• Member Since 16th May, 2013
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

PaulAsaran


Technical Writer from the U.S.A.'s Deep South. Writes horsewords and reviews. New reviews posted every Thursday! Writing Motto: "Go Big or Go Home!"

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Lightning Dust wants to start her own stunt team, but finding a pony able to make flight suits to her standards has been difficult. After many dead ends, she is prepared to risk Rarity For You in Manehattan. There she'll find not only what she's looking for, but the pony she never knew she needed.


A little slice-of-life that popped into my head and wouldn't go away. Friendshipping with a hint of romance.

My thanks to the immensely helpful ChaseIsOnTheCase and Mike Cartoon Pony for prereading.

Cover art by xkappax, used with permission.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 17 )

Ah, a nice sweet and sour pairing to sink my teeth into to relax. I do love odd pairings. Very nicely done. I enjoyed the crack-friendshipping immensely.

It's a shame you didn't make it before the deadline since I do think it still has enough romance to qualify for the contest. If not, then I think my entry would be disqualified since mine ends on the pair leaving to start a date.

A very nice story, as yours tend to be; complete with adorable moments, complex depth, and drama.
Unfortunate that this just barely missed the deadline, but I’m pretty sure you can PM Bicyclette to get it in if you want.

I don't know what to say... Lightning Dust seems to pair with just about everyone due to her ambiguous personality and her show time. Maybe it is just my opinion.

This has been an interesting read! I could really see how Lightning can potentially have anger issues, connection with a handicapped filly, and her confidence to give others a nickname based on appearance and demeanor.

Their interactions are sweet and natural feeling! Although, when Lightning and Rarity was alone in the room, I had pretty much expected that Lightning's anger would flare up and overpower her feelings when Rarity had inched Lightning's bad buttons down. I was already imagining Lightning flying off after a brief relationship interrogation.

Despite that, this is a heartwarming read. Nice work Wordsmith!

This was really good. A lot better than I expected given the shipping. Kudos.

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I didn't need to get into the contest. Getting a story that everyone seems to enjoy released is enough for me. That prize money can go to someone who probably needs it more than I do.

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As interesting as a flare up against Rarity might have been, it also would have been one more wrench in the ongoing story, and I didn't need to add one more. Would have been a nice little dramatic scene, though. Oh, well.

Glad you liked it!

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I maintain that there are no bad ships. They just need to be approached from the right direction. Admittedly, sometimes finding the right direction is really hard, but I maintain that the right person with the right skill and creativity can make it work.

This was amazing. I hope to see more crackfics from you in the future!

Aside from the mannequins displaying bridleway costumes

Ponnequin. Gotta stay consistent :ajsmug:

I love reading fics about underappreciated side characters, always reminds me of how much depth there is to be explored in the ones we barely see. I've never considered the potential parallels between these two, but now I'm quite endeared to their unique dynamic. And more Coco love is always fantastic. Her depiction was spot-on.
Speaking of Coco, I'd be immensely curious to have had a bit of insight as to what she gained from their whole relationship. Her initial motivation to have a chance to prove her own worth and skills makes sense, but I have to wonder at what point that developed into a genuine appreciation for Lightning's presence, and why.
I have to say, though, that Rarity scene was gold.
Thanks again for all the horse words,
~NumberFifth

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Woop! Fixed. Thanks for pointing it out.

Because this is all from Lightning's perspective, we never really get the opportunity to see when Coco recognizes potential between the two of them. However I'd say the single moment that first sparked the idea, albeit if only subconsciously, was when Lightning had that breakdown in her bedroom. Lightning's not the kind of pony to seek comfort from others, but she chose to go to Coco. Being able to see such an independent, strong-willed pony like Lightning at her weakest would have an effect on a pony like Coco, or so I imagine. But that would have just been the ignition, and a quiet one at that. The real blooming of Coco's feelings most likely would have occurred in a scene we aren't privy to because, again, Coco's perspective never comes up. This is one of the reasons I kinda-sorta wanted to show that year of them living together, but I also didn't want to write another 10,000 words to make it happen, so this is what we've got.

Her depiction was spot-on.

Glad you think so. I made sure to go back and watch the only episode to feature her in any meaningful way – Made in Manehattan – in hopes that it would help me get her right. I quickly realized she's not the shy and timid creature that I had in my head, so in some ways getting her characterization down was one of the harder parts of this story.

Super cute, indeed. You still have a knack for writing Lightning Dust well, too.

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I must admit, it was nice being able to write about her again.

The section with the train kinda threw me off

I’ve never enjoyed stories with lightning dust, but you made her feel so real here like a multi faceted person

Favorite part was when coco brought up her own feelings with her life situation

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I had to stop and think. "Train, what train? There was no train." Then I realized you meant the wagon train the Washouts were using to carry all their equipment. :facehoof:

I wonder if I should have described it better.

“I halfway expected to have to go through some gauntlet of beating off potential suitors with an ugly stick just to stand a chance.”

”Are you sure you don’t have seven evil exes?”
“Does my ex-boss count?”

Brilliant work all around, both the couple and the supporting cast. I especially appreciate how imposing Rarity can be from the perspective of ponies who don’t routinely save the world from her. It might have been nice to further explore Coco’s underlying inadequacy in serving as little more than Rarity’s eastern hoof, but that’s outside the scope of “Lightning Dust crashes, burns, and finds a reason to keep going.” Mighy be interesting to explore in a possible sequel, though.

Lovely stuff in any case. Thank you for it; I’m glad I finally got around to this one.

incredibly cute crackship i never knew i needed. would easily become my otp for coco if there was more content

Crackships are often the best ships. So many possibilities to explore and new ground to tread.

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