Written by: funkyferret
Rated Everyone
The afternoon sun shone down through the window, casting its light across the kitchen table and highlighting the golden coat of the colt who sat before it. The young unicorn was staring vacantly at the sheet of paper before him, which held a few simple math problems. A pencil hung out of the side of his mouth, coated with drool. He would chew on it periodically, black eyes unfocused on the words and figures in front of him. Despite the sun being in his eyes, the pony seemed to have little regard for his surroundings.
Snails was having some trouble with his homework assignment. It wasn’t the actual math problems that bothered him; they were absurdly easy. Rather, he found himself musing over the idiosyncrasies that the theory of mathematics itself presented. Who decided
that one plus one equals two, anyways? The ponies of yore could just as easily have decided to set it equal to four, or made up a different term entirely, like eleventy. The only reason one plus one equaled two was because some scholar in the past had decided to label it as such, and the rest of Equestria followed the decision without question. Scholars… what made them so special anyways? Their theories were flawed. Geometry and Calculus were even more arbitrary than simple addition. The number pi was simply created to fill in a gap that the scholars could not explain. And who decided to name it pi anyways? Some old nag with a sweet tooth, that’s who.
As for the sciences, they were absurdly flawed as well. These attempts to explain how the universe worked were far from complete. For example, if the theory of conservation of energy was to be believed, magic shouldn’t be possible. The “great minds” were still trying to find a way to fill in the gaps that their own leaps in logic had created. He tried to not let their theories affect him, but he had to admit that he himself often wondered about the properties of magic. His head would get so full of reasons why magic should not be possible due to the current mathematical theories that explained the universe, that his capacity to perform said magic was severely hindered. The whole lot of it ought to be tossed out so that a new generation, like he himself, could start over from scratch. But then, he would be the one defining things all willy-nilly in an attempt to explain the world, and they would inevitably end up in the same position as before, only this time he would be in the hot seat. There wasn’t any real clear solution on how to approach such a conundrum; he would have to give the whole situation a lot more thought. Perhaps he had best go back to the beginning and start working from the ground up…
The pencil slipped from Snails’ mouth, leaving a smear across his homework assignment. The paper was still void of any answers and would likely remain so for quite some time to come. A goofy smile was plastered across his snout, and his eyes had wandered to stare blearily at the kitchen wall in front of him. A fly landed on his ear, but he did not even twitch. Mouth open slightly, he stared into space, seemingly without a care in the world. The afternoon wore on, with barely any movement from the young unicorn, save for the occasional slow blink of his eyes. His homework assignment was going to be late once again.
Cheerilee sighed as she looked over the crumpled assignment of one of her more troubled students. The paper was smudged and bore a variety of scribbles and odd drawings. Only a few of the questions were actually answered. She tapped her pen against the top of her desk in an absent manner. “I should have expected this,” she said to herself. “After all, he’s always been a little... slower than the others. I may have to speak to his parents again.” She began to grade the assignment, marking the mistakes with her red pen. So intent was she on her work that she did not notice the black eyes watching her from outside the classroom window.
Snails backed away from the hiding place from which he had been observing his teacher work. He sighed. He’d let himself get distracted once again and his work had suffered as a result. He knew Miss Cheerilee didn’t mean any harm with her comment; he wasn’t even supposed to have heard her say it. He was used to hearing such things anyway. He was going to have to work on not being so easily distracted, lest this “slow” label become permanent.
Still he was left wondering what defines the terms “fast” and “slow” in the first place. Surely it was all relative. To the lowly gastropod, the turtle moves at great speeds, while the reptile would find the snail to be slow. And yet both such creatures are considered slow by pony standards. To the agile hummingbird, the entire world would seem slow. Would the energetic bird even recognize the turtle or the lowly snail as a living being, or treat them as rocks due to its inability to distinguish their movements due to their very different metabolisms?
Even with metabolic rates itself aside, there was the psychological issue as well. Each creature views itself as “normal” and judges others based upon such an assumption. If this view varies between each individual, then can any behavior truly be called average? If so, then by whose definition is the meaning of the word average defined? Indeed the attempt to conform to such a generalized view of the world would leave those at both ends of the bell curve in trouble. Perhaps trying to define everypony by some rigid standard was not the proper method at all. New ideas usually came from those outside the norm after all. Perhaps society’s desire to define what is normal was in fact crippling its own development. He shook his head. He did not need to change in order to avoid such pointless labels. There were so many more interesting things he could be doing with his time, like unraveling the true secrets of the universe.
The lanky little unicorn stood there in the middle of the road with an absent-minded smile on his face. Those passing by who stopped to observe him either shook their heads sadly, or sighed at his behavior. They did not know of the complex thoughts that went on behind those black eyes. Someday they would see the truth... just not today.
ahh i love this one so much
also, first
This story is the result of trying to get Snails into my head-canon. Hope you enjoy it.
1423435
Yours is still one of my personal favorites. You did such a damn good job, madam.
Oh thank god I'm not the only one who sees Snails as being not retarded, but on the contrary too smart for his own good. also: hi, funkyferret!
1423444
Thanks.
1423451
*waves*
That is certainly a different take on Snails, but a good one. I definitely prefer this than his normal portrayal. What I want to know is what he thinks about whenever he's around Snips, because while Snips seems like the leader of their little twosome, if Snails is in fact smarter than what is he thinking about?
1423997
Snips has a bit of an ego. I imagine Snails lets him "lead" in order to humor him. Then he follows along behind trying to keep his friend's hide intact. How else do you think two foals survived an encounter with an ursa minor; a creature that, due to it's size difference when compared to a pony, could have easily outrun them?
1424083
That's why I chose Soarin'. He's got a lot of potential, but he hasn't been in the show much, so I could do what I liked with him without worrying too much about writing him OOC.
Aargh talk about overthinking things Either Equestria's version of the law of conservation of energy does allow for magic, or Equestrian physics doesn't have such a law.
This. I fucking LOVE this. The way you portray Snails reminds me a lot of Caramon Majere, from the Dragonlance Chronicles.
He's not stupid, he just thinks slower than others and, as a result, often comes to deeper and more insightful conclusions than those of his fast-thinking peers.
Plus, the scathing subtext directed at those who attack others whom they see as 'abnormal' didn't hurt, either. Keep up the good work!
Except the theory of conservation of matter states that the average stays the same, and in actuality, electron-positron pairs are generated all the time, and so long as they annihilate each other, everything is sound. But what does this have to do with energy? Well, it is shown that magic depletes a pony's energy, so their magic might simply be a manipulation of the pairs before they annihilate. Did I just sound like a Twilight?
My god...Snails isn't stupid, he's just...running too many applications.
This was pretty funny. I don't know if I like the idea of Snails as a secret genius, but I do like the idea that he isn't as stupid as he appears. He just operates at a slower pace than the 'average' pony, and his ability to interact with the here-and-now suffers as a result. That would help explain some of his bad choices, like the Ursa incident; if he's struggling to deal with what's happening at the moment, planning ahead and predicting future consequences would really be hard for him.
Snails, meet ADD.
1440470
I prefer to think of him as an "idiot savant" rather than a genius. Sort of the Rain Man of Equestria.
This take on Snails puts me in mind of several geniuses who were so intelligent they couldn't relate to the real world well
Einstein and Turing spring to mind. Brilliant, but thought to be dense. Until their time came. Snails is waiting for his time. Equestria watch out when it comes.
I haven't read many stories offering a perspective of Snails that differs from the established and superficial, so thank you for this entry. It was quick and amusing. I like the idea of characters that are oft misunderstood because they march to the beat of their own drum. Your depiction of Snails certainly fits the bill.
1423435 Snails has a brilliant mind. I see myself in him, even in the show. When he and Snips are trying to get unstuck from the gum, he seems to be overthinking instead of underthinking. I have aspergers, part of the autism syndrome, and ADHD. That makes me rather hyper, and a deep thinker. Others think I'm stupid or easily distracted because I take so long to answer a question. I may be easily distracted, but I am by no means stupid. I find science and math confusing too because of the same reasons Snails lists here. (Except for magic, of course)
Thank you for letting me connect to this simple pony.
.1439801 Yes. Yes you do. Brilliant explanation, though.
Ho
Ly
Shit.
1428358 the real question is " What is magic" we know nothing about this force that belongs to the land of equestria. Almost nothing has been said about it therefore we cannot apply the laws of physics until the first question os answered.
Brilliant take on Snails. Absolutely brilliant. Well written, too! There were a few places that could be nitpicked, but that would be more suited to an editor.
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Spitfire_dayum.png Just...perfect.
1447268 "Rain Man of Equestria" You sir, take my internets... all of them. Well maybe nt all of them I gotta give some to the author as well, but you can have the rest
2025514
... I am the author.
YAY! ADOS! !
(Attention Defecit Ooh! Shiny!)
actually, there is a Beatles song that describes him. YouTube search: Nowhere Man.
Nice. .
2025523 I. am. the. AUTHOR!
Ok this one struck home for me big time. I am slow, I was classified as learning impaired in school. I love the meaning behind this story. Just because someone "looks slow" doesn't mean they are. Best one so far for me.
~LATEP