• Published 6th Apr 2022
  • 899 Views, 43 Comments

I See You. - crystaltunes



Everyone knows Celestia as the innocent, kindhearted princess. But she’s afraid that somepony who thinks otherwise has come back to haunt her.

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Two

The Summer Sun Celebration.

One day when everypony celebrated and rejoiced the triumph of their delightful Princess Celestia over the terrorizing Nightmare Moon.

Everypony except Celestia herself, that is. The Princess found herself lost, stuck in an emotional dune. But there wasn’t time to sulk around. Her feelings could wait- they were last to be crowned. Her citizens needed her.

It had been a couple years since the day had passed. 3, 5? She didn’t count any longer. It was useless, anyways. And… The anguish hadn’t went away at all. In fact, the princess believed it had gotten worse. By each day, she had fell more and more in the loophole of…

Of…

Of?

To be completely honest, Celestia didn’t know. It wasn’t always guilt. It wasn’t really self pity. It was something else, the feeling of complete exhaustion, the feeling that you couldn’t move a muscle but everypony expected you to. The feeling that she should’ve died, she should have been the one to be brutually murdered, not her sister. The feeling that maybe she could’ve saved Luna if she was just a little faster, if she had just moved. If she had been a little kinder. After the “incident”, everything had changed.

A few months ago, her anger had swept up her soul. Why, God, why? Why her? Luna had not sinned, never done any harm, nothing wrong. But she was killed, killed and taken. Why not Celestia, then? It would be understandable. But… that mindset soon washed away, to introduce something else. Soon enough, at least.

She locked herself in her room, forcing herself to work endlessly all day. Half of her thought that if she tortured herself enough, maybe Luna would be given a second chance. Innocent, blameless Luna.

Nopony saw the Celestia’s face anymore. She assumed they just thought she was working harder than ever. She was. It was her punishment. The princess would work all day, no breaks, and make sure everything was perfect. Then, she would go to bed, to rest her undeserving, overworked head.

Maybe Luna would come back.

Please, just come back.

Sometimes Celestia would close her eyes. But it didn’t really do much good. Whenever she did, the ladyship would find herself in a state of some sort of sleep-paralysis, unable to move an inch. She’d be forced to look down at her hooves, bloodstained, as words mercilessly traveled her head. “Selfish, Liar, Murderer, Heartless”. Sometimes she saw the Nightmare. Most times, Luna was looking down at her in pure hatred.

It hurt so much. But sometimes she wondered if that hatred was real enough. If those emotions were so passionate that maybe Luna would be somewhere now, waiting to seek revenge. Maybe, she was still here.

What was she kidding? Her sister was… dead. Only if-

Celestia eventually gave up trying to sleep, and just… stood awake for the rest of the night. She couldn’t possibly fall into unconciousness anyways. The days before the incident, she would pass out the moment her head hit the feathered pillows and comfortable mattress of her canopy bed. Now, she would toss and turn, break out in sweats, and would never ever be able to fall asleep.

Insomnia.

I mean, who would want to stare at their bloody hooves all night? Definitely not Celestia. Haha.

Not to mention, Luna never really spoke to her in the dreams either. If she did, maybe the princess would consider trying to sleep a little longer. Even if she yelled at her. Even if she wanted her dead.

No longer was the bed comfortable, it was the cruel reminder of her existance. It was the baggage she carried, the hell she’d been put through for the horrible thing she’d done. Never to fall asleep again- it must’ve been a curse, a wish from Luna. Because Luna died hating her sister. Celestia hated herself too.

Since her highness was unable to capture any form of energy through the night, she ran off of her own magic. No matter how mystical it sounded, it was a slow and painful process to do so. Each day, she had to extract the magic from her horn and slowly place it inside of each organ which needed it to run. Needless to mention, it made her feel just as tired as before, and just gave her the willpower to work. It was almost torturous, but she deserved it. It wasn’t a portion of the pain she put her sister through.

It was a common day, to her at least; ponies frolicking and playing in joy. Meanwhile, she worked diligently, her brain adjusting to not getting distracted by the sounds of the outerworld. Today was brighter in personality, though Celestia’s lack of socialization skills made her prone to ignore such details.

Paperwork. Lots and lots of paperwork. Her hooves sorted them out swiftly, placing them in the right areas. She continued, though her head ached and fatigue ran through her veins. Each part of her body hurt, and she didn’t know why. She suffered in silence, trying to focus on the work. But finally, her exhaustion made way. Her head slumped down onto her desk abruptly, as she laid there for a moment, thinking.

Initially, she had told the lie that Nightmare Moon wasn’t Luna, yet a beast which sought out to attack the innocent ponies of Equestria. It tried to do this by taking Celestia’s throne, making it her own. But some ponies inevitably were confused about where the light-blue alicorn had vanished. The only way to shield the nasty secret of her death was to admit Luna was the monster, own up to it. However, she swerved in the lie that she was “banished to the moon”, a punishment for being so reckless. Soon enough the ponies would completely forget about the real Luna and would only remember her as a treacherous beast.

Better than hating their queen, wanting to kill her more than she wished to do so herself, right? But instead of despising Celestia, who had decided it was herself to blame, they would endlessly remember Luna the innocent as a villian of despair and horror. And so they would worship the Sun in her glory.

Her glory, who stood there when her sister was getting tortured;
Her majesty, who didn’t save, but instead ran;
Her majesty who murdered her little sister.
That was all she was. A numb mannequin, waiting there.

Celestia’s head bounced back up. Breathe in, breathe out. Keep working, it will be okay.

These days, she hopelessly wondered if Luna could… be alive. But deep inside she knew it was her mind trying to hoax her into comfort. Somewhere in there, she knew.

If she had just loved her a little more…

And her pride had reluctantly been thieved from her, her glory along with it. The pain and anguish washed it away, the guilt packaged with it. She no longer held her head up, or encouraged the praise and mass. She didn’t even go outside. She wanted a reason to live. But…

It was still there. Back even when her sister was healthy and living, she lived for the praise, she lived for the people. And what had changed? She never lived for Luna. Sure, she loved her. Her world never revolved around her though.

Maybe she regretted living for them, then. Maybe she wished she lived for Luna instead. It was that, wasn’t it? And if the castle was ripped away from her too, she would regret this as well- regret locking herself away.

Why was Celestia, her ladyship, the greatest in all Equestria, such a… fake? That’s all she would ever see herself as through the guilt. Just a fake. All the emotions. Every word. Every page of paperwork. Every alliance. Every smile. Every time she promised the citizens it was okay, she didn’t know if it would be okay herself. It was the truth, she was nearly as powerless as every subject.

She jumped out of thought, hearing a soft knock on the door. A sound she hadn’t heard in what now, a week or two? Why did anypony bother? Reluctantly, she lightly invited the pony in.

A guard.

Her head flashed back to that night.

Seconds before the princess passed out, she heard her name being called. The voice was strong, but it was struck with denial and horror of some sort. It was of Knight Blueblood, her self-proclaimed “nephew”, the only guard who managed to survive Nightmare’s attack. Though he permanently lost his arm from the collapse of the castle, Blueblood became the head of the newly recruited army.

Right, the collapse. She remembered how terrified she had been when she woke up in the hospital bed, left alone to recollect what had just happened. Celestia remembered not being strong enough to break down into tears. She remembered the pain in her heart, the knot in her stomach, which outweighed the agony of her physical body. But she was the princess, who had to fix everything, be perfect.

Five days later, the castle was reconstructed. Good as new.

She just wished hearts healed that fast.

“I can’t do this any longer.” Blueblood sighed wearily, sweat seeping out of his iron head-shield.

It was met by the awkward silence of the confused Princess, who gazed up at him. What should she say, that would make whatever he was dealing with any better? She just stood there, waiting for him to continue.

“Your subjects are demanding-“ he gasped, gaining his breath back hastily, “for you to come see them. For the summer sun celebration. I can’t fight them off… any longer.”

A pause followed, and he opened his mouth to continue. “Forgive me, your highness, but I fear they are right. Nopony has seen your face in ages. They’re your subjects, I think-“

“Absolutely not! Are you out of your mind? What will the poor folks gain by seeing their Princess like this?” Celestia demanded, reffering to not only her mental state, but er- her physical state too.

The princess, once gleaming in the beauty of youth and happiness, had… “rotted”. Rotted to the point where her beauty had been washed away by the stress and trueness of life. Dark eyebags carried her guilt, her messy mane carried the lack of purpose of this life. And her eyes carried whatever determination was left.

“Argue not, your majesty, but eh- are you speaking in favor of your citizens, or because you want to hide yourself away? What good is it for you, either?” he inquired boldly.

“You disrespectful soul,” Celestia sighed. “Maybe. Later.”

“I need a clear answer, they’re waiting to see you. You’re the reason some of them are holding on. Your laws have changed the lives of the poor. Your justice has…”

He continued to blabble praise and more. Celestia didn’t want to hear it. She wanted to hear the truth from the one who knew the truth, instead of petty lies. But something shone in his eyes, a glimmer of light. Just like Luna’s eyes had shimmered at night. With passion, with hope that Celestia would fix it. That Celestia could do something. Maybe, this was her calling, her reason to live. To give a little hope to the people, which she had saved.

She was always just waiting for something to happen. Maybe this was her something. And then it overtook her, as she mindlessly agreed to see the ponies of Equestria this night before the rising of the sun. Blueblood just nodded his head in agreement, and slammed the doors. Why… did she agree?


It had been a good few hours since the moon had risen in its glory, shining down on the citizens of Equestria. But tonight, everypony was awake in excitement, not just the few who usually stayed up till this time. Rumors about the princess spun around Equestria like wildfire. Gifts from royalty all around the world were made, and shipped to her Majesty. The ponies prepared signs of support, cheers, and songs to worship their queen.

Celestia, however, was more anxious than ever. It had been a few years since she’d spoken to a crowd. She doubted she would ever regain that strength. Who was she to speak to them like that? She was just…

A…

But even if she was just a murderer, an evildoer in her own eyes, Celestia was somehow hope. Hope, though she had none herself; that was who she was to the citizens, like it or not. And it was her role. So reluctantly she dressed her best, tying her mane up, and wearing a gown. She shut her eyes, glancing across the room to her bedstand. The shining crown.

The piece of gold that symbolized her life, the most precious thing in the castle, had not been touched since the day. After the battle, Celestia hadn’t layed a hoof on it, or even thought about it. She didn’t deserve it, someone else did. Maybe Luna did. If she just chose her sister over herself, Luna would be the one making the decision today, bearing the crown.

“I-“ the word left her mouth suddenly.

Her head began to spin.

No. No. Not today, not now. She needed to be strong. For Canterlot, for everypony. She took a sharp breath in, and a long one out. One, two, three.

Just… breathe.

“Breathe, you’ll be fine.”

Fine.

The word rang around her head. Celestia frantically used her horn to pick up the crown as she hesitantly laid it on her own head. And? Nothing was really different. Nothing had changed. She felt the same, bottomless feeling as before. But something rang in the distance.

The bell. It was officially 12 AM, and cheers from outside the castle arose. It was her moment to start new, to be someone. To do something good, useful. To forget. Celestia sucked a breath in and smiled softly as she opened the doors to her giant balcony.

Screaming. A lot of screaming erupted from the crowd. Celestia tried her best not to wince from the noise, and keep her cool. She looked around, seeing a mass of ponies holding signs, chanting, and singing. She forced a smile.

“Citizens of Equestria,” she coughed, putting on her best ‘Canterlot voice’ as it rushed over the people, “The day has come again,”

More cheers continued, as praises filled the atmosphere. Their princess… was back.

The day had come again. And…?

And… Nothing had changed.

She was still just waiting for something to happen, for the crowd to stop.

And when it did, her head was blank.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

“And,” she forced out. A pause continued, and cries of anticipation followed. “And, um-“

Celestia was a failure standing there, and she knew it. But now it was more real than ever. She found herself looking up to the moon, her eyes locking with it.

Failure,

Failure,

Failure.

But the words weren’t just running around her head now, she was sure she heard them out loud. That they were spoken. Spoken by a voice she thought she would never hear again. Her eyes watered and her heart pulsed in fear.

She couldn’t move. All was still. The ponies looked up at her in confusion, some starting to anger. But she couldn’t think, she was once again paralyzed with fear.

“I know you hear me.” It was a whisper. Nopony could hear it except the one standing on the balcony, basking in the glow of the moonlight.

Shivers shot up Celestia’s spine as she felt something carress her face. Nothing was there.

Nothing was there.

Nothing.

“I know-“ the whisper was interrupted.

Celestia ran as fast as she could, her eyes curling with terror. Yells of confusion followed as the crowd panicked. But she couldn’t stop, she heard the footsteps behind her. Running as fast as she was.

No locked doors would keep her safe now.

It had found her.

Author's Note:

Okay! Yes, I did add some intentional rhyming in this one though the last chapter wasn’t planned. Thanks to the reader who pointed it out, it gave me an ego boost an awakening feeling to pour Celestia’s feelings out through more metaphors and poetry.

Thank you all for the love! (It’s been a huge motivation boost, trust me. Seeing that people actually enjoy this makes me wanna write even more!) Tell me your thoughts, I’d love to hear! Until next time, till more is uncovered!