• Member Since 16th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen Nov 6th, 2023

Elusive


E

My personal twist on the classic Canterlot Wedding. A story full of plot twists, original characters, and my own personal thoughts on how the episode should have been written. Most likely three parts long.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 31 )

Somehow, I feel you based this on my story "Sun Star Goes To The Canterlot Wedding," or got the idea from it. Did you? :trixieshiftright:

1324377No, I thought of this myself. But I'll take a good look at your story.

1324262There! Added the comedy tag!

1324274 Working on part two. School gets in the way though.:facehoof:

1324597 Oh, it's not up anymore, because people thought it sucked. :twilightangry2:

My eye is slowly twitching right now.

THE POWER OF CANON COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CANON COMPELS YOU!
Why the hell does Shining Armour say no? What to the Mane 6 have to say about this?
The Everfree is South of Canterlot.


Alright. Anyway after that little rant.

Double space. Your story looks too congested.
Also the different amounts of indentation makes it look sloppy.

Next: Characters.
Darkblood
Wow, peace loving ponies go and look at their kid and say 'Oh, let's name him Darkblood.'
The name is just... ahhh!!

No, Candence can control love, she can manipulate ones mind and will. There is no way in hell that this plot would ever seem feasible in canon. Also Darkblood, really? Equestria is a peaceful nation, what kind of terrible parents name their kid that?

Might seem harsh but that might just be the biggest plot hole I've ever seen

1324715 Darn. It sounded like a good story. Silly moderators. :derpytongue2:

1324938 Maybe his parents were just like him...?

1324869 No need to argue. I'm new to this.

1327039
Moderators don't read the story. They just make sure it has ponies in it.

I'm suprised that nopony's argued over Harmony yet, despite the other complaining users. :raritywink:

1327063 Then how did it get removed? :rainbowhuh:

1327070

I do believe the author himself removed it.

1327083 Now why would an author remove his/her own story? :trixieshiftright:

1327099
Simple: they receive too much negative criticism and scrap the fic.

1327209 Okay, this is getting old. If you have a question, ask! :ajbemused:

Part 2 should be up this week. Stay tuned everypony! :pinkiehappy:

Here you go! *squee* :twilightsheepish:

Just... no.

This contradicts canon in SO many ways that you need the Alternate Universe tag if you want this to be taken seriously.
1. Shining Armor and Cadence were sweethearts for a long time, stemming from when she was Twilight's foalsitter.
2. There is no slavery in Equestria. Absolutely none.

Also, Harmony is a throwaway character that gets fridged in the second chapter, just to provide a motive for the male main character to want revenge? <sarcasm>That's not extremely cliche at all.</sarcasm>

1357204 Oh well. Ever heard of imagination? I thought that's what fanfiction was all about!

1357204 I challenge you to write a better version.

1360010
All I said was that if you're going to slap Canon in the face, add the Alternate Universe tag. That's what it's for.

And including a female OC with zero personality who only contributes her death to the story as a revenge motif for the strong male main character IS cliche. It's as cliche as it gets. Don't believe me? Here's a website devoted to exactly that: Women in Refrigerators.

Give Harmony some personality and time to be developed. Let the audience grow to care about her before you kill her off. As it stands, it's not even sad when she dies, just extremely predictable.

Login or register to comment