Quick Wit Scenarios

by Antisocial Ind.

Breakfast

Kwik awoke to the sound of a heavy bass drop. He looked over at his clock, and he saw that it was 6:13 PM. He groaned, and tried covering his ears with his pillow. As much as he did enjoy the special sound effects that dubstep brought into play, he did not particularly enjoy it in the middle of a good nap. He could not get back to sleep, so he got up and decided to get some breakfast. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and proceeded out his door and up the steps. He walked into the kitchen to see Octavia sitting at the table reading the paper and sipping on some juice, while Vinyl was at the dishwasher with an apron on. He looked around to find the source of the music, but he couldn't find any speakers. He walked over to Octavia, and asked her, quite loudly.

"Hey, where's the speaker?"

"What speaker?"

"The one that the music is coming from."

"Oh, that's the dishwasher." This was utterly confusing.

"What!? The dishwasher? How?"

"She made it herself, it cleans the dishes with wubs."

"Oh." He nodded in understanding, though he didn't understand in the slightest. Then a plate full of pancakes dropped down in front of him, followed by maple syrup and a small square of butter.

"Eat up!" Said Vinyl, beaming. She didn't have her red glasses on, so Kwik got to look at her eyes for the first time. They were a beautiful shade of crimson. He had never seen anything like them before.

"Oh, wow!" he said, honestly surprised. "They look fantastic!"

"You think they look fantastic? Wait until you try them!" chimed Octavia, looking at Vinyl with a grin. Vinyl blushed slightly.

"Ah, come on, Octavia, not now."

Octavia giggled slightly and finished her coffee, got up, and went back to her room. Kwik decided it was time to try Vinyl's pancakes, so he picked up his fork and knife and dug in. He took his first bite and realized Octavia was not joking at all. The pancakes were good enough to consider cheating on Vinyl's sandwich for want of better mouth sex.

"Wow, Vinyl, these are fantastic!" Kwik made a short mental note that pancakes for dinner was an amazing idea.

"Thanks. When you're done, just toss 'em in the sink and I'll get them later, cool?"

"Yeah, no problem," Kwik said, pondering why she would be so keen on washing dishes.

Either way, it didn't matter. Vinyl took off her apron, and walked over to the living room. Octavia came down the stairs, now in her tie, and hoisting her instrument in it's case. It was probably a cello, or something like a big violin, judging from the case. She grabbed her keys from the wall and turned towards Kwik.

"Ok, I'll be home at about 9 o'clock, and I had a key made for you, it's on the key rack, ok?"

"Uh, alright."

"Ok, bye," she said, leaving and pulling the door shut.

Kwik had a weird sensation, one of familiarity. He thought about it and it dawned on him that what just happened was a lot like what the morning routine was back at his house, minus the same sex flirting. He remembered his home back in Manehattan, the busy streets and loud routines as opposed to the quiet suburban-type lifestyle of Ponyville. At least, it was relatively quiet. The dishwasher-thing was still going on quite loudly, but this of course had to be the exception. It wasn't nearly as loud as the speakers that were playing a few hours before when he got there, but it was loud enough that he could hear it all the way in the basement through his pillow.

The dishwasher's song ended, and shortly after, Vinyl came back downstairs, walked past Kwik, and started unloading the dishes. Seeing an opportunity to get to know Vinyl better, he started helping her. This way, he could start a conversation and he would also learn where all the dishes go. He reached in and picked out a plate, and when he looked at it, he couldn't believe how clean it was. Supposing that the start of the machine had been when the drop came on, the dishwasher had only been going for about 10 minutes. This was simply astounding to Kwik.

"Yeah, they're pretty clean aren't they?" Vinyl said, more stating than actually asking. She said it while a grin was spreading across her face, and with a little pride, too. Rightfully so, Kwik thought.

"No kidding! These are the cleanest things I have ever seen! And Octavia said you built it yourself?"

"Yep, that's right! I call it the Dishwoofer! Using dual-linked subwoofers and special amplification system, I can take a simple song and amplify the bass tenfold, and let the barometric changes in the airtight chamber compress and expand the food to the point where it disintegrates, and a light spray washes them off. The heat built up after one cycle is enough to vaporize the water, and it gets released out of the back. A special layer of ultra-hydrophobic plaster keeps the speakers from being damaged." This stunned Kwik, as he was not expecting so much information at once, nor did he really know that much about speakers to be able to understand anyway. But nonetheless, it was pretty sweet.

"That's awesome, like, REALLY freaking cool! But doesn't the lack of other sounds get annoying? I just happened to notice that it was just the bass and little other high pitched sounds as well." He was careful how he worded it, as he didn't want to offend Vinyl. She looked down and scratched the back of her head with her right hoof.

"Yeah, I realized that after the first test run, so I put in some decent-sized tweeters but they didn't make much of a difference. Honestly it can be annoying to be in the same room as it, but the bass still feels pretty awesome and sounds good from another room. Like, you know how when the bass gets turned up really loud, you can feel the bass itself moving your eardrum instead of the cilia?" Kwik nodded, this time actually understanding what she was talking about. "Yeah, well, that's a feeling I absolutely love, which is why I like loud dusbtep. Anyway, that feeling itself is what I am talking about."

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

Kwik did know what she meant. He regarded the feeling in the same way he regarded a sauna: some people like getting overheated and soaked in a small wooden room, naked with a bunch of other guys, and some people liked feeling small cotton swabs pushing on their eardrums. Kwik, however, enjoyed neither. After the two had finished unloading the dishwasher, Vinyl rinsed off the plates from earlier and placed them in the dishwoofer.

"Right. Well, I am off to the Studio to work on a song. Catch ya later, bro."

"Ok, bye."

Vinyl walked over to the door, picked up her key, and left. Now Kwik was all alone. Well, better get looking for a job, he thought. He made sure the door was locked, picked up his key, and he departed to try and find himself a job. He took a step, and stepped on something that wasn't dirt or grass. He looked down and lifted his foot, and saw that he had stepped on a piece of paper. He picked it up, and found that it wasn't actually a piece of paper, but an envelope. He turned it over and was addressed to "The Dark Green Unicorn". It was obviously meant for him, so he opened it, and pulled out the paper inside. He unfolded it, and began to read:

Dear Mr. Dark Green Unicorn,

Welcome to Ponyville!

"Welcome to...Ponyville?" This was the weirdest note he had ever received in his life, and probably the shortest, too. He tucked it away and began to walk. He only took about 7 steps before he heard a loud sound coming from behind him. He turned around and looked at the house, which was now vibrating slightly. It sounded like -- music? But not the kind that Vinyl plays, or the kind Octavia may listen to, supposing she conformed to stereotypes about musicians who play instruments like the cello. He walked back to the door and tried opening the door. It was locked, which he should have known, since he did it, and not moments ago, either. He dug out his key and put it into the lock. He turned it, and opened the door. His jaw dropped:

Inside there had to be at least 40 or 50 ponies, some dancing, some mingling, and some just eating. There were pegasi, and unicorns, and earth ponies alike, as well as decorations, party favors, cupcakes, pancakes, regular cakes, cookies, punch, all in the kitchen, which could be viewed from the doorway. Many people stopped and looked at him, then continued with what they were doing. All in all, it was a pretty awesome party. Then he noticed one particular pony getting down on the dance floor. Though, 'dance floor' here means the living room, which was somehow empty of furnishings now. She also noticed him, and stopped. She stared for maybe a heartbeat and her eyes grew wide. Then so did her mouth, as she revealed the widest smile Kwik had ever seen. She did that levitation thing again, only this time she came right at Kwik. Expecting an impact, he put a foreleg up to block her and braced himself. But, the impact never came. He opened his eyes and lowered his leg and saw that she was standing right there in front of him, beaming.

"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie, and I threw this party just for you! I saw you yesterday and I thought to myself 'Oh, hey I don't this guy,' which means that you must be new, because I know everypony in Ponyville, and I mean EVERYpony, so if I don't know you then you must be new! So I thought, 'Oh no, he's new, so he has no friends!' and that made me really sad so I decided to welcome you to Ponyville by throwing you an awesome party so you can make friends!" How she was able to pronounce every single word correctly at that speed was beyond Kwik. Seriously, it was like a pink Weird Al on cocaine.

"Uhm ... I was gone for twelve seconds."

"So, how do you like it!?"

"The front door is the only way in, and it was locked when I tried it."

"I'll take that as an 'awesome'! Well, come on there's a bunch of ponies to meet!"

Pinkie took Kwik by the hoof and pretty much shoved him in everyone's face. He remembered a few names and faces, but he knew it was going to be awkward if he ever met them again and wasn't able to remember their names. Then again, if they had ever been victimized like this in their homes, they'd understand completely. There was one mare he would remember, though. She was the same skin color as Vinyl, and had beautiful violet mane that was pretty much perfect. Her name was Rarity, and he'd remembered because she was one of the best looking ponies had had ever seen in his life.

After meeting everypony and getting some courage, he managed to stop Pinkie from pulling him. She pulled and her body elongated about 3 feet, before she snapped back to normal shape. She turned to him slightly annoyed.

"Come on, we have stuff to do, it's a party!"

"Look, Pinkie, I appreciate you doing this, I really do. I mean it's not everyday someone gets an entire town and party items into a locked house before the recipient can blink, but this isn't my house, and look at this mess!" He used his hoof to gesture around the room, and implied the rest of the house, as well. "Also, you are messing with Vinyls speakers and stuff and she doesn't like that!"

"Don't worry, I always clean up after a party, and - EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" She shrieked, and pulled him with a mighty force he was neither expecting nor capable of withstanding and she pulled him right out on to the dance floor. "I LOOOOOVE THIS SONG!" she shouted, instantly transforming into a beastly, pink, dancing blur of randomness. He backed up and found an open chair. Frowning, he sat down and ate a cupcake off of the table next to it. His eyes instantly lit up at the wonderful taste of this amazing cupcake, now mentally tacking that on to his list of things to have amazing mouth sex with. He remembered he was angry and resumed his frown, eating his cupcake.