Ch 10 - Sappy Times
After the good cry I had with Twilight, I felt emotionally and physically exhausted. Like I just threw all my energy out through my tears. I yawned and snuggled into her warm embrace. After all, she was my aunt and was here to protect me, no?
As I began to drift off into the sweet embrace of sleep I felt Twilight move away, removing the warm blanket of her wings. I let out an uncharacteristic whine before a sharp pinch to my side made me snap back awake. I looked up at her with a scowl at the pinch and crossed my forelegs in irritation.
“Sorry Flurry.” Twilight gave me an apologetic look before waving a hoof at her head. “I can’t let you sleep for another hour or so. We have to make sure you don’t have any other symptoms from your concussion.”
“Okay, so do you have a book or something I can read then?” I grumbled, still annoyed. I was tired as hell from being foalnapped and running everywhere and just wanted some peace and quiet for the first time in what felt like several days.
“No, not one I think you can read.” Twilight rubbed her chin with one hoof as she thought before pointing the hoof straight up. “Oh, why don’t you tell me more about that marefriend you had while in ‘Japan’?”
“Girlfriend.” I corrected, pointing a hoof at her face before sighing and looking into the distance. “Her name was Themis, and she was one of the kindest people I ever met.” I looked down at my hooves and gave a shaky laugh. “I wonder how she’d see me now. Probably think I was adorable or something, but don't want to date me anymore.”
“Well, how did you two meet?” Twilight grimaced, very clearly trying to steer me away from a train of self-hate.
“We met when I first moved into this large apartment building with my siblings. I didn’t speak much of the local language at the time so I couldn’t really talk to my neighbors too much.” I sighed, remembering the isolation of that time. “But Themis didn’t let that stop her at all, using her sheer willpower to make sure I was comfortable in my new home despite the language barrier.
“Eventually she dragged me out of the house, having her mother watch my siblings while she showed me around town. We went for dinner and at the end of the night ended up kissing under a budding sakura tree.” I smiled in contentment, feeling a tear prickle up under one of my eyes before I wiped it away with a hoof.
“Sounds like she was a good marefriend.” Twilight gave a small smile before chuckling.
“Hey, what’s so funny? I loved her, was going to propose and everything before, well, this.” I pointed a hoof at my face and scowled.
“Well, it’s a little funny that you have a marefriend instead of a coltfriend.” She chuckled again before giving a small smile. “You really take after your aunt in that regard.”
“You have a girlfriend?” I blinked, caught off guard. Twilight looked like she was more likely to spend her days reading books instead of dating anyone, but I guess anyone can find love. “Who?”
“Well, Rarity.” She blushed, a strange sight to see on a purple coat but still.
“Wait, like Ms. Rarity Rarity?” I yelled, sitting up in shock. “Wow, guess that explains why she was so willing to watch me on what seemed like short notice...”
“Yes, that Rarity.” Twilight gave a small chuckle. “But that wasn’t why she was willing to watch you. She volunteered since it was the quietest place to stay out of our friends.”
“Huh...” I relaxed back into bed, my eyebrows furrowed as I thought hard. “I don’t think I have many friends that are willing to take care of my family like that. Well, other than Themis’ mother, but I think she just enjoys taking care of people.”
“Don’t worry Flurry, I’m sure you’ll make plenty of friends here in Ponyville.” Twilight grinned before pointing to herself. “I would know, I am the Princess of Friendship after all.”
I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at that. The moment was broken by a knock at the door, prompting Twilight to raise an eyebrow and look over. A second after the knock, the door opened to reveal Nurse Redheart, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash trotting in. Rarity immediately dashed over to the bed, pulling me into a gentle hug and nuzzling my mane for a moment before pulling back.
“Flurry, I am so glad you’re alright!” Rarity’s eyes were full of concern before she frowned. “But please don’t try to be the hero that stays behind. That’s for ponies like us, not fillies like you.” She gently hugged me again. “Just try to stay safe, please.”
I felt my face flush at the assertion I was just a weak little filly and not the manly badass I knew myself as, but couldn’t help but grunt out a yes. If the past few days taught me anything I was a lot less capable in this tiny filly body than I was in my human one. For now, at least, until I got the chance to actually work out.
“Yeah, I gotta agree with Rarity on this one.” Rainbow Dash interjected, stepping over next to me. “You risking your flank to help the Cutie Mark Crusaders was pretty cool, but leave the dangerous stuff to the adults, squirt.”
“I....okay,” I grumbled but nodded.
Nurse Redheart cleared her throat, making all four of us turn to her. “Princess Twilight, Rarity, can I see you two in private please?”
“Sure. Can you keep an eye on Flurry for a moment, Dash?” Twilight asked, getting a nod from Rainbow Dash in response. Twilight gave my mane a rustle before stepping out of the room with the nurse and Rarity.
“Alright squirt, want to hear how we kicked Nightmare Moon’s flank?” Rainbow Dash grinned down at me.
“I don’t know who that is but sure.”
“Wait, she ruled for over a thousand years?” My jaw dropped at the thought of living that long. “How old do Alicorns get?”
“Uhhhhh, that might be a question for Twilight.” Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head awkwardly. “I don’t think anypony knows, one hasn’t really died. I think Princess Celestia is the oldest alicorn and she’s 1500 years old? And she looks like she’s at most middle-aged.”
1500 years old and not super old? Jesus, how old do they get? Wait, I’m an alicorn. Oh fuck, I’m gonna be stuck with this body for a long time if I can’t get back to earth....
Before I could respond I could hear the sounds of some arguing from the other room, causing one of my ears to prick up. The door slammed open as Rarity strolled back into the room, clearly upset before she yelled back at Twilight.
“You have until tomorrow or I’ll tell her myself.” She huffed and used her magic to slam the door in Twilight’s face. Seeing the shock on Dash and I’s faces she grinned sheepishly. “Oh, sorry about that darlings. Got a bit carried away. Nurse Redheart should be coming with your medication so you can get some sleep.”
“I...okay.” I frowned a bit, still a little rattled at the sight of the two mares arguing just outside. “Is everything okay Ms. Rarity?”
“Of course.” Rarity gave me a large, very obviously fake grin. “Everything is perfectly fine, darling.”
I rolled my eyes, but once again the door swung open before I could properly respond. This time it was Nurse Redheart who strode in, carrying a tray with a glass of water and a styrofoam cup on her back. She (somehow) set the tray on the table next to the bed with her mouth, not spilling anything in the process.
“Alright Flurry Heart, can you be a dear and take these?” Nurse Redheart gave the same ‘professionally sweet’ smile she’d been giving me this entire time before passing me the styrofoam cup with one hoof.
I sighed and took the styrofoam cup with my own hoof, seeing two or three white pills at the bottom. I shrugged and took the pills, washing them down with the offered water. As soon as I took that sip I quickly chugged the last of the cup before sighing in relief.
“Unfortunately visiting hours are over, so Rarity and Rainbow Dash are going to have to go home.” Nurse Redheart gave the two a stern look before turning back to me. “If you want your aunt can stay with you during the night so you aren’t alone.”
I bit my lip, not sure how I felt being alone with my Twilight considering how weird she’d been acting. After a moment’s deliberation, the fear of being alone for the night outweighed the fear of her.
“If she could stay I’d appreciate it.” I looked up at Nurse Redheart with my best pleading eyes.
“Okay, dear.” She gave me that professional smile again before starting to wave Rainbow Dash and Rarity out of the room. “Get some rest. You’ll meet with the counselor in the morning and then you’re a free pony.”
I nodded and yawned, slowly relaxing back into the soft pillow. Somehow the whole bed felt a lot softer and more inviting than it did a short bit ago. I gave one more yawn as I saw Twilight re-enter the room before I drifted off to sleep.
I stirred in my sleep as I heard a faint knocking on the door. I groaned and rolled over, moving one of my wings to cover my face. My cat meowed at me in irritation, moving around before settling again at my hind legs. I grumbled again as whoever was knocking knocked again before I opened one eye.
“Go away mom, I don’t have school today!” I yelled before curling back up in bed, enjoying the warmth of my room on a summer weekend.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
I groaned before sitting up and yawning, letting my cat jump off the bed and wander somewhere else in my room to sleep. Rolling onto my hooves I let myself stretch out, my bones cracking very satisfyingly. My wings were the strangest to stretch, since they were connected to my spine it felt more like stretching out fingers than limbs.
“Alright come in, I’m up,” I grumbled, staring daggers at my door.
The door glowed a faint blue before slamming open, revealing a large blue alicorn on the other side. She looked powerful and pissed, not helped by the shimmering mane on her head, glowing with the night sky. As she stepped towards the bed I felt stuck in place by her gaze, sitting down with a squeak as she towered over me. Even with me sitting on the bed she was still a good head and haunches taller than my filly body.
“Uh....hi?” I squeaked out, my ears flicking back in fear as I began to slowly back up to the edge of my bed. "Who are you?"
“I am Princess Luna, and you are going to tell me why you are in my niece’s body.” The alicorn growled, her horn glowing with a faint blue aura as she loomed over me.
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Very nice chapter, cute to.
Finally, atleast now someone can help after she calmed the heck down. Evening Lulu
Mood of the Luna: "Now There Will Be Meat!!!!"
Of course, there are some aspects with which I do not agree, but somehow I am not going to dispute them, because they do not change the overall picture of the story.
The story itself is not bad, although the idea of intruder in various characters is already a bit beaten (I remember Nightmare Moon, Daybreaker, Pinkie Pie). Also, I would like more descriptions, although even such chapters are better than mine, in which events, as one of the commentators put it, rush "at a gallop through Europe"
Looking forward to new chapters! good luck and inspiration.
P.S. I would advise you to read the fanfic "Лишняя" (an intruder in Nightmare Moon), but it is in Russian, and the translation, it seems, is not planned ... I don’t know, it’s as your soul desires.
Well gee whiz, let me think. Maybe if she knew how that happened she could begin to un-happen it? Congratulations Xena, way to make a first impression on someone who'd sooner be out of all your manes.
Well luna is mad another great ch thank u
Oh shoot.
11153576
Storm is somehow gonna use this as an advantage lol, yes oh shoot
Storm: I dont know! You tell me!
Theory: Flurry died, and twilight tried to bring her back. She succeeded, but was too late.
And, dropped. It was a good run.
I don't know! Noone will tell me!
I tried explaining to Twilight, but she didn't believe me.
I just found this and got caught up.
Here are some of my opinions/comments (that nobody asked for).
The name "Storm." It pisses me off. It doesn't sound like someone from Utah. It sounds like a pony oc name. (The pegasus "Storm Cloud" ...the only pony on the weather team that can bring just the right amount of rain... not to much, not to little.) Or it sounds like an anime protagonist's name. Whichs segues to......
Storm's backstory is on the border of anime cringe, but I'm allowing it for now, since this whole thing is a big isekai.
I like isekai anime.
I also like the slice of life parts. You're doing good on them! It was mentioned that you transition from slice of life to action was too fast and it was jarring to the reader. I had to agree. In my non professional (totally not a writer) opinion, I would spend at least 1000 words going from slice of life to action and another 1000 going back. That seems to be the pacing you're going with in this story.
tl;dr ... spend more words on transitions and make each slice of life and action segment longer.
Cheerilee should know something's up if Flurry can do math, but can't read.
Both Dash and Twi made mention of breaking the CMC out of the foalnappers den. Flurry saved three lives... and got admonished for it.
I thought saving lives was a very "princess" thing to do, but instead Flurry was told "save yourself, don't worry about the cannon fodder."
Speaking of the foalnapping. I liked it. Who's behind this? Why? Interesting things to wonder about, and I hope gets resolved later. The rescue scene had just the right amount of violence.
Why is noone talking about what happened to Flurry and her parents? The anticipation leading up to this revelation is pleasing.
If you can, please spend more time on Storm figuring out how to be a pony/alicorn. The scene early on where he blew off the bathroom door was great! It was funny, but also great world building. The rune he saw/felt while casting was intriguing. More human view of magic please!
Also in this dream, he said the wings felt like fingers coming from his spine. That's awesome! I think all readers of this story want more of that.
I can imagine Sweetie Belle trying to teach Flurry how to do magic, but something goes hilariously wrong.
Overall, I'm loving this isekai. Thank you for posting.
11153643
OMG, I never thought of that! That explains why she wouldnt stay by her side when she was recovering from "amnesia" in the hospital and wouldnt let her return to the Crystal Empire in fear of her parents finding out!
I am really looking forward to reading more of this. Great work so far.
11153908
Thank you for enjoying reading it, I am enjoying writing it.
As for Storm and his backstory, no spoilers but I promise it will make more sense come to the next chapter. I have noticed some people referring to the hints of his backstory as 'anime-like', but to be honest I don't really watch much anime so not sure what that means?
What about (enhanced) interrogating the kidnappers?
Anyone with a mouth could probably do that with enough practice. I don't know though.
11154274
You can enhance any interrogation room with a large stick and loud speakers!
HOOO boy! Good thing Storm told Twilight about this BEFORE Luna figured it out!
Oh good, someone isn't trying to gaslight Storm.
Either this was supposed to be alone with Twilight, or alone with my aunt Twilight, but like this, it's obvious that something went wrong here.
Edit: also, called it!
Twilight gay...¿Fue violada o tuvo una mala relación con alguien heterosexual para ser heterofóbica?
Not cool, Twilight.
You know how hard Spike was crushing on her from the very beginning. Lil' bros before hoes.
Because Twilight Sparkle fucked up.
Okay but why are they giving Flurry shit for staying behind? If she hadn't, they would've all been recaptured and no one would've been able to alert Twilight. It's not like Flurry had intervened where she shouldn't have, she was already in the middle of it.