• Published 8th Apr 2022
  • 1,239 Views, 52 Comments

Friendship Is Scuffed, Multiverse of Chaos - Stalin with Da Spoon



Ever wanted to know what would happen if martincitopants, Rimmy downunder, TheRussianBadger, SovietWomble, Rubixraptor, detective dan, SMG4, Top gear, and many others wound up in equestria all at once? Well, here you go! The ultimate adventure!

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Act 1, Chapter 6: Incoming!

Canterlot City Square.

Twilight sparkle was currently EXTREMELY confused. Just a few moments ago, a metal chariot came barreling down the road, pursued by her speedster friend Rainbow Dash. Said metal chariot was piloted by three humans, from what she could tell, as they almost collided with Mario, who promptly fainted from the close call collision. As soon as they dis-embarked from their vehicle, Hammond was summarily socked directly in the face by Rainbow dash, as his compatriots burst out laughing. Immediately, Martin recognized them.

"YOOOOOOO, it's the guys from that car show, top gear. Fuckin love these guys." Cue Skulker playing the 'Top Gear' opening theme on his soundboard, as Clarkson and James bowed, while Hammond still recoiled from the impact of RD's hoof, lightly rubbing the point of collision, where a visible red hoof mark could be seen.

"Good to see we have some fans here. Now, could someone explain why we are back in the magical pony land?" Clarkson said in his typical British accent.

It was suddenly then, that all the ponies present, had an epiphany. It was Clarkson, James, and Hammond, the same people they had raced back in the human world, as everyone smiled, glad to see their old human friends again, except for Rainbow dash. Martin and his compatriots looked confused, as Badger spoke up.

"Fuck do you mean 'back'?" James simply replied to the angry man.

"Well, we've been here before, during that one special episode, where Rainbow dash here appeared on the show." James said while Rainbow dash had a look of annoyance on her face.

"Yeah, and when you cheated!" Rainbow dash said, having fond memories of her racing in challenges against the Stig and doing that final race with her friends. Hammond just sighed.

"Look, we weren't about to get showed up by some cartoon pony from another dimension, humanity would be a laughing stock! Not to mention, you broke into our garage and butchered our prize car!" Rainbow snickered at the memory, with Rarity being audibly offended.

"'Butchered'!?! I made it look beautiful!" While Clarkson and James almost threw up, Martin had a realization.

"Oooooh yeah, I remember watching that episode. Shoulda known this place was actually real, heh, woulda come here myself if I had discovered how to." Rarity then suddenly realized why Martin had such a tame reaction to seeing her the first time they met at her boutique, that being, it technically wasn't the first time they had met.

"So that's why you were so calm when we met, darling!"

"Indeed, Rarity. And besides, I prefer to keep my cool." Martin said, as Applejack rolled her eyes, as she could tell he was lying about that without even needing the element of honesty, on account of Martin constantly screaming. Twilight suddenly had a look of happiness on her face.

"Well, it's good to see you have returned to Equestria!" Clarkson happily nodded to the princess.

"Of course, it's always good to see you ponies. I see you have some peculiar human friends with you." Clarkson said as he and his compatriots looked to Martin, Badger and his gang, Detective Dan, and Mario, who was currently being tended to by Fluttershy.

Applejack then asked a question. "Wait, where's that Stig feller?"

Cue Hammond gritting his teeth. "It's a long story..."

"Today was the day. After several months of laboring and repairs, the Hammer-I Eagle Thrust electric car had been fully retrofitted and repaired. Complete with an updated electric motor, refined and reinforced chassis, smoothed and polished exterior, advanced GPS and electronic features, better durability and resistance, automated driving, it even had cup holders! The car was like brand new, as we slowly pushed it out onto the test track." Clarkson said, as he narrated the scene of him, James, and Hammond slowly pushing the vehicle along, grunting as it slowly came to a stop at the starting line of the track.

"Alright dear viewers, today we are going to use our newly upgraded electric car in a race against the Stig, driving in a Tesla Model S." James said as a unknown person pulled up to the starting line in said car, wearing a white drag suit with a white racing helmet on their head, obscuring their identity.

"This race will be to find out if our electric car is fast enough to beat Elon Musk's Model S in terms of speed, making a full three laps around the track. Me and my companion, will of course be driving the electric car." Hammond said, as he and his British compatriots slowly loaded into the car, closing the doors as the electric motor slowly engaged, while the Stig revved their electric engine. A man dressed in a lab coat walked on the side of the road, holding a checkered flag, and, after counting down to three, waved it rapidly, as both vehicles screeched forward.

However, right as they left the starting line, a red streak of energy flew through the sky, until it landed right in front of the electric car, tearing open a large red spinning vortex, as the British men all screamed, the vehicle driving head first into the vortex. The Stig saw this, and, thinking it was part of the script, also refusing to let himself be beat, quickly followed them through.

After Hammond finished his story, as everyone nodded in understanding, Rarity then asked another question. "Wait, if the Stig followed you, where is he?"

As the British men pondered the answer, we travel down to the deepest pit of Tartarus, to see Tirek and Cozy Glow playing Poker from their cages. However, playing with them, was the Stig.

As we cut back to the group, Pinkie pie was currently brimming with joy, happy to see more human friends.

"Hoooo boy, we gotta throw a welcome back to Equestria party! Well, just one big welcome party seeing as this is the first time being here for alot of you, but still, PARTY!" Everyone just chuckled in amusement at Pinkie's enthusiasm, while James turned to his human compatriots.

"I am assuming that you were brought here by the same anomaly responsible for our appearance here?"

Cue Heavenly answering. "Big red swirling mysterious vortex?" Clarkson and his fellow british men nodded. "Yep, thats how we all got here. All either walked through or got sucked into a fucking weird vortex. Still don't get where the damn thing's came from." Martin's eyes narrowed, knowing exactly who was the cause.

"Kevin... That fucker caused all of this." Cue everyone looking at Martin funny.

"Aye, frog man, who the fuck is Kevin?" Bing asked in an annoyed tone.

"Only the most dangerous threat this planet will ever know. He's a fuckin alien who infiltrated my classroom, stole my knowledge, fled to proxima kentauri B, built up a giant space armada, assaulted my galaxy, waged war on the bean space program, and we only barely managed to fight back against him and send the fucker flying back to his homeworld. However, seeing that there was that robotic beast, and those portals, it's safe to assume he somehow wound up on your world, Twilight." Taking in the massive amount of info, Twilight grimaced, fearing the power of this 'Kevin'.

"But why would he pull all of you from your home dimensions and bring you to ours?"

"He was most likely attempting to summon the remnants of his massive fucking space armada, seeing as we never fully got rid of it." Cue Grouse butting in.

"Well then, seems like he fucked it up." Everyone nodded at that fact, smiling.

"Indeed, this Kevin fellow had his plan foiled before it even began!" Discord said with enthusiasm. Applejack and Rarity had looks of skepticism on their faces.

"I dunno... If this Kevin feller could send a metal hound after us, what else could he send?"

"Indeed, he could potentially be planning to assault us again right now as we speak!" Badger simply chuckled.

"Oh please, that dumb ass knows we would just fuck up his shit again-" Suddenly, Detective Dan butted in.

"Hey guys, look up!" Dan said looking to the sky with a magnifying glass, as everyone did the same. They then saw three small objects burning through the sky, heading right towards them, as Martin screamed in panic.

"OH FUCK, EVERYONE GET DOWN!" Martin said as everyone quickly ducked behind cover, with Clarkson, James, and Hammond hiding behind their vehicles, Martin, and the ponies hiding behind a found, Badger and his gang taking cover behind a bench, Discord, Dan, and Mario not moving what so ever, the trio drinking tea as the massive objects collided with the ground, leaving a massive impact crater.

One Minute Earlier...

Royal Castle Courtyard.

Currently almost all of the Lunar and Solar guard, as well as Ignis Corp, Cadian XXth, and ZF, were standing before Celestia, and Luna, who was currently wearing her battle armor, as well as Rimmy, Rubix, Soviet, and Digby, who was currently giving a speech.

"Grand warrior guards of princess Celestia and solders of humanity. I am Commissar Digby, and by the holy charge granted to me by the holy emperor, it dictates that I teach you the true meaning of being a soldier, and give motivational speeches, so listen to me! You are the finest the Equestrian military has to offer! You have been taken in and shown the hospitality of these friendly natives, and now, you are charged with the protection of Canterlot, and by extension, the princesses themselves! Are you going to let the enemy waltz in here and take over?"

Collectively and defiantly, all of the guards spoke. "SIR, NO, SIR!"

"Are you going to let the enemies of this nation walk all over you and make you their bitch?"

"SIR, NO, SIR!"

"Are you willing to lay down your life in defense of this land and all that you care for, all that you love?"

"SIR, YES, SIR!"

"Good." Digby then turned to the two princesses. "I did my best."

"We must admit, you are quite talented in the art of motivation, Digby." Luna said with a surprised tone.

"Thank you, princess Luna. It is my duty as Commissar to inspire the greatest in all soldiers." Rubix then slapped his hand's together happily.

"Well then, now that your army is up to date, let's go-"

Before Raptor could finish his sentence, Soviet womble got everyone's attention, as he pointed to the sky.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?!" As everyone looked up, they saw three objects burning through the sky, witnessing them crash down in the city, as Rimmy shouted.

"To arms, men!" As he shouted, his soldiers quickly readied their weapons, breaking formation as they rushed for the gates of the castle, Rimmy and his comrades following, while Luna also giving the order to the guards.

"Guards, follow the humans! Defend Canterlot!" Luna said as she quickly took the lead of her guards, her sister following behind as they rushed to confront the new threat.

Back in the City Square...

As the dust settled and everyone emerged from cover, they saw three large black metal pods. Martin eyed the metal pods with suspicion, as he turned to Badger and nodded, who nodded in turn as he raised his rifle, his friends also raising their weapons and aiming at the metal pods. The ponies readied themselves for whatever may emerge, with Rarity and Twilight's horns lighting up. Discord simply pulled out a chocolate pie to use as a projectile. Mario and Dan, decided to take on the duty of investigation, as they walked up to the metal pods, and both knocked on the center one's exterior.

"Seems fine to me!" Dan exclaimed, with Mario giving a thumbs up, only for him to be crushed by the pod's center door as it slammed down on top of him, Dan stepping back while everyone else readied themselves. Large amounts of steam and smoke emitted from the pod, hissing as mechanical whirring and clanging could be heard, until suddenly...

A single red eye lit up, followed by a mechanical voice. "DESTROY ALL TARGETS."

"I'm detective Dan!"

Author's Note:

If your wondering how the ponies know the Top Gear cast, refer to this Story.
I really love this story, and felt like I should honor it and it's creator by including it's lore in the story. Call it the Top Gear X MLP extended universe.