A pony of mystery in the darkness. Or I forgot to take the lens cap off. (They/them is fine.)
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When magic's slow decline dooms Equestria, ponies write letters to a future they don't expect to see.
This story MIGHT turn out to be an entry in the "A Thousand Words Contest," maybe?
(#epistolary #literally-epistolary #1000words 1000words 1000 words)
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The concept itself is pretty cool. I really like the idea of finding the messages of an old world and the way you approach how the M6 would react to what could easily be described as an apocalyptic scenario is also pretty well done. I also like that Twilight doesn't even say a word about herself, it's fitting to her character.
However, I think a pony like Twilight wouldn't waste any of her words establishing things that aren't important:
Stuff like this is evident from the rest of the letter for instance. Of course, I understand why you put this in the story out-of-universe, but if she knows she has a strict limit, she'd probably be as succinct as possible with everything that's not immediately related to the main point.
The bigger issue, however, is the fact that this whole text feels, well, rushed. Don't get me wrong, it's not that you - as in the author - rushed it. It's well-written and I couldn't spot any typos or anything. Far be it from me to insinuate anything like that. Rather, it feels like Twilight didn't really double check her own words and instead just rambled on and on until she ran out of space. It doesn't really give off the vibe of a well-constructed time capsule, more like what you'd find on a tape from someone who knows she'll be dead in minutes and can't waste time thinking what to say. The cutoff at the end further plays into this, Twilight would triple-triple check herself that she didn't run out of space. Though I also have to give praise for that part, because I really like how open ended it feels.
All in all, I did like the story, but I think the choice of medium doesn't really play nice with the restriction you imposed on yourself.
Sometimes the best letter is the unedited, raw kind.
Where you just start writing from the heart and everything is included - bad grammar, spelling mistakes and all.
Seeing the abrupt end - that’s how I felt Twilight’s letter was made.
Purposefully seeking out “dead soil” and making a farm? Building handicapped heights? Good on her fellow Elements of Harmony.
Delightfully solemn, if such a description exists. A reflection of how the world can get, but we see the hope and driving spirit pushing through it.
I dig this premise a lot. The concept of time capsules has fascinated me for a very long time, ever since my grade dug one up from their graduating class of 1958. Most of the stuff was, unfortunately, rotted. C'est la vie!
My gripes with this story are mainly due to its 1000 word limit. The descriptions of the mane 6 preparing for a magicless world feels listlike. If you ever choose to revisit it, I think you could add much-needed space by breaking the 1000 word constraint into ten 100-word stories. Instead of having a central narrator tell us, "X did this. Y did this," you could have X telling us in their own voice, "I did this!"
As it is, this story remains a powerful look at impending loss and the powerless of people to change the future. Glad you shared it with us, thanks birb!
- Enjoyable!
This has many good images tied to the character's interests and strengths, like Rainbow Dash's frenetic high-flying future-proofing, and Pinkie Pie's party caches and it surprisingly makes sense that Pinkie Pie is digging, given her secret enormous party cave.
- Fluttershy's grim struggles remind me of the Barbaloo Bears(??) of Lorax fame.
- Quite a theory, Moondancer.
- Other commentators here discussed Twilight wasting words and had different theories/comments... I also initially was wondering why that decision was made. I interpret it as Twilight feeling she didn't deserve the extra words--she didn't want them, thinks it's unfair she has more words, and so she's responding in a petty passive-aggressive way--wasting some words on nothing and spending other extra words to discuss points her friends may not have discussed. She did not want to directly write about herself.
- An amusing nod to the contest in the author's notes.
Golly, this is not what I expected. When I tried to remove magic from the world, I thought with an equal footing, I'd be able to take over the world, but what kind of world is left without magic? At least it freed me from that horrible petrification spell.
Cozy Glow.
Delightfully gloomy. Thank you for writing this
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So.... Hungry.
--Tirek
Hmm, maybe a sort of prequel to G5?
At least Spike got a mention. The problems I can think off with the dragons is their loss of magical resistance to their enviroment, and ability to aquire sustenance from it, likely leaving obligate carnivore as the only route.
I get this thought of Twilight doing research into the font used and printing method, with coding etc, ending up with a genius work of self decompressing information over ten times the size, but noone knows how to actually get it to work.
I blame Starlight for G5.
And of course, without magic to move them, the Sun and Moon were stuck in position for a time until gravity exerted its influence and dragged Equestria and its Moon into the Sun and burninated everything!
Unless Equestria's Sun is just a magical light ball. In that case it just goes out. Gotta think about those kinda things when a world based on magic loses its magic.
Kinda like our world losing electromagnetism. Everything just kinda... falls apart. Right Davros?
Ok, tone it down, Mr. Wrinkly.
It is like our world losing electricity and everything we are so used to stops working, throwing us back to medieval times or worse.
That's how she originally became the Element of Loyalty, and now she is returning to her roots.
Yes I very much like this
At one time I thought it would be great if everypony were the same without talents. What was I thinking? After seeing the results of what actually happens, I want to kick my past self. Faust, I want my magic back. A decent meal would also be appreciated.
Starlight Glimmer, powerless arch-mage.
PS: Trixie is much harder to live with when you can't remove her mouth from time to time.
It is better to be together than apart.
Growler, Lopsy, and Hiss (former Chimera).
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No magic dosent mean less emotions. Wait equestria. My time is near. -Chrysalis
It's becoming Beastars...
Painfully Twilit. Of course she'd use her entire allotted quota commemorating the heroism of her friends. (And, well, when you're the Bearer of Magic, you don't exactly have a lot of options to fling a light into the future other than emphasizing the importance of friendship.) "Mystery apocalypse" is one of my less preferred options for how the magic goes away, but I don't like the concept in general, so that doesn't mean much. Suffice to say, excellent snapshot of a slow-motion end of the world. Thank you for it and best of luck in the judging.
Hello! I have come to review your story! Bit of a disclaimer, I read this story and wrote my notes for this review while I was in a Lyft that almost crashed, but I will try not to hold your story too accountable for that.
Quite the interesting premise. The thing that immediately came to mind was Human Interference/long-term warning message type stuff, which may or may not have been an influence, but still neat to see similar ideas in fiction. I do wonder about the logic of fully explaining this 'Celestia's Letters to the Future Project' thing, but I guess that is addressed by the story.
Overall, fairly compelling, full of heroism and tragedy from Twilight's friends, and ending with a minor tragedy set up by the premise of the whole story: Twilight runs out of words. I'm not totally sold on the brilliance of using the word limit to create your story's ending vs. the perhaps ill-spirited use of authors' notes to supplement the restricted word limit, and I don't know if the ending is really built up as solidly as it could have been, but it's certainly devious in a good way.
Good work. Thanks for writing it.
I love this. A incredibly heart felt story with some great narration. I love how thoughtful the main six are in planning ahead.
Clever way to try to preserve information I have to admit.
I love this allusion to how Applejack and Rainbow Dash seeded some of the first resources in post magic Equestria.
I like that my favorite artists found a way to preserve their work for the future.
Woo hoo! My girls stepped up! I love it!
Also a great allusion to Rarity's talent with plants that was briefly alluded to, and then never mentioned again.
So they bound the elements of Harmony magic to Equestria through the three crystals? Makes as much sense as anything.
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It's always the apocalypses that draw you in isn't it?
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Except doesn't your whole emotion eating thing run off of magic? Asking for a friend.
11193995
Poor Tirek. Doomed to waste away.
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I feel your pain Starlight.
11193399
At least your here, at the end of the world.
(I put a message in the wrong place, sorry.)
11291023 Well, I'm still deciding how I want to do Earth's. Still leaning towards bunnies.
For... reasons...
gifimage.net/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/monty-python-rabbit-gif-8.gif
meta, i love it
and oof, so true! this captures exactly what i've pondered for them in the scenario that Equestria loses its magic. that's a story in it of itself to explore! the intersection of disability and identity in a way
what is this but the most perfect metaphor for the fragility of our very own phosphate-dependent modern agricultural systems?
aww, Zephyr Heights! and augh, this is so Rainbow Dash i love it
this mix of absurd and logical is just so perfectly Pinkie Pie
and yeah, the Peacable Queendom where lion lies down with lamb needs magic to exist. without it, the world begins to look more like our fallen one, poor Fluttershy...
and augh, love this for Rarity too! i wouldn't have thought of this as the solution to what she'd be getting up to and it's perfect
and a neat metaphor for how a post-collapse society would benefit from the knowledge of people that make do with far less reliance on the current system of things
considering how literally eating rocks is not a way to get calories in any biological system i could imagine, yeah, i imagine it's pretty bad
a nice way to bridge the gap between how magic works in G4 and G5 that will let the G5 writers ignore all the G4 canon they were going to anyway, great stuff!
and augh, cutting it off here is perfect for that emotional punch. really feel all of Twilight's regrets here, and her missing Moondancer.
great stuff!
wow
damn
How horrendous!
I can understand on the seeds, but the dresses with pinkies kits, not the best idea imo.
Which did end up happening.