• Published 1st Apr 2022
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There Are Roommates Living in My Head Rent Free - Amilition



Running a country can be hard. Good thing Nightmare Moon has two voices inside her head to keep her company.

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This is How I Met Your Dad-er Anonymous

Author's Note:

I didn't really plan to have a prologue but I wanted to establish some "LoRe" for future plot stuff. The chapter's short and to the point with a few, humorous, sprinkled bits inside.

Haha! She was back! After one-thousand years, she was back! No more was she bound to that rock! Now with Celestia gone, Equestria was ripe for the taking, and nothing was going to get in her way! Nothing could possibly go wrong.

“So, uh, what’s your whole plan here?”

Well, almost.

Glancing to her right, a “hyoo-man” was giving her a sideways glance. She didn’t know where he came from, only that he miraculously appeared when she arrived in this ruined castle. Any other pony would have run at the sight of her, but him? No, he just stood there in mock awe. In fact, he actually struck up a conversation with her, and she learned that this. . . thing, had a name. Anonymous, or Anon, for short. Soon, she found herself engaging in the conversation more eagerly than she wanted to admit. Sure, she could have blasted him away, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

“Because thee has't fallen headeth over heels for a monkey.” Came the voice within Nightmare Moon’s head. No, she wasn’t going crazy, that voice actually belonged to sompony. It was the former princess, Luna.

“Shut it!” Nightmare growled.

“What was that?” Asked Anon.

“Nothing.” She said, looking at him, “Now, the plan is to wait here for the element bearers to arrive. Then, I shall show them despair as I destroy their precious weapon in front of them!” She cackled but soon began violently coughing.

“That’s it? We wait?”

Nightmare Moon cleared her throat. “Yes.”

“Yeah, waiteth here for the Elements of Harmony to kicketh thy buttocks! Ha!” Luna howled.

Nightmare Moon only grumbled in response.

Despite what Luna might think, this plan won’t fail whatsoever. Why? Because she was the queen of the moon, damn it! It was a full-proof plan with zero room for failure. No way in Tartarus were they going to beat her. Nothing could go wrong.


Everything went wrong!

Her plan was in shambles and now she sat before six ponies who were about to blast her to high heaven! How could this happen! What went wrong! Impossible! It was Faust bias! It had to be! There was no other way!

But it didn't matter. In just a few moments she would be eradicated from this plane of existence. It didn't help that Luna found the moment humorous.

"What didst I bid thee!? What didst I bid thee!? Now thee hast fucked up! Now thee hast fucked up! Now thee! Has't! Fucked it up!" Luna mused.

Nightmare didn't respond. What was the point? She lost and nothing was going to change that.

Soon, a bright, rainbow light shot out from the Elements and headed towards her. She snarled at the oncoming beam, even faced with the possibility of death, did she still show defiance.

But, as the beam touched her, she felt a sudden tackle behind her. She didn't have the time to register what happened before she was knocked unconscious.


Nightmare Moon awoke with a groan. Wait. . . she awoke?

Her eyes snapped open and found she was still laying on the cold, stone floor. Shooting upright, she viewed her surroundings.

She was still on Equis, so that was a plus.

As she viewed her environment, her heart leaped as she spotted what lay before her. Six shattered gems were strewn out, side by side.

That's when another realization struck her. It was still night. Using her magic, she quickly checked the time.

3:17 pm.

There were two possibilities. One, daylight savings was really screwed up or—

"I've won?"

She almost couldn't believe she said it. It was surreal. Not one being was able to resist the power of the Elements. Not even Discord. But she did.

Nightmare beamed.

"I've won! Haha! Suck it, you plebeians!" The dark mare giggled uncontrollably.

A voice groaned inside her head but she didn't pay it any mind. She was victorious! And now no pony was going to get in her way!

"What hath happened?" Slurred Luna.

Nightmare laughed as she began to dance. "Haven't you heard, dear Luna? I've won! Haha!"

Luna groaned. "There is nay way a buffoon liketh thee, won."

Nightmare Moon snorted. "I know it may be hard to believe, Blueberry, but it is true. Just look upon your beloved Elements of Harmony."

A sudden gasp sounded in her mind.

"Thee clotpole! Doth thee not understand the consequences this shall has't!"

"Doesn't matter now! For I am now the most powerful being on this planet!" Nightmare shouted with glee.

Luna began shouting obscenities while Nightmare Moon began to pounce around in giddy joy. This went on for a good few minutes before another, more masculine, groan sounded within Nightmare Moon's mind. The duo halted as they listened to the new voice groan again.

"Oh, God. What happened?"

"A-anonymous?" Nightmare choked out.

"Yeah? Hey, um, where the hell am I?"

"Oh, most wondrous. Thee transported the monkey in thy headeth." Deadpanned Luna.

Nightmare Moon had no words. What happened? How did he get inside her head? Was this the Elements doing?

"Woah, Nightmare, is that you? You look. . . different. More, blue."

"Nay, it is not. It is her favorable and more valorous-looking side. Greetings, hyoo-man. I am Princess Luna." Luna boasted.

"Oh, that's pretty dope. So, does this happen often?"

"Absolutely not." Nightmare Moon scoffed, "Anonymous, what happened last night? What did you do?"

"Well, I saw that your plan didn't work,"

Luna snickered.

"And so, as a last-moment decision, I thought I'd jump in and try to save you from the Gay-Beam."

"It seemeth that the Elements of Harmony hast fused thee into us." Luna pondered.

Nightmare Moon was pissed, to say the least.

"Anonymous, you absolute, dumb bounded, ape looking, turd sniffing, boney fingered," Nightmare's tirade ended with a sigh, "complete, brave stallion."

Moments of awkward silence flew by before Anonymous cleared his throat.

"So, are you mad at me?"

"No, of course not. Your brave actions just reshaped the future of Equestria. And for that, I am eternally indebted to you."

Anonymous hummed. "Can I have anything?"

Nightmare Moon nodded. "Yes."

"Anything~?"

"Yes!" Nightmare Moon blurted.

"Awesome. I'd like a new body."

"Yes! You shall marry me- wait, a new body?"

"Well, yeah? Not much I can do in here. Yeah, I got a body in here but that doesn't mean much if I can't do anything."

"Aye, I too, wouldst liketh a new body, too," Luna interjected.

Nightmare Moon sighed. "As you wish, Anonymous."


"And so, that was how I met your father."

As the book closed, a filly and a colt were left dumbfounded.

"Wait, so our dad was a monkey?" Asked the little filly.

Nightmare Moon *poofed* the book away with a smile.

"Not just any monkey. The sexiest monkey to ever live." Nightmare Moon giggled.

"So, where is daddy then?" Asked the little colt.

Nightmare Moon was going to respond but was promptly interrupted by a voice at the door.

"That gent is with me. Thy mommy got cucked and thy father is with a far, superior mare."

Nightmare Moon huffed as she looked up to see Luna being held by her husband.

"How could you leave me, Anonymous!" Nightmare asked in anger.

The human in question shrugged his arms.

"I don't know. I guess I like Luna's short, blue mane. Tantalizing yet sexy." He admitted.

Luna giggled and nuzzled the muscular man. Nightmare Moon then watched in horror as the both of them smiled and leaned in to—


"Ah, fuck!" Nightmare Moon shouted as she shot up from her bed in a cold sweat.

In her mind, two people were laughing.

"Ha! Nice one Luna! Got her ass good!" Snorted Anon.

"Oh, forsooth, Anon. I doth loveth these pranks we pulleth."

Nightmare Moon grumbled as the two laughed.

For the centuries to come, she would have to rule Equestria with these two, whether she liked it or not.