Derpy's Big Crush

Shrinky Frod

Shrinky Frod #1 · Feb 27th, 2022 · 3 · ·

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I believe that ending translates into "yes, sir."

Random_User

Random_User #2 · Feb 27th, 2022 · 1 · ·

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This is a wonderful, fluffy, and sweet story. I enjoyed it quite a bit. Thanks for sharing it with us.

assbutt2

assbutt2 #3 · Feb 27th, 2022 · 3 · ·

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Derpy would make a wonderful wife.

Yoshifan30

Yoshifan30 #4 · Feb 27th, 2022 · 1 · ·

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Aww this was actually pretty nice story and seeing Derpy actually can relate to somebody who is an accident prone even though troubleshoes is a special case she can actually relate to him and she really wants to help him about his cutie mark problem but later on he understood why his Cutie Mark is like that all thanks to the Cutie Mark Crusaders and what makes him well him despite the ups and downs and Derpy really likes him a lot and she even wants to invite him to dinner this was a pretty good story keep up the good work

Diamond Sparkle

Diamond Sparkle #5 · Feb 28th, 2022 · 1 · ·

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I'd want Derpy as a fillyfriend.

readsponies

readsponies #6 · Feb 28th, 2022 · 1 · ·

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Well, that's the second best Troubleshoes shipfic I've read. But to be fair, Discord is a hard act to follow.

FanOfMostEverything

FanOfMostEverything #7 · Feb 28th, 2022 · 1 · ·

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Lovely stuff. These two always make for a cute pair... albeit one with a minimum safe distance. Brilliant rendition of Troubleshoes's down-home erudition, along with some well-presented physical comedy given the limits of the medium. Thank you for this, and best of luck in the judging.

YggdrasilXerneas

YggdrasilXerneas #8 · Feb 28th, 2022 · · ·

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absolutely adorable! your descriptions had this whole story playing in my head like an actual episode of MLP. Awesome job

i_am_the_jam

i_am_the_jam #9 · Feb 28th, 2022 · · ·

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I wonder if Troubleshoes has dyslexia...

Voidwalker

Voidwalker #10 · Mar 1st, 2022 · · ·

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D'aw, this was just sweet. They would be (will be?) a disaster couple par excellence, but goodness gracious, are they sweet together.

Thank you.

_Undefined_

_Undefined_ #11 · Mar 2nd, 2022 · 2 · ·

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11165941

I believe that ending translates into "yes, sir."

Who says you can't control your luck?

11166124
11166490
Sure, but now she's spoken for.

11165971
11166362
Thank you for the kind words!

11166766

But to be fair, Discord is a hard act to follow.

I'm just glad that there are multiple creatures who love Trouble Shoes for who he is.

11166919

Brilliant rendition of Troubleshoes's down-home erudition

Thank you for that -- I struggled a bit trying to capture his voice. Especially because when he's the star of the story, he runs out of in-character synonyms for "bad luck" very quickly.

11166995

your descriptions had this whole story playing in my head like an actual episode of MLP.

Thanks! I strive to stay faithful to the world of the show, so I appreciate it when readers get that feel.

11167267

I wonder if Troubleshoes has dyslexia...

Maybe, maybe not. I think part of his problem is that the world he lives in simply isn't made for a stallion of his size.

11168424

They would be (will be?) a disaster couple par excellence, but goodness gracious, are they sweet together.

Ha! A literal disaster couple -- I like that. And yeah, how can you not root for two sweet ponies like that? They deserve each other, in only the most positive senses of the phrase.

Comma Typer

Comma Typer #12 · Mar 19th, 2022 · · ·

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Hey, this was nice! It's fun to see how the conflict here keeps shifting precisely because Troubleshoes' bad luck stops any possible resolution (like with Zecora), but the ending spun it into something much more heartwarming. I like also how fast you were with the intro; fast with Applejack and Rainbow Dash being competitive again, but with just enough detail to bring the reader seamlessly into the real meat of the story.

Anyway, this is a good fic! Thank you for it!

ROBCakeran53

ROBCakeran53 #13 · Mar 29th, 2022 · · ·

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That was adorable. Would love to see more.

Bicyclette

Bicyclette #14 · May 13th, 2022 · · ·

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The largest earth pony any of the town’s residents had seen – slightly taller than Princess Celestia and much less petite – came out in full clown garb, pulling a small covered wagon. When he stopped, six additional clowns – the size of average stallions – emerged from the wagon’s interior, which should have been too small to fit all of them.

haha, classic clown introduction!

Derpy crashed into his left shoulder, and because his right foreleg was holding up food, he was unable to brace against the impact. The two of them tumbled down into the dirt and dust, Derpy bouncing off of the earth pony and landing nearby.

really hard to tell if this is Derpy's Derpy-ness or Troubleshoes's luck, but i guess that is the point!

Not only did her actions force it to produce a heavy rain, but Derpy jumped so forcefully on the cloud, it also produced a bolt of lightning. The electricity, looking for the most convenient path toward the ground, found it through the extremely tall pony who was standing directly beneath the cloud.
“Yeeeooowww!” he exclaimed as the pain caused him to jump straight up. That sent his head directly into the cloud, knocking Derpy off balance; she tumbled through the air. It also positioned the stallion directly next to the origin point of the next bolt of lightning, which found him to be an excellent conduit between the cloud and the ground.

oof! this is just too hilariously real as how an interaction between Derpy and Troubleshoes would go

Derpy had always been able to read ponies’ basic emotions – happiness, disappointment, frustration – but in this stallion’s eyes, she saw more. She was looking at a pony who had experienced so many calamities in his life, his response to them was no longer irritation or resolve or even surprise. Just… a resigned acceptance.
She understood.

oof! so true

She forced both of her eyes to point in other directions.

ah, i can just picture this!

The stallion sighed. “Of course that’d be my luck. The first time a pretty mare ever invites me out to dinner, she makes it plain it ain’t meant to be a date.”

double oof!

At the same time, an earth pony waitress was carrying a coconut cream pie toward the diners in a different booth.

haha, of course she is! ah, poor Troubleshoes, cursed by Harmony to experience nothing but classic cartoon slapstick gags one after another

Less than a minute later, the waitress returned to the deserted table, order pad in hoof.

oof, not having a good evening, this mare

“You live a riskier life than I’d ever dare to.”
“Everypony needs their mail.”

i do really love Derpy taking her mailmare duties very seriously

“Er, I mean, I don’t want to be walking with you.” She processed that sentence. “No, I do want to be walking with you!” She chose her words slowly and deliberately as she clarified, “It doesn’t mean I don’t want to be walking here with you.” At her normal speaking rate: “That’s what I mean.”

Derpy clumsiness with her words, too! like, she didn't have to clarify anything at all here!

Trouble Shoes smiled. “I know what you mean.” The smile faded. “Because I’m bigger than the mean creatures.”

dang, Troubleshoes is really Eeyore-ing it up here

Neither of them noticed that the lone howl echoing in the distance didn’t exactly match the sound that Derpy had made.

and of course! haha, wow, these two really are quite something together, aren't they?

As the timberwolf shattered to pieces, flinging Derpy in the opposite direction, Trouble Shoes rocketed helplessly through the air. His body left the path and came down on a fallen rubber tree – a tree whose trunk was the consistency of rubber. He bounced off the tree, sailed head over hooves through the forest, and crashed into the foliage.

ah, love this bit of whimsical Equestrian ecology

With the wind knocked out of her yet again, it took Derpy a few moments to find her bearings. At which point she realized that not only was she lying on top of Trouble Shoes’ chest, but her muzzle was only a couple of inches from his.

*manic Cadance voice* shipping time!

Trouble Shoes was silent for a couple of seconds. “Beg your pardon if I’m making assumptions about matters I don’t understand, but don’t folks usually do that when they’ll be out of town?”
Derpy thought for a moment. “You’re right! She isn’t even home to ask right now! We don’t need to go into the Everfree at all!”

ahahaha, a perfect way to wrap up that thread!

Derpy blinked. “Wait, I never paid for that, did I?”
“I don’t believe you did. So take these bits so you can settle up the next time you go there.”

aww, love how this captures Troubleshoes's conscientiousness!

“That makes us square.” He looked at the position of the sun as it began its descent toward the horizon. “I thank you for your company today and for being such a stand-up pony. I won’t soon forget this day – I’m awfully pleased to have met you.”

augh, love this

“Oh, I almost forgot!” Derpy said. “I want to help you with that! Come on – I’ll take you to my friend Zecora. She’ll know what to—” she stopped and thought. “No, wait, she’s out of town. Hmm.”

hahaha

“I ain’t saying I enjoy being a magnet for bad luck, but if I didn’t have that part of me, what then would I do? I wasn’t blessed with the agility to compete in any of the events. I’d never be in the rodeo ever again.”

oof! love how this goes into how the resolution of that episode didn't exactly tie up everything in a neat and happy bow

“Now listen here,” he said. “I know you’ve got it out for me, but don’t you dare do anything to that nice mare. When we’re in Dodge Junction, I intend for her to have the best date she’s ever had. Torment me if you have to, but leave her alone!”
Two more bird droppings landed directly on his head.

aww! i love how this ending is heartwarming and optimistic, but at the same time a comedic beat. and augh, doesn't that describe this entire fic? somehow, reading this fic felt exactly like watching a slapstick cartoon, which is such a hard thing to pull off in the written form, but you execute it brilliantly.

just a really funny, adorable, and fun fic all-around. thank you so much for it!

Periwinkle fay 22

Periwinkle fay 22 #15 · Dec 23rd, 2022 · · ·

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This is a cute story. Your description of the physical comedy bit was especially impressive with so much going on. And I like Derpyshoes.

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