Just a brony with a imagination for crossovers
Apple Bloom was just working in her family’s orchard, when a crown fell out of a tree. Before she could put it on, it sends her to the Mushroom Kingdom. Now she is going on adventures with Mario and Luigi to save Peach from Bowser?
Starts halfway of Season 5
My Little Ponies belongs to Hasbro
Mario belongs to Nintendo
Inspired by stories of Lucar
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Inspired by Lucar, you say?
I'm keeping an eye on this, as someone with literally every one of their stories on my favorites bookshelf and a dedicated shelf for the Apple Bloom's Mansion series.
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I’ll try best, I will accept criticism and some any advice.
really the only thing i notice in this first chapter was the two things in green above, being a quotation mark at the beginning of Peach's statement in the above quote, as well as the word also in green needing to be added.
besides that, i look forward to more of this.
so, taking another read, and i feel this needs addressing before too long.
When going from one character speaking to another, generally, you want to separate the new speaker into a separate paragraph.
EDIT: this is something you actually improve on in the second chapter, but i noticed the beginning of the chapter had some dialogue between two character in the same paragraph.
I like the boss and overall chapter length.
I really love that the Super Crown works with Apple Bloom.
King Bob-Bomb as boss one is very Mario 64 in taste, but i like it.
Overall, excited for the next chapter.