- Member Since 17th Jun, 2017
- offline last seen 31 minutes ago
The Red Parade
Cars are still parked outside. If the rapture had happened, why was it unrecognizable? Why was the sky blue? Why did no one tell me? Do these things not announce themselves?
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Oooh, love the use of format and dialogue here. Only 1,000 words but man they pack a punch. The rising tension, the little bits of background details that eventually get lost as the story climaxes and all there is is Roseluck and the thing that isn’t there. Fantastic work with this one red
Nice, short, story. Good use of tension and about the right length for a story of this sort.
Hrm.
I dun get it.
terrifying mystery, I love it!
Reminds me a bit of Mieruko-Chan.
Seems a lot like an unhealthy relationship? Maybe it's about some vengeful ghost of a former lover invading the shop, but that's way too simple. Yet another short story that I'm not smart enough to understand. Maybe the point is that this story makes one feel things that one could relate to, and the understanding is less important
also,
wouldn't it be flora instead of fauna?
This was a nice creepy story. Given the lack of other provided possibilities, I'll assume this is Rose's self-doubt and hatred.
Howdy, hi~!
A most excellent read. Love the slow escalation of the "monster" in this fic. A nice smooth slope that leaves many unresolved questions that can be filled by any number of answers.
Excellent read, thank you~!
Ooh, quite clever. If you don't have enough space for the full plot, tell it through implication and let the reader's imagination do the rest. Definitely one way to solve the problem, and one you execute quite well here. Good plot arc, good atmosphere, really a solid story all around. Thank you for it, and best of luck in the judging.
that is what plants are supposed to do, but this makes it sound so ominous!
aww, i feel this! something about the apron, i guess by describing it as "clinging" i literally feel it?
aww, my favorite Wonderbolt!
hehe, background ponies keeping tabs on other background ponies! a fun detail
oof, this feels really real!
i do love the effect of the escalating fonts, and this works both as part of this tension sequence and as an easy way to correct for minor deviations in wordcount :)
ah, that answers "what" the entity is in one way, but raises a lot of further questions! Roseluck insists that the ghost is not real, but knowing how weird Equestria is i wouldn't put it past the ghost to actually be real, but also act very much like something that would not be (only haunting Roseluck when she is literally alone with her thoughts)
always love fun sentences like this
and yeah, so many unresolved questions! more feeling than detail, with the reader supplying the detail. definitely reading this as the hangover of an emotionally abusive relationship hanging over Roseluck, with the guilt sharpened and closure denied by the partner dying unexpectedly. a great illustration of a slice of dramatic life in these few words!
Hello! Have a review. I wonder what it is about Rose that means she's a popular choice for emotionally disturbing stories? Whatever, I felt the intrusive thoughts here were handled pretty satisfyingly, though I'm still unsure how I feel about the ever larger text. Definitely happy to give this a like, though. Well done on the Bronze Medal!
Different premise but it still reminded of “Girl That Can See It”
com-x.life/uploads/posts/2022-05/26c65a46-bc2f-4c78-90d8-aa42670243c3.jpg
Shoot, I didn't write a comment for this back when I first read it. So here we go:
I really enjoyed this! Is that too perky for a dark story? Maybe, but it's nonetheless true. I experience intrusive thoughts quite often, and the way you wrote them here was very evocative. I also really enjoyed that you're never quite sure if it's just Roseluck berating herself or actually an external Entity. Either way, she's very clearly haunted. Good stuff. :D
This feels like a trip on deliriants except with explicitly defined language from the horror rather than whispers and mind-tricks.