Somepony trying to be an artist and writer at the same time
A collection of short stories featuring ponies and their lives during the winter. From everyday day life to one in a lifetime encounters.
~~~
This isn't a planned story, just works of this author as he tries to refine his writing style and improve it. Still he likes these stories and wants to share them.
Comments and Feedback is greatly appreciated.
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-Waiting with Twilight-
Oooooh.
You have wonderful descriptions, but they tend to drag a little. I noticed this in the first bits of "Touching the Moon" as well. Setting a scene is great, but there comes a point where the action needs to move along, whatever it is.
Since you seem to have problems with "show vs. tell," let's see if I can help.
What does Spike look like when he's uninterested? What does he do? Describing his actions will help us see his indifference, rather than having you just tell us about it.
Hope that helps.
1282671
"Spike had given her his usual flat stare, and sighed. He rolled his eyes and turned his back to her with a shrug, only making the comment about how he would be able to get a decent night's sleep for once."
Is something like that better?
1282706 Perfect.
1282716
You see that's the thing I never understand with show vs tell. If you show all the time, doesn't the reading get tedious? But if you only tell, it doesn't engage the audience. Where is that proper balance?
1282734 I think 'show' is used to set the scene, and then you step it down a bit for the action. However, there still needs to be some show ('She shifted her weight to her right leg' as opposed to 'She began to distrust me') in order to keep the engagement. It's tricky, but it's something I assume you learn with time.
1282793
Hmm...tricky trick trick trick. Thanks for the input though...
I have to agree with Scribbles....Just a little bit to wordy on the description and scene setting. That said, You have a nice and elegant form that leaves a pleasant warmth in the sole with this story.
I wish I could give you better guidance in your question with balance of show vs. tell (Hope Scribbles can help with that) but I am no expert. Hell... I don't even have any credentials in my bio on this site. 
Good job at any rate.... I will check out some of your other work. This fic kind of made me think of some Thomas Kinkade paintings and made me want to snuggle up with my special somepony with a nice hot cup of cocoa by a warm fire.
i86.photobucket.com/albums/k98/wolfantix/twilight_sparkle_by_ikillyou121-d466qd5.jpg
1282920
Thanks for your words.
I was trying to set a mellow and gentle scene. So I have the essence of what I was trying to write, just maybe too much fluff?
>> Lucky Break
Maybe just a bit of fluff. Or maybe not. I think sometimes a story could be compared to a painting.....this fic would be more like a romantic landscape painting as opposed to an emotional painting like the The Scream or Starry Night. It seems sort of up to the reader and what they are expecting maybe? honestly I was surprised (quite pleasantly) as I was sort of expecting a heavy ship fic. But then I tend to let my ADHD Imagination run wild when I read, and the paintings are what came to mind. You certainly have a talent that I envy.
I'm sorry I didn't check to see if this is complete or not.....do we get to see who Twies is waiting for? I am super curious.
1283106
Ahaha...who knows. I might revisit this scene eventually, but I write as I have inspiration and it ended right there.
Its a collection of stories so I'll probably jump around a bit between characters as ideas come to mind.
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That is all.
-Muffins, Mail, and Mothers-
What are these... feelings?!?
I loved this one. Perhaps a tad too much detail for my taste, but I loved it just the same. I'm kind of a fan of scenes like this one that focus more on a moment in the life of a character.
I noticed a few typos and missing words, but they were few and far between.
dawwww so cute the feels they hurt
oops i read chapter 2 before chapter 1
1282806 Gah, for some reason it didn't tell me you replied. Sorry this is late!
You're right, showing everything can get tedious. I agree with 1282793 's comment about setting the scene vs. action. I'll add that showing is most effective when describing a character. The reason, as I pointed out, is that telling is almost always vague. "Rarity was upset." What does that mean? "Rarity let out an anguished cry as she swooned onto her chaise, which had magically appeared a second earlier." Or, "Rarity glared at her younger sister and ground her teeth, biting back the stinging words she wanted to scream." Showing us what 'upset' means for this character in this situation helps us draw closer to what she feels and make that connection, and it's that connection that makes us care about what happens to her next.
Sometimes, like in the example I just gave, this will mean more words, but not always. The rewrite you did with Spike was about the same length as the original but a lot more visually descriptive.
This is something all writers everywhere have to work on. I agree that it's a skill learned with practice and time.
1300469 These aren't so much chapters of a single story as just a collection of shorter pieces. I think the description describes it pretty well.
1300469
Don't worry they don't have an order right now. So read them however.
1300547
1300436
Whelp, just gonna have to keep practicing till I figure it out. Also I submitted this story completely without outside proofreading. Its a challenge for myself to improve my grammar and such.