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Pinkie Pie prepares something "healthy" and delicious... half out of her mind at three a.m.

Warning: This story does NOT have the Gore tag. :pinkiecrazy:

Contest Rules: " No ... mindless gorefests." :pinkiecrazy: :derpyderp1: :derpyderp2: :derpytongue2: :pinkiecrazy: But! We can have one.

Era: Season 5 or 6.


Cover Image from here with rights to the cover image discussed on that page.
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Also, this appears to qualify for a 'write-off' as well.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 5 )

wow
i like it.
keep it up!

I do love how you consistently use the "Don't do this" part of contest announcements as prompts. This brilliantly captures the dreamlike surreality of being up and working at three in the morning with a prose style somewhere between Joyce and Skirts. Though I do have to wonder why Mr. Lecture was in that prison...

In any case, lovely if somewhat gruesome work. Thank you for it, and best of luck in the judging.

11264861
The detailed literary-minded thoughts were very much appreciated! :pinkiehappy:

I do love how you consistently use the "Don't do this" part of contest announcements as prompts.

I enjoy the challenge! :twilightsmile: The way I figure, fanfiction is an excuse to be as puckish as possible in a way that one often cannot be in commerical literature. :pinkiesmile:

Re: SS&E:
Are we not all alts of SS&E? :pinkiecrazy:

Though I do have to wonder why Mr. Lecture was in that prison...

"Mr. Horseradish Lecture, [is] the prison-chef-expert" - He works as a chef there. Presumably not a prisoner though I understand that in the human world sometimes prisoners do work as chefs. And, of course, one wonders what might happen over time... Prisoners might disappear... but this is a pony tale, not a human one (or a Fallout/Rainbow Factory etc. bit), so hopefully that would not happen here. :twilightsmile:

Contest Rules: " No ... mindless gorefests." :pinkiecrazy: :derpyderp1: :derpyderp2: :derpytongue2: :pinkiecrazy: But! We can have one.

i don't normally talk about longdescs but this was too good to pass up. love the clever interpretation of the contest rules!

Slicing into tiny cubes thereby splitting squeezed red liquid squirting across the room and splattering on the wall, Pinkie Pie, with bags (of swelling and/or puffiness, as opposed to paper and/or plastic) under her eyes, chopped with a sickening squish, expelling detritus like verbal vomit of a verbose tense-curious tale's initial mono-sentence paragraph.

perfect metacommentary at the end, with that aside-heavy (argh i forget the term of art for this) literary rhythm

The essentially exsanguinated husk's ersatz leathery skin was slung to a side and Pinkie Pie moved on to a subsequent section to assay; neigh*(nay), assault.

dangit im going to quote every line of this to gush about the wordplay and poetry, aren't i? the "neigh*(nay)" is so good!

At three in the morning, the witching hour for preparation, she began, an awful time for most, a necessary hour before bakers usually awoke.

and bakers awaken notoriously early, so that is really early

if Pinkie Pie could soon complete her task.

forget the term for placing the adverb early like this but i love the effect

"Hee-Hee-Hee," Pinkie chuckled, sleep and sugar-deprived mind turning again to the Cakes' twin children. "Never the wiser..."

so many ways this can be interpreted ominously!

She sliced a head apart with a thick butcher's knife and it shattered, falling in twin hemispheres. Then, a second head, chunky but tender, just as customers preferred. Not her customers, though. She specialized in baked goods. So she had consulted with an expert in the Canterlot prisons. Fresh heads were the best, the scabrous pony had uttered. They left the most satisfying crunches.

of course, it would be the expected thing for this story to be revealed to not be about butchering pony heads, so will this story double fake me out and actually be about that? i do not know! but i am sure either way that it will be great

neoglistic

is this supposed to be "neologistic" or is it some fancy word i don't know? i don't know!

Then, squinting with heavy breath, she employed its tip to pop out glossy-white orbs for boiling.

well that sure sounds like pony heads

Weeping through her burning blurry orbs, she peeled to better size the intended foal-sized ones.

good cadence with the burning orbs three wo sentences ago

fondly reminiscent of fondant

i guess Pinkie is quirky enough to fondly reminisce about fondant of all things! well, it works for the poetry

But no, she could not consume her feast now. Even though it was healthy, sugar-free like her extra-special super-secret clients needed.

augh, the anticipation of mysteries explained yet builds

some even called her expert infamous, but that was silly--experts in any craft should be respected for their accomplishments, no matter the venue, Pinkie figured!

so true! and that is what is so great about Pinkie, she is able to look past such things!

So, she wanted to stop but instead she puffed out the prescribed portion of palpable pepper until she significantly succumbed to sneezing.

ooh, two alliteration runs in one sentence! those are rare

Hooves next. Black and gelatinous.

shifting my thoughts to "fakeout" again, with Pinkie creating gruesome, gory, edible dioramas of pony corpses for some reason? and it's not a baked good so it's still out of her profession's wheelhouse, technically

Mr. Horseradish Lecture, the prison-chef-expert she had consulted was brilliant!

ahaha, a great ponification of Hannibal Lecter, and augh, this is just perfectly how he would be translated into the nicer world of Equestria! love this

happy round cabbage heads with peeled onion eyes centered with black olives,

ah, the non-sugary non-fondant bits! not to mention how neatly the other details match up to the deliberately gory imagery throughout the story

But Pinkie heard not the complaints... or concerns. Her mind was far, far away from caring. Ensconced deep in the groove of her bed, she cavorted among vegetables, carnage of lettuce scattered around, her rock-hard jaw ripping cabbage and carrots from the ground. She chewed, and grinned, and mouth-full of cabbage and lettuce and carrots and gory squished tomato juice all over, laughed her mindless titter of soul-satisfied surprise for her "I-can't-believe-it's-1000-days-since-you've-both-been-born" health-festival satiation.

aww, a great idyllic bookend that complements the visceral visual that started the tale! and the name of the celebration it's about is just so delightfully Pinkie Pie.

and it took me until now that this was indeed a "mindless" gorefest, ha! ah, just really well done with this one! i absolutely loved it, as always with your stuff

11298056
Thank you for the detailed comments that you often provide!

RE:

perfect metacommentary at the end, with that aside-heavy (argh i forget the term of art for this) literary rhythm

The aside address to the audience is sort of a short form version of soliloquies! :rainbowhuh: It is also, if we are going to get all poetic semiotics and literary analytical about it, arguably an example of dramatic ironic foreshadowing since it sets up the gag that we, the audience know this can't really be about what it seems like it's about. bucking poetry. :facehoof: I think I am still missing the term you're seeking, though. Current English major university students--your asssistance has been summoned! [the extra "S" is because I hope you unknown university students won't be an ass asbout* it ..."a(s)bout"'s extra "s" is a typo. May need to craft a blog post on this. :derpyderp1: :derpyderp2:.

RE: Adverbs
Perhaps this is what you were thinking about?: https://www.ef.edu/english-resources/english-grammar/adverbs-time/

RE: neologistic
Thanks for the fix. :derpytongue2:
Apparently though... neologistic doesn't seem to be an official term (it is perhaps--ironically--a neologism itself). :pinkiegasp:

I did not catch it in part because my spellchecker thinks none of these adjacent pieces are words and underlined them all... The most risky of them, amusingly, arguably is neologistic, yet by logic that is what the form of that word should be! Here's the sentence excerpt with commentary in BRACKETS [ ]: "ideating [form of ideate, which my online dictionary only recognizes as a word since I added it--PHILISTINES ALL! :twilightangry2:] masticative [form of mastication] neologistic [form of neologism] onomatopoeias [plural of onomatopoeia]"

>>and it took me until now that this was indeed a "mindless" gorefest,
Indeed. All this was mere set up for the real gorefest that was the final paragraph. :rainbowkiss:

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