You Should Let Me Eat You
“You want me to do what?!”
“You should let me eat you,” the monster said to Twilight.
Twilight gave a nervous laugh as she took several long steps backwards, her horn glowing as she prepared a killing blast. “And why in the name of Celestia would I do that?”
The monster continued to sit near the trees, unconcerned. Thick, black fluid dripped from its multiple layers of serrated teeth as it spoke. “Because the fate of this world and everyone on it depends on me consuming your body for nourishment and strength.”
Twilight’s heart pounded; this beast wasn’t much bigger than Tirek had been at his weakest, and she reckoned that a few of her strongest blasts would be enough to kill it… and yet, she hesitated. There was something about this beast that gave her pause. It had not attacked her, nor made any move to. It had just stepped onto the path during her morning walk through the royal gardens and waited for her to approach.
Despite the creature’s grotesque appearance, she had the gut feeling that it wasn’t dangerous.
“If it gives you peace of mind, you may use a truth spell on me,” the monster said.
Reading herself to bolt, Twilight cast a spell that enveloped the monster in green light that would turn red if a lie was spoken.
“If you are afraid of me – and I would not blame you – know that I will not attempt to consume you without your permission,” the monster said.
The light remained green, a fact that Twilight found impossible to believe. Yet, the truth-telling spell she had cast was one of her own design, and virtually impossible to foil. Not even Discord had managed to deceive the spell in numerous tests.
“Tell me about yourself,” Twilight commanded her opponent. “Everything.”
“I am an ancient being,” the monster said, “part of a collective of inter-dimensional creatures. There is no word in your language to accurately describe us, but ‘abomination’ will suffice. While my fellow abominations wished to consume all life in this universe, many disagreed, including myself. We set out to protect life in this universe, but eventually had to consume one another to gain enough strength to hold our fellow abominations at bay with a spell that protects this realm. I am the last, and my power is once again starting to wane.
“If I am unable to reinforce the spell separating your dimension from mine, my fellow abominations will come forth and consume not only the bodies of everyone on this world and all other worlds, but their souls as well. There will be no afterlife for them, no reunion with loved ones in realms of joy and bliss. It will be a disaster of unfathomable proportions.”
The light remained green.
Twilight struggled to think.
The monster waited. It was in no hurry.
“We… We could fight back!” Twilight said. “We have magic-”
“That is powerful, yes. But not as powerful as mine. Your chance of victory would be approximately five percent.”
“Five?!” Twilight shook her head. “No, we could do it! I know we can! My friends-”
“If you were to gather all beings in the universe who could use magic, your odds would increase to approximately fifty percent.”
The light, to Twilight’s horror, was still green.
“You have ten years before my spell will fail,” the monster said. “That is enough time to gather reinforcements and attempt a defense. Or you can allow me to eat you, along with your predecessors, Cadance, and her child.”
Instinct took over and Twilight readied her strongest killing spell. The thought of this thing going after her loved-
“I have not eaten them,” the monster assured Twilight. “I have spoken with them – save the child – and told them what I am telling you: If you all allow me to consume your bodies, then I shall gain your strength and power, and be able to reinforce the spell separating our dimensions for another ten thousand years.”
The light remained green. That was no comfort to Twilight. “But why them?! Why me?!”
“Because alicorns posses magic and strength unlike any other beings. The attacks have increased on the other side of the spell, and I require more energy than I normally would.”
Twilight unconsciously took a step back, shaking her head. This was too much, and that damned light was still green. Everything this thing was saying was crazy... Yet, Twilight had dealt with plenty of predators, liars, and sociopaths in her time, and the spell told her what her gut reluctantly believed: this monster was telling the truth.
“And what if I offer myself? Would you spare the others?”
“The power I would gain from eating only you would reinforce the shield briefly, but not enough to stop its inevitable destruction.”
“And what if I were to take the magic from Celestia and the others and myself, and then, say, put it into a hayburger?”
“I require not only the magic you posses, but the native strength within your alicorn bodies. It is comparable to eating the bun off a hayburger without the fillings. I must consume all of you, or this realm is lost.”
Twilight was too shaken to even notice the green light.
“I understand that this is distressing to you, Princess,” the monster said. “I do not expect you to come to a decision right now. Take a year to think about my request and consult with your peers. Then, if you all choose to fulfill my request, you will have more than enough time to settle your affairs.” Multiple legs unfolded as the monster stood. “I shall depart now, Twilight Sparkle. I will return here one year from now to hear your answer.”
Without a sound, the monster turned and disappeared into the forest. Only a few falling leaves marked its departure.
Twilight sat upon the walking path, staring silently at the forest.
She would be found there that evening, silent, shaken, and lost in thought.
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holy shit.. THIS IS SO COOL!!!!! can we PLSSS get a chapter 2?!? i need 2 know what happens next!!!
>existentially horrific story about the impending destruction of the universe
>also vore
>and potential death of all souls and reality
>ethical dilemma of consuming multiple sapient beings
>let’s not forget eating kids too
>it’s rated E
I love this site.
11210631
After considering what you said, I've changed the story's rating from 'E' to 'T'. I originally thought that since the story is about two characters talking with no blood, death, violence, or gore, it was fine for general audiences, but you were correct in pointing out it isn't.
...and then she blinked, shaking her head as if something was loose between floppy ears. Large expressive eyes squint, lips pressed into a frown moments before Twilight's horn ignites and summarily blasts it in the face. Several trees are knocked down by its sudden and violent trajectory into the far distance, never to bother this particular pony, or others for that matter, ever again.
It will be hours later when the pony slips into her warm bed, a final, "Hmph" muttered as she drifts off to self-satisfied sleep.
The moral of the story when dealing with ponies who have saved the world multiple times is, buck around and find out.
11210637
Subject matter tends to heavily sway ratings for both on-site stories and off-site media too. I just found it funny.
Twilight, you nerd, you forgot to get a copy of the spell!
A dilemma indeed.
But is the monster hot and sexy? That's important! If it's gross, ewwww, no!
But if it's a smexy monster that will do all sorts of shmentai before nom-nom-noms, then it's A-OK!!
There are rules about these things...
11211049
The monster is described with a mouth dripping black goo, with several layers of teeth, and its appearance is directly stated to be grotesque. Sadly, this seems most likely to be classified as an "ewwww, no" scenario.
Twilight, "But we have Discord... who's already like, all of us combined..."
Monster, "Oh yeah, kinda forgot about him... the finale made him kind of a douche."
Twilight, "I KNOW, RIGHT?!"
Monster, "So, I guess that makes your odds 'Octagon to sardine'. Because chaos,"
Twilight, "I like those odds!"
11210628 It turns out it was just Discord being a dick again, and messing with Twilight's truth spell, because god-mode power wanking.
11211055 I dunno... I've been in the furry fandom. I dun seen things... things you just don't recover from...
Well, that's certainly A Choice. The creature doesn't seem to be lying (although fooling one very good truth spell is probably easier than shielding the whole universe) but that doesn't mean it's not mistaken. If not... well, then there isn't really a Choice, not without some clever trick, but there's certainly a lot of preparations.
(Also, I might wonder whether this creature had a hand in alicorns arising in the first place, and especially in them multiplying recently.)
Not only do they have a lot of time, but this creature needs the power of the alicorns to save them, and assigns non-zero odds of them winning a more direct fight. It doesn't really make sense that their deaths are the only reliable way to protect their world. If it has the power by consuming them, in MLP logic they probably have that power or more by just working together, and maybe having some extra help.
11211055
remember, people simp for mr kitty from the backrooms. there is no limit.
The real question here is not whether or not Twilight, et al. should allow themselves to be consumed; the real question is, "And then what?" If we suppose that they all allow themselves to be consumed (Flurry too) and revitalize the shield for another 10,000 years, then what? When those 10,000 years are up and the shield is failing again, what then? Consume another five alicorns? What is there aren't five? What if there aren't any? The permanent loss of 5 moral beacons hardly seems worth it, just to kick the can down the road.
Stand that against a 5% chance to deal with the problem permanently. Or, if all magical beings in the universe are gathered, including the friendly abomination, 50%. That certainly seems like a cause that all magicians in the universe could align behind.
Suppose that wasn't it, though. Suppose as you reflected upon the infinite sky, you realized that beings truly of such terrible power surely would not be limited to only one. Why, then, should you be?
Never accept the first solution offered as the only solution available.
Perfect song for this story
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mXVm36pKZCA
👏 Very good! I enjoy short stories that evoke serious thought, and I’d say this is one of those stories.
My one suggestion? I’d try to find a picture that matches the story better. I saw it yesterday thinking Twilight was gonna ask a piece of bread or something if she could eat it.
Other than that, great work! And I think the alicorns should sacrifice themselves. Maybe that’s how G5 started lol. Equestria fell into chaos after its rulers saved the universe
I feel like Twilight should question how the Monster calculates those chances, and/or how her spell actually decides when the Monster is being truthful or untruthful. It might be strong and powerful, and it might be offering numbers that are in some way truthful according to Twilight's spell, but how much does the Monster actually know? What methods of calculation does it use? What factors does it or does it not consider? What kind of strategies has it or has it not factored in? Alternatively, although it presents those numbers as hard facts, they could just be its own opinions, which can be directly proven wrong even if the Monster, at this moment, truthfully believes in them.
11211474
Agreed.
Also... how in the world are those evil abominations both so powerful and so numerous? Can't be from eating mortals, because the whole point of his plan is to keep them away from mortal life; can't be from eating each other, or there would be only a few of them left, like with the one here.
Sounds like a job for the mirror pool.
11211063
And aside from Discord, we're forgetting about the narrative math here.
5% chance of success = 100% when you take into account deus ex machina friendship powers.
11211826
Yeah, a huge pet peeve of mine is whenever a character starts spouting off hyper-specific odds of success. I keep wanting to shout "And where are all these repeated trials you conducted to collect theses statistics? What's your n value? What do your confidence intervals look like? Go on! Show me the goddamn math!"
Chaos magic wouldnt work because Discord Lettuce Chimpanzee Onion Tomato Pikachu.
11211474 Or, you just summon Saitama, and the whole thing ends with one punch.
I make my own odds, with the power of MADNESS!
11211826
Not to mention that she is communicating to it and verifying its claims on its terms
Edit: also as an apparent serial cannibal, can't it just eat her?
11212183
I don't think the monster counts as a cannibal if it's eating ponies, since the monster itself is highly likely not a pony.
As for the "can't it just eat her?" question, that's brought up directly in the story. Twilight alone wouldn't do much as food, according to the monster.
Unless you mean "can't it just skip talking and just eat her against her will," which can easily have a few reasons behind it. It could be because it's not evil like the monsters it's blocking, and not desperate enough with 10 years remaining. It could be that it doesn't want to waste energy fighting or pursuing her. It could be that it doesn't want to risk Twilight teleporting away and hiding or getting help. It could be that it doesn't want to fight the other alicorns and magic users of Equestria, even if it can beat and eat Twilight when she's alone.
11212705
Your reading comprehension sucks bro. It ate others of its own kind, making it a cannibal. It could overpower all of the princesses, it doesn’t need consent
Edit: assuming it is to be believed of course
I guess if everyone in the whole of equestria committed suicide, then they would end up happy in the (apparently confirmed to exist) afterlife, and beyond the reach of the abominations
The monster poses an interesting ethical dilemma. I get that the story HAS to be 1k to fit into the contest, but there are a few gaps in the logic that prevent it from being wholly believable. I wouldn't understand the need to use percentages to determine the chance of success, how the monster came about such calculation is important.
There's also the fact that Twilight could've offered the usage of the elements or herself attempting to fix this shield herself. Furthermore, 50% chance is still a good enough chance to take, particularly if the alternative is the certain death of my niece, my in-law and myself.
Regardless, you still nailed a good Twilight and an empathetic monster in 1k, which is a feat in and out of itself. Nicely done.
11217818
Yeah, there's more stuff I wish I could have put in, but that 1,000 word limit is absolute. Still, I'm glad you liked it, and thank you for the kind words!
11213824
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/697/798/be2.jpg
11244120
Oh my gosh, thank you! It's an honor to have one of my works turned into a video!
I want to add this to the Vore group, but the story doesn't fit into any of the folder categories
.
As other comments have noted, this is a fascinating premise with an iffy execution. Yes, the word limit constrained you, but there's also the fact that narratively presented moral dilemmas always ring false to me. Here is your scenario. Here are your choices. Please, please, please don't think too closely about any of the window dressing or wider implications that might bring you to a third option or the entire exercise falls apart.
It's a good dilemma, don't get me wrong, but the flaws have been thoroughly discussed already. Still, thank you for it and best of luck in the judging.
well, that is a very intriguing start!
oof, a lot to unpack here! a War in the Heavens, setting up an ethical dilemma that is actually a bit frightening to think about
i mean, fifty percent's not the worst in terms of odds! just enough to make the idea of fighting for it tantalizing
ah, that makes a certain kind of sense, and augh, what an ironic inversion! it's the power and durability of the alicorns that make them the only ones in danger of being sacrificed here
and i would be, too!
love the idea, with Twilight and the reader's entire worldview about the nature of this reality being turned upside-down. there is something to be said about just how out-of-context this being and the scenario that it presents are. that does help the strangeness, but it might have been able to execute this keeping the strangeness but also heightening the familiarity/specificity/intimacy, to get that nice feeling of eerieness when mixing the two.
but yeah, something about the matter-of-fact way that the abomination speaks, and the lack of specificity does make me think of the "rationalfic" genre, and if that is what you were going for i think that it hits the hallmarks of the genre perfectly in the limitation of a thousand words. i don't think that it "cheats" the scenario at all by not covering all the alternatives, i understand the point of the truth spell and this being's supernatural knowledge of the true nature of the world are that its statements are Oracle statements for setting up the dilemma, and don't get the objections to that specifically, honestly!
11298059
Thanks for your comments! I did write the creature as being honest and not lying or withholding facts, knowing that a fundamentally good being like Twilight will ultimately come around to its point of view.
11604322
Cool! Thank you for doing this!
11605582
Wasn’t me, but your welcome
11210631
Consider one of the alt timelines Starlight caused has no life at all, and the show is no stranger to vore either. The one thing that really feels T here is that the creature is presented as horrific-looking, so we're to imagine this horrifying sight being what talks of complete and utter annihilation so frankly. Were it more in line with typical FiM monsters, and just be presenting a wasteland as the outcome without such stark terms of how it's accomplished, I think E would be more fitting.
Anyways, I would say that the matter of an afterlife is the one flaw I see here...the monster says no afterlife for those consumed by the others...but what about those it consumes? If those it consumes get an afterlife, I think it's very reasonable to take the offer, securing the fate of everyone, and only sacrificing the worldly lives of the alicorns. If instead those it consumes do not get an afterlife, then it's a pretty hard thing to accept.
It would also help if the period of 10 years were reduced to something more like 5, or even 1 or 2, so that there wasn't time for Flurry Heart to come of an age where she'd understand, and Twi+Luna+Cadance couldn't simply decide on doing it, and then get plenty of time to do their bucket lists (Twi's like 25, dying at 35 may not be good, but it's enough to do most of what one wants to do and even raise a family and everything).