• Member Since 20th Mar, 2022
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

Caspian


Comments ( 197 )

Interesting

I like how out of everything, jaywalking is the only one blacked out. The worst of them all.

Hook, Line, and Sinker my dear friend. I am going to look at this story with great interest. :pinkiesmile:

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Thank you! I hope I keep that interest piqued!

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Jaywalking is a very controversial thing! 😋

Okay, I finally found the time to read this story. I am going to tell you my thoughts on this fanfic.

So, here are the things I found pretty pleasant in this fic:

  • It has been a while since I've come across an SCP-related fanfic on this site. So, when I'd come across this one, I was pretty excited about it because I am an SCP fan.
  • A surviving Foundation personnel randomly finding himself in Equestria after his world ended? Now that seems promising. I've come across many HiE fics, but to come across one where the human was working for the triple-letter organization, and not to mention his universe's Earth has ended, is fascinating!
  • The interactions between Liam and Luna were sweet. It makes me pretty optimistic about the future of these two characters and their roles in Equestrian history.
  • The way how you make some background story for Liam, the situation in his world, and how he supposedly arrived in Equestria is pretty good. The first time I have seen a format for anything other than letters or documents.

With that stuff aside, here are the things I find that is somewhat unpleasant:

  • I feel like some events and details are happening way too quickly, rushed, or forgotten. For example, I felt like Celestia would have gone into more detail and explained to him what these humans were when they tried to invade Equestria in the past. If she didn't, Liam should've asked before he broke the news to Celestia that his world is gone. Either that or he asks later about them. However, it seemed like he never even thought about asking her or Luna about the topic.
  • Little interaction with some characters. This is more evident when Twilight Sparkle and Lyra question him about his world. Of course, it would be boring to write about every conversation of the past three days they had with him, but it would've been interesting to see at least a day of how he interacted with them when they first met each other and the questions they asked along with his answers. I know many authors would consider such long conversations to be wordy and unnecessary, but I believe that it would be interesting for the reader(s) to see how all the characters interacted in detail.
  • Time jumps. While they are fine when used properly, they feel rushed when used too many times. It's okay for Liam to be unconscious for three weeks, but I feel like a week is a bit too long for Liam since he has last talked to Luna. Since I am pretty sure that they would have more talks in-between considering he is a human from another world and is frequently suffering from horrible nightmares.

    • Other than the reasons I explained above, this fanfic still looks promising. I look forward to the next chapter of this fic!

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I definitely agree with you, I am pretty rusty with this stuff, but I want to address some specific things you commented:

I feel like some events and details are happening way too quickly, rushed, or forgotten. For example, I felt like Celestia would have gone into more detail and explained to him what these humans were when they tried to invade Equestria in the past. If she didn't, Liam should've asked before he broke the news to Celestia that his world is gone. Either that or he asks later about them. However, it seemed like he never even thought about asking her or Luna about the topic.

Liam will be talking to Celestia more about Equestria's human history, that's something I have planned a little further down the line. There are reasons that Celestia is keeping her distance from Liam for the time being which you'll see in future chapters! I do have an issue with pacing throughout the story, mainly because my writing periods are chaotic and come in short bursts, so I'll have to do better to maintain the speed appropriately! Sorry :twilightsheepish:

Little interaction with some characters. This is more evident when Twilight Sparkle and Lyra question him about his world. Of course, it would be boring to write about every conversation of the past three days they had with him, but it would've been interesting to see at least a day of how he interacted with them when they first met each other and the questions they asked along with his answers. I know many authors would consider such long conversations to be wordy and unnecessary, but I believe that it would be interesting for the reader(s) to see how all the characters interacted in detail.

So, as you've already noticed, Liam doesn't really do much interacting with much of the cast. This isn't something that's going to change right away, but those characters will be explored and get appropriate time in the spotlight in third-person chapters. Twilight is a notable third-person perspective to come in the future, so we'll be seeing Spike and the Mane 6 as well, with other surprise characters making appearances and having considerable impact on the story.

Time jumps. While they are fine when used properly, they feel rushed when used too many times. It's okay for Liam to be unconscious for three weeks, but I feel like a week is a bit too long for Liam since he has last talked to Luna. Since I am pretty sure that they would have more talks in-between considering he is a human from another world and is frequently suffering from horrible nightmares.

That's definitely a weak-point of mine. I do have trouble trying to write the day-to-day type of narrative, but I'm going to do my best to avoid time-jumps where something could be happening between them, for example the discussion with Twilight and Lyra. I had originally written that out as the intro to this chapter, but I didn't like the way I characterized Twilight and wrote the scene, so I opted to scrap it and go with what we have now. As for Liam and his nightmares, Luna doesn't take an invasive approach to dreamweaving, and the last time she popped into his head to see what was going on was a horrific event. I hope to remedy the issues with Luna soon!

I'm glad you're enjoying the fic, stay tuned and I'm going to do my best to make sure it's a story worth reading!

It was a bit fast for my taste, but I love the premise of the story.

(Also, Zombies!)

this is only gonna get so much worse before it gets better. and i get a feeling the griffions will be see a first hand account on human aggression.

An SCP story? Wow, this is a first. And I am absolutely loving it so far hahaha

I did not expect much from an SCP themed story, but wow I'm glad to be proved wrong, keep up with the good job!

I definitely like the story so far and can't wait for it to flesh out more. Take a break if you need to so you can feel reinvigorated to do future chapters. No need to burn yourself out, this is for your own enjoyment after all.

This was nice hope to see more soon 👍

This is quite the intriguing story and honestly I can’t wait too see more! Keep up the amazing work and take your time mate no need to rush if your feeling burnt out.

It didn't make sense that he escaped an XK-Class End of the World Scenario, when his colleagues and peers didn't.

What does this mean for all of the things the SPC Foundation has/had locked up?

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Without getting too in-detail and perhaps giving away too much, it means there's a very good chance that many things are going to go horribly wrong. Shhh! 😗

Lookin' good, lad. Keep it up.

I decided to take a quick look into SCP-2480 seeing as it is the main cause for what happened to Web.
All I have to say is, wow.

Walking through someone's else nightmare, this bound to happen.

Well this is starting to become interesting.

Ooh..nyxes had involved themselves

When is the next chapter gonna be?

Holy shit, it just got even more mental. Ye had me at the end of my seat!

All my homies hate Sarkicism. Church of the Second Hytoth is the superior faith.

Shouldn’t it be an SK-Class Dominance Shift instead of an XK-Class End of the World Scenario?

"Your world, dimension, universe... it seems more centered on the life here. Everything is connected. My world had no magic, only technology. From what little I've heard, you and your sister are revered as god-like figures, right?"

https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/another-goddamn-magic-system

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It means that many sharks will go un-punched.

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The next chapter will hopefully be out next week or the week after, but that's really dependent on how I'm feeling, could be out a day from now. 🤷🏼‍♂️

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Thank you everyone! 😊 I'm writing this for you guys so it's great to see you all like it!

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XK, for reasons not yet touched upon! Would've been an SK had some very specific things not happened.

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Oh okay thank you for saying/telling me and anyone else who had that same question thank you

No that's crazy man just when it was getting hyped dang it now I gotta wait for the next chapter good work on this one👍

"I can't be one of those things, Steel. I'm sorry," he says as he brings his wing blades to his throat. Steelheart drops me from the wall and turns back to his friend. The sword clatters against the floor. He grabs the wings with his magic, struggling against them.

The human almost got his first confirmed kill. Maybe next time

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The SCP is SCP-2480, with a few tweaks and modifications. The additions could be designated as new SCPs, but they all originated from SCP-2480 as the core component, and as such they are all labeled as SCP-2480-X instances.

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Thank you!

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:moustache:

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Sorry I should have been more clear and equestria

When is the next chapter going to be out?

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Soon! I'm working on it right now.

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Oh okay then don’t let me disturb you sorry for the interruption.

I think we missed a good opportunity on the name here it should have been called hell on equus.

Her face registers the importance of the request. Her purple eyes look over Steelheart and Sunny. Her lips contort into a grim line. She nods.

Does this mean he has to stop the nightmare with a kiss and if so then I ship it and this turns into a herd thing I still am okay with it but Liam x Luna ship

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