• Member Since 29th Sep, 2019
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

Nova Star Sparkle

A guy with a brain that doesn't care about feasibility, but fun. Moreover I render Alicorns way to overpowered. xD


Twilight Amitica Aurora Sparkle:

"Goddess of Harmonic Forces." "Crownprincess of Equestria." "The Protector of Pony Kind." "Goddess of Magic." "One of the divine three." "Heavensent of the Stars..." That all were just a few of the many titels the youngest princess of Equestria was known too.

It sure might be nice and had it´s benefits to be a kind of litteral goddess. Yet she herself couldnˋt care less for her near omnipotence and limitless wisdom.

What were all her titels; powers of the god of gods; all the knowledge one could wish for and an immortal live and body when one had like no actual friends?

After breefly seeing five young mares at their honoring ceremony. Just barely some hours after they averted a recent threat, she decides to taste her luck and aproach them in friendship - after all friendship is a kind of harmony, isn´t it?

An alicorn seen as a omnipotent goddess by her subjects, approaching five seemingly ordinary mares...what could possibly go wrong about that....

Cover Art made and used with Permission by zidanemina . Definitely check it out. Thatˋs some serious quality over there!:raritywink:

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 18 )

The spelling and grammar in the long description needs serious work. I would see to that ASAP if I were you, as that sort of thing puts off genuine readers and attracts trolls. I recommend reading the site writing guide, it's actually really good and will help you avoid these sort of situations.

I read the guide and did some little work. If it is still wrong I seriously don't understand the issue. I'm not native english and try to do my best. So Yeah...

If it is something very obvious I lack to see. Maybe you could give me a tip. I would be very grateful about that:twilightsheepish:

the artwork makes them look like yugioh cards.

Maybe the Artist inteded it that way. I myself never watched or played it so I don't know.

Wouldn't this be considered an AU?

Yes it would. Did I forget to add the Tag? Whops :facehoof:

Can't wait for more

I read the description of your story and it definitely has great potential, but in its current state it is in need of some serious editing. Absolutely no hate, and maybe this weekend I can go through it again and DM you some pointers.

That would be very kind of you. I give my best in english, but Ìm not native and that means I make obvious mistakes without knowing I did them. ;)

Yeah, English is a tough language even for native speakers :rainbowlaugh:

My main problem is spacing and short sentence's. Iˋm not bad in english, but far from the best:rainbowlaugh:

Two things you might consider:

Dividing this one long chapter into two smaller ones. You have a lot of material packed in a small

You start out talking about how Twilight is the youngest Alicorn but then a few sentences later you are talking in depth about the universal creation and Alicorn super-immortality. I'm rather confused by this. Is Twilight an ageless creation being? Or is she the youngest of this guardian race that has only a few millenia under her belt rather than wholesale "beginning of time"?

Yes, you can say alicorns are ageless creation beings. They were there even before the universe was. How and why they are and exist not even they know as there was nothing other than them in existance, but they know they want the universe to be at peace.

Like you might have noticed, I wrote alicorns as beings that strive to peace and harmony above all other things.

To clear up the thing with Twilight being the youngest of the three...I might have not made it clear enough for others as it makes perfect sense in my own mind. Sorry!:twilightblush:

Twilight is in termes of existence with a physical body on Equus the youngest. She did stay the longest of the three sisters up in their home (Thats the heavens or astral dimension to clarify it) to watch Luna and Celestia grow up down on Equus/Equestria. She also watched over them and protected them like a good "big" sister does. Even if an alicorn is incredible strong and can defend itself as you might have noticed. Twilight just had the devotion to protect them to the full of her abilities - spoiler thats a good much.:twilightsmile:

So in termes of that she would be technically the youngest. Yet they all three existed in some spirital or mental form since times immorial. As said they are older than the universe and that one is at least 13.8 billion years old.

Hope that makes sence!:scootangel:

Oh and hence I forget. I already divided my one chapter in two sections and this is the first half of it...whops:rainbowlaugh:

Yeah it still is very long. Yet I don't know where to cut it in half. Have a suggestion?

Okay so Twilight was the last to leave the metaphorical nest and from a mortal standpoint the newest (youngest) of the goddesses.
That does help, thanks.

I'll take some time tomorrow to run through things and as to not clog up your story comments I'll DM you.

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