respect that, thought Kwik.

"Alrighty then. If ya'll will follah me, we'll get started." She turned and started walking. Kwik follow, but he could not help but notice Applejacks flank when he looked to see what her cutie mark was. It was probably the nicest, most toned female flank he had ever seen in his life. Well, Big Mac isn't THAT big....

Comments

[SketchyGrl]

Oh, gosh. Flanks? Mouth sex? Lesbians??? I didn't know you were one of THOSE Bronies, N Ha, it's really good, I'm intrigued. Very well done with getting the characters right. I hope to read more!

[Antisocial Ind.]

Awesome. More chapters coming soon! I am slightly preoccupied with AoL, but I will be giving this one some time over the weekend!