• Member Since 10th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

Shazam 25


I'm a guy who loves Video Games and is a Brony. I get different ideas for the mane six and mostly into game crossovers.

Comments ( 10 )

Biollante never thought her life would change so much since arriving in this world. Nor did she think she met so many new friends. Her Brothers would sometimes visit, through their new jobs kept them busy. But she didn't mind. As long as those two knuckleheads were getting along.

though

"Well, when she first appeared, we mistook her as an evil enchantress because of how different she was. We thought she curse us when we followed her into the Everfree, only to learn it was the Poison Joke that change us." Fluttershy said.

"she would curse" or "she'd curse"

"Oh, she knew. She told me after we ate. What she didn't know was that I was the oldest sister of both Junoir and Xenllia." Biollante said, drinking her tea.

older and junior and Xenilla

Fluttershy nodded in thanks before flying back to Ponyville. Biollante watches fly and smiles. Maybe this world wasn't so bad after all.

"watches her fly" and while technically not wrong, isn't would have sounded better in my opinion.

Other than that, glad to see you're back. Loved your first Biollante fic. :pinkiehappy:

11156834 Thanks. I'll also go and fix the mistakes you notices. It has been some time since I last wrote on here.

I like it. I'm happy you decided to continue your What-If story. I'm looking forward to Biollante's adventures. I'm hoping she gets to make a lot of friends. And I'm also looking forward to some funny yet loving hijinks with Biollante and her brothers.

"Don't worry about a thing! I have faced the dangers of the Forests before! There's nothing I can handle!" She said, smirking.

can't

I feel the chapters should be a bit longer. With the passing it's currently going, it's kind of hard to give a comment about anything that has happened so far. Not because nothing is happening, but because there isn't enough context to really absorb and try to start a conversation about. If the chapters were longer, with a bit more character interactions and such, it could make people want to leave comments and start talking more.

"Now that are safe, I have some questions for you." She said, her voice calm and curious.

There should be a you or we here.

"I'm afraid that secret is going to have to keep hidden. However, I don't mind you exploring the Forest of your own free will. But be warned, the dangers of the forest will not stop just because you're with me. Few dare to attack me at my home." She said.

stay would sound better.

"Yes, it was to live the castle up. It's my home now until the princess can find a way to get us home." Biollante said.

liven

"My new body requests I eat some food. Through, I only need the sun and some water, I eat to help me feel less hungry during the days there is no sun." Biollante said.

Though

Through confuse on what Biollante meant by carrying a soul of something else, she did take notice on how well the food was grown. She might know a lot about Forests, but that doesn't mean she only studies them. She knew that some of the food grew in Forests and other places. Ponies help or not.

Same as above

"Where are you from?" She asked.

"Huh? Oh! Manehattan." She said.

While it isn't so bad here, it can get confusing if there are more than 2 people talking. This would be better.

"Where are you from?" She asked.

"Huh? Oh! Manehattan." Forest Lover answered.

"Yeah, my father is not happy about my cutie mark or my love for trees. He's a city pony though and though. He finds that trees and forests are just a waste of space and need to be removed for more ponies to build homes. But father forgets that the forests are part of our daily life. But he doesn't listen. I have tried to get him to understand, but he refuses to hear me out. Even Mom wasn't against forests that much! At least she understands that forests are a part of life!" Forest Lover said, telling her the truth.

through and through and while it's not wrong, using said at the end of every speech can get repetitive, saying Forest Lover told her would have sounded better.

"He will learn why I'm the oldest of Godzilla Senior, King of the Monsters!" She roars.

child should be between here.

She couldn't believe it. She met the sister of Godzilla! The Hero of Canerlot! And like Godzilla, she was a creature known as a kaiju. After moving away from the tropic of her family, Forest Lover got to see another side of Biollante. She was really kind and didn't mind company, even though she prefers to be alone. As long as you respect nature, you were safe. If you don't, then she will give you her wrath.

topic

What a sweet medley. I made not know the words, but I can tell they're something that eases a troubled soul. Was that you, Biollante? Forest Lover thought.

Melody and may

Also, wonder who the three hidden kaiju are, one was a changeling... Megaguirus maybe? Or maybe the Muto would make more sense? Don't actuelly answer, I want to be suprised.

11161414 Thank you. Honestly, I keep getting "though" and "through" mix up. I mention before I added Grammarly to my laptop, but it fails to point out all the mistakes I made. Which is why I don't always catch them first.

I like that you remembered one of the Hydra’s heads is dimwitted.

What's the song at the end?

When is next chapter?

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