Ch14: Bugger All
MLP: Roses for the Grave
By Mordy
Ch14: Bugger All
Finally, after what felt like forever, Deimos had made it to Ponyville. The journey since his encounter with Misery hadn’t been easy at all. First the train broke down, then he decided to walk the rest of the way by cutting through the forest; only for the train to start up again as he reached the forest’s edge! After that he got lost for a bit, but eventually found some ponies that were camping and would be heading back to Ponyville eventually. If that one filly hadn’t been having Nightmares he’d never had located them with his empathetic sensors. He made sure to keep his distance as he followed them around for a few days.
Eventually, Deimos trailed the group to Ponyville and now he stood before Julius’ shop at the edge of Ponyville, not too far from the Everfree. He took a deep breath before he let it all out while whispering to himself, “Okay, it’s been a while, but here goes nothing. I wonder if he’s missed me…”
Deimos stepped into the shop; dark and a bit dusty as always. Yet to him, it was welcoming in an odd sort of way. He found a sense of comfort in the dingy store. He always enjoyed places like this and he was sure Julius did too. Something of an acquired taste, thanks to their service to Darkmoon.
His face lit up as he saw his old friend sitting behind the counter, still wearing that old, musty robe of his. Julius was currently reading a book, but looked a bit annoyed at the moment for some reason. Deimos felt it too, but wasn’t sure what it could be bothering him.
Oh hey, he grew goatee! Deimos thought as he approached his friend.
Julius grumbled to himself as he stroked the beard hanging from his chin. I’m never going to remember to shave this thing, am I? Wait… do I even have razors?
Before he could contemplate his little vendetta for facial hair any further, Julius felt a disturbance. He looked up to see a black coated stallion with turquoise hair grinning at him like an idiot. It was a little creepy, honestly.
He looked around his shop and back to the stallion a few times as the guy just continued to stare with that huge plastered grin. Finally, Julius decided to break the ice as he said tentatively, “Uhh… hi?”
“JULIUS!” the stallion shouted with glee as he reached over the countertop and gave Julius a big hug surprising the stallion in question.
“It’s been so long,” he continued while shaking the poor necromancer around in the tight hug.
It took Julius a few seconds to break from his shock and realize what was going on at that moment. He managed to get free and push the other stallion away asking indignantly, “Who the hay are you?”
The other blinked and chuckled. “Oh right, you haven’t seen this look before!” He quickly leapt over the counter and dragged Julius into the back of the shop, not giving its owner a chance to argue.
Once Julius was done being pulled around like a rag doll, the stallion checked around and cast a few spells out of caution so no one would be listening in. After that, he suddenly was wrapped around in green flames that quickly dispersed and revealed the changeling that he was.
“Hey buddy, it’s me, Deimos!” Deimos announced.
“D-Deimos?” Julius blinked as his mouth stood slightly agape.
“The one and only!”
Julius shook his head. “I… I can’t believe it. It’s been so long…”
Deimos held out his forehooves and smiled. “Come on give me a hug!”
Julius paused for a moment, but then smiled. He trotted right over and embraced Deimos in a big hug. Julius had to stop him from groping his plot for a moment, but they held each other tightly before Julius stopped the hug, asking, “So, what brings you here?”
“Oh, you know. I was in the neighborhood, heard you were here and I just had to visit!” Deimos said, waving his hoof dismissively.
A few nods from Julius and then he deadpanned. “In other words, you were sent to spy on me.” It wasn’t even a question, just a statement.
“Yeah, that obvious?” Deimos replied not really caring or trying to hide that much if Julius could figure it out.
“Considering that no pony except only high ranking members of the Covenant are supposed to know where I am; yeah, pretty obvious.” Julius shrugged and then asked, “So, who did I manage to piss off this time?”
“Eh, no one in particular. The Shadow Council are the ones interested in you this time.”
Julius cocked his head in confusion. “Wait, why are the warlocks interested in me? What’s Misery’s game this time?”
Deimos rolled his eyes. “Not really sure. She seems to just be interested in a spell you reported in that you’re working on. You barely gave any details and she’s off sounding alarms in desperation to be the first to know what you’re up to. Apparently your background warrants her to assume whatever spell your making has got to be something ridiculously good. A bit of a stretch, don’t you think?”
Julius looked away for a moment. “Yeah, I don’t think she’d be that interested in my spell…”
“As I thought! But hay, don’t feel a need to tell me what it is. Would be a good excuse to stick around for a while as I ‘try’ to figure out what it is!”
A smile crept onto Julius’ face. “Yeah, that would be nice. I’ve kind of missed you…”
Deimos smiled warmly, but then it dropped slightly as they both heard hoofsteps coming from the basement. A moment later, Femme opened the door. Her coat color was currently in her normal disguise of light manila and her wings were of course, hidden. She didn’t pay much attention to the current occupants of the room as she asked, “Hey Julius, have you seen my novel, Lunar Memory? I can’t seem to—“
“Hello, beautiful!” Deimos perked up.
Femme turned to the source while saying, “Oh sorry, didn’t realize we had— OH MY LUNA, IS THAT A GIANT COCKROACH?!” she finished while practically screaming it out.
Deimos looked at her indignantly before Julius quickly tried to explain, “Femme, this Deimos. He’s a changeling and that term is very offensive to his kind.”
She just blinked. “That’s a… changeling?”
Deimos huffed at her. “Yeah, I’m a changeling and don’t call me a cockroach.” There was a slight pause before Deimos snickered. “Heh… cock…”
Femme gave Julius a sidelong glance that made him smile sheepishly. “He’s a bit of a pervert.”
“So, he’s one of those love sucking insects?” Femme asked curiously while choosing her words carefully. She didn’t feel “parasite” would have been polite to use.
Julius was about to answer when Deimos did it for him, “Technically yes, I do feed on love, but I’m a bit of a special case. I’ve managed to acquire a taste for… fear.” Deimos licked his lips for a moment, feeling a little hungry.
A nod from Julius confirmed what he said as he explained in further detail, “Yeah, he tends to eat love as a part of his main diet, but then eats fear to power his dark magic.”
“Okay…” Femme began, unsure how she should feel about that info, “Julius, now tell me, why is there a changeling here?”
Julius cleared his throat. “Oh, right! As I said, this is Deimos. He’s an old friend of mine. We go way back.” Julius walked over to Deimos and put hoof around his shoulder in reassurance while flashing a nervous smile at Femme.
Femme tilted her head and tried to find the right words for a moment before replying, “I don’t know what’s more surprising; you knowing a changeling or the fact that you have a friend.”
That earned her a glare of annoyance from Julius. “Is it that hard to believe that I can have friends?”
“Mmm, yeah it kinda is. You haven’t always been… ‘friend’ material,” Deimos answered.
Julius just snorted as Deimos elbowed him, asking, “So, you gonna introduce your lady friend?”
The question made Julius stand a little straighter. “Right… uh, Deimos, this is Femme Fatale. Just so you’re aware, she’s a vampire. So, be mindful of that.”
Deimos nodded. “Oh yeah, I remember reading that in her profile.”
“Umm… profile?” Femme voiced out while examining the changeling with scrutiny.
“Oh yeah, he was sent here to spy on me, but nothing you need to worry about.”
“Alright…” Femme looked confused, but just went along with it. “Well, it’s very nice to meet you Deimos. Let me apologize about my earlier behavior. I’ve never met or even seen a changeling before, but I’m sure I’ll get used to your appearance. I hope I didn’t offend.”
“Hey, it’s no trouble. I actually get that reaction a lot. Don’t worry though, you’ll see me in disguise some of the time so it’s nothing to stress over. Also, be sure to refer me as Lucky Locke when I’m in that disguise. That’s the current alias I’m using.”
Julius nodded to the changeling. “Gotcha, I know the drill.”
“So…” Deimos began while pointing to Femme as he asked Julius, “Are you doing her?”
Julius felt his mouth drop at the question as he began to sputter, but Femme was the one who answered nonchalantly, “Yes, he is indeed ‘doing’ me.”
Deimos perked up. “Niiiice! Damn dude, you may not date much, but when you do you really know how to pick ‘em!”
Once Julius recovered from the previous question he cleared his throat with a blush. “Oh, just to clarify, we’re not dating. We’re just friends.”
Deimos just stared at him in confusion.
“You know… with benefits?”
Deimos shook his head in disbelief. “Wait, really?” he turned to Femme when he said that.
“Yep…” she answered simply while looking away.
He turned back to Julius just to stare at him for a moment in disbelief before complimenting him, “I’m… so proud of you. I never thought I’d rub off on you like that. I… just might cry…”
Julius rolled his eyes. “Yeah… yeah, can we drop the subject?”
“Uncle Deimos!” a high pitch voice screeched out.
Everypony and changeling turned to the basement door to see Ecto peering out from just behind the corner. She had a wide smile on her face as she rushed in, passing through Femme, and tackle hugged Deimos.
For a moment Deimos lost his balance, but he quickly recovered and shivered slightly from the cold before smiling down at the little filly ghost. “H-Hey there kiddo! I haven’t seen you in forever. I almost forgot about you,” he said while rubbing Ecto’s head. She remained corporeal enough to let him pet her.
“I’ve missed you so much.” She then gasped out, “Are you going to be staying with us?!”
Deimos looked to Julius and Femme for an answer. Ecto also looked at them as Femme pulled Julius over to whisper, “I’m not really sure how I feel about him being around Ecto…”
“Don’t worry, he behaves himself around her and kids. He can also stay in the upstairs bedroom. Deimos might not look it, but he’s very trustworthy and a loyal friend… even if he’s an absolute perv,” Julius whispered back.
Femme grimaced, but then sighed as it turned into a slight smile. “Alright, the little bugger can stay.”
“Yay!” Ecto cheered as she floated over to hug Femme this time.
Deimos hoof pumped in celebration. Then his face brightened up as he was coated in the green flames again and turned back into the black unicorn. Femme was momentarily surprised by that. “Oh dude, dude! On my way in I saw a bar, we should totally go out and get some drinks. We haven’t done that in ages!”
Julius smiled only slightly at the offer. “I’d like that, but I have to watch the shop. I still have to run a somewhat legitimate business. I also need to stay open during certain key times in case a delivery from the Covenant comes in.”
Deimos’ mood dropped and he frowned for a moment. “Well… I guess we can go another time…”
“Sorry, buddy,” Julius replied as he patted Deimos’ shoulder.
“I’ll watch the shop.”
Julius and Deimos blinked as they turned to Femme who had spoken. Both of them got a little more excited as Julius asked, “Really, you sure? Don’t you need your rest?”
Femme laughed it off as she motioned for Ecto to go back downstairs. After the filly was seen off she replied, “I’m sure, it’s no problem for me. Go have fun with your friend! You deserve it.”
“Gee, thanks Femme that’s really—“
“Hold it!”
Julius and Femme turned to Deimos who suddenly got between the two of them as he interrupted Julius. Deimos examined Femme closely while rubbing his chin. “Wait a second, she’s only offering because she wants something!”
“What?!” Both of them exclaimed at his statement.
“Think about it dude,” Deimos explained as he turned to Julius, “Would a mare really do your boring job so you could go out to have drinks with an old friend?”
Femme harrumphed while turning her nose up. “That is so sexist!”
Deimos just grinned. “Maybe a little, but only if I’m wrong.”
“Deimos,” Julius began, “Is it really that difficult to believe that Femme would go out of her way and do my job for me so I can go out drinking?”
After hearing it out loud…
Julius turned to Femme with suspicion in his eyes. “He’s right, you want something!”
Femme scoffed and looked offended. “Julius! You’ve known me for years. Would I ever manipulate you like that just to get something from you?”
He looked down in shame before turning back to Femme to answer, “Oh Femme… yes! That’s exactly what you would do.”
Femme’s ears folded back in annoyance as she rolled her eyes and lamented, “Fine, I do need a small favor.”
“Called it!” Deimos said smugly.
Julius sighed. “Alright, what is it?”
“You know my nosferatu vanity mirror that lets me see my reflection?” Femme began. Julius nodded and she continued, “Well, I was wondering if you could mimic the spell on it and enchant it onto anything that I could wear. That way if I step out I’ll have a reflection and nopony would suspect a thing.”
Julius hummed for a moment as he lost himself in thought. “That… seems like something I could do. Sounds like that would be a really good thing to have actually. I’m not sure if I can make a permanent enchant, but at least a temporary one. We’d probably have to have professional in Darkmoon to make us one that won’t wear off, but it’d probably mad expensive. Those things aren’t cheap…”
Femme grinned. “Excellent! You do that for me and I’ll watch the shop for you.”
“Alright, no problem. I’ll make it for you after we get back,” Julius answered as he turned to leave only to be stopped by Femme again.
“Umm… think you could do that… before you leave?” Femme asked sweetly.
Julius turned back with renewed suspicion. “…Why?”
Femme rubbed the back of her neck and looked away as Deimos snickered a little before she answered, “I… might be going out later.”
“To?” Julius leaned in, unblinking.
“Carousel Boutique…” Femme smiled sheepishly.
“What for?”
Femme groaned. “To… get a dress…”
“How are you paying for this dress?” Julius asked while maintaining a half lidded stare.
“I’m getting it for free…” Femme was going to leave it at that, but she then saw Julius wasn’t believing any of that and she quickly added, “In exchange for a modeling a few dresses for Rarity.”
“FEMME!” Julius shouted in frustration. “We’re trying to maintain a low profile and here you are putting it at risk for a stupid dress?!”
Deimos looked between the two of them before asking, “Should I… just wait outside?”
They both ignored Deimos as they stared down each other. Femme had become angry at Julius’ opinion and she huffed. “Well, how else do you expect me to buy my own dress when you’re paying me jack and shit?”
Julius expression didn’t change at all and he maintained his stare. However, Femme then pulled out her trump card. “Or would you rather me go ask my father for money? I’m sure he would love to know why his daughter has barely maintained any contact with him and that she’s paid almost nothing.”
That little threat made Julius’ mood flip like a switch to that of absolute terror. With shrunk pupils and his tail tucked between his legs he swallowed and walked passed Femme while saying, “I’ll go make that trinket.”
As Julius went downstairs Deimos approached Femme, asking, “So, is Julius scared of your dad or something?”
Femme hummed a bit. “You could say that. They don’t get along very well… or rather at all. Daddy absolutely despises him and is very condescending and judgmental towards Julius. However, he’s always acted like that towards all my coltfriends.”
Deimos looked at her queerly. “But… you two aren’t dating…”
“He… doesn’t know that,” Femme replied while laughing it off a bit nervously.
“Oh, I get it. If he found out he’d throw an absolute fit.” Deimos nodded.
“Sure, that’s the tame way of putting it…”
It didn’t take too long, but eventually Julius came back upstairs. He sighed with annoyance, “Okay, it’s done. I’ll need to reenchant it from time to time, but it’s a necklace sitting on your desk. Now please, don’t bring up your father again…”
Femme smiled and kissed Julius on the cheek. “Thank you, now you go have a fun night!”
Julius nodded, but as soon as Femme turned away a mischievous smile crossed his face as Deimos and he exited out the backdoor of the shop. After getting a few feet away Julius shift in mood hadn’t gone unnoticed by Deimos. He turned to Julius and asked, “What did you do?”
“Nothing,” Julius answered while looking innocently away, “I just… gave her what she wanted.”
“Right…”
The two of them walked in silence for a moment before Deimos spoke up again, his face getting serious as he did, “Don’t think I didn’t notice.”
Julius looked perplexed. “Notice what?”
“Femme. I know who she reminds you of. The similarities the two have are uncanny and she could even pass off as her twin, but it pretty much ends there,” Deimos stated without having to delve any further than that for Julius to know what he was talking about.
Julius’ face darkened, unable to look at Deimos. “I can’t fool you can I?”
“No and frankly I pity you. I’m not sure I really approve of your little relationship set up considering everything, but I’m not going to judge.”
There was a moment of silence before Julius responded, “What are you getting at?”
“Listen, I’m not going to step into the middle of this. However,” Deimos forced Julius to stop and look at him while give Julius a very stern glare, “before you do anything stupid, can you do me a favor and consider Femme’s feelings; yours too? Don’t go breaking any hearts. Do you think you can do that… for me?”
Julius was very quiet as he stared into Deimos’ pony eyes. He breathed slowly as he looked back with conviction and nodded. “I’ll… I’ll try.”
Deimos slowly smiled and replied, “That’s all I ask. Now enough of this serious talk. Let’s go get wasted!”
Julius gladly agreed with a chuckle.
“So… is Femme going to be pissed at… whatever you did?” Deimos asked.
Julius stifled a laugh. “Oh, she’s going to chew me out for it...”
Hours Later…
Femme sat before her dresser with a frown at what was on it. Julius had indeed enchanted something for her to wear like she asked. However, Femme probably should have hoofed picked what she wanted him to put it on.
On the dresser was the gaudiest necklace one could find. The gold paint had worn off and faded into an awful grime that coated it and the gem inside was a puke green color. Femme would never want to be seen wearing such a horrid piece of jewelry…
“That clever son of a whorse…”
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Wonderful chapter. I really liked how Femme can intimidate Julius with the "I'm calling daddy" trick or how the guy is unaware that he and Femme are actually dating rather than being friends with benefits. Die son interaction with Julius, Ecto, and Femme was also great as he seemed to care a great deal for the first two and developed enough attachment for Femme to warn Julius against breaking her heart. Thanks for the great chapter. Hope the next one comes soon.
7089824
Your welcome! Also you got the thing with her father mixed up. He thinks their dating instead of friends with benefits.
Happy to see Deimos finally made it to Ponyville loved the bit with the necklace, go Julius roll over and let Femme bull you around muhahaha!
7098480
Maaaybe...
7098700 Nice. I really wish that game got a bit more love: wasn't perfect, but I sure liked it.
Anyway, I've been binge reading this the last couple days, and let me tell you I'm hooked. You've gotten a nice caste here, and painted an interesting underworld to the Equestria we know and love. While the humor is not exactly prevalent, the occasional bit is exceptionally good, and you've got an intriguing backstory with pretty much every character that you haven't even really told yet. Furthermore, you've avoided the majority-not all mind you-of exposition dumps I'd expect in a story like this.
In short, it's pretty awesome. Still, one thing that has bugged me is how little Julius is aware of the..."exceptional" individuals in Ponyville. I realize he's a recluse who barely pays attention to the wider world and lived in an out of the way town for the majority of the story, but my suspension of disbelief is getting stretched thinner and thinner as time goes on. Particularly, about how he does not know Twilight is Princess Celestia's personal student. Not knowing about the other Element Bearers is one thing, but I would think most of the Darkmoon Covenant would have mandatory knowledge about who the mortal enemy's personal student actually is.
Still, right now it's not too bad, but he's got to find out sooner or later, and when he finds out the town he was assigned to on purpose ( I refuse to believe the Darkmoon Higher Ups did not know about where the Element Bearers live) harbors the bearers of some of the most powerful purifying and harmonic magical artifacts known to Ponykind as well as the home of Princess Celestia's personal student is going to be priceless.
Now, this isn't really related to the plot, but it is a bit of a hypothetical question. Does the Darkmoon Covenant have any contingency plans for end of Equestria events, such as Tirek rising to power or plans that seem good on paper but will hilariously fail to deal with Discord if he comes back on another spree without the Elements to counter him?
Sorry for the randomness of the questions, but I've gotten pretty curious about some of how this world works, I'm a self admitted Tirek fanboy and I like to see how other stories deal with him even if he has a close to 0% chance of actually showing up or even being mentioned, and I want to know if the Darkmoon is prepared to try and save Equestria from disaster if everything goes to hell.
7099126
At least we're getting a sequel for Nier. I've followed Cavia's series since Drakengard.
As for Julius, I would take note it seems a lot of common folk don't know about her in the show. Depending on where you go. Furthermore, Julius while being a recluse also shows little to no interest in others outside of his little circle. He's usually lost in his own thoughts unless directly confronted. Currently his relationship with Twilight is purely professional since she's a pretty valued customer.
Julius was reclusive in a shady town even during NMM event. He was only aware of her release due to the obvious lack of the sun. I definitely have a fun reveal planned and while Julius is ignorant I can say that his other friends aren't so dense. Deimos most certainly knows and would totally screw with Julius because he didn't know.
I would say Darkmoon Covenant would contingency plans, but I don't plan to tackle Tirek. This story was originally conceived at the end of Season 2 just before Season 3. Dark magic wasn't even canon yet when I came up with it's rules and I hastily tried to tip toe my way around the look of casting dark magic when Sombra was revealed.
Frankly though, Darkmoon wouldn't step in to help Equestria unless they were directly threatened. For Tirek the warlocks of the Shadow Council would reluctantly be called upon. They aren't well liked in the Covenant because they're most likely to screw over other members if it is more beneficial to them.
7099361 Quote from both descriptions (long and short ones)
Dark magic is a powerful and banned art believed...
That Changeling in the cover is hilarious
"Paint me like one of your Prench mares."
7102152
I always miss little things like that.
7102162
Yep, that's Deimos for you.
7146337
Well, that was an interesting read. Thanks for the info!
7266492
Thank you! :P
7291926
References everywhere!
Really like it! Please continue!
7406578
Early chapters weren't originally proofread when I first did them. I came back to them later and gave them a once over. Unfortunately, they're very rough compared to later chapters where I made an effort to check for mistakes.
7406681
I'm usually really not in favour of this kind of thing, because it slows progress on a story down to a crawl, but since the update schedule for this story is already a crawl you should maybe consider giving them a another once-over one of these days, just to take care of the worse mistakes. The first four or five chapters genuinely are that bad in spots.
7406979
Yeah, a review might be in order.
7408262
Was a bit of reference to a South Park episode about changing the town flag.
7529026
Well, I eventually went back to proofread and try and correct a lot of my mistakes... before he ever read those chapters. >.>
7529312 Nice. And random question, have you read Drowtales? Cause the shadow constructs/puppets remind me of Kiel'ndia's demon friends.
7530206
No, I have not read it. Never even heard of it.
7530470 Ah, well. Pity. The things I'm referring to are basically shapeless shadow-beings that hang around one of the characters in the comic, kind of help her out/ act friendly. I can probably whip up a picture, hold on...
drowtales.com/mainarchive/20160822c50p124_tS2BDcuTTX.jpg
This is a scene from the comic, the things that aren't elves or glowing red orbs are what I'm talking about. They can make themselves into something approaching the form of other beings.
7531353
Oh, neat!
How's the writing going?
7998072
Been very unmotivated and distracted by RL and stuff. Think I might have taken that EQD rejection a little more personal than I thought.
8007917
Thanks, those have been corrected!
7998451
Then get better at writing and prove to the EQD team that you (not your stories) are an author who is worthy of being in the EQD webpage/group.
Regarding the stories you've written (in my opinion) they are very, very good. They are captivating, interesting and to a point (excluding your crossovers) unique with original characters that are relatable with the struggles and problems ordinary people have (otherwise they wouldn't be relatable).
However, if you want to improve so you (the author) can be put in the EQD webpage, seek out other popular/good authors on ideas on how to improve your writing style, make interesting scenarios, create unique circumstances etc so you as an author can grow here in fimfiction and one day your stories will become part of the EQD story selection. But feeling bad about what somebody said is a bit childish.
All those who have ever written anything have been called a lot of bad and nasty things. From insults to death/rape threats (though I've never had the latter), but those who are invested in what they do don't care what others have to say for they don't have to prove anything to them, but to ourselves.
Are we good as an author? How can we improve? What writing styles are we the best at? What type of genre are we the best at? How can we make interesting concepts/ideas so more people read our stories to give us feedback? Do we care about what other people (regardless of who they are)? Etc.
Unlike me (cuz I am a lazy asshole) you have what it takes to have your stories featured (or whatever) in EQD.
I can only wish that you continue writing your stories with the same quality as you used to.
Kind regards, Arachne The Weaver
8018246
Unfortunately, I'm not sure where I need to improve. The EQD feedback wasn't the most helpful. Some of it might have to do just with my writing style. You can see the response I got here.
8020618
As a fan of your work, I'll re-read your entire story in hopes of finding what the EQD group meant in ther response. Just not today, I m busy as hell right now
8020793
Fair enough, no rush really.
As far as feedback goes, there are two main things that I'd mention:
1) It seems like a lot of history/background is missing about Celestia, Darkmoon, dark magic, etc. We're nearly 100k words in, and it feels like very little information has been given about these. A lot of what has been written feels kind of like a Slice of Life, honestly, and not a whole lot of information has really been given about (what I assume?) is supposed to be the main conflict between Celestia, Julius, and Darkmoon.
1a) How does Luna not know about any of this? If nothing else, it seems like there would be some way to contact her through dreams, or that she would've stumbled on one of the dark mages having a nightmare, or something.
2) You narrate at the reader waaaay too much. There are almost always better, more interesting ways than flat out telling the reader.
8274800
1) I suppose that's fair. I already have things preplanned so a bit too late to turn back on things. There is a lot of slice of life stuff and it will take a while to have things ramp up. I'll have to think about how to introduce the history between Celestia and dark moon. I never gave it much though because I thought people would just accept the conflict as is for the time being.
As for the main conflict I'm purposely withholding that information and leaving subtle hints.
1a) Well, Luna was on the moon for a thousand years, but I don't have an explanation for this. The thought never crossed me before. Right now Celestia is keeping Luna away in fear they might take away her sister and turn Luna against Celestia.
2) That might just be my style with trying to be funny or what not. I'll keep that in mind for future chapters.
8274898
Which is fine, but at the same time, when things happen like all her guards loyally show up to give her their reports and then she has them all mercilessly killed for being wereponies/vamponies/undead, it was kind of a "wait, what? why?!" moment. And that isn't to say this is wrong, just that this is Princess Celestia who's doing this, and there hasn't been a reason given for her to up and murder a bunch of her own guards, given how she usually behaves in the show.
8274957
That's a fair point. Mostly it's viewed as a mercy kill. Probably didn't convey it that well.
8275286
Anyway, I hope I'm not coming off as overly critical or anything. I'd just read your blog post about EQD and figured I'd try to offer my thoughts on your story. Obviously take it all with a grain of salt though, seeing as I got rejected from EQD as well
8281452
Thanks!
Shame that this story is dead.
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Celestia believes the world to be one big fairytale, so I'm not surprised that she's thinking the way she is. Still, it angers me all the same.
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Oh yeah... I am in the same boat as you. I don't got a proofreader yet. But, I am looking for one right now.
I'm a recent fan of yours and I love how you treated dark magic, not as an evil entity, but more of a neutral force that is literally powered by emotions. Environmentalists love them.
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You wouldn't happen to know when we can expect more of this would you? It's just that we are very eager for more and after more than two years since the last update, we are starting to lose faith that it will ever be finished.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
I'm still excited for next chapters!
Still waiting
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He expressed his desire to see this story finished, maybe we will see a chapter sometime soon (hopefully).
He has had long breaks before and that doesn't seem to have a massive affect on the writing so we should not have to worry too much.
I just hope this gets finished one day, I liked a lot of the characterization and many of the plot points, the writing wasn't atrocious from what I
could tell even if it was denied from EQD. Overall I think this story should get a good (as in quality) ending, and I can't wait for it.
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I'm still excited to see this story to be finished :)
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Yeah! I'm right there with you, maybe one day we will see where it all goes. Right now with the pandemic and whatnot I can easily see this being a lower priority, but I hope to, one day, see the conclusion. I like how the characters work even with a few clichés here and there. Also, I don't recall any other fic having as many supernatural creatures/ supernatural magic than any other. Plus, I want to see the look on Celestia's face (mentally speaking) when she learns her precious little Twilight has used necromantic magic at some point (along with how nice the more 'afflicted' ponies can be)!
cant wait for more of this.
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Same here!
This story is like a rough gem. It could use some polish, sure, but it's excellent so far.
I bucking swear this fic had a lot more chapters and was tagged complete.
One of my favorite necromancer fics, it did a nice job of necromancy and dark magic not being inherently evil but having hazards that make the stereotype understandable.
Shame, existence decided to say "buck you" and sent me to a universe where the fic is unfinished.
In other words. I'm experiencing the Mandela effect hard with this story.