• Member Since 7th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen September 1st

NeonEclipse


20 years old. Loves mlp fanfiction of all types(mostly shipping).

Comments ( 81 )

I sincerely hope you enjoyed what was my first attempt at a clop fic. I'm sorry its not great clop but it was written and edited over the course of 3 days so I'm surprised it turned out even as good as it did. I'm more of a slow writer.

This was also my first attempt at a one-shot and my first Twiluna fic as well. I'll get better at my clop writing as I go but for now this is what I'm capable in a 3 day span. Sorry I couldn't do better.

This was, for the most part, an experiment to see what I was capable of. And the important thing is I enjoyed writing it.

To those of you that aren't into clop and have decided to read the clop-light version, I thank you for taking the time out to give my newest story a read.

This was my first attempt at a one-shot and my first Twiluna fic as well so I feel it has, if nothing else, been a good learning experience as a writer. :twilightsmile:

Nice. That is all.

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The reason it's rated mature is because of the sex in the second chapter, right?
And I'd guess that most people who come here with their "View Mature" on would want to read the clop chapter, right?
I think it would be better if you put these chapters as two separate stories; That way, other people can read the clop-lite without turning on "Mature" settings.

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I guess I could have. I just felt it would be a little weird to have two of what is basically the same story. :applejackunsure: But yeah I get what you're saying.

I wrote the clop-lite chapter mostly for those that enjoy their stories without clop. I thought it would be nice to give the option to the readers and let them decide.

i love it don't you dare stop...... if that ok whit you...:fluttershyouch:

An interesting take on Nightmare Moon's connection to Luna, I like it. :ajsmug: Add that to the cuteness of the Twiluna moments, and I'd say we have a winner. :twilightsmile:

I enjoyed it. So did Twilight.:twilightsmile: Great job for a first clop-fic. It would be nice to see more stories like this where Luna/Nightmare Moon can find love without worry. Preferably with Twilight. Something like After That Fateful NIght. Great job.

This is your first?

Congratulations; you along with Crowley made semi-clop possible for me.

first fic in a long time that gets me to read immediately regardless of chapter size, so great job on the description:raritystarry:.
not to mention the actual story:pinkiehappy:! im just sad that there's not gonna be more...:fluttercry:

I'm just saying: Now that this is featured, it will be interesting to see which chapter gets more views.

...

I suppose I'll have to get around to reading this soon.

Pretty good.
Although it is a short one-shot ficiton.
This is well-written and good to read.
The emotions of both Luna and Twilight about Luna's transformation into the shade of NMM are good and fluent!

Nice job!

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Many thanks to all of you :yay:
I'm glad it turn out well and you all enjoyed it.

Hm... Have a 'stache. I dare say, you deserve, it, having given Luna a well thought out backstory. I never did buy her, the nigh-powerful goddess of the moon , being possessed by a lowly spirit. In fact...have two staches and a rainbow kiss.
:rainbowkiss:
:moustache::moustache:
El.Oh.Hell

Hm... Have a 'stache. I dare say, you deserve, it, having given Luna a well thought out backstory. I never did buy her, the nigh-powerful goddess of the moon , being possessed by a lowly spirit. In fact...have two staches and a flutter yay
:moustache::moustache:
:yay:
What, too loud?
El.Oh.Hell

This writing style isn't familiar. Nope. Not at all. :trixieshiftright:

Wow , that`s just awesome i really love it!

Interesting take on NMM, Luna, and the changes and phases of the moon. Clop was well written as well. :twilightblush: :pinkiehappy: :raritywink:

=. .=

As someone who really isn't a fan of gratuitous horse sex, I've read both and this version is much better. Clop is a weird tool in the writer's toolbox, and you sir have used it correctly, and used it well.

Have a moustache :moustache:

That was beautiful. Do more, now

Also a request, could you possibly do a shipping story on twilight and nightmare moon? :scootangel:

This story is just as brilliant as your other one. I truly enjoyed all of it from beginning to end.

Luna's the guy in the relationship because she was as mysterious as the dark side of the moon.
I'm just going to go now... :twilightsheepish:

I must say the cleverness of the dark part of the moon or rather the part not lit up being the nightmare part of luna is super cool. the stories you make are by no means a new concept Twilight X Luna and nightmare moon is a problem, but the way you right your stories and the unique exact plot is what makes me follow you and enjoy all your work up to this point. (also Grasping Happiness-was that the on with the dream about ponies going towards the horizon? if so its my favorite twilestai, if not it is my second fav. Too hard to remember right now)

:twilightsmile:I fucking support this!!!:yay::trollestia::moustache:

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I'm glad you enjoy my work :twilightsmile:
I believe the story your thinking about is 'Composure' by Varanus, though I could be wrong. :applejackunsure:

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Not sure if I will do it right after this, considering how Luna is already kind of like nightmare moon in this story. But I might in the future. :raritywink:

Very nice. I love the idea that NMM is actually just a part of Luna and not some other being taking her over. Very well written, and the clop was pretty good, especially for a first attempt. (Curse you FiMfiction! Why you have no Nightmare emoticons?! )

Would you love a monstermare?
Could you understand,
beauty of the beast?

Nightmare Sparkle is my favorite shipping. :yay:

It was very well written for your first oneshot clop, and only few of those have enough storyline to also have a clop lite version.

This is so lovely. :heart:

Hmph. I don't usually like Twiluna, but I gotta say, I'm pretty impressed by this fic. Very nice! :yay:

This was very good. I enjoyed both the story and the clop :twilightsmile:

I read the clop-lite, 'cause I didn't feel like reading any clop at the moment... In any case, well done. :pinkiesmile:

Added to, "Read Later." Seems interesting. By the way, I've seen you in the comments section on Bigwig's stories. Damn, this site is a lot smaller than I thought.

Well done, sir. I love this. It is completely different then anything I've seen. And it made the solution of Nightmare Moon being apart of Luna without her being ebil.

So now we know why there are no moon phases, it only happens when Twilight eats out Nightmare Moon. :pinkiecrazy: It was sad but with a good, happy ending. :yay:

How many story summaries start with "have been together for a little over a year now"?

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Like I said. First one-shot. Sorry, It was a little weird for me to write with such little backstory to go on, so I figured I would just keep it generic as to not screw it up.

1: I don't like gay.
2: I love the song Dark Side. I know it by heart. :heart::heart::heart:

Very nice. Very cute. Favorited! :twilightsmile:

1273534 Are you kidding!?!? Besides a couple of mistakes it was amazing!! AMAZING!

I liked this.
thumbed and faved :twilightsmile:

I love MoonLight ships and this is great. I love the emotions you establish and the meaningful use of intimacy. also the clop is really hot! well done!:twilightsmile:

MoonLight is my OTP. faved.
great first clop:twilightsmile: keep up the good work

Really good! I was a little confused at Luna's reaction to Twilight's reaction at first, but you cleared it up beautifully with the flashback. I especially enjoyed your use of "monster" as Luna's trigger. As soon as I read Celestia say that everything clicked, I even said "ohhh" out loud. :twilightblush:

"seeing the alicorn beginning to shake from nerves was making her question just how serious this was."
In this sentence, "question" would be more synonymous with "doubt". It might read better with something like "realize" or "fear".

"as her fears turned into reality and the pony she loved thought her a monster."
Everything after "reality" seems unnecessary since we already know that this outcome was what she feared.

" she would lover her forever?"
You probably meant "love" or "she would be her lover forever".

"tears trailed from her teal eyes as she sat down on her bed and cried her eyes out."
This reads a little strange since you're using "eyes" twice so closely. Maybe ending with "and wept bitterly" or something like that would flow a little smoother.

"either a horrible fear or anger."
Since you just used "horrible" in the previous sentence, this would probably read better as "either fear or anger."

"she was a lot younger than her sister."
Since you already established the comparison is between the two sisters, this would sound better if it ended at "younger".

"Of course its me!"
This is a common mistake, just remember that ALL contractions get apostrophes. It's = it is / it has. Its = belonging to It.

"But Tia its still me!"
Same as above.

"hid it deep inside her,never"
Needs a space after the comma.

"freed of it's burden"
This should be "its".

"the way twilight was holding"
Twilight should be capitalized.

"out behind her sobs."
This should probably be "between".

"wrap around her neck and lavender mare pull herself closer to her."
This should probably be "wrap around her neck as the lavender mare pulled herself closer."

"she could a loving lick below each of the black alicorn's cheeks,"
This should probably either be "plant a loving lick" or "lovingly lick".

"the blot now a dark-blue"
There should be a "was" between "blot" and "now".

"as twilight was placed firmly"
Capitalize Twilight.

"released into alicorn's"
There should be a "the" between "into" and "alicorn's".

Well then, those are my suggestions and notations. Take em or leave em. Like I said, I really enjoyed this, especially since you're pairing my two favoritest characters, so I wanted to help lend a bit of polish.

Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!

This is a cute story. I'm not much of one for clop, but I figured I'd give it a shot this time and I wasn't disappointed. Excellent job :pinkiehappy:

Ultimate awesome-ness divinity has been achieved! :scootangel:

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