• Published 4th Mar 2022
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On the Fine Art of Giving Yourself Advice - McPoodle



A magical accident causes the future Mane Six and their Equestria Girls counterparts to switch minds on the day the former gain their marks, and the latter meet for the first time.

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Day 3, Evening & Night: Chapter 25: Thoughts of a Princess (H. Celestia, P. Trixie)

Author's Note:

I was watching some Shakespeare before I started writing this first part. Can you tell?

H. Celestia—Equestria, The Royal Throne Room of Castle Canterlot. Noon on Day Three.

The unicorn Principal Celestia, disguised by a piece of Earth technology as the alicorn Princess Celestia, sat upon the royal throne, receiving reports of the gathering expedition to find the lost human Rarity. Beside her stood the royal aide, Raven, the...

Ah, and what a fearful mystery lurked at the end of that ellipsis! For what indeed was Raven? Earth pony by lineage, something like a unicorn arch-mage in power, and in longevity like an alicorn herself! On Earth, the adage “power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely” was inviolate; how far from that was it in Equestria? For while the Princess had the title of power, had not Raven equal substance of power? The Christian God was all-knowing, all-powerful and in all places at once. In the first two categories, princess and advisor were in close competition, but Raven could pass from one end of the realm to the other in but a hoofstep and with seemingly no expense to her power, while the Princess’ teleports drained her to her utmost. The Princess wasn’t even sure that Raven’s mind was confined to a single pony, having once been heard muttering something about “the twenty-three”.

All of this Principal Celestia had learned from her pony counterpart in the dreams they had shared, the results of casual remarks the Princess had dropped whenever the question had been asked as to how she managed to so well govern her vast realm.

The Princess had displayed no worry. Unlike an endless march of would-be unicorn usurpers with their mad schemes to rule or destroy the universe, Raven, the result of generations of breeding overseen by the Blueblood clan, was absolutely loyal. As were her 22 alternate “daughters”—loyalty was part of the breeding. So the Princess believed.

And it was this same Raven who stood beside the nervous “Princess” now, telling her who she was speaking with, and how they deserved to be treated.

Celestia watched as the crowds lined up before her spontaneously parted, to allow a white unicorn mare with an auburn mane and a while unicorn colt with a blond mane to step forward. After a brief bow, the colt spoke: “Auntie, may I ask why you are leaving?”

Celestia glanced over at Raven, having no idea who this supplicant was, although his high rank was obvious.

Raven pursed her lips.

The voice of a filly with what Celestia thought of as a Cockney accent spoke up from a far corner of the hall: “Mommy, who’s that colt who’s speakin’ with the Princess?

Another Cockney voice, that of an older mare, answered, “That there’s the bloomin’ Princeling of Equestria, Blueblood son of Prince Blueblood himself. ‘Bluey’ for short. ‘Is father is leading that there expedition to the Yak lands.

Neither voice belonged to actual ponies, being summoned up by Raven to deliver the necessary information to Principal Celestia. Also it wasn’t a very good Cockney. Finally, Celestia knew that her counterpart’s only living relative lived in the Moon, so “Auntie” must have been an affectation.

“Good afternoon, Nephew,” Celestia addressed the colt with a smile. “I am going to aid this lost filly, and should not a princess aid the poor and the helpless?”

“No,” Bluey said with complete sincerity. “I looked up this ‘Rarity’ unicorn in the genealogies, and she has not one drop of noble blood. That means you owe her nothing.”

Celestia pulled back her head and gravely regarded this colt. And then she realized that he was but a colt, and had learned his values from the haughty nobles who surrounded him. He was in need of a lesson.

Now Celestia had not really concentrated on history much in college. She had focused on the sciences, while her sister Luna was the one who took the history, language and sociology classes. But both of them were budding teachers, and so taught themselves their subjects by teaching them to the other. And in this way Celestia had picked up some history, even if against her will. She now set herself the task of using her knowledge of a social system she didn’t have much sympathy for to turn this Bluey into a better pony and, perhaps, to drag a few of the adults along with him.

“This is a feudal society,” she told Bluey. “And feudalism is based on the Great Chain of Being. The animals, the plants, and the very elements serve the common pony. Is that not correct?” She looked out across the crowd, and saw complete agreement with her words. Her sweep ended on Blueblood who, seeing the others nod, nodded vigorously himself. “The peasant serves the lesser lord, the lesser lord serves the greater, and the greatest lord directly serves the final link of the chain...who is me.” Celestia paused to look once more at Bluey.

Princeling Bluey nodded once more.

“But service is nothing without somepony to serve. If the land died, if the clouds dried up, where would the ponies be? Could they command a dead Equestria to provide them with food and water? No. And so the ponies tend the land, they marshal the clouds, they wrap up the winter and they run the leaves off of the trees. These are the responsibilities of ponies to Equestria.

“That responsibility does not stop with the common pony. As we the nobility and royalty of Equestria command the loyalty of the common pony, so are we also responsible for their well-being. As we are freed from common labor, so do we instead study and train ourselves for leadership. We protect the common pony from the dangers of this world, because if we do not, we will soon find ourselves with no ponies to rule over. Do you find any fault with my logic?”

“No, Auntie,” Bluey said, his head lowered and his eyes a bit glazed trying to comprehend such novel subjects.

“A ruler’s most-powerful tool is delegation and on another occasion I might send a group of ponies on my behalf to perform this rescue. But that very group is serving our needs in the Yak lands right now, so it falls to me. Besides, it is good for the common ponies to see us acting ourselves for their best interest, to give them a personal connection to the pony they owe allegiance to. And...” (she reached forward, lifting Bluey’s head up so he was looking her in the eye) “...it’s a chance to be a hero.”

“A hero?” Bluey asked, his doubts instantly vanished.

“Why yes, a hero. Can you imagine the scene? Some terror has waylaid the poor filly Rarity and then we sweep in, myself and you, Bluey. Together we will vanquish the foe, and rescue the maiden, to the acclaim of the whole grateful nation!”

“Wow...” Bluey said softly, before quickly turning to Dame Blue Fly. “Can I go, Mamma?”

“Can you guarantee his safety?” Blue Fly asked Celestia.

Celestia gestured to the ponies standing at key positions throughout the hall. “We are going into possible danger, but I bring my guards. And you know my power.” (Wasn’t that an equivocation!) “Judge his safety by that.”

Blue Fly smiled. “Yes, you can go, Bluey. It should be an enlightening experience. Do try to see that he doesn’t get into too much trouble, Your Highness.” She bowed her head briefly but deeply.

“I’ll do what I can,” Celestia said, briefly bowing her head, but not as deeply. Royal etiquette was something that Celestia and Luna had asked the Princess about, and so they knew how to bow heads to practically anyone should they ever have to impersonate her.

Out of the corner of her eye, Celestia caught a signal given by Raven. She stood up, and everyone in the room came to attention. “With all in readiness, we depart,” she announced simply. She walked down the aisle, followed first by Bluey, then the royal guards. Raven walked alongside the file of ponies, being close enough to have the ear of the Princess.

As she always had.


During the first leg of their journey, Celestia stared down at Sunset’s bag, and tried to move it with her unicorn telekinesis. According to both the Princess and Raven, it was the second-easiest of unicorn spells after lighting her horn. And Lift and Light were the only two spells that didn’t require concentrating on complicated spell forms to pull off.

The bag refused to budge.


The first stop of the flotilla of pegasi-driven carriages was Ponyville. The Mayor was waiting, and a little unicorn filly was beside her.

As a frustrated Celestia stepped out of the carriage, Raven was by her side. “Were you trying to lift something?” she asked.

Celestia nodded as the two started walking towards the waiting mayor and her guest.

“You have talons in your true form, right?” she asked.

Celestia looked at her curiously. “Hands,” she said in a low voice. “But ‘talons’ is close enough.”

“Imagine that you’re lifting the bag with the hands you no longer have. Wish for it to happen.”

Welcome to our fair village.

Celestia turned to face the Mayor as she bowed deeply to her. She glanced back to her side, but Raven was nowhere to be seen. Celestia sighed, accepting that she was not going to be able to control her conversations with her “advisor”. She then turned back to deal with the Mayor of Ponyville.

“Rise, my little pony.” The Principal used her counterpart’s favorite phrase, and somehow did it with a straight face. “And who is the filly you have brought to meet me?”

“This is Amethyst Star,” Mayor Mare said. “She and Cheerilee are the ones who saw Rarity get dragged out of town. Cheerilee is with the main search group.”

Celestia kneeled down to be closer to Amethyst’s level. “Hello, Little Amethyst,” she said. “Could you tell me what you saw?”

Amethyst took a deep breath. “Rarity was being dragged by this bright magical beam that was grabbing onto her horn. Cheerilee and me ran over to try and pull her away, but she cried out that she was being taken to ‘her destiny’, and so we let her go.” She said this with the air of somepony who had been asked to tell this story many times before. She then blinked for a moment in thought and looked earnestly into Celestia’s eyes. “Did we make the right decision?”

“Absolutely,” Celestia said, rising to her full height. “Rarity was indeed taken to her destiny. It’s just that we think she got into trouble after that.”

“Oh,” said Amethyst. And then her eyes twinkled with sudden inspiration. “Hey, you should take me with you when you go to find Rarity!” She signaled to the Mayor to back off, then leaned in close to whisper, “I’ve got a guardian griffon!

Oh?” Celestia replied with mock curiosity. She looked back at the carriages. Inside one of them was Trixie, who had both insisted that they take Sunset’s bag of human gadgets, and that she come along, despite the fact that Celestia understood the contents of that bag far more than Trixie did. “Well I’m afraid we’re out of room,” she whispered to Amethyst, unless you want to hang off the side.

Amethyst took a moment to seriously think this over.

Both of them ignored the panicked look on Mayor Mare’s face.

“No, I should stay here and look after Ponyville,” Amethyst finally said, forgetting to whisper. “Besides, my guardian’s only good near the Everfree.”

“OK,” Celestia said very seriously. “Thank you for your help.”

“No problem,” Amethyst said casually. A second later she was running back into the square. “Guess what, Ponies!” she was heard to scream a moment after she had turned a corner. “I got to talk to the Princess! We’re besties now!

Celestia shook her head and walked over to the Mayor.

“There was one other thing,” the Mayor told her. “A member of the search party went back into town an hour or two before sunset yesterday to report in. He told us that the party was just south of the Royal Trail entrance to the Everfree, and was going to follow the Trail southwest from there.”

Celestia nodded like she had any idea where that was. “Thank you,” she said. “We’ll start our search from there.” She began to walk back to the carriages.

“Good luck!” the Mayor called after her.


On the next flight, Celestia succeeded in lifting the bag with her magic, although she was far from having any degree of control in her manipulations.

Meanwhile the pegasi drivers knew exactly where the location mentioned by the Mayor was, and soon flew the handful of carriages over there.

While the others were looking down the trail to the southwest, Celestia turned to the northeast, where the trail entered the Everfree and immediately turned into a narrow path.

She looked at the forest with foreboding. Somewhere in there was the castle where the pony Luna surrendered herself to the Nightmare, and from that spot she had been banished to the Moon, nearly a thousand years ago—you could not possibly visit the dreams of Princess Celestia without becoming intimately familiar with the events of that night. Celestia scanned the sky, trying to find the moon, but she soon realized that on Equestria the sun and moon were always on opposite sides of the sky, and so the moon would never be visible in daylight. Slowly she walked closer to the forest, peering within to see if she could spot the ruins of the castle. She raised a hoof and rested it on a tree trunk...


Principal Celestia suddenly found herself in a gray void, a path below her bare human feet, and blank screens floating around her. She was wearing the white shift of a pilgrim.

Where is the Princess?” a voice gently asked her. The dead voice of her step-father Truth Delver. “Is she stuck on Earth as well, your mind switched with hers?

Celestia was remarkably calm at this moment. It helped that the Princesses’ dreams frequently looked just like this landscape. “Yes,” she said to the being that was borrowing Truth Delver’s voice. “We are on schedule to get everyone switched back before the midnight deadline. I am Celestia of Earth. Who might I be addressing, Sir or Madam?”

I am Harmony. And when you say ‘everyone’, I know that you lie.

Celestia’s eyes boggled, as she realized that she was speaking to the closest entity she knew to the Christian God, the one being that even Princess Celestia considered to be her superior.

Which of these six are not returning to their original bodies?” Harmony continued, using some of the screens to display the six ponies he was interested in.

Celestia pointed at Twilight. “That one,” she said. “Injuries have forced the pony to stay in the human body. And the human needs to stay in Equestria for a while for the sake of her spiritual well-being.”

You could have brought the pony body to me. I would have been able to cure her of any ailment.

“Even a broken horn?” Celestia said doubtfully. “Before the deadline?”

I could have healed her,” Harmony said with a hint of a pout, “but it would have taken a week.

“I think that she should heal at her own pace, instead of with your help,” Celestia insisted, inwardly amazed at her own courage. “It will be better for her in the long term.”

There was a pause as the ponification of an abstract concept thought. “I accept your assertion, based as it must be on knowledge I do not possess. And I accept the change to my plans. Nay, I welcome it. This is clearly the work of... Celestia of Earth, does your world have a guardian spirit as I am the guardian spirit of Equus?

“We do not know it for a fact,” Celestia replied. “But if such a being existed, we have already prepared a name for her: Gaia.”

I do not believe in accidents, Celestia of Earth. The switching of my champions is the work of Gaia. I am certain of this. She does not wish me harm, she just wants to...‘get in on the action’, so to speak. And she thinks that her Twilight would be a better Magic than my Twilight. So be it: if Twilight of Earth can embrace friendship as her predecessor did not, then the power will be hers when the time is right.

Celestia came to a realization. “Harmony...are you confined to the Everfree?”

For now,” the voice responded. “I expect the Six to unlock their powers while within my forest, years from now when they are mature enough...or if circumstances beyond my control force that maturity upon them. If for some reason this happens outside the Everfree, could you or the pony Celestia please send them into the sphere of my influence afterwards, so I might show them the destiny I have picked out for them, and give them the opportunity to embrace or reject it of their individual free will?

“Yes,” said Celestia.

Do you have any questions for me?

“...No.”

Then I release you. I apologize for the magic I took from you to power my manifestation, but I thought it important that I knew if at least most of the ponies would be returning to their rightful bodies.


With a gasp, Celestia returned to being a disguised unicorn again. She shook her head, fighting off a momentary drowsiness.

“Are you alright, Your Highness?” Raven asked her.

“Yes,” Celestia said, putting a hoof to her temple. She opened her mouth to tell Raven of her encounter—

No,” the voice whispered in her mind. It was not a command, but a request. “She has fallen from my path, and will soon fall far further.

Celestia turned her open mouth into a yawn, then closed it.

Accompanied by Raven, Celestia walked back to the group. “Has anypony spotted the group yet?” she asked.

The pegasi who were hovering in the sky and scanning the horizon shook their heads.

“Trixie, could I speak with you for a moment?” Celestia asked as she walked over to her carriage. She used her magic to swing the bag out of the carriage, and to open it. When Trixie had joined her she pointed at an object in the bag: a pair of powered binoculars. It had reshaped itself during the passage through the mirror, making it a simply massive object in order to work with the enormous size of pony eyes. “Can you operate that?” she asked, making sure her voice could not be heard by any outside observers, before dropping it down for a private conversation. “I can do it, but my magic is not sure enough yet, and I can’t let anypony see how bad I am with it.

Trixie nodded, reaching into the bag and fishing the binoculars out by the strap.

Celestia turned to face the small crowd, which had gathered a respectful distance away to hear her orders. “Trixie here has an invention that will help her to find the search party,” she said. “Flying Feather, I need you to take her up in your chariot so she can get a better view. Fly in broad arcs across the path. I also need another unicorn to hold the binoculars up for her—she lost her magic in the service of Equestria.”

Trixie gave Celestia a look of shock, which soon turned to gratitude.

“I’ll hold the, uh thingee,” Bluey said, stepping forward.

“Very well,” Celestia said with a smile.


P. Trixie.

Trixie used the binoculars to scan the ground for signs of a large group of ponies, or their tracks. It was rather difficult, as the focus had to be adjusted for different distances, and Trixie needed to use all of her hooves to hold onto the chariot. It turned out that she was scared of heights.

“Are you a peasant, Trixie?” Bluey asked her shyly.

“The lowest of the low, Your Highness,” Trixie quipped, her eyes still glued to the binocular’s sights.

“Wait, I know you! You’re the daughter of Housekeeper Spectacle.”

Trixie pulled away from the binoculars in utter shock. “You know her name?”

“Well I can’t avoid hearing it,” Bluey said, shuffling one hoof on the floor of the chariot. “The maids are always reporting to her, and I’m always needing a maid when Father is reporting to Auntie to clean up my spills. Chef Gallop makes the best chocolate and peanut butter milkshakes.”

No...way...” Trixie whispered in awe.

Bluey saw her gaze and looked away, blushing. “So...how does that ‘binocular’ device work?”

“Well, it’s just a pair of telescopes, side by side,” Trixie said, regaining her composure.

Bluey turned back to face her. “A pair of surveying telescopes, I would hope. Not the astronomical kind.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Astronomical telescopes take the far, and make it close. Surveying telescopes take the far, and spread it out. One’s for details, the other’s for the big picture.”

“Oh!” exclaimed Trixie. “They are definitely surveying telescopes. Say, is that what your cutie mark is for? Surveying?”

“Yes,” said Bluey.

Trixie rolled her eyes. Reaching up, she shoved the binoculars towards Bluey. “Then you are the one who’s supposed to be using this thing!”

“Oh,” Bluey said quietly. The two unicorns switched places in the chariot, and then he put the binoculars to his own eyes. He already knew how the focusing knob worked.

It took him about twenty seconds to spot the trail left by the search party.

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