• Published 7th Mar 2022
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The Mississippi Voyager - Alden MacManx



The beginning of exploration along the interior American river system starting about two years after The Event. What can be found?

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Chapter 5: Smacking Some Sense

Saturday, March 25, 2017 1330 hours

First Officer Crowne, Doctor Macombe, and Mary Sue found themselves walking south on I-70 toward Lambert Field. The First Officer carried a shotgun over her shoulder loaded with birdshot, a forty-five automatic in a holster at her hip, and a pack full of ammo. Mary Sue carried cold drinks in her saddlebags, while Lucien carried on a muttered conversation with himself. While he was no slouch as a unicorn, his skills and spells were oriented to his profession, that being a doctor. His lesson with Queen Marie have shown him a whole range of useful spells, which he would remember for as long as he wore the gem. If he was sharp enough, he would remember the spells after he gave the gem back to Captain Crane..

Mary Sue walked next to Julia, her head on a swivel, looking around as they walked. “Is Lucien like this all the time?” she quietly asked the diamond dog.

“Constantly,” Julia sighed. “He was almost ninety when the Event happened, and was one of the first back. He hasn’t completely accepted the fact he’s no longer a ninety-year-old man with a big family and a practice in Slidell. He may be a tiresome old windbag, but he is a very fine doctor, and a very good pony. Overlook his diarrhea of the mouth and there is much good in him.”

“I’ll have to remember that,” Mary Sue said. “My empathy agrees with what you say, but also tells me he can be quite stubborn if he feels he is in the right. He can be quite fierce when it comes to some things, like protecting children. Have you seen him deal with Rosa, Sparky and Zack?”

“I have. On our way here, we had some passengers that we dropped off in Memphis, a mother and six-year-old twins, a pegasus and an earth pony. He managed to keep the two very well-behaved on the trip up, and they loved him in return,” Julia explained. “He hasn’t said, but I think he was a pediatrician. If not that, a family practitioner. Can’t fault his manners, either. However, I just wish he would get to the point faster than he usually does. Is it because he likes to hear himself talk or what?”

“I can’t be sure, but I have an idea. You may ask him if he was going deaf in his later years as a human. Could be he likes to hear himself talk because for a long time, he couldn’t,” Mary Sue observed as they walked.

Julia walked on for a minute, in silence, before replying. “You could be right. In which case, none of us should be mad at him. I do know Captain Crane finds his talking irksome. So do I, but as First Officer on a small boat, I don’t have to deal with the Doctor unless necessary.”

Mary Sue was about to reply to that, but the radio beat her to it. “Recon Viper One to Athena! Movement off to your left and behind! A bunch of ponies and others just coming into sight! It’s them! I recognize Suzanne from my altitude!”

Julia picked up her radio from where it hung at her side from a strap around her neck. “Where are they, Frack?” she asked.

“You’re coming up on a big interchange. You want to get to the other direction and head left once there. They are just walking down the highway there in a straight line like nothing’s wrong. Suzanne is leading, then Exeter, then Virgil and Bitumen. I can see Mark Voltefiore there, and the rest of the Saint Louis crowd, plus a few I don’t recall,” Frack reported.

“We have picked up five since you were last here, Frack. A hippogriff, a diamond dog, a unicorn and two earth ponies,” Mary Sue reported.

After a moment, Frack called back. “Okay, adding them accounts for everyone I can see. Can’t tell you where they came from. It’s like they just appeared on the road,” he reported.

“Galactica to Recon Viper One,” Captain Crane said over the radio. “The maps show a tunnel at that location. Can you see the tunnel?”

“Hang on, Galactica. I’ll call you back in a minute or so. Hard to fly and talk without dropping this thing,” Frack muttered.

“Copy that, Recon Viper One. First, go to quickstep. Report when you have the group in sight,” Captain Crane ordered.

“Right, Captain,” Julia told her boss before looking at the other two. “Let’s move it!” The three broke into a jog, crossing over the divider into the northbound lanes and taking the off-ramp in reverse, so to say.

“Recon Viper One to Galactica. If there is a tunnel there, not only can I NOT see it, I can’t follow the road more than a little way before shearing off and flying over runway eleven. From a distance, the road just runs right into the hillside. No sign of a tunnel,”

“Sounds lakh an illusion to me, Recon One. Coupled with an avoidance spell. That’s gonna be a bit of a challenge to take down, but ah think ah can come up with somethin’, if we need it. Ah’m gonna have tuh see it first,” Lucien told the group, trusting the radio to pick up his words.

“Good idea, Doctor Selik. Pay attention to the group as you pass them. I’m willing to bet they are still zombified,” Frack opined.

“We’ll find that out soon enough,” Julia said. “They’re coming into sight now. Keep your eyes open, Recon Viper One!”

“That’s why they pay me the big cubits, Athena!”


The Saint Louis group, Suzanne leading, marched right up to where Mary Sue, Julia and Lucien waited in the roadway. They then kept right on going, paying the visitors no heed, eyes fixed right ahead, steadily walking. Lucien watched as Mary Sue trotted alongside Suzanne.

“Suzanne! Wake up! You can fight this!” Mary Sue pleaded, but Suzanne paid her no heed. Nor did Exeter, Bitumen, Swifthoof, Virgil, Wilbur, or any of the others.

Lucien watched them walk by, Queen Marie watching as well. She is a far better spellcaster than Lucien is, or whoever cast the zombie spell to begin with. “The spell is designed to release once they complete their mission, which is to return home and forget what they have been doing,” he said, but it was not quite his voice or speech pattern. “The real problem lies ahead. Shall we pay them a visit?”

“If they will be alright heading home on their own, then yes, let us press on. I will inform the Second,” Julia said as she moved away from the marching morons, letting them go. She made her report via gemstone, and was told to press on.

“You’re in charge, First. We’re not going to second-guess you from here,” the Second told her, clearly relaying from the Captain.

“Got it, Carroll. Maintain a light link with me. That way I won’t have to stop to relay,” Julia sent.

“Will do, Julia. Going to standby,” Carroll replied.


The trio stopped about a hundred yards from a blank hillside the road led right into. They stopped because all three could feel the urge to turn around, go away, don’t look here. “An illusion and an aversion field,” Lucien said, his horn glowing red. “Done by some being with a lot of power but not a lot of skill, otherwise the caster would have combined the spells seamlessly.”

“Can you take it down, Doctor?” Mary Sue asked.

“Won’t be hard to do, but it will tip off the caster as soon as the spells come down. Julia, take cover off to the right and maintain overwatch with the shotgun. I hope we won’t need it, but better with it than without. Inform Frack to follow the others home, making sure they get there,” Lucien said with more force behind his words than was normal for him. Then again, he was just being a willing puppet for Queen Marie.

“Doing,” Julia grunted before doing so, relaying the orders to Frack once she was behind the concealing bushes.

Lucien and Mary Sue walked up to the end of the road, where it vanished into the grassy hillside, his horn lit. “Going to drop the illusion and aversion fields. Get ready for just about anything,” he muttered to the pink and yellow earth pony before his horn flared a bright crimson before dimming. The illusion vanished, revealing a road tunnel going under the runway, with a gentle turn to the right visible. “That’ll get someone’s attention…”


Meanwhile, inside the tunnel (the other tube, that is):

Casimir and Coronavirus watched the last of the zombies pass through the illusion, fading from sight. “How are we going to explain all this to Vladimir?” Coronavirus whined, the green unicorn clearly upset, which was his usual state of mind.

Casimir was far calmer, just otnay ootay ightbray, if you get the meaning. “We have plenty of time to do that, Cor. I told him I would not call back until we’re ready to send his tithe to him. Not our fault that most of the good stuff is locked away in vaults that take time and effort to open, right?” the red-scaled dragon told his lackey, who lacked, among other things, a lot of common sense. Then again, so did the dragon.

“But, how are we going to gather his tithe? It’s just the two of us!” Coronavirus whimpered, pacing nervously along the white line painted on the road, five steps one way, turn, five steps the other way, turn and repeat.

“So? It’ll take longer, yes, and we’re going to have to keep the locals in their own area while we search in the city for a better location. When we find a place, you can teleport our stuff down there, right?” Casimir growled in tones that said the answer had better be ‘yes’.

“Oh, yes, sure, Cas! May take three or four trips, but I can do it! I got us here from Cincinnati, right?” Cor said in eager boot-licking tones.

“Yes, in thirty-mile hops. One after another after another…” Casimir groaned, remembering how they had to stop after three consecutive teleports for him to retch before trying again. It made for a LONG trip. The three hundred mile trip was done in one day, but it took Cas two days to recover from the journey. Personally, he would have flown, but Coronavirus would have slowed them down a LOT.

“Tell me why we left Equestria with Vladimir and the others…” Cor asked as he paced.

“Fortune, glory, treasure and lack of opposition. We’ve learned a lot from Vladimir and the others before they let us try on our own, right?” Casimir reasoned.

“Yes, but Vladimir is already pissed off at us as it is! Upset him enough and he’ll send us somewhere really nasty!” Coronavirus cried, lying down on the pavement and covering his muzzle with his forelegs.

“Like where? Dayton?” Casimir snapped back at his sniveling wreck of an aide.

“Yes! He’ll be looking over our shoulders all the time! We won’t be able to hide any good stuff from him! How are we going to stay here?” Cor shouted.

“What’s that?” Cas shouted as the two felt a wave of magic pass through the tunnel.


Meanwhile, outside the west end of the tunnels…

“Do you hear that?” Mary Sue asked.

“Sounds like Dumb and Dumberer are havin’ a tonsil-wavin’ contest there, an’ no one is winnin’.” Lucien observed. “Ready fo’ me to drop their spells?”

“Have at. Let’s see what happens. I got something ready if needed,” Mary Sue said quietly.

“Alrighty then. Droppin’ spellcracker,” Lucien said as a red ball formed at the end of his horn, which flared out to both sides. Immediately, the illusion fell, revealing the twin pipes of the North Lindbergh Boulevard roadway tunnel under the northern runway. The shouting match inside stopped immediately. “Looks lakh we done got theah attention.”

“Sure sounds like it,” Mary Sue replied as they could hear two sets of sounds coming up the tunnel- one set of hooves pounding on cement, and the other set of claws hitting pavement. Big claws. Big claws backed by a big body.

A sickly green glow appeared in the tunnel, getting brighter, backed by a shadow looming over the light source. Mary Sue shouted something that Lucien didn’t recognize, but Queen Marie did, thanks to her (admittedly tenuous) ties with Apito. Two loud smacks were heard as the two bodies running inside fell to the floor, skidding a little before stopping. “Nicely done, Mary Sue. I’ll call Julia in and maybe we can talk some sense into these two,” Lucien said in Queen Marie’s voice.

“Yes, your Highness,” Mary Sue said respectfully as they heard Julia approach from her post.

“What have we got here?” Julia asked.

“Let’s find out,” Queen Marie answered before leading the way in.

The three entered the tunnel and walked about a hundred feet before finding a sour-apple-green unicorn with a lemon-lime swirled mane, tail and horn sprawled out on the pavement in front of a mid-sized red and black dragon. The dragon glared up at the approaching trio. “Who in Tartarus are you?” he managed to say, moving only his head and neck because the rest of his body had gone numb.

Mary Sue was the first to stand over the dragon. “You never realized that when your zombies assembled, you were one short. My goddess protects me from thought and mind control spells while I am her loyal cleric and follower. Now, explain just what you have been doing with my friends this past week, and it had better be convincing!” she snapped at the dragon.

“Building a hoard, making a home, and finding what the boss would like for HIS hoard!” the dragon managed to say. “When I found the ponies here, I figured hey, ready workforce!”

Lucien was next to come up and stand over the dragon. “Ah got two words to say about what yuh just said, sir, and those two words are HORSE HOCKEY!” he bellowed. “You’re just as full of shit as a porta-john the day after a Fourth of July picnic! Now, ah suggest yuh tell the truth befoah ah let HER out and have her kick your ass all the way back to Equestria!” His sapphire gem was blazing a brilliant blue while his horn burned a brilliant blood red.

It was the green unicorn who spoke first, the dragon’s eyes going wider than his paw span in something he had not felt since he was a hatchling, that being true FEAR for his LIFE that penetrated to the very core of his being. “We heard there was a colony here over the radio, so we figured coming here would be the best thing to do! Big city, known work force, lots of plunder! Vladimir has four cities under his control, and we’re the fifth! It took us over a year to convince Vladimir to let the two of us out to try on our own!” the unicorn squealed.

“Vladimir? Who is he, WHAT is he, where does he control, and what other cities does he dominate?” Julia demanded, her shotgun pointed at the unicorn. “For that matter, who are you?”

It took an hour, but the three (okay, four if you count Marie) got the full story out of the two reprobates. By the time Mary Sue’s paralysis spell expired, the two were so cowed, they were not about to do ANYTHING that would come remotely close to pissing off anyone.

Mary Sue glared at the two after the story was told. “We will be back tomorrow, with the true leaders of the group in attendance, to figure out how we can work together, without bringing the ‘wrath’ (quotation marks clearly audible) of Vladimir down on us. Downtown is a dangerous place to go, what with a lot of Equestrian monsters down there that honestly would be a pain for us to clear out. Think of possibly helping us clear out manticores, basilisks, bugbears, and what other monsters live downtown, so we can excavate whatever treasures are down there. You’re a dragon. You want a hoard? Clear out downtown and we could work together on gathering loot. GOOD loot that Vladimir would enjoy.”

“That would make Vladimir a bit suspicious,” Coronavirus managed to say.

“You said that you would not call him until you’re ready to tithe to him, right?” Julia asked the two. “Let it take a while, and don’t tell him you’re cooperating with the colony. Let him think you’re still puppeting them. Results would be the same, yes?”

“We will think about that,” Casimir rumbled. “If it will help cover our asses, so much the better. BUT, we can’t let the WSU know about us, because Vladimir and the others listen to the radio. If he finds out, he could either get mad enough to come here to take the city himself, or abandon us altogether. He’s better at magic than I am, and he can send me spells over the ball. Who knows what he will do? I don’t.”

“We can keep it quiet,” Queen Marie said through Lucien. “If I send word you are not to be mentioned over the radio, they will not. I trust them to do the right thing.”

“So do I,” Mary Sue added. “They keep their word on matters. Can we trust you to keep YOUR word?”

“Yes, you can, Miss Mary Sue!” Casimir declared. “You know where we live, and we don’t want to anger you like that AGAIN!”

“Good. We’ll be back tomorrow. We’ll talk then. No funny business while we’re gone, or else you’ll wish we would kill you. Got it?” Mary Sue said firmly.

“You got it!” Coronavirus squealed. “See you tomorrow!”

The three turned in place and walked out without looking back, leaving the tunnel and walking all the way to I-70 before anyone said anything. “Think they will behave?” Julia asked.

“Ah have little doubt about that,” Lucien drawled. “Her Majesty is sure we done put such a skeer into them, they don’t dare even think about doin’ somethin’ that would piss us off.”

“Plus, Suzanne will read them the riot act and how before settling down and getting them on the straight and narrow,” Mary Sue said. She knows how… assertive and determined, to put it politely… Suzanne can be. Nobody wants a tongue-lashing from her more than once.

“I left a link open between Carroll and myself, so they know what went on in there,” Julia told the others. “They’re on the lookout for them, and many are heading back to the house to wait for them there. Frack’s watching them.”

“Where they at?” Mary Sue asked.

“I’ll ask,” Julia said as she raised her radio. “Athena to Recon Viper One. Homecoming party started yet?”

“Not yet, Athena. They’re about halfway across the last big interchange before the hotel they moved into. Another ten minutes or so. Captain’s with the kids, waiting for them to finish crossing. They’re still zombied, from the way they are walking,” Frack informed them via radio.

“The spell is not going to end until they do get home, Frack. They won’t remember anything about what they have been doing. Film at six on Six,” Julia told the Engineer.

“Copy that. Film at six on Six. Recon Viper One ten-ten.”

“First out.”

Lucien asked Mary Sue, “Why did you decide to move into the Extended Stay place rather than a better hotel?”

“The ESA has one thing the other hotels lacked – kitchens in the suites. We figured it would be easier that way, then use one central kitchen. We rotate cooking duties, plus it’s close to our fields. It works, we like it, and keeping everyone together, we only need one big generator,” Mary Sue explained.

“If it works for you, that’s good enough fo’ me.”


Sunday, March 26, 2017, 1800 hours, aboard Mississippi Voyager:


The entire Saint Louis colony gathered for Sunday dinner aboard the Voyager. Mark Voltefiore and the diamond dog, Ellen Greenspan, assisted Jason McTerry in making a wonderful dinner for everypony and soul aboard. Captain Crane and Mayor Blakeslee sat at the head table talking about the day’s activities, which started two hours after dawn and had ended an hour ago. This time, a delegation took the Saint Louis delivery truck down to have a long talk with the dragon, a long productive talk. Casimir and Coronavirus agreed to be ‘neighbors’ to the Saint Louis group, each side helping the other with wants and needs.

The dragon and unicorn were carefully educated (meaning, severely browbeaten by Lucien, Queen Marie, Mayor Blakeslee and Captain Crane) on HOW to be good neighbors with each other. Suzanne informed Casimir of their nearby hunting grounds for meat, invited Coronavirus to assist in the farming, and offered to take Corona into the city for ‘scavenging trips’ while Casimir assisted in clearing monsters from the area. As the Mayor told the two, “We won’t hold what you HAVE DONE against you, but, stray from the straight and narrow and you will no longer be welcome. Her Majesty will be watching you, and if she thinks you’ve gone too far, she will strike. Do you WANT that?”

“Madam Mayor, I have to admire how you handled Cas and Cor today. You have a way with people,” Captain Crane commented over his dinner of cornmeal-coated fried river fish and fresh greens from the Saint Louis garden.

“I have found the best way to handle bullies is to be a better bully, but to allow the bully a chance to cooperate. If they don’t, squish them like a bug and keep on going. So long as they BELIEVE you can do it, it’s a good tactic. Fortunately, we have the means to back up the claim of power. Queen Marie has offered to send an ambassador up on your next trip, to help keep an eye on him. Virgil says he can come up with a gem that looks a lot like yours, and Mary Sue will wear it, to help them think she’s watching,” Suzanne said as she enjoyed her succotash.

“We do have some cargo for you that you have requested from the WSU. How much do you have going outbound?” Howard asked.

“Not much, to be quite honest, but not much was expected. We have done some salvaging from around here and from Saint Charles that should be of interest. Virgil and Sadie detect some sort of magic coming from the items, but both say they don’t know enough to interpret what they feel.” Suzanne explained.

“Tomorrow, we’ll do the off and on loading, then pitch in around here to get you back up to snuff before we head to Kansas City. We’ll stop on the way back to drop off a case of potions for your pharmacy,” Howard let Suzanne know after savoring the bite of fish.

“Sounds like a plan to me, Howard. We had that one pony pass through last year, heading to Kaycee with a couple of breezies. We know they made it all right, but check on them and let us know how they are doing, okay?” Suzanne asked.

“I think I can do that, Suzanne. Have you done anything to check your rail system here, for when Memphis will start running about?” Howard asked.

“We have, actually. The bridge across the river downtown is sound, as are the tracks that run nearby. Between the airport and downtown we have not checked yet. If Casimir proves to be a friend, we will. Too many monsters,” Suzanne reported.

“Ah can understand that,” Howard said, raising his glass. “To better days ahead!”

“I’ll drink to that!” Suzanne said with a laugh, clicking cups with the captain before tossing down their drinks.

Author's Note:

Decided to release this now while I'm still working on the next chapter, because I have FIVE doctor's appointments in the next twelve days, starting 13 April. Doesn't help any that I tweaked a muscle in my lower back putting my socks on a week ago Friday, and the pain is still intense enough to drive me to distraction, despite pain meds and a hot pad that I am damn close to marrying...

Next chapter, back to Kansas City for a visit, pick up a batch of potions, and a return to New Orleans. Eventually.