• Published 6th Apr 2022
  • 899 Views, 43 Comments

I See You. - crystaltunes



Everyone knows Celestia as the innocent, kindhearted princess. But she’s afraid that somepony who thinks otherwise has come back to haunt her.

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Four

It was a… long night, to say the least. All of those supressed emotions and anger were just unleashed with Luna around, or whatever that… thing was. It was harder for Celestia to distract herself, to find a will to go on. It was harder to not be pulled in deeper by whatever delusion or demonic entity this was. It was harder to survive without losing her sanity.

Maybe… it was an angel. Stupid, that was a stupid idea. It came to haunt Celestia.

Yet…

Wasn’t this exactly what Celestia wished for? She didn’t wish for a lovely life, stress free or love-filled. She didn’t care about her own well being. She knew she didn’t deserve it, any of it. And at that moment, she hated herself more than any pony, creature, or thing could ever feel for her. And with each depreciating thought, the ghost’s words grew fouler and fouler, but… more true, and more true.

Celestia didn’t wish for a perfect life herself. The princess wished for her sister to have so, and if this torture was what made Luna feel the sweet joy of vengeance-

Then…

She sighed, too tired to think longer. The whole night, she had been forcing herself to block out the ghost’s words. But it was useless. Each letter repeated in her head, until it made her hurt inside.

She didn’t want to feel this way…

“Maybe… If you didn’t murder your little sister, you wouldn’t have suffered like this. No, positive, Celestia.” the voice gradually got lower and lower until it reached the full pitch Luna’s voice was in.

“Y-you!” The princess stuttered, her train of thought completely lost. How was it that this beast could somehow read her thoughts?

Luna sighed, as she relaxed back on Celestia’s chair (though nopony could see). “I’m a ghost, y’know. That means I see all. I hear all,” she shrugged. “I have to listen to your measly thoughts all day. I can’t wait until the fifth day dawns, and I can leaaaaave,”

Dawns. Dawns.

That rung a bell in Celestia’s head- it was almost dawn. The moon would have to be lowered, and the sun risen. She craned her neck to check the clock. 5:55 AM, hm? She was lucky she was reminded. The princess groaned, as her duties flooded her head, and she remembered herself storming out that night. The citizens were probably so concerned, enraged. Maybe they already knew she was losing it. She hoped they didn’t.

But…

“Nopony knows your dirty little secret, hm? Why, Tia, why did you hide it from everypony? Are you just that scared of them seeing you as a murderer? Even though you are one, such a piiity-“

“Stop it. STOP IT.” Celestia suddenly burst, placing her hooves on her temples and wincing. “You don’t know… anything… you don’t understand…”

When her eyes were shut, she saw it again. All was dark, except the little filly reclining on her throne. Sprawled out, her eyes were wide as ever- meaningless and distorted. By each second she continued to stare, the more and more gruesome the reflections in her eyes would get. It was getting worse. Luna moved her tongue against her pointy teeth, in boredom, leaning out her sharp hooves. That wasn’t… That…

What was she?

“Yeah, yeah… Enough with the conspiracy theories,” Luna muttered, her dusky eyes searching Celestia throughly. “Is that why you transformed into this… beast of your own? This… shell of yourself? Because of the guilt?” She paused, only to continue-

“I don’t pity you, you know you deserve ever second of this.”

The ladyship opened her eyes, muttering something to herself before she glanced at the clock once more. 5:57. Crap, she was getting late, and if she didn’t transfer her energy soon, she wouldn’t have the strength to raise the sun. She took in a deep breath.

Celestia’s horn illuminated as she forced her eyes shut in concentration. Magic seperated itself from the horn as she bit down in agony. Slowly, she pushed it through her skin, and into her lungs, heart, and each and every vital organ. Every second felt like she was being subjected to torture. Worse than death.

“Are you sure?” Luna’s figure caught her eye, distracting her for a moment as she nearly jumped out of her skin. The magic bounced back out of her as she cried out once more. Suddenly, all noise halted as the doorknob rattled.

“Princess? Are you okay?” it was a knight, on watch duty.

“Y-yes, just tripped over my mess,” she smiled at him. “Sorry about that!” she closed the door.

Luna reappeared. That was another thing- if a real pony walked in, the ghost would disappear. But Celestia never saw anypony much anways, she was rarely saved.

“Ghh, each time that happens it feels like I’m being knocked out!” Luna grimaced.

Celestia mumbled something under her breath, pushing the last magic into herself as she steadied to raise the sun.

With all her strength, Celestia absorbed her mind around the glowing moon, and pushed it downwards, revealing a Sun shining behind it (creating the moonlight). She grabbed the sun with her magic and heaved it forward, panting.

“I’m getting tired just watching you,” Luna grumbled. Celestia ignored the ghost, wiping her sweat as she slouched onto her bed.

The princess raised her hoof to her forehead, a headache starting. She groaned, jumbling around in her bedstand looking for something. A few minutes later, Celestia pulled out a bottle of painkiller and a used measuring cup. She filled it and swallowed the medicine, wincing back a bit as the sourish sweet taste settled on her tongue.

“Jeez, why in heavens are you drinking medicine? You’re fine,” Luna snorted. “What’s the big deal?”

Celestia tried to plug her ears to stop hearing Luna, but it never worked. The words were louder and louder each time she tried to escape them.

“It’s doing no good, ‘Sister’,” the ghost added sarcastically. “You know that you can’t escape this.”

Pulling her bedsheets over her head, the ladyship couldn’t think straight. She didn’t want to live this way. She didn’t have to live this way.

“You know you deserve every second of this, you fake.”

“Please… I’m… I’m sorry,” Celestia suddenly cried- unable to control her rushing feelings. “I didn’t want you to die. I didn’t know that those elements would… I swear,” she sobbed, suddenly collapsing onto the bed. “I would never…”

Dramatic. It was all just Celestia being dramatic, and that’s what she thought. And she couldn’t control her mouth, even if she had tried so hard to ignore Luna. She had to burst out. Why? Why couldn’t she keep her mouth shut? Those thoughts circled the alicorn’s head as she sobbed into her covers.

“But you knew it would hurt me. You knew I was in danger of some kind. And you still chose to-“

“I had no choice! You would’ve… Killed me. Killed them all.. I tried,”

Luna paused. “You didn’t try. Just you don’t want to admit it. You don’t want to admit you’re a horrible person, a murderer, an abusive sister. Even before the incident you never viewed me as something other than an immature parasite. No longer a sister, no longer a pony. Just a bothersome bug at your side. Why was that all I meant? Why didn’t you-“

Her head felt like it would burst at any moment, and her eyes burned from the amount of tears she had held in. No sleep. No energy, no reason to keep going. But she had to, for the people. She had to stay true to something, she couldn’t give up on the only thing she had left to protect. She couldn’t be that selfish.

So why was the princess lying in bed, listening to her dead little sister, while tearing her eyes out? Why did she take pain killer? Why was she pitying herself so much? Because Luna was right. Celestia knew whatever the foal was saying was things she thought about herself. Celestia didn’t deserve any pity, she deserved to…

It wasn’t about what she deserved. It was about what her duty was. Her duty was to protect Luna, to be there for her. But Celestia was the reason for her demise. Her duty was to protect the kingdom, be there for them. Celestia could not- would not be the reason for one more demise. No matter how much it hurt, no matter how hard it was- she had to stop thinking of herself and work.

“Stop pitying yourself, you selfish monster.”

Celestia slowly pushed herself up from her elegant bed, her back aching. She forced herself up, and move towards her desk. She laughed sarcastically, and was about to sit until a synchronized knock met her bedroom door.

“May I come in, thy Ladyship?”

The tone, all too familiar- that phrase, which she had heard maybe a million times before, repeated again and again in her ears, until she finally put it together. Somepony had come back.

It was him, the all too kind yet strict mentor of hers. The tutor which Luna was oh so fond of. The white bearded friend who brought every sweet memory of her sister back. Each memory dug one more cut onto Celestia’s scarred brain.

“…Mister Star Swirl?” she gasped, heart racing.

A long, hearty laugh (or rather, wheeze?) was released, as the doorknob turned. A tiny squeal, which was soon cut off, emit in the air- though Celestia was convinced she was the only one who heard it.

“Wow,” Star Swirl breathed, taking a step in the room. “Nothing in this room has moved. And… you’ve changed, Celestia.” He made no further comments on her physical appearance, to her relief.

“…Stat Swirl, I did not expect you,” Celestia fake laughed, raising herself up from the bed. “I’ve been-“

He sat himself on the chair Luna once relaxed on, eyeing her the same way the little ghost had.

“I know. It’s been so long, and so many things have changed, hm? You’ve… grown. Physically.” He smiled. “But, you were once my student. Let us not forget I know you inside out. Ever since the incident-

He was cut off as Celestia uncomfortably interrupted. “How have you been? It’s been long, you’re right!”

It was rather ironic, actually. She spent all her days thinking about that day, thinking about that incident. But the princess refused to even mention it to somepony else.

Why? Was she scared the guilt would unfold? Or was she worried that her secret would slip out? The truth was really that she wasn’t emotionally ready. Thinking about it was one thing. Talking about it- to another- would make it real. Make it set in stone.

The princess would have to accept that she killed her little sister.

Star Swirl wrapped the tip of his beard around his hoof, twirling it slowly. “Not ready to talk about it yet, hm? Then I’ll give you time. he mumbled it half to himself- almost unknowing that Celestia could hear. “Well, I’ve been quite alright. It’s been a good five years since I’ve seen you, let alone taught you.”

The alicorn fixed her posture, simply nodding. “Have you… been working this whole time? Nonstop?”

Celestia nodded once more. “I- have been working very hard, as you taught me to. Devotion and…” she paused, forgetting the second word.

“Devotion and passion. You need passion, and you always have had it. That’s what I came to talk to you about, what drives you now? Drives you to run the kingdom, I mean. Because I want to be flat with you about one thing at least- the Celestia I knew would have never left the people waiting on the Summer Sun Celebration day.”

The princess stared at him dead in the eye. She knew he was straightforward, but not… like this. Her mouth opened to say something but nothing came out except three words.

“I… don’t know,” she sighed, her eyes clouding up. “Maybe you should…”

“No, I’m very confused, your highness. L- she was never your motivation at first, was she? So now that she’s… gone, where did it go? It should be the same, you should be doing it for the people. But…”

“I am, I am, I AM,” Celestia burst out, tears on the verge. “I am doing it for them. Can you please just…”

“Celestia. I… Didn’t mean for you to-“ he paused, his eyes becoming increasingly glossy. “I know it’s hard. But I want you to be happy. I don’t want you to be a zombie. Someone dead, someone crazy, someone on autopilot all the time. I want you to smile once more. You are so dear to me, and before I… can’t be here to instruct you anymore, I want to leave you… happy.”

The princess closed her eyes. “You won’t die. You can’t. You’re the only thing…”

“I have my days left. I’m not that weak of an old man,” he laughed. “But, ‘Tia, will you once more come with me for one last lesson?”

Celestia looked him in the eye, hesitant. “One… last…” she bit her lip before she agreed.

“Alright, one last lesson.”


The princess slowly blinked, her head down as she slowly followed Star Swirl outside.

“Such a beautiful day!” he exclaimed, smiling at Celestia as she silently regretted her decision. Seeing him like this… It reminded the alicorn of… her.

The days when they would sneak off into the forest and play.

The forest, where she…

Nothing. Nothing even happened. All they did there was have fun. That was all.

“Sit,”

“Don’t you know this forest has timber wolves? It’s almost infested.”

“Excuses, excuses. This early in the morn’? Nothing will do anything.”

“Why are we… out here?”

“Do you remember the Lane of Memories? I want to bring it back to you,” he smiled.

“The Lane of… Memories. Mmm.” she nodded, rolling her eyes a bit.

Her eyes. They were red and sore from tears. And her head was still aching.

Push it all down. You’re fine.

She was Luna free for a good thirty minutes, maybe she should just try to relax…

“You could see the memories of every pony, from best to worst. You could even relive them. Maybe we could try that again.”

“I dunno. I have nothing I want to relive.”

“Are you sure?” he rose an eyebrow.

“Positive.”

Star Swirl looked in her eyes, frowning. “Alright, then I have something new to show you.”

The white aura seeped out of the unicorns horn, nearly blinding the princess.

Whatever was next… Celestia wasn’t ready.