Inspired by "Accepting Change" written by drFraud.
There are many stores out there about Celestia being some genius schemer but what if the true schemer was Nightlight and he was a changeling and a human.
By pretending to have a special power to explain his knowledge he manipulates everyone around him.
Will those close to him forgive him for the acts he commits in their name, will the good out weigh the bad, and will he change the future.
Evil Protagonist
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Read the chapters interesting, I do like the premise of a Human turned Changeling turning out to be Nightlight, Twilight father, but I think could have used more of a divergence in terms of set up from Accepting Change. I find him to be a bit too snarky at times compared to the show's portrayal, who seemed to have been more of a dull homebody who like doing spreadsheets, but that could be that he is still young and hasn't been worn down with fatherhood yet. the changeling intrigue side of things could be interesting, along with Moth ball being possibly linked to Trixie's parents in some way either Jack Pot or Sunflower, or could just be her magic mentor of sorts. Personally I hope his wooing of Twilight Velvet doesn't go as smoothly as he hoped as he don't realize that she isn't a 2d characters but a full fledge person/pony and that his first attempts at getting her attention won't go so well, as he won't bother really trying to understand her. He has to care for her, not just think that he has to for the sake of 'Destiny' to bring into being Twilight and Shining Armor to this world but because he genuinely has to care for Velvet, which he probably think it's a given and unavoidable, but, I don't think is at all the case for him. It could certainly be a good plot point to the story as well as adding some much needed personal character growth and development to the guy.
Now for the writing issues. While not bad the absence of descriptions and exposition, give the writing a one continuous frantic pace that is mostly the same tone from start to finish with little variation, it would really need to be broken up and slow it down in alternating in tone to give it a little variation. When ever you are changing scene location or time skips I would suggest that you add a breath description of the new location and what sort of atmosphere the location has, like is his a casual social area for coffee, a high traffic hallway, or a very holster study room, etc.... It would also help to know how much time pass as I don't think there are any hints at how long he had been there or time of the day, making the story feel like he has only been a day or so unfortunately. The descriptions would help to transition from one scene to an other much more delicately, and would do a great job to add a feeling of passage of time.
Right now all your characters exposition is done through dialogue and while it works on TV and games it doesn't work that way in writing all that well unfortunately. what I would suggest is that your do exposition trough the narration by skipping some of the details while giving the core of what happen during a glossing over a time skip and just hear what happened in the meanwhile, or give a general explanation on what he has learned in the process or impressions he got.
For cannon characters, despite being obvious that all your readers know Who they are, they don't know who YOU want to portray them in the story and that can lead to confliction view with the readers, and just don't understand motives to their actions which makes it look like they are doing it for no apparent reasons. I would recommend that despite your readers knowing what they look like that you describe them physically and the impression the protagonist has from them as well as what he knows about them. I would note that despite having some very egregious hints and obvious hints that the guy is a brony but we don't know the extent of his fandom knowledge or what is his personality like in general, a little exposition on him would go a long way to help cement his personality to understanding his personality .
I would suggest that you practice your writing by using a text to speech program like Balaboka (yes, it's totally free) and get into the habit of listening to audio books on youtube, and pay attention at how they word things you might notice a pattern in how they structure their stories.
I hope this helps a little in your writing, best of luck.
11197624
Funny enough the next chapter was going to go through what he does and does not know in a bit more detail.
This story's premise confuses me. How can someone be a changeling and a human at the same time? Or is Night Light just a changeling who likes to turn into a human?
Hum, despite being a very short chapter this at least helped filling some of the gaps and add a little more depth to Velvet as well as doing a little more exposition on what's going on; good job on that. The location descriptions and atmosphere aren't really quite there yet but it will come once you aren't so much in a frantic hurry in your writing. The dialog isn't really bad, but it would help if you could add a little more descriptions on how they say or words things as well as the posture to emphasize their emotional state and opinions, like 'I said pensively, tapping at my chin in deep thought' or 'she smirked, daring me to come back with a good quip.'
Keep at it dude.
11198200
He is a human who was turned into a changeling.
Still very short, but it's getting a lot better in reflecting the MC's intentions and keeping, could used more of a description of their surrounding, but it's not really that necessary. But you might want to avoid using the same word twice in the next two sentences if possible, less so in the same, like you did in the very first sentence. Keep it up.
Nice chapter it's a bit a shame that the story mostly just gloss over events but still nice
11204830
Ohh trust me the next chapter is going to be a bit crazy.
Where can we read Accepting Change?
11214652
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/501910/accepting-change
Night Light is two words. Is it too late to fix it?
11229042
You know...
I never noticed that and thought that it was one word.
11229042
Tried it and now it just looks weird to me so I am keeping it.
This was a really good story, but the pacing is so quick threwout most of the story that it was hard to keep up with what was happening at any given point. Really, I would call this more of a rough draft than a final product. Take the the topics that you have in the chapters and elaborate the important bits, while also throwing in some filler and world building. It would greatly help those of us who have never read the comics before.
11252010
I probably could at one point.
Attention
I will be doing a rewrite for verious chapters to add scenes that I forgot to add originally but were not important enough to add immediately.
I will also be using advice to improve it.
The first rewrite is now officially done
.
You’re not sorry
This is a red flag.
So what will Cadence think about the fact that her father in law was actually the one whom planned the minivasion?
So what will Twilight do once she discovers that she's half changeling?
My prediction is a bit of self experimenting.
Poor petunias.
I was hoping for Evil overlord Day-Dark.
I bet that was Nighty and not Grogar/Discord.
I sense sequel bait.
its kinda glossed over that he just cheated on his wife.