• Member Since 3rd May, 2021
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

The Irish Brony


I like writing stories about ponies.

Sequels1

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Ponies going missing was a normal thing at one point in Maretime Bay. They were brushed off as being taken by the unicorns or picked up by the pegasi, only fueling the fire of hate and fear. But after a year of ponies being back together, something seems to keep taking ponies and then returning them back with no memory of what they went through. Sunny and Hitch try to get to the bottom of this mystery.

Audio reading of The Last Changeling

Featured on 7/22/22, and 7/23/22

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 12 )

:scootangel: It's just one of those crowd-pleasers.
:raritystarry:

Pro-tip: you have written this story using the present tense (Is, has, says, etc.) , but you usually want to use the past tense (was, had, said) for stories like this. Just an FYI.

11308616
Honestly, as long as the tense is actually consistent it's not a huge deal.

11308616
What tense he uses isn’t up to you.

11308942
The advice to use past tense came off a bit haughty sounding since it was called a "pro-tip" and ended with "Just an FYI" (something that is almost always condescending or sarcastic), but it didn't seem like that was the intent given the context. The advice wasn't actually bad either, though more explanation was needed.
Past tense lends itself to calm or somber stories. The whole experience gets a subconscious filter of "this has already happened, but the narrator is here to tell us their story. It turns out okay in the end.". Present tense is normally for keeping a reader in the moment, something that works well with action-based stories and building suspense because the activity is happening "RIGHT NOW AND IT MIGHT ALL GO WRONG!!". Choosing past or present tense is the less overt literary equivalent of whether or not a movie's narrator pauses at the start to say, "Let me tell you how we got to this point." and then rewinds a few years to tell his story.
You can absolutely use either tense for a story but if you do match the tense to the style of story you intend to convey it can give the little boost that a story needs.

Love will keep a changeling strong and healthy

Comment posted by NotSuspicious366 deleted Jul 24th, 2022

"Just keep an eye out for anypony either being suspicious or disappearing,"

If a pony does this, would count as both suspicious and disappearing?

"Why take ponies then return them?" Sunny asks as she lays her head down on the counter.

Because that's nicer than only taking them?

The group runs out into a forest at the back of the town.
"There's a forest back here?" Hitch whispers in slight interest.

Sunny: "You had been living in this town for basically your whole life and you never noticed? Wait, that kinda suspicious if you ask me..."

She looks around the dark forest for the creature. Trying to find a dark-colored creature was like finding a needle in a haystack the size of a small house.

The fact you don't even know whether it is even dark-colored anymore doesn't make things easier.
We had seen how Thorax transformed into a literal rock once.

"Wierd question, but how old are you?" Sunny asks.
"Five hundred twenty-two thousand three hundred and five," Dox replies.

I would expect only Changeling Queens would live that long, and if she is a Queen she could possibly lay eggs and revive their species.
On the other hoof he appears to be a 'he', so it might not be that easy...
(Also, it's less "Wierd" and more "Weird".)

"What was Equestria like during the friendship area?" Sunny asks.

Is it possible this was how Sunny's father knew all those things?


Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.

Just an FYI, you used the wrong threw in the summary. It should be through.

Needs a once over with a proofreader, but the concept is sound.
It appears the crayonification never happened, somewhat disappointing but shows why he still needed to steal sustenance.
Better question is why he's so large but only recently started having hunger issues...

11475119
Or maybe the "crayonification's" still a thing in the past but he reverted due to having to take love to survive all these years. . .

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