Vignette Valencia is the worst person Wallflower Blush has ever met. She's vain, petty, materialistic. She's the kind of person that shouldn't exist outside of horror stories about social media influencers.
She's also easier to talk to than anyone else.
Struggling with conversation at the best of times, Wallflower finds Vignette's existence so baffling that it's impossible for her to be uncomfortable around her.
Winner of a committee prize in the 2022 Crackship Contest.
Huge thanks to VoxArachne for editing and prereading.
Chapters (1)
Huh, I didn't know it was possible to write a conversation between Vignette, Wallflower, and Juniper without it ending with one of them in a plastic bag and the other two trying to hide the body.
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Hmm, to think about it, a sequel could be a courtroom drama where Vignette and Wallflower find out that being gay is not a good justification of doing crime...
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Ah yes, the popular anime WallflowerMote, or in English, No Matter How I Look At It It's Sunset's Fault I'm Not Popular
#begaydocrime was absolutely trending the next day
It started good and it just got better and better as it went on.
This is legitimately the best story I've read on this site in several years. I can't remember the last time another story made me laugh this much. It's sweet, it's a surprisingly deep take on the characters, the way their bond grows, deepens and evolves feels ridiculously natural and never forced, it's unique and takes a different path to relationship formation to other stories, and above all it was so, so funny. I loved every moment of it.
I imagine, sadly, the story will be ignored by just about everyone, stories with Vignette in generally are. But I am absolutely certain there will be no better story in the crackship contest, and that this absolutely deserves to win. I have already recommended it to all my friends.
Oh my god.
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Those three are like, the same person.
This was amazing. There are relationships where people bring out the best in each other, and relationships where they bring out the worst in each other, but Wallflower and Valencia do both at the same time and it is incredible.
Damn, Bicyclette has inspired people with this contest. Picking a top three is going to be a nightmare for the judges.
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Comments like this really make my day, thank you!
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These are the worst people I've ever seen. They're PERFECT for each other.
This story is the embodiment of “I came looking for copper and found gold.” The pairing was totally unexpected but worked great thanks to your characterization of Wallflower and Vignette. The dialogue was hilarious and oddly sweet, especially when Wallflower opened up to Vignette. The finale was hilarious and tied things up nicely with the intro situation. Fantastic job writing this!
If this God Tier romcom doesn't win I'm rioting.
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The anime ends before things really pick up. Read the manga.
Anyway, Watamote and Haganai are two of my favorites. A lot of people consider them cringe-comedy, but I'm all "I know that feel."
Though Yozora's invective towards Sena pretty much sum up my thoughts on that Valencia chick.
This was surprisingly hilarious and sweet. Both Vignette and Wallflower were utterly toxic and I loved every single minute of escalation.
How is it that a relationship this toxic manages to be weirdly heartwarming? This feels like Discount Aragon, but in the best way possible. This is such a unique story. Well done.
Howdy, hi!
I loved this. My god, I was laughing the whole time through. This is the trash gremlin representation I wanted. This is hilarious in the worst and best way possible. Also, I don't know how you managed it, but this story is both anti-chemistry and all the chemistry. The characterization is just perfect, and I loved every minute of reading this.
One of the best stories I've ever read, thank you for this!
As many others have said, this is a glorious piece of fiction. This seems like one of the early chapters of an autobiography of Wallflower Blush (maybe Human Horticulture; Or, How I Learned Not to Worry and Love the Internet?) since she seems -- as warped as she is -- a three-dimensional character. This Vignette is more like a complete inversion of The Truman Show in that Truman was a perfectly real person unknowingly embedded in a fake 'reality' while Vignette is a perfectly fake person unknowingly embedded in a true reality.
This is an excellent demonstration of why Vignette is the best person
This is exquisite. The Startrix school of people bonding over being horrible and enabling one another, with the additional bonus of social media, that great toxic catalyst of the worst in all of us. Hilarious throughout, especially once Wallflower builds up some conversational momentum. Thank you for it, and best of luck in the judging.
Good job summing up the clickbait nature of social media.
Fascinating look into a world I don't think I ever could be of. Kept picturing this dialog happening in the 1980s or '90s though. My time when I was young I figure.
That was incredible, I had to pause to cackle
The Sequel: After the Starswirl Music Festival, Sunset gets the members of PostCrush to join the Friendship Jail.
They sit across from Wally and Vignette.
Juniper gets to film them interacting.
Juniper's followers count skyrocket.
Rainbow and Pinkie get involved and dare the two groups of semi-friends into a prank war.
Sunset and Sci-Twi try their best to keep things from getting outta control.
They fail.
Fluttershy sits there petting Spike and looking waifu.
Spike has gaga eyes for PostCrush's mascot.
...And Applejack wonders why Rarity keeps wanting to play baseball with her all of a sudden. At least, she thinks that's what it is. Why else would Rarity be so insistent about watching her swingin' a bat at something?
Good God this was funny
hahaha, love this already
#relatable
it's a small thing but i appreciate very much the é properly being in Café
oof, too relatable
augh, flashbacks to navigating friends of friends in a similar way
aww, love the phrase "great big anxiety tomato". evocative!
ooooooph
aww! i mean, it worked for Starlight and Trixie, and that one wasn't even intentional!
haha, wow, that is quite an introduction! these characters haven't "progressed" much beyond learning that killing people with magic is bad, but that is what makes them fun
hehehe, that is a good thing to call it
i love how consistent she is in her worldview here
love it
oof
haha, the uncanny valley, but good!
i mean, surely they have at least one thing to talk about now!
ah, what a beautiful moment of contemplation...
i do love Wallflower dismissing Equestrian magic as "horse-related business"
aww, sympathy for Juniper!
i am delighted by how sociopathic this character is!
she really is coming across as the most sympathetic so far to me
augh i can hear her voice say this so much
gottem
how dare you call me out like this
the winning strategy, Wallflower is very wise
so Wallflower it hurts
hehe, it's the meme!
oof! this is just like being friend-zoned. except it's about being friends? acquaintance-zoned?
so dysfunctional, yet so self-aware of it. and a logical extension of her whole love-and-hate-at-the-same-time thing with Sunset. love it!
hahahaha, love this
oof, you are selling this all too well
never gets old
hahaha
augh, how do you capture these conversations so well!? i am honestly floored
ahahahahaha i love it
gottem
my reaction exactly
i hate how she somehow has a point here
oh no, stakes!
hahaha, ah, i totally do this, too
it is very funny to realize that Vignette's feelings toward Wallflower are a perfect mirror image of the reverse, considering how easily i fall into Wallflower's perspective
oof, you never do let those things go
hehe, so true
so true!
augh, why can't i hate her? why can't i hate her at all?
oof, this really says a lot about our society
smooth!
augh, i love this bit
of all the positive influences to take into her head as a voice, Vignette Valencia... augh, i hate so much how well this works
i would die too
augh, understanding!
commentary!
i hate how well this works i hate how well this works i hate how well this works
yes, adopting her vocabulary!
so true
relatable
Wallflower is down bad
this feels very Douglas Adams somehow, except more gay
aww, that is just so sweet!
earning the climactic kiss scene is at the center of many shipfics' efforts. i have seen very few that come close to measuring up to this one. it's beautiful and i love it
and isn't that what the point of the whole series is about? that friendship is magic? if anything, they should be commended!
perfect
love this recurring bit
so Rarity and so true
aww! and after going through a Groundhog Day hell because of her, i can't imagine how personal this would be for Sunset
augh, i love how Juniper was perfectly set up to be shipped with Wallflower by having this in common with her as well as being a genuinely good person inside hoping to better herself, and they could help each other see the worth they don't see in themselves, and that is totally what would have happened in a conventional shipfic where the characters are uncomplicatedly sympathetic, but this one just does not go down that road!
aww, character growth!
and of course, sticking the landing with a genuine moment of connection and growth is the perfect way to end the fic.
what can i say? this is one of the best shipping stories i have ever read. the characters and their voices just popped like nothing else, awful and unhealthy and senseless while just so completely real and believable down to their very roots. i hated it and loved it and loved how much i hated it. thank you so much for this gem!
It's not like this story wasn't going to win me over; I just didn't expect it to happen so abruptly.
EDIT:
What's the word for being somehow won over more after already being completely won over?
God. This is so hella gay. It's the gayest thing since that one episode of Black Mirror. This is the gayest story I've ever read. And I adore every single moment of it. It's just... It's beyond gold, what you've made here
Incredible. This fic sold me on a ship so fast. The introvert who has morally snapped x the absolutely terrible extrovert is so REAL. Immaculate energy from these two.
A Grade. Perfect, absolutely perfect. Down to the last molecule.
probably the best shipfic ive ever and will ever read, ever
I haven't the time, nor the chance, to write this comment after the fic published but... could you do the sequel, please?
I want to see more Wallflower/Vignette relationship.
I loved this.
The way you write Vignette reminds me of a quote from Daria: "your shallowness is so thorough, it's almost like depth."
It's ridiculous how good this is - and while I'm typically a normie Sunflower shipper, this was an extremely good argument towards stretching those shipping legs. It's so cute, and the dynamic between Wallflower and Vignette is just so well-written, feels so organic, and yet so over the top all at the same time. It's fantastic, and the raw sass between them is everything I've ever wanted from green girl and then some, golly.
You absolutely capture a side of Wallflower I would kill to see depicted more. It's such a unique, perfect approach to the character.
There's a lot to this fic that makes it wonderful, but the banter is so... mwah! Chef's kiss, you know? There's a ton more I could say about this, but this is less a coherent review and more just extreme gushing, you gave me a craving for more and I'm sad this is it for them. Still, it'll always be something worth coming back to, to refresh and revel in all this toxic fluff.
Also, Juniper's dilemma is adorable and sad all at once. Ugh, it's all just so perfect... Definitely a favorite.
#BYBB #begaydocrime??
This was great to come back to. Straight up snorted at "That's okay, no one knows what you sound like."