• Published 18th Nov 2012
  • 689 Views, 43 Comments

The Four Trials in Canterlot - Evening Storm

What the mane 6 thinks that building is it's nowhere close to the truth.

  • ...

Prologue: The Center

The Center

It was a quiet and beautiful morning in Ponyville. Twilight was going through her usual morning routine; brushing her mane, making her bed, tidying up her desk that was still in ruins thanks to last night’s study session…just the little things that helped start her day. Afterwards, she started reshelving the books. "There seems to be more and more books every day." Twilight thought aloud. It was 10:30 A.M. when she finished and she noticed Spike was still fast asleep. She decided to go to the market and get some apples from Applejack before Spike got up, so she would have a nice meal ready when he did.
The walk into the market did not take long. Finding Applejack took even less time. "Hi Applejack!" Twilight greeted.
“Howdy there Twilight, g'mornin to ya." Applejack seemed to have been having a slow day today.
"I would like fifty apples Applejack; I plan on making a huge meal for me and Spike when I get home." Twilight said.
Applejack gave her a skeptical look. "Ah dunno Twi, fifty apples is perty expensive now, ya sure ya can afford it?"
"I'm not sure; you still have to tell me the price." Twilight laughed.
"Right, that would be seventy-five bits, Twi," Applejack informed her.
"Seventy-five! You weren't kidding Applejack….err, give me a sec." Twilight then spent a few minutes counting her bits she had in her pouch." Oh shoot! I only brought sixty with me. I'll be back with more in a moment."
"Don't worry about it none, Twi, you get a discount. After all Ah still owe ya fer helpin when Flim and Flam were here." Applejack kindly offered.
"Oh Applejack you don't have t-" the rest of Twilights sentence was cut off as a grey blur crashed into Applejack’s apple cart, sending the red fruit flying ever which way.
The offender untangled herself from the up-turned cart. Not surprisingly, the blur was Ditzy. She looked around at the mess and blushed sheepishly. "Oh, I'm sorry Applejack," the mare told her, looking down at the ground.
Applejack sighed. "It's quite alright, Miss Ditzy, it was an accident. Anyway, how may Ah help ya today?"
"A letter from Canterlot for you," Ditzy said as she retrieved the letter for Applejack. "Thank ya kindly Miss Ditzy," Applejack said, taking the letter. Ditzy then flew off to complete her mail route.

"Well, AJ, what does it say?" Twilight asked.
"Hold yer horses partner, let me open it," Applejack took the letter from the envelope and read it to herself. “Huh…it's an invitation to some center in Canterlot. Says they can teach me a better way to apple buck."
“Really?”Twilight asked Applejack, surprised." Yep," Applejack replied. “That's what it says, invited me specifically."
“Wow, AJ, maybe you should go just to check it out."
“Ah dunno, Twi, Ah mean Ah do have the strongest legs in Equestria after all. Ah doubt they can give me a better way."
“Well, you could just go to humor them. By the way, did the letter have a signature?"

"Yeah." Applejack looked back to the letter." Miss R.D. must be initials."
They sat in silence a moment then Applejack said, “Ya know what, Ah will go, says there are eleven other ponies too, and besides Ah'd like to see this R.D. fer myself.”
Applejack and Twilight collected the slightly bruised apples from the ground from when Ditzy hit the cart. Twilight paid for her apples and went back home, bidding farewell to Applejack.
Back home, Twilight was preparing lunch for Spike and herself. Spike came in rubbing the sleep from his eyes."Hey Twilight, what smells so good?"
"Lunch," Twilight answered."After this I have to go to Fluttershy’s. She said she needed help with something."
"Ok. Oh, I just remembered, Ditzy showed up about an hour before you got home, she gave me this letter for you." Spike handed her the envelope.
Twilight set the letter on the counter. "Thanks Spike, I'll read it when I get back from Fluttershy’s, but for now let's eat."
After lunch Twilight started her walk over to Fluttershy’s cottage, only to run into Rainbow Dash hovering a few feet off the ground reading a note." Hey Rainbow!" Twilight greeted. Rainbow looked up from her letter and down at her friend. “Oh, hey Twilight." Rainbow replied.
"What's that letter your reading?" Twilight asked.
"What, this? It's some invitation to a center in Canterlot." Twilight seemed surprised to hear this.
"Really? Hmm, funny, Applejack got the same kind of letter. What's yours for, Rainbow?"
"It says they can teach me a way to get my job done faster so I'll have more free time. I don't really see how that's possible though. I mean, I AM the fastest flier in Equestria, right?"
Twilight chuckled at her friend’s oversized amount of self-confidence. “Yes Rainbow, you are the fastest.” She reassured her. “But that doesn't mean you can't go and show them some new moves, right?"
"Yea, I guess so. Alright, I'll go, and you said Applejack’s going?"
"Yes she is."
“Well then, that means there will only be ten other ponies going."
"Alright, Rainbow, I'll talk to you later, I need to get to Fluttershy’s."
"Ok, I'll see you around, Twi." With that Rainbow flew off.
When Twilight got to Fluttershy’s cottage she saw Ditzy leaving. Twilight, seeing this, can't help but think Fluttershy was also invited to that center.
Twilight knocked on the door and the shy pony opened it." Hello Fluttershy, you wanted me to help with something?"
"Oh, yes." Fluttershy stated, "I hoped that you could help me with this year’s bunny census, i-if you don't mind."
Twilight smiled. “Not at all, let’s get started with it now.”
Rounding up the bunnies was hard work, at least for Twilight. None of her rabbits wanted to listen. Fluttershy, on the other hand, shepherded the rabbits into their separate groups with ease. Twilight was quite impressed. "Wow Fluttershy, how do you do that every year?" she asked.
"Well I guess I just get a lot of practice." Fluttershy responded. They stop talking for a few minutes until Fluttershy said," Oh, sorry Twilight, would you like to come in? I made some lemonade before you got here."
"Thank you Fluttershy, that would be wonderful."
Inside the cottage Twilight sat on the couch while Fluttershy went into the kitchen to get them both some lemonade. As Fluttershy came back with the lemonade, Twilight noticed the open envelope and letter on the table. “Hey Fluttershy, is that an invitation to that center in Canterlot?"
“Yes it is, how did you know?"
“Applejack and Rainbow Dash got one too. So what does yours say?" Twilight asked her question while sipping her lemonade.
"It said that they could teach me a better way to care for my animals if I came."
“Are you going too?"

“Of course I am. I always accept help whenever I can get it. So if Applejack, Rainbow, and I are going that leaves nine more ponies. I hope you, Rarity, and Pinkie get to go too.” Just then the clock chimed. Twilight and Fluttershy looked to it and it read 2:30 P.M.
Fluttershy gasped. "Oh no, I'm going to be late for the spa with Rarity! I'm so sorry to cut this short, Twilight, but if you want I'm sure Rarity wouldn't mind if you came too." Twilight thought about it for a moment, and then she decided to go.
They ran for the spa, hoping Rarity wasn't too mad at them for being late. Both mares kicked open the spa doors like they were the leading characters of a cop movie. Rarity was patiently waiting at the front desk. "Oh Rarity, I'm so sorry I'm late."Fluttershy panted.
“It’s quite alright, darling.” Rarity assured. “I see Twilight will be joining us today."
“Only if it's ok with you, Rarity."
“Of course it is darling, no problem at all. I'm so glad you will be joining us today, actually. Alright, Aloe darling, The Usual."
“Right away Miss Rarity." Aloe told her.
They started with the sauna as always, telling stories and talking about their week. They were mostly silent during the facials and hoofacures. Once they got to the massages Rarity brought up the one thing Twilight started forgetting about.
"And today on my way here, Ditzy gave me a letter. I put it in my bag. I was going to read it after we were fin-"
Twilight interrupted her." So, go get it now Rarity!" Twilight all but screamed these words.
"But what about my massage, Twilight?" Rarity started to complain. “
I'll go get it then." Twilight said getting up from her table." What’s so special about that letter, Twilight?" Rarity asked her." I have to know if it is the invitation to Canterlot."
Fluttershy piped up. "Oh, um, Rarity I can get it, I mean if that's ok with you."
"Yes, let Fluttershy get it, darling. You look like you need this massage. Lotus, switch to Twilight, I'm going to the mud baths." Rarity instructed.
As Lotus began massaging Twilight, Fluttershy came back with an envelope in her mouth. "Thank you, Fluttershy." Twilight said as she took the envelope from her with magic. "You’re welcome, Twilight. I'm going to the mud baths with Rarity now."
"Alright, I'll be there soon," Twilight told Fluttershy as she went after Rarity. Twilight took a deep breath before opening the letter. "Ok, let's take a look." As Twilight read the letter, she became more and more curious about this center and the mysterious R.D., and right then she noticed Lotus finished her massage, so she went to the mud baths with Rarity and Fluttershy.
"Hey Rarity, I read your letter. You might want to look at it." Twilight said when she found them.
"What is it Twilight?" Rarity asked her.
“It’s a letter from that center." Twilight held the letter in front of Rarity. While she read the letter, Rarity’s expression went from faintly curious to downright rage.
"Who do they think they are!?" she hissed, glaring at the letter as if she hoped it would burst into flames.
Rarity yelled, making them all flinch. “They think they can teach me, ME of all ponies, a better way to sew?! It is my life’s calling, a craft I have perfected over years! Do the honestly think they can show me a better way!?"
“Rarity, please calm down," Fluttershy said, scared and worried.
Rarity took several deep breaths, but the scowl remained on her face. "I'm sorry. I may have lost my composure a bit." Rarity was calming down now."It is just so cruel to make a pony’s work seem like nothing until they show you how to do it. I'm going to this center and give them a piece of my mind. I'll show them what real sewing is! Twilight, are any of our friends going as well?’
"Well, as far as I know, you, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash are all going."
"Oh, well, that leaves eight other ponies. I hope you and Pinkie will be joining us as well, it wouldn't be the same without you."
Twilight smiled. "Thanks Rarity, that means a lot."
The rest of the spa visit went by without another word about the center and the mysterious mare that could be running it.
After the spa, the three ponies parted to go back home. As Twilight approached the library, the front door opened, and Twilight was on the ground with a pink pony on top of her."Hey Twilight, guess what!? I got invited to a party in Canterlot with eleven other ponies!" Pinkie was way too happy for Twilight to handle right now. All she wanted to do was go inside, get something to eat, and go to bed, but there was no way to flee the Pink Menace."Look, I even brought the invitation!" Pinkie said showing the all too familiar letter to Twilight.
"Pinkie, this isn't an invitation to a party. It's an invitation to a center to show you how to throw better parties." Twilight informed Pinkie after she read the letter.
“That’s even better! Oh I can’t wait, it's going to be so exciting, and it's even better knowing that all of my friends are going too!!!"
"How do you know that, Pinkie?"
"I asked them, duh. So are you going with?"
"I don't think so Pinkie, I never got an invitation."
“Oh, I'm sorry Twilight." Pinkie said, her eyes suddenly downcast." It won't be as much fun without you."
Twilight gave her a weak smile. "It's fine Pinkie, as long as you girls have fun, I'll be okay."
With that Pinkie perked up, and she bounced back to her home at Sugarcube Corner. Twilight walked inside and started making dinner for her and Spike with the leftover apples from that morning.
During dinner Spike noticed how tired Twilight looked. His brow furrowed with concern. "Twilight, are you okay? You look really tired."
“Yes Spike, I'm fine, I just want to go to bed," Twilight told him.
“But what about that letter you got today? You said you were going to read it when you got home."

Twilight stared at Spike, confused, but as it slowly dawned on her the confusion slowly left her eyes. "Oh my goodness your right, Spike,"Twilight told spike not feeling tired anymore. "Where is that letter?"

"It's on the table where you left it."

Twilight left the table and went after the letter. Sher grabbed the envelope and tore it open seeing the letter she saw five other times that day.
" What does it say Twilight," Spike said from the other room, eating the dinner.
" It is the letter all my friends have gotten today about that center in Canterlot." Twilight opened the envolope and rad the letter to herself.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,
You are invited to Canterlot this weekend to be a teacher at The Center. You will be teaching other unicorns new healing spells for emergency situations. You will be paid twenty bits an hour if you accept. You will also be given a free room to stay in while you are here in Canterlot. I hope to see you here.

Sincerly, R.D.

Twilight stared at the letter in a mix of shock and happieness. She reread the letter twice to make sure it was real. She was so happy she could just scream.
"Wait, oh no I forgot. I don't think I can go."
"Whats the matter Twilight?" Spike said coming into the room after he finished eating.
"Oh Spike i can't go to Canterlot on such short notice. I don't want to leave you her alone all weekend and I have to be on the train tomorrow. It's to late to find somepony to keep you company and keep the library in order."
"Its ok Twilight, I dont need help, and I'll be ok alone."
"I guess your right, Spike. Tomorrow Igo to Canterlot with my friends."

Twilight went to eat her dinner, then she went to pack for her stay in Canterlot. Twilight looked up at the clock after she finished packing and it read 8:30 P.M.
"Ok, Spike, I'm going to bed so I can be up to catch the train."
"Goodnight Twilight, and dont worry, I'll keep the library spotless."
Twilight then went upstairs and fell asleep eager for the weekend to come.

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Comments ( 41 )

Remember if you have any questions feel free to ask. I'll do my best when answering.
Also I would appreciate it if you could tell anything I can improve on.
And if your a flamer don't comment, I take it very seriously and I will report you.
However if there is something you don't like your free to say so.

Interesting, but I noticed a few things. First a few misspellings but nothing too bad. Second when you switch to a different pony who is talking press enter so their dialogue doesn't end up with the other characters. Not much else keep working at it.


This is my very first fic
so please go easy on me.
However I'm always up for some constructive criticism

People won't go easy on you if you post that. They'll be harsher, so you don't develop bad writing habits for the future. I, for one, would write the most critical review possible if I had time.


if I had time.

Unfortunately, I set tonight aside for finishing a chapter of my own work. SOrry.

Hmm, did you get permission to use characters? Because that can be a pretty sore spot to some authors. Especially since Cold Steel doesn't know anything about this when I'm talking to him on Skype with the rest of the TWE.

OK. So. First of all how to properly format a story.

The offender untangled herself from the up-turned cart. Not surprisingly, the blur was Ditzy. She looked around at the mess and blushed sheepishly. "Oh, I'm sorry Applejack," the mare told her, looking down at the ground.
Applejack sighed. "It's quite alright, Miss Ditzy, it was an accident. Anyway, how may Ah help ya today?"
"A letter from Canterlot for you," Ditzy said as she retrieved the letter for Applejack. "Thank ya kindly Miss Ditzy," Applejack said, taking the letter. Ditzy then flew off to complete her mail route.
"Well, AJ, what does it say?" Twilight asked.

The offender untangled herself from the up-turned cart. Not surprisingly, the blur was Ditzy. She looked around at the mess and blushed sheepishly, "Oh, I'm sorry Applejack," the mare told her, looking down at the ground.

Applejack sighed, "It's quite alright, Miss Ditzy, it was an accident. Anyway, how may Ah help ya today?"

"A letter from Canterlot for you," Ditzy said as she retrieved the letter for Applejack.

"Thank ya kindly Miss Ditzy," Applejack said, taking the letter. Ditzy then flew off to complete her mail route.

"Well, AJ, what does it say?" Twilight asked.

Ok. Good that you didn't use periods at the end of the quotations when you didn't need to. But spacing is your real issue. Right now it looks too cluttered.

At least in that little section. In other parts you do make the error of using a period when there are words after the quotations.

Next, also dealing with your quotations, is your punctuations.

“That’s even better! Oh I can’t wait, it's going to be so exciting, and it's even better knowing that all of my friends are going too!!!"

One does not use more than one exclamation mark. It just looks unprofessional.

1639201 It appears that 1639198 said most of what I'd have said anyway.

1639198 Heh sorry and i meant to change that. Cold Steel comes from my friend The Fallen Writer

Ah. I remember him. Has a grudge against the TWE because we were harsh when we reviewed his fics.

Just a pointer but get the creator of the OC's permission before using them.

1639249 already did and sorry about him he really does mean well

I know he probably means well.

1639267 he just doesnt like mean people. I have no problem with the TWE in general however i think a few of the members need kicked out

Eh. There's three hundred people in it. The approved reviewers are good, sure some are a bit harsh. Like Evil Homer. But if you do get past the bile he is one of the best out there.

1639312 eh i cant stand him but im sure if he toned down the insults everything would be better. I mean look you told me what to fix without being a total ass so why not the others?:twilightsheepish::pinkiehappy:

Warning you now. I know nothing about those OC's so when I review this, I'll be doing it based on how you portray those OC's. Now I'll get back to this a litte later, just wanted to give you a heads up.

1639542 ok the OCs dont pour in until chapter 1 though

No need to tell us this is one of your first literary forays; that much is obvious.

And you disliked because of that?

And why can't any one of them see that they're trotting straight into an obvious trap?

1640347 Because they are all to excited to go they dont think about it

1639249 Sorry to but in, but I have no grudges with the TWE. In fact like 90% of the members in the Underground are TWE. I simply only disagree with how some members presented their advice to the authors. No grudges, and no ill to the TWE, only a simple difference in perspective that's all. :pinkiehappy: He also has full permission to my OC's.

1640517 Dude, if I couldn't stand mean people I wouldn't live with my family. :facehoof: Classic way to piss me off. False, and inaccurate assumptions about me.

1640753 and i am right you do hate mean people you just put up with your family

and was it worth the wait

1640769 :facehoof: Uuuuugggh. Never mind, I try to tell somepony something, and they ignore it. Yet another thing that pisses me off to no end .

Try double spacing the paragraphs. It removes the clutter that they mentioned above.

As his editor, you have no idea how much I had to say that.
Please tell me you got someone to review that last bit you sent to me. And sorry I couldn't go over it for you; on trip, and wi-fi flickers on and off.


Some good, some bad...

Not too sure about this, I will read
future updates to get a collective opinion.

For now, make it longer


Double space! loose multiple exclamation marks! Sorry, but what is the point in us even doing this if you don't even fix the errors we point out?:rainbowhuh:

Ooh, This could be interesting! I hope you'll finish this.(If you need an editor, I'm one!)

4182514 heh i was planning on sending it into the trash bin. I have several chapters written but i need new OCs to put in it, and the drive to actually type it

4182650 I could help with all of that!!!!

4182669 heh awesome. i guess we are partners. ill need to make some changes then.

4182679 Well I wont be using Solace and Remorse anymore and I needed to change it back to incomplete. Plus now I need three more OCs. (one won't be a canon thing. it involves being a brother to a different OC)

4182696 Okay... I can help with the OC's. I could even make them.(I make new one's all the time:twilightblush:)

4182700 that would be perfect. I will look back at the story at some point today and tell you what types of ponies I need K?

4182721 the first trial though is... a bit stupid though

4182724 If you say so...(don't worry. I don't judge.(most of the time))

4182731 oh just wait till you find out what it is...

Uggghh now I have to waitt:rainbowwild::derpytongue2:

this story will most likely not continue

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