• Member Since 10th Jun, 2014
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It's called garbage can, not garbage can't.


Rarity doesn't have the best track record with love. Not one bit. And she knows it. She's about to talk about it, actually. It's going to take a while. You might want to sit down for this one.

She's not bitter about it. Not at all.

Originally written as a speedwrite, expanded here for your questionable enjoyment.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 17 )

:duck: Darling I'm going from a Romantic disaster to total world ending disaster
:twilightsheepish: Yea right you just ran out of your favorite ice cream and
:ajbemused: There are a dozen holes done chewed in Twilights castle and
:pinkiegasp: Cheralee stopped her retirement cause the school burned down after the kerfluffle from our foals! and
:flutterrage: Discord stop them right this instant! Pranking day is only once a moon! and
:rainbowhuh: Really you thought I was... Hope Thunder Lane doesn't learn about you, Celestia help you... and
:twilightsheepish: Spike you've done wonder with Raritys issues... and
:moustache: Out of the frying pan and into the fire... Between Discord and our foals Equestria's a waste land of burned out ashes and chaos zones
:derpytongue2: Annarchy and Calamity are adding to Spikes hybrid fire tantrums and flaming farts..... and
:facehoof: Should of had Spike fixed when he was a dog,,, and
:trollestia: Where's my ice cream? Can't eat my cake with out ice cream!
:raritystarry: burp 🎆

I'm not sure I like how you've portrayed our favorite fashionista here. She's a hot mess, to whom the Universe seems to enjoy kicking around for Its sole amusement. Despite that possible ending, I'd say she needs to work on herself first before she once again, as Steven Bishop once sang, "throws her heart up to see where it lands."

Wasn't expecting that ending. That was sweet, no matter how much of a disaster Rarity is.

11251941 I would argue you're quite right! I like the idea that instead of chasing other ponies all the time, she's the one getting the attention for once, which might be what she needs/deserves.

Or maybe romance is a big mess anyway and there are no right answers. I wouldn't know; I just study bones and stuff.

11251979 Glad you enjoyed it!


And then they break up a week later and Rarity drowns in ice cream. Literally.

That was a good story.

Ngl, I though the picture said “Cherry Lube” and that seemed extra appropriate

An enjoyable read.

Howdy, hi~!

Ah, I love my trainwreck gays. This was super fun, and I love the Rarity perspective on this. She's amped up to eleven and I love the absolute diva energy coming off of her. Super enjoyable read with a really fun over the top characterization of Rarity.

Thanks for the read~!

11265953 Cheers; I like disasters too. Glad you enjoyed it!

Recorded for the audiobook version, whew, exhausting imitating Rarity for a whole story straight, I hope I did a decent job.

11292457 If you think it's tiring imitating her, imagine how stressful being the genuine article must be.

Cheers! Hope you had fun. : )

I've been a tad depressed lately. I mean, more than I usually am anyway. Because I made the mistake to look up some of my favorite writers, and so, so many of them left. And then I read this, and it's relatively new, and I chuckled a bunch and smiled whenever I did not chuckle, and I had Rarity's voice in my head, and I read some passages out loud without feeling like an idiot. Goodness, I love your writing. And I'm so grateful that you're still around.

I pity Rares. I'm not a fan of her theatrics, but I still like her. And she obviously deserves better. But hey, maybe she'll finally be in good hooves with Twi.

Thank you for writing! :twilightsmile:

11300936 Hap does not die; he merely hibernates sometimes.

Glad you enjoyed it! I find Rarity very fun to write.

As soon as Spike hears about all of this he'll be the one going in on the icecream at Twilight's. Again. And every time Rarity comes over to see Twilight and gives Spike a little wave, twisting the knife just a bit more.

Yes. Just don’t look at me, please. I’m quite serious, my make-up is important business.

so true extremely important

Let’s talk about ice-cream. Please. My favourite is cherry flavoured. I liked how it tasted like a sort of swirl, even though my understanding of the mechanics of taste buds indicates that taste do not, in fact, swirl. But it feels like it does, and I was an artiste. I’m all about feelings and self-destructive tendencies in the name of arte, with an E.

extremely true, love her

I’m not sure that, at the time, we could have found a less suitable partner for the other. As Rainbow would say, oopsie fucking whoopsie. It was hot though.

nothing else explains the dynamic in “Look Before You Sleep”

It’s not like I regret letting Applejack and her amazing shoulders get away from me because she was the best thing to ever happen to me.

so true

That dip into the realm of fairy-tale romance ended with a face full of cake and a ruined dress. Lesson learned. I liked that dress.

aww we saw that one!

Gay, of course. He thought I knew. He also thought I was a stallion. Don’t ask me how but goodness it was awkward.

now that is a conversation!

For months I fawned over her. Got her to wear an outrageous wig, once. I took her measurements.

ehehe love Rarity using the excuse of taking measurements to scope out her crushes, so very canon

Oh, and she made it worse for me. All unintentionally. At no stage had she even come close to picking up my hints and feelings. Not only that but she had the nerve to ask me for tips on how to date Applejack. The sheer fucking temerity.

i gotta say Rarity of all the ponies to drop subtle hints to Rainbow Dash is probably the last one you’d want

I don’t want to spoiler anything, but let’s just say Applejack has a habit of stealing things I want. Well. Stealing is a strong word. I obviously respect Applejack to a degree that cannot be described adequately within the boundaries of Equestrian vocabulary but fuck me could she just stop being so fucking attractive? Seriously. Leave some for the rest of us.


What do you mean, how do I feel about Spike? He’s delightful. I guess. Anyway. I was talking about my romantic problems, and you were listening. Please don’t interrupt, I’m in the middle of a deluge of personal grievances here.

best way to handle this, wish all stories did so

Anyway. She’s straight. Funny how the chips fall. Or is it fries? I’ll be honest with you darling I never did understand that saying. My point is, what a reversal from Fancy Pants. I sure can pick ‘em, as Applejack would probably say whilst banging Rainbow Dash. Which, I should note, Rainbow Dash also described.

dangit they really need to form a triad already

Anyway. I’m… I’m not expecting you to understand why, after all this, after this endless habit of falling for mares and stallions that I can’t have, I managed to engineer my way into falling for Pinkie Pie. It took effort, I’ll admit. A great deal of planning and mental gymnastics. I don’t even get along with Pinkie that well, frankly. I think she’s high-maintenance. And yes I know that’s rich coming from me.

this is so Rarity i love it

Rarity is a lone wolf! A lonely soul, a whisper on the wind. A solitary note in a song of duplets. A… I’m a ‘me’. I’m just me.

Rarity stands alone. Forever, quite possibly.

Pass me the wine, will you, Twilight?

ehehe perfect pony for her to be talking to

I mean, after all this, I don’t think there’s anypony left for me to fall for. Except you, I suppose.

I… Oh, I’m being silly again.


What do you mean, ‘you know a thing or two about magic’? Don’t be cheeky with me. I’m in the middle of bearing my broken, battered soul to you and…

Excuse me, is this a clever ploy to get me to stop rambling? I’ll have you know I’m not so easily… um…


…All right, well, that definitely… well you’ve made your point.

so Rarity to set up the only situation where the anxious Twilight would be the first to make a move, love it

Perhaps this time I won’t just be, well, ‘me’. On my own. Forever.


aww! love the happy ending. and Rarity’s ability to fall in love is just so perfectly Rarity, i love it so much. glad i got to read this expanded version, thank you for writing!

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