• Member Since 3rd Sep, 2011
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago


Fanfiction masochist. :B She/they https://ko-fi.com/presentperfect


Art thieves? In Equestria? It's more likely than you'd think!

Once again, notorious big brain mare Rainbow Q. Dash has gotten herself into a mighty pickle, and it's up to her friends to help her unpickle herself!

You hear that? She's Pickle Rainbow!

(She's not actually Pickle Rainbow, no one says that, I don't know why I put that there.)

"...as a cry of anguish at the continuing failure of the world to see this lunacy* for what it is, more power to its elbow." - Loganberry, Louder Yay

Audiobook by The Mystery Fluttershy Fan!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 67 )

Rainbow Dash had never been tested for autism, but in that moment, her face lit up with the excited, anticipatory glee only someone about to indulge in gushing about their current obsession could have.

This was the moment I burst out laughing :rainbowlaugh:

lol AJ ngmi hfsp hodl diamond dog hands Luna to the moon

I have autism and this is exactly what I do!!

"How does this relate to your... What was it? Double-you-tee-effs?"

What an apt acronym. Hee hee.

This is quite funny, but isn't the point of NFTs that it doesn't matter how many copies of the art may exist, what matters is the certificate of ownership? (I consider NFTs eminently mockable - the first case of a commodity bubble with nonexistent commodities - but let's be accurate in our mockery! :pinkiehappy: )

I think it's mostly pointing out (correctly) that a lot of people who buy NFTs don't actually understand NFTs.

The best Explanation i ever heard about NFTs as of yet:
You have a smoking hot wife.
She has sex with everybody else.
But you have the marriage certificate.

I suppose? It just doesn't quite seem to work as well if RD's art is just as valuable (or valueless) as it was before, at least to me.

Author Interviewer

I did the best with what I had. :B Also, I don't care if I got anything wrong lol

I do believe this was a direct inspiration. :D

Warlock Lifesteal Nerfed > 12 years later > "All My Apes Gone"

This is so true omg

can I downvote this on principle


...all the principles

:rainbowlaugh: I read the title and all I could think about was this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_dbFNWD910

"Thanks to the blockchain, now there's No Fucking Trees!"

A fair trade

Author Interviewer

that is marvelous :D

One downvote? I guess Tara Strong really does use this website after all!


Blockchains in general do nothing that the TOR protocol and SHA don't do a great deal better, and NFTs are a terrible idea on the face of it.

Rainbow gave her that toothy, excited grin that told you she had only listened to the parts of what you'd just said that she actually wanted to hear.

This is some sort of metaphor for all of humanity isn't it? :twilightoops:

Dash to photographer: "Can't you see that you've taken what I've rightfully stolen?"

"Goddammit, Rainbow Dash!" shouted Twilight. She flew up to Dash and smacked the coin out of her hoof. "Can't you see what your desire for material excess over all else has cost us?

Don't you mean immaterial excess, since we're talking about NFTs? :derpytongue2:

This was the laugh I needed today. :heart:

I could totally see RD falling for a pyramid scheme.

Dan #22 · Feb 19th, 2022 · · ·

More than pyramid schemes... back in the day for Church confirmation lessons, right around the time of the Hale-Bopp Heaven's Gate suicides and Aum Shinrikyo attacks, they gave us a lecture on recognizing cult recruitment language and rhetoric.

There is a definite cultish tone to the folks coming into communities to sing the virtues of NFTs and push people to get in on the ground floor.

Author Interviewer

Postmodern ponyfic

why is this a story

What does NFT stand for?

Non-Fungible Token. Basically a cryptographically irreproducible bit of someTHING that says you own something else. Usually really REALLY terrible art, and so far always just a Bigger Fool scheme. You get conned into buying an NFT, and the only conceivable way you make any money is to find a Bigger Fool than you who will buy it next.

Author Interviewer

what else I'm gonna do :B

No Fucking Trees, it says so right at the end :V

The chapter title alone made me laugh...

"Grnglfmrfpl," said Twilight Sparkle around a mouthful of loam. Once Applejack had helped her to her hooves, she clarified, "Get off me! Rainbow Dash, what in the wide, wide world of Equestria is going on?"

Wait, are we summoning C'thulu?

Rainbow Dash had never been tested for autism, but in that moment, her face lit up with the excited, anticipatory glee only someone about to indulge in gushing about their current obsession could have.

I'm on the spectrum, and I approve of this message. :rainbowlaugh:

This was amazing.

A literary masterpiece if I ever did see one myself :rainbowlaugh:

God damn it, Rainbow Dash

You know, regardless of its accuracy, I usually find Rainbow Dash being an idiot hilarious, but this? This is way too close to reality in the creepily unthinking world of... that.

I mean, the story's still really funny, don't get me wrong, but in a "the incoming, planet-destroying meteor has a dick drawn on it" sort of way - it's funny, but it's also just a depressing fact and symbolic representation of how things truly are.

That is SUCH a 'Rainbow Dash' thing for Rainbow Dash to do...

Exquisite. I want every man, woman, and child in the world to read this story. And for some of them to get the Ludovico Technique as they listen to an audio version.

Author Interviewer

why in the fuheck is this in the wackybox

what did you people do

the real comedy was the friends we killed along the way D:

Nice NFT. Hope you don’t mind if I
Right click + save image

Author Interviewer

this comment is now the only one I recognize, everyone else gtfo

"All right," said Twilight, in the manner of someone not all right with anything, let alone the status quo.

:twilightsmile:: "This is fine."

AJ and Twilight were pretty sure they could see steam escape from her ears.

Maybe, but I also see black smoke coming from their ears, so it's okay.

Rainbow Dash's face lit up, even as she flounced about on the ground like a big, dumb, blue fish. "It's the blockchain!"

Now that's some mental image right now...

Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.

The word choice, the tone, the characterization, everything about this story was enjoyable from start to finish.

Now we wait for Rainbow Dash to insist she mints "eco-friendly" NFTs, and that she'll (eventually) replant Applejack's orchard with some of the (imaginary) money she's made.

I hate trading in things that are Not Freaking Tangible.

Maybe the NFT's are the National Forecast Telescopes we stole along the way, Friendship, IS magic.

I clicked on this because the cover art is exactly what an NFT looks like and I felt compelled to right click it.

Other than that, this is blessed, thank you

Author Interviewer

I'm glad someone appreciates the hard work I put into these. XD

Author Interviewer

Okay, but the final line of this article though:

If it's possible to arbitrarily own a jpeg on the internet that’s only purpose is to promote artificial scarcity and sell for profit then I suppose it’s also possible to have it stolen. It’s just hard to tell which of these concepts should actually be considered a crime.

Congratulations. You've somehow managed to make NFTs sound even more stupid. I applaud you, good sir.



I agree, making them even more idiotic-looking than even reality has managed is quite the accomplishment.

I'd say it has reached true surrealism!

This NFT nonsense reminds me of the Pog craze in the 90's, only at least you actually HAD the Pogs.


I have a giant pile PLUTONIUM as my hard assets! (10,000 years later...) HOW DID I END UP WITH A PILE OF LEAD?! SCIENCE!! DAMN YOUUUUUU!!


11158671 Soon, all shall come to the realization that ALONDRO WAS RIGHT!

And then, in 2032.... the world shall declare me GOD-EMPEROR!! :trixieshiftright:

11158412 It's a huge Ponzi scheme. Bernia Madoff's likely kicking himself in Hell, wishing he'd waited a few years longer before scamming suckers with something that the Feds won't even know who to pin it on when the whole thing implodes.

Login or register to comment