The Album

by Peregrine Caged

Blueblood -- The Harrowing Journey

Written by: Ravenscroft
Rated Everyone

An arctic blue eye opened, glaring at the clock on the wall, not knowing such a simple action would mark the beginning of a journey most harrowing, of hardship and sacrifice, of co-operation with the most unlikely allies to accomplish the most necessary of goals. The eye’s owner did not yet know that, all it did was analyze the numbers upon the clock’s face.

Six thirty two AM.

Six. Thirty. Two.

Luna's moon had fully set and Auntie Tia's sun raised for a full two minutes. Blueblood knew this, since he'd been awake for those past two minutes, awakening from habit of being woken at six thirty every day for the past four years by his servants. He would then be bathed for twenty minutes, dried for another ten, dressed for fifteen, and finally give himself fifteen minutes to get a chariot, so that he may arrive to breakfast in the adjoining mansion house five minutes late.

After all, royalty waits on nopony, his being late let them know how important and busy he is, allowed the staff and commonfolk serfs to feel good about themselves for performing for such an admirable pony as himself. Truly, it was the best effort he could exert to bring some small smattering of glory into their dull, uninspired commoner-lives.

But now... NOW... There was a flaw in the routine, an error. It happened on occasion, these things were wont to occur every now and again. But today? Of all days? Today was maple-vanilla oatmeal day for breakfast as their hot food; Auntie only imported enough beans for them to be prepared once or twice a month. Imported oats from Zebrica, vanilla beans from the farthest reaches of Dragadeus, and of course the maple was local. One must support the uncultured local mudponies, after all, and no worry, four unicorn servants sieved the liquid to ensure no low-class contagions remained within.

A fine dish, in these cooler winter months especially. But to come seven minutes late--eight minutes late--instead of his customary five, it would begin to cool and congeal before his thoroughbred enjoyment of it.

At this moment, a pleb both knocked upon his greatdoor and opened it in quick succession. Blueblood stared out the picture window towards his city below, listening for the voice.

"Royal Prince Blueblood, sir, it is time to wake, if it pleases you." It came nervously, uncertain.

The serf was a mudpony, coat as dark dirt-toned as his breed. Blueblood knew that doctors ensured none of the miscreants making a show of trying to serve him were infective, but he was glad nonetheless that he had other ponies, with commoner antibodies to fight off commoner disease, to touch that door now. He almost caught commoner disease once, it was a fearful and eye-opening experience.

Regardless, the fact it was such a subspecies made him understand, he would need to speak slowly.

"You were, and are, three minutes late to your job. I have been lying here in bed for all that time and nopony thought it pertinent to wake me." The noble unicorn paused a bit, realizing something important; always be clear with those under-privileged and under-evolved. "Pertinent means 'To be important or of immediate interest'."

The mudpony took a moment to take that in. Of course he did, they were not the brightest after all. The servant deemed it necessary to ask a question, even, when he should have been readying a bathrobe.

"If you were awake, with all due respect, why didn't you just get up?" Clearly, this poor soul was a bit slow in the head. But one can never tell with these...ponies. The slow ones were sometimes quite quick to anger when it was pointed out to them, even if he was just trying to help.

"If I woke myself up, you would be out of a job. Then you would not buy goods in the local marketplace and would not stimulate the economy of my city. But clearly this is a bit beyond your abilities, so latrine duties might be more appropriate for you." Really, the way commoners let their mouths hang open like that, trying to catch flies, in a way it almost impressed Blueblood, akin to seeing the impressive yawn of a raccoon.

Either way, time was wasting, and the base servant finally managed to bring him his bath coat. Five minutes already had passed and the prince took no time in leaving his down feather bed. It was a gift of the griffons, made of, apparently, their foes, as a way to show contempt for the fallen. More importantly, it was oh so very soft, and sewn with thread-of-gold and both red and blue silk. If griffin civil war generated more products like it, he was all for it. But regardless, bathing awaited.

At least that task had competent ponies. His four unicorn team heard of his delay and determined themselves that they could expedite his morning rituals by four minutes. That was the proper way of the servant pony, solving problems. Of course, they were unicorns, it would be unfair to compare them to those other poor unfortunates like the one awaiting his return in his room. Whatever his name was. Mudpony names all sounded the same, really.

Hygiene was very important to nobility. They were the exemplar form for ponies to aspire to. It was not so much a desire as a duty to appear immaculate for the public, to be a shining star that illuminates the dreariness of their daily lives, if only for a moment. Scrub, soap, shampoo, sparkle, shine, and many other "s" words were key in that process, and a finish with a magic-induced drying; brushing every spot on the coat one hundred times and his mane two. It was needlessly time consuming, even with his good and proper subjects doing the best they could to hurry.

...The pains we go through to help others...

Seven oh one. There was still the need to shave one minute off the routine. He returned to his room to dress for the day, uncertain on how to get this done, as that base servant began picking out his day's attire.

"Sir, if you skip the bowtie, it'll probably take a minute or two off your dressing time." Well, at least the charity case was trying.

"And attempt a straight tie instead? Those are so nouveau riche. Well, I suppose I can feign incompetence of the staff should anypony make comment." Blueblood doubted his dresser today had the intellect to grasp the irony of the statement, but one never knew.

Carefully and delicately the tuxedo was placed upon him, along with a sapphire blue tie and black shining shoes. The royal unicorn checked the clock once more. Somehow he had lost a minute!

"I've lost any time I may have gained, I am back at square one! Clearly this is your fault once more for taking so much time talking instead of moving from one spot and actually doing something about it." No time to wait on the mudpony's inept excuses, there was a carriage to catch. Oh, the poor had it so easy, they could simply teleport instead of all this pomp and circumstance, but the golden diamond-studded chariot was necessary as a display of confidence, a show of solidity of the upper class.

Blueblood left in a dignified and only slightly faster than normal canter. As the doors closed, he could hear the mudpony moan: "I swear I'm transferring to Luna, this is impossible."

No time for that to be dealt with now, though. Many were too base to realize how much like the sun he shone, so far above them that they could merely not see it. It was a good thing indeed that his carriage pullers were pegasi. Not the brightest, but they were wise enough to know their place, protectorates of the unicorns. And that included protecting his schedule.

"Go faster! We must catch up in time before coming into sight of the manse, then slow right back down!" The order was well-received, his vehicle nearly taking off as the good and proper serfs put in their 100%. And as required, slowing to a trot brought Blueblood to the front of his destination as if they were at a leisurely pace the entire way, holding back any displays of weakness from the sprint.

Miraculously, it seemed like no other terrible misfortune would befall the poor Prince as the guards opened the door. Auntie Tia was there, awaiting him as always, as was the promising scent of the vanilla-maple oatmeal. With a concealed sigh of relief, he took his spot, and the family began their breakfast.

It was fairly decent, all things considered.

Comments

[Dull Mist]

Congratulations, you made him sound like an insufferable twit and I already hate him. In other words, very well written.

[Venatus75]

Nice work, got a chuckle out of me.

[Seether00]

Buck you Blueblood! Oh wait, it was your intention to make me hate him.

[Fedoraman]

Mudpony.

You sir, just taught me a pony racial slur.

I tip my hat to you.

[reader of the night]

I hate him so much right now, i just want him, me, in a room and my trusty axe oh and a locked door

[shutaro]

Poor Blueblood. He's never going to amount to anything much and he'll think he's better for it.

[Ravenscroft]

1375385 1376254 1380172

Thank you all for your oh-so-kind words... I'm sure Blueblood would be happy to know that he has cured some of the tedium of your poor commoner-lives. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Trixie_lolface_1.png Seriously, though, thank you. (And P-Caged, you can remove my "Comments, advice?" bit at the bottom, that was really meant for when we were working on the google doc with 70 other authors looking over our notes moreso than now when its published.)

1376337
I admit I got a lot of inspiration for this piece from the excellent roleplayers of the 'chans playing "Racist Rarity", who always reminded me of what a female Blueblood would act like. I have not yet come across any terms for unicorns or pegusi, though using horsefeathers as a derogatory should insult the winged folk, I'd say, if you can think up any interesting ones, feel free to tell!

[Psykosis]

What an... enlightening look into the day of Blueblood.

1384017
I've seen at least one author (this guy, if you're interested) use "buzzards" for pegasi and "screwheads" for unicorns.

[Swashbucklist]

I'm rather disappointed the this entry did not conclude with Blueblood choking on an arachnid or falling face-first into some dung. Then again, that would be a base, commoner form of satisfaction.

[statoose]

Amusing, but that said, I found it rather unpleasant to read. You see these other comments such as "Congratulations, you made him sound like an insufferable twit and I already hate him", "Buck you Blueblood!", "I hate him so much right now"? Well, while making the reader hate him may have been your intent, all it does in the end is draw negativity. Therefor, I didn't quite enjoy this. Still, I understand that writing for Blueblood may have been difficult.

Also, it could've used a good deal more self-editing in places. A few examples:

-Of all days? Today was maple-vanilla oatmeal day for breakfast as their hot food;
Typo?

-One must support the uncultured local mudponies, after all, and no worry, four unicorn servants sieved the liquid to ensure no low-class contagions remained within.
This read very sluggishly. Break it into two sentences, perhaps.

-Blueblood knew that doctors ensured none of the miscreants making a show of trying to serve him were infective, but he was glad nonetheless that he had other ponies, with commoner antibodies to fight off commoner disease, to touch that door now.
This entire sentence needs to be re-done - It's very hard to read.

-But one can never tell with these...ponies.
In this context, one should write a space between the dots and their proceeding text, if I'm not mistaken (which I may be - I'm no grammatical expert).

-It was a gift of the griffons, made of, apparently, their foes, as a way to show contempt for the fallen.
Too many commas here. Use some em/en dashes instead. They're very useful.

Other than those errors, this was decently written.
You wrote Blueblood's attitude well - However, that doesn't make it any more enjoyable to read, in my opinion. Still, decently-written, you just need some work. ;) Maybe some pre-readers, too.

Good day, Ravenscrost.

[nemryn]

1384017
'bonehead' for unicorns, maybe?

[First_Down]

As someone who enjoys classic tales, I side with the hero more often than not. However, that said, I find a well written loathsome character to be far more interesting than - say - a poorly written likeable character. Or worse, a character that is the very definition of milquetoast. So while Blueblood does nothing to endear himself to me on a personal level, I couldn't help but enjoy the snapshot because it was well written. The tone and attitude fit beautifully with the sequence of events. My favorite aspect to his character is the complete disconnect between reality and perceived identity. Blueblood honestly sees himself as a paragon and not the asshat everyone else sees. The way you captured this mindset so thoroughly made this entry a fantastic read.

1384017 Also, nothing specific but I've always been partial to "groundpounder" as an insulting and inferior term a pegasus might use to describe the other two tribes over their inability to fly.

[Ravenscroft]

1396215

Sorry for the delay in reply, since it isn't actually my story I don't get alerts when someone posts critique. Thank you for which, by the way: People saying you're great stokes your ego, but does little to improve your writing.

Although I'm amused you made a typo in my name while being critical of typos in your first item. -croft, not -crost.

To address concerns: Yes, the piece does dwell quite a bit in negativity. The entire thing is, as one person mentioned to me, less anger-inducing and more pity-inducing. It is basically applying the real world to ponies, which is never a good thing for happiness. (Have you met many rich people? Some I've spoken with actually compartmentalize and rationalize away their fortune much like Blueblood did here, I wasn't working from a blank slate). Doing that would make some people feel low, especially those who are idealistic or who try to have faith in humanity, and a number of bronies are trying to recover that mindset, which puts the story at risk from the concept stage. I tried to balance it with crossing the line twice (to use a TVtropes term) in order to "soften" the blow of the writing, but that humour is created by absurdity of a situation, which is not everyone's cup of tea.

He is a villain character. And all villains have a flaw. In MLP, for non-combat villains, it is inevitably pride. Iron Will was swindled by an assertive Fluttershy saying she wasn't satisfied with her assertiveness class, which damaged his pride as a teacher, making him seem vulnerable and more relatable. Trixie was owned by an Ursa and by Twilight, her pride fell hard, allowing concern and kindness to feel needed for her (a sympathetic soul). Gilda was proud and brash, and being it made her lose things that were genuinely important to her, offering the chance for redemption.

Blueblood? His pride is genuine and rooted in reality: He is proud because he is rich and royalty. Without removing him from the royal family, you can't cause that to fall, and beyond that, he would need to react properly to garner support as a villain. All of Rarity's complaints? Mean nothing, as she was a passing arm-candy to him. He was a villain who suffered no damage, and went "undefeated". No path to recovery. Writing for that is hard, because if I went for sympathy, it would sound sickening: I'd know, my first story idea I wrote out 700-odd words for was on that route before I scrapped it. The goal was "a day in the life": I can't change the character in less than 2000 words. And the character is rotten to the core... And not in a good way.

Unfortunately, I cannot address editation concerns as Peregrine uploaded this fic, so I can't add that spacebar or split the one phrase into two. I do thank him for doing a prelim edit, though, or the story would be much more typo-fraught than it is even now. I do understand the importance of pre-readers, but at a newbie level in the writing biz, I've not got an outlet to ask "My people! I demand someone to read this over two or three times with a red pen!", which is unlucky... You somewhat need to be established to get prereaders, and you need prereaders to get established.

TL;DR? All in all, I am sorry it was not to your taste, I knew going it that would be the case. Slice-of-life does not mean Comedy or Feel-Good, despite what people use the tags for. Have some smiley faces to make up for it: dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Scootaloo_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Trixie_lolface_1.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Colgate_beam.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_plot.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Soarin_dayum.png

...And I'm surprised no one mentioned that the person he kept making wait for breakfast 5 minutes every single day was not a commoner nor a chef, but a physical god. I like to assume she became accustomed to his schedule and shows up 4 minutes late herself, and arranges the chefs to do the same.

[Dapurple]

1428441
If that last part is correct, strikes again.

[Verdigris]

1376337 I've got a better pony slur: (ultimate contemptuous tone) Breeding.
Thanks to Blueblood, that is now a dirty word.

[Verdigris]

I hate to say (not really), I had nothing for Blueblood than a mix of contempt and amusement, especially when the Earth pony felt working for Luna was easier, and he took it as a failing of Luna's. He's a (yes, capital 'G') Grade-A twit, and no doubt everypony wonders why Celestia puts up with him.
Perhaps in her case it's really pity?dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png

[muffinflavouredcake]

My friend you have done the impossible, you have made me despise this pompous whore-son even more than I already did, good job!

[Husqvarnic]

But the golden diamond-studded chariot was necessary as a display of

being a total muffin-cunt of a pony with the royal rod of popularity impaled through his ass.
very well done.

[Husqvarnic]

1428441 so, to summarize, Blueblood's personality is to be a massive flacid bonerfart?

[Anonymous Assassin]

Oh yes, this has been a most excellent portrayal of blue blood's inner personality. I really wish I could kill him right now... what's worse, I actually know people who think like him. I really despise people with such a mindset. I find it disgusting...

[Shy-Brony]

I was honestly surprised. I thought this would be one of those 'He's not as bad as we make him out to be' things. Yet here I am, wanting to kill him even more.

You, sir/madam, have completely subverted my expectations, and I thank you.

[Themaskedferret]

*Facepalms* I do love blueblood redemption fics but I always love fics like this too. So perfectly done.

[MasterZero]

Haha! I'm always fascinated by what the mindset must be for the 'bad guys.' This was a perfect look into Blueblood's ignorant mind. I wish I could write like Ravenscroft for stuff like this.

[InsignificantGryffindor]

DATS WAISIS

[LoveAndTolerateEveryPony]

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I CAN'T STAND BLUEBLOOD! He is so freaking annoying! Had I been Rarity at the gala I would have bucked his sorry flank across the room!
~LATEP

[Godslittleprincess]

OH, FOR THE LOVE OF!