The Album

by Peregrine Caged

Featherweight -- Anything to Get the Story!

Written by: Firehooves
Rated Everyone

Anything to get the story!

How do I get myself into these things?

One of the things about working on a newspaper, be it as a reporter or photographer, is being willing to risk bodily harm for the sake of the story or the pictures. But sometimes, stupidity seems to win out over plain old common sense.

“Easy there, girl…” I lower my camera, as the angry sow stares me down. There’s no way I can make it out of this corral before she gets to me, as the gate is too far away. Sweat trickles down my mane, as the angry sow gets ready to charge.

“What a way to go,” I think to myself. “Trampled to death by an angry pig… all in the name of getting a few lousy pictures…”

As a Pegasus, I’ve always stood out from the others. Smaller, more diminutive… it’s why my parents called me Featherweight. But despite my small stature, I’m very good at most things I set my mind to. Unfortunately, one of the many things I happen to excel at is getting myself into trouble.

I had always wanted to be a newspony, just like my uncle--the muckraker who rooted out city corruption at the Fillydelphia Gazette. So I jumped at the chance to join the Foal Free Press, our school’s newspaper, when Miss Cheerilee offered me a place on the staff. I had a lot of fun as the staff photographer under Namby Pamby, the paper’s excellent editor. My newspaper work was so good, I even earned my quill feather cutie mark just as the new school year began.

But then, Namby Pamby graduated.

Beginning my second year on the paper, we had some new ponies on the staff. I loved having that cute little filly, Scootaloo (whom I was too shy to give a card to on Hearts and Hooves day). But also came our new editor, Diamond Tiara. She had a totally different way of running things, which involved having me photograph every small detail of everything going on in Ponyville. A good pony Miss Tiara is not, and many of the pictures I took ended up being used as blackmail material (I’m so sorry, Scootaloo!).

“Do anything to get the pictures!” Diamond Tiara told me. “The story is all that matters!”

I should have known better! I had heard Fluttershy had a gigantic, temperamental pig that she had rescued from a wolf, and was now nursing back to health. I knew our editor would want me to snap a pic! I knew that such a large creature would be dangerous to a little pony like me, but Diamond Tiara wanted those pics of the ‘ferocious beasts‘ Fluttershy was caring for. So, like a dumb little cub reporter, over the fence I went, and into the lion’s- er, swine’s den!
“Wow, that thing is huge!” I commented, as I started snapping pictures. The large sow, who was eating the swill Fluttershy had left for her, grunted and paid me no notice. I trotted around the fat swine, taking snapshots from every angle. Then, I made my mistake.

“Boy, this pig sure is ugly!” I snorted, snapping the last of my photos.

Before I knew it, I was airborne. Not from taking off to fly, for my flying abilities are only a little better than Scootaloo’s. No, it had been the swine that had sent me slamming into the side of the corral. I barely had time to leap out of the way before the swine struck the fence where I had been.

“Uh oh! I didn’t know you could understand me!” I whinnied, startled. Oh sure, I knew non-talking animals had some level of intelligence, but I wasn’t aware they could understand ponies…or that some of them had vanity issues.

“Okay, Featherweight... Think! What do you know about pigs? Okay, pigs are very aggressive-- not helping! Pigs are omnivores, which means I would be on the menu--still not helping!” My thoughts are interrupted as the swine charges at me again!

“Whoah!” I roll out of the way, barely avoiding getting run over by the big swine.

This is just great! If I were a normal-sized colt, then pigzilla here wouldn’t be much of a problem! But with my diminutive physique, this fat swine will make short work of me! And Fluttershy will be very upset with me… if I survive her killer hog, that is! Oh, that tears it! When I get outta this, I’m going straight to Diamond Tiara, and telling where she can stick her stupid photographer job!

At that moment, an idea strikes me! This pig might be far stronger than me…but maybe I can use that to my advantage!

“Hey, gruesome!” I called out, sticking my tongue out at the oversized swine. “Are you facing me? I can’t tell your one end from the other!”

The pig squealed in anger, then charged full steam at the spot where I was standing. Jumping out of the way at the last minute, I watched the oversized sow smash through the fence and barrel onward towards the Everfree Forest. Wiping the sweat from my mane with my hoof, I galloped out of the gap she had made, and quickly made myself scarce.

As I hid, I heard Fluttershy flap back to her cottage. Needless to say, the yellow Pegasus was not happy with what she found!

“Oh no, Porcina!” she cried out, tears filling her eyes as I was filled with guilt. Galloping away, I did not have the courage to face her after what I’d done. Sometimes, it seems, the story really ISN’T worth it!

It wasn’t long after that Miss Cheerilee booted Diamond Tiara from the paper and I ended up on the editorial position. The lovely Scootaloo and her friends have become my top reporters, and my best bud is now our photographer. It’s now Diamond Tiara who’s getting ink on her face!

As to Porcina, nopony has seen her since my little mishap. I never did tell anypony what happened in the corral that day, as my guilt was far too great. Knowing that I was responsible for sending that poor piggy into the Everfree Forest has made sure that I’ll never put a juicy story or picture before a living being ever again.

I can only hope that Porcina had survived the strangeness of the Everfree Forest somehow, and Ponykind will someday see her again...

Comments

[Archlyn]

I like that pig

I also feel really really bad for Featherweight if Fluttershy ever finds out, boy is he gonna get it. (He might anyway, karma can be a real pain sometimes)

I've been enjoying this a lot more than I expected I would! Keep up the awesome work guys

[reader of the night]

1406930
May the staremistress be merciful upon him.
Probably not.

[statoose]

An amusing little tale. I didn't spot many mistakes aside form the tiny nitpicks a pre-reader would give you. The only thing that bugged me was Featherweight's narration. It seemed almost too well-spoken for a colt, in my opinion. Also, there was a small present/past-tense change at some point, but that wasn't a problem. Other than that, it was quite well-written! You avoided 95% of the common mistakes that other authors make.

Good stuff.

[TLSpark]

Niiiiiiiiiiice.

[Paradise Oasis]

this is really late, but thanks for the reviews...

And I think Ponykind hasn't seen the last of Porcina.... mwhahahahaaaa!

[LoveAndTolerateEveryPony]

This was a cute little funny one. Featherweight is adorable. I don't really like shipping the kid ponies, but feathloo sounds so cute! :P
~LATEP