• Member Since 3rd Oct, 2018
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Night Sparkle Production


I'm an American author who doesn't care what people think about what I write.

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It's been many a year since Twilight took the throne of Equestria, and even though she's retired and is living happily in Silver Shoals, Celestia can't shake the feeling that something is off. That something is missing from her life. Facing conflicted feelings, she travels back to Canterlot to see how her former student is doing ruling Equestria in her and Luna's stead.

Little does she realize that this visit will be one that leads to much change in both her life, and that of Twilight Sparkle.

My entry in the The Twelfth Bimonthly Twilestia Contest

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 13 )

This was a nice little story. Although, it would have been nice if Twilight did try to find other solutions for Celestia's problem before jumping straight to the actual conclusion. For instance, they go around the castle and while doing activities Twilight notices how much Celestia looks at her and etc... I know this was done in the scene outside but it feels a bit rushed and very bold for Twilight to jump to that conclusion and immediately kiss Celestia.

Then again, I'm guessing you wanted to keep it short and fluffy so it isn't that big of a deal.

A lovely peice, but it doesn't feel like a thousand words does it justice.

This was very cute! Rather short, I will say I agree it could benefit from some built up, but a really lovely short piece. Now for some tiny itty bitty nitpicks (because everypony loves those... Right?)

“I’m testing a theory,” twilight said as she trotted up to her former mentor.

Twilight should be capitalized.

And sure enough, the reward of keeping her visit a surprise was evident as soon as Celestia walked through the doors.

While it's kind of arbitrary on whether or not avoiding "and" as a starter is incorrect... My inner grammar-nazi begs me to suggest rewording sentences in the fic that begin that way. Again, it isn't really super important, just one of those tiny nit pick things.

Okay, so, those are my critiques lol. Thanks for sharing such an adorable fic, I needed the smile tonight :twilightsmile:

11207067
Thank you for your critiques! I have gone through and corrected the things you pointed out.

11206738
Yes, I am of the same mindset as you that what I currently have written doesn’t truly do it Justice. I may later revisit and rewrite this story to be much longer and have multiple chapters.

11206366
You are correct; I decided to try and keep things short and fluffy since I didn’t want to overwhelm my audience with a whole lot of words for a story with only a single chapter. That, plus I wanted to go off an idea that Twilight had been harboring a secret crush for Celestia since Celestia retired, thus allowing me to keep it short and fluffy.

11207142
Yeah, nice and short. I think it's well developed after all. I always had this headcannon of Twilight's alicornhood was Celestia's plan to offer Twilight immortal life and keep her protege with her.

vary cute xD

Short, pointless, straight to the point Twilestia. Just what I needed for my daily dose of romance fic. Nice work! :heart:

It's been recorded, just gotta edit it now, will be on Youtube soon.

Short and cute, but the romance is a tad sudden. I feel it could have used either a little more conversation, or more of Celestia thinking of Twilight first. As-is, it feels a little like Twilight just reads her mind.

Just my personal opinion. On a technical level, it is pretty well-written.

I agree with Finn and Mind Jack. I understand the reasoning behind your decision, but I think the point still stands and is still valid. Aside from that, I spotted a little bit too much use of descriptors instead of names. 'The white alicorn', 'the lavender alicorn', especially considering how short the story is, those came up too much (for my liking, anyway).
Oh and the second paragraph before Celestia's letter to Luna, you need to capitalize Celestia's name.
But it still is a nice, fluffy tale. :twilightsmile:

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