Spike Takes a Sh*t

by Spazz Kid

Spike takes a Sh#t

"SPIKE!" Twilight's voice was heard throughout the castle.

"Ye?" Spike said, walking into the throne room of the castle, where her voice was originating.

"WHO TOOK A SHIT ON THE FLOOR?!" Twilight screamed at the young dragon, pointing at a pile of.. well, shit, on the floor.

"Me lol" Spike said, crossing his arms.

"Wha- WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?" Twilight screamed even harder, a look of disgust on her face.

"I thought it was a fart lmao" Spike shrugged

"SPIKE, YOU FUCKING-" Twilight quickly stopped herself from continuing her sentence, taking a few deep breaths. She then forced her face into a blank expression" Spike-"

Starlight slammed through the door. "SPIKE TOOK A SHIT ON THE FLOOR??"

"Yeah I did, fuck you gon' do about it" Spike said swagtastically

"Spike." Twilight whispered from right behind Spike.

"Yeah, what you want?" Spike said, spinning around fearlessly.

"I want you to clean up your shit." Twilight said, trying to keep herself from tearing the dragon into millions of little pieces.

"And why the hell would I do that?" Spike asked like a stupid

Twilight punches him

"I see. Fair point." Spike said, before whipping out a knife and a fork.

"Wait, bro, what the fuck are you doing" Twilight and Starlight asked at the same time, watching Spike walk over to the pile of shit, looking like a guy walking over to a pile of shit with a knife and fork in hand

"Imma clean up my shit shawty" Spike lessgo'd, sitting his fat ass next to the pile of equally fat shit.

"Ain't no way bro" Starlight said, her eyes widening in awe.

"This can't be happening" Twilight muttered, staring at Spike in shock

Spike then violently inhaled the pile of shit

"Why, I must say, this pile of jewel encrusted dragon dung is absolutely exquisite, but I shant ask for another, as I am already full." Spike patted his fat stomach like a stupid

"Well, that happened." Twilight said, a bored look on her face.

"Ain't no way bro" Starlight said for the first time.

Spike's life suddenly nae-naed out of existence.

"Oh look Spikes dead now." Twilight said, staring at the now fully decayed carcass of the dragon

"Damn isn't that unfortunate" Starlight wordeded

it was now 10 seconds flat later HAHHAHAHAH and it was now Spike's funeral everyone was there and everyone was very sad becayse Spike is now dad

"Damn Spike really iss dead" Applehat said, looking into the casket

"That's kinda sad yo" Raidow Bash said recording a toktik

"This really says a lot about our society" Said Spazz kid, thinking this is smort social commentary

Suddely Markiplier comes down from the clouds, the angles of heaven of heaven surrounding him
"E"
he's gone now

"I am very sad" said Pinkie Pike, looking like Pikenmea from the Cupkaks creeypasta "Imma go kermit sewer slide' she walked off screen, because nothing is real

"I'm not even here" Says Flutt, in her house, across town, because she can't be fucked

"Everyone! Look, it's Spike's will!" Twilight says, pulling out a long paper. She unrolls it, "'I want gay people to not exist'

You grunt, falling to your knees. You look over at Twilight, tears welling up in your eyes. "Ms. Sparkle. I don't feel so good..." You then Tom Holland out of existence.

"Damn, he was actually gay" Twiggles says, vomitting out of her eyes. "Ew anyway ' I then want evryone to want to do thee hangy pamky with me"'

"Daman I kinda wanna fuck Spike rn" Rarity said, biting her lip at the rotting corpse

"Thats kinda gross bro" Celestia said, cake

"That's sexist" Rariy screams literally flaling her arms

"I'm literally a woman" Celestia deadpans

"Damn, this is pretty fucked up" Says Marshall Bruce Mathers III, famously known as world renowned rapper Eminem.

Rarity then commits Mini Ladd on Spike's very dead corpse

Next thing you know, Rarity is in a jail cell, everyone looking in through the bars.

"You know Rarity, there is a very important lesson to be learned from all of this." Twilight said, grinning at the convicted degenerate.

"And what is that?" Rarity questioned.

"That you're a perverted freak. Have fun rotting in jail, lame-ass" Twilight and the gang then run off into the sunset, leaving behind Rarity to wallow in her own filth.

And then giant whales began flying through the sky, screaming My Chemical Romance songs until each other's heads exploded. And then Set It Off hosted a concert, but not in Equestria. Then Daft Punk regrouped, did nothing for another ten years, then disbanded, the public responding with mostly negativity, which then led to the overthrowing of the Equestrian government. Then 4chan showed up, then enslaved the entirety of the world.

All together, the ponies and the 4chan imps created Facebook, then sold it to a a lizard man from another dimension. Then Eminem released Rap God II, and became the worlds first sextillionaire.

But even as all of this was happening, Spike's corpse sat in its casket, waiting to be put in the ground. Neglected, for thousands of years. No one remembered.
No one cared.

No one, except...
Well, still no one. Everyone fucking hates Spike.

Let this be a cautionary tale to those that wish to avoid going to the lavatory when shit is about to fill their trousers, and would rather drop a fat mixtape on the ground rather then waddle the extra ten feet. If you wish to be the ultimate giga chad sigma male/female, you must empty your bodily waste into the porcelain throne when you feel your butthole is about to explode.

There are thousands of epic ways to empty your butthole, such as; the Nukem Technique, the Jojo Reference, the Sussy Mogus, the Browns' Family Vacation, the Uncut Gem, and many more for you and your family to enjoy. Buy the latest in a series of Shitting Mastery instruction booklets today for only $420.69, shipping and various other charges may apply, tax not included.

Wait, this was a story about Spike, uh...

Spike then had a harem and then live happily ever after with his gross pony-dragon hybrid babies.

THE END

Author's Note:

I am so sorry.

It's April Fools Day, and I've got nothing better to do.

Comments

[ItsYaBoiSatan]

What the fuck

[Spazz Kid]

11198846
What the fuck indeed

[Zerocool7785]

I am backi n that weird area of Fimfiction.net again.

[MasaStormyPonez]

This is actually brilliant

[Great Red]

Dude, what the hell is this?

[Spinner of Tales]

Simply brilliant. A work of pure magic rivaling the efforts of Hemingway, Dostoevsky, Shakespeare, and even the philosophies of Jesus Christ himself.

[Compass The Pegasus]

Bro 💀

[Spazz Kid]

11198891
Bro 🥺

[Hillbe]

April 1st - Well worth it. Yea Hybrids

[KingSombraTheTyrantRuler]

I don't know what I just read, but I do know that this shit (no offense) was funny.

[PseudoBob Delightus]

this story making me feel semiotic and shit, hold up

What a piece. What seminal work. I must confess that I did not think much of this story before reading, but now...

Let's take one step back. The casual reader, one not so readily penetrated by such genius, may think this story is merely about Spike leaving a shit on the floor, eating it, and then dying, and the world hating and forgetting about him and his perverse ways. But that is not what happened.

I implore you to re-examine the title of this work. All becomes clear when we recognize that it is not "Spike Leaves a Sh*t", but "Spike Takes a Sh*t". (For those who are not well versed in English abbreviations: "sh*t" is a self-censored form of the word "shit".)

Now understand the events as they have unfolded: Spike defecates on the floor. He "Leaves" a "Sh*t". Twilight and Starlight complain, as they have every right to, for this is a fundamentally unacceptable action. Spike has broken the social contract, and now, taking responsibility for his own actions, he must mend such an injury the only way he can: by eating his own feces. He produces a knife and a fork, and does so...

He "Takes" a "Sh*t".

This is the crucial moment. What does this represent? What legends and cultural artifacts does this call to mind? It is perfectly clear: Eden. The primordial garden. A pure environment, stagnating; an iron rule, broken; a fruit, eaten; and the knowledge of Good and Evil, gained.

Spike has, through his own example, given knowledge to the world. Never again shall it be pure, but now, it may be Good.

But, in allowing Good, Spike has performed the first act of Evil. A sacrifice in itself, perhaps, but also a crime - a sin, for which a price must be paid.

Spike wants for nothing else. "I am already full," he says - full of what? We know. We know what he is full of.

Love.

Love for those that hate him. Love for those that would shun him, injure him, exile him, even kill him, if given the chance, because he has given them hope and despair.

What does this represent? It is perfectly clear: Jesus Christ.

Just as the son of God took up the call of righteousness, so too did Spike; and just as the King of the Jews died for the sins of humanity, so too did Spike, for the sin of his own heroism.

Just as Mary Magdalene witnessed and was tormented by the images of Jesus' execution, Rarity also witnessed and was tormented by the images of Spike's death.

Just as Jesus ascends to Heaven to sit at the right hand of The Lord, Spike ascends to Heaven, with his harem all around him.

There are so many connections. Do you see it now? You are still reading. I know you see it.

Analysis of the rest is of further interest. Recapitulation of world history using modern symbols for ancient archetypes, in a broad view. But perhaps these associations are best left as an exercise for future readers.

In conclusion, I am prone before this work of mastery, my deceptions and lies laid bare. To those who are with me, who feel there is no more beauty in the world after having read the final word: Have faith! The story does not end at its final word, the way a life ends at its final breath. No, that is merely an edge. It exists within us all, now, and will never leave us, not even when we die, for when we shuffle off this mortal coil and feel the void consume us, our immortal souls will forever live and bask in the glory, for Spike has Taken a Sh*t, and it can never be Taken Back.

[Spazz Kid]

11199261
This is single-handedly the greatest comment I have ever read.

Never before have I witnessed such a master of words craft such a meaningful message.

Even I didn't realize it, writing this seemingly nothing story, but I see it now. Thank you PsuedoBob, you have opened my eyes.
It is now my turn to bestow upon you my gratitude in the form of a follow. I may not ever be able to repay you, but i can admire you.

I will now retreat back to my hole, but I will be looking forward to our next meeting.

Until then...

[ItsYaBoiSatan]

Yo, just dropping in to,ya know, drop a new chapter of Goated.

Or a pile a shit
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/513056/goated

I might later

[Acadians6545]

Rarity then commits Mini Ladd on Spike's very dead corpse

Ewww.

[gman1311]

pbs.twimg.com/media/EEck-yNW4AE_LCx.jpg

Have a like for making me lose more braincells

[Spazz Kid]

11236431
wompampsupport.azureedge.net/fetchimage?siteId=7575&v=2&jpgQuality=100&width=700&url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.kym-cdn.com%2Fphotos%2Fimages%2Fnewsfeed%2F002%2F073%2F425%2F62b.jpg

[Silver Butcher]

What the hell?

[ThePeer]

every day we stray further from god.

[Spazz Kid]

11794609
That's just a fact of life at this point