- Member Since 29th Jan, 2022
- offline last seen Nov 19th, 2023
Celestial_Moon
I like ships. Favorite ponies are the two sisters and I enjoy writing my own stories.
Celestial_Moon
Joined 29th Jan, 2022 ·
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Oooh, I'm going to really enjoy this story. I can tell this is going to be a great Celestia and main Human romance story. So far the story is off to great start. Keep up the great work and stay safe Celestial Moon.
And you've lost me.
I don't get why authors make displaced humans into total pushovers that will instantly forgive even attempted murder. You don't just move past massive head injury by waving it off without even at least asking for a really good explanation.
This introduction is also so generic and "by the numbers" that I might have fallen asleep half way through. It's sooooooooooooo cliche. You really couldn't have added ANYMORE color and personality into those introductions.
From the blurb this looks like an interesting story, but if the cliches are going to be rolling in this thick, this uninspired and this early on, then I'll just have to take your word for it that this is an interesting story and go read something else.
This whole first chapter feels soulless and uninspired.
I'd love for someone to reply to this and tell me that I've got it all wrong and that the first chapter is a fluke. That the rest of the story is incredible and so original and inspiring.
I won't hold my breath though.
Edit: I don't mean for this comment to sound spikeful or condescending, but you are a talented author, you can do better than this. It just feels lazy.
Nice
Don’t get me wrong it’s a interesting story but this shining and cadence trope is getting old fast shining the asshat treating Candace like a toy or item and always so over the top aggressive with the MC
thankfully not in this one with the over top aggressive to the MC.and cadence falling for another for one reason or another always having to do with how shining treats her,besides the one time in a FoE setting where he died but she took a few months to move on before falling in love or admitting it to the MC witch is more relatable.anyways this trope is tiresome an old and getting kinda tired of seeing it. Other then that again it’s a fairly interesting story so far, no major like or dislike to it yet to warrant a like an fav or dislike and moving on to another story. If we get an everybody wins scenario including chrysalis next chapter I could be able to deal with this trope a bit better in this story but that’s a big ifkinda hoping ya do give us an everybody wins scenario hereand I feel that may be the make or break point on this story for me cause honestly we never really get to see a chrysalis and pony win for a story that is usually already far off the shows timeline sometimes we do but it happens so rarely it kinda sucks, but ya I feel it’s a everybody wins or this story is over for me next chapter cause this shining & cadence trope is once again getting old an tiresome even more so when he isn’t made out to be the bad guy with the MC and all.Overall your on an interesting ablit thin line to how this goes so I shall say this, good luck it’s your story so do what ya will and if I come to not like it then shit oh well Tis my preference and thus I move on and wish ya good luck with your story if I do like it well then Hot Dog this is great, as an author ya can’t satisfy everyone’s wants and likes that’s just the nature of writing so I wish ya luck on whatever path ya take here!
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I mostly wrote Shining as a bad man because I never favored him in the first place. I always found him annoying for a reason I can’t place.
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Understandable everyone has their reasons but I’ve seen that trope too often lately I’m sick of it and sadly your story may be the breaking point for it. As I said this is your story so you do what YOU want as you can’t satisfy everyone’s likes and again I wish you luck with whatever path you take.
Once again I think I’d be able to deal with it if we get an everybody wins scenario here including chrysalis cause I haven’t see once of those in far too long and that may be what keeps me in this story, however I want to emphasize that this is YOUR story so you do what you want don’t let what I want influence how it goes for I am simply stating what I’d LIKE to see not demanding to see. Anyways keep writing mate and enjoy it and we shall see with the next chapter if I remain invested in this story or not. So good luck and keep doing what you love mate!
Ok. I'll be honest.
There are things here, that I've seen in many, many other adventure/power fantasy stories on this site.
-The human doing something but is either mysteriously teleported to Equestria, or dies and goes to Equestria. It may have some sorta 'God sends you to another world' isekai thingie, too.
-A very, very, and I mean it, very relaxed human. Does not freak out, somehow knows how to avoid a specific danger, etc.
-Timberwolves. It's always timberwolves.
-Rainbow Dash accidentally crashes into the MC, either hurting him a bit, or a lot.
-The whole Ponyville hospital sequence. Reactions can vary, and sometimes the mane six may appear and introduce themselves.
-Rarity's intro, followed by the MC kissing her hand and Rarity says something along the lines of 'My! What a gentlecolt.' I've seen this one a lot.
-Ominous villain that claims the world will be his soon.
I still read the whole chapter and it's interesting. I'm just saying it would be wise to revisit this chapter to change a few things
Yay glad we got to see an everyone wins scenario. I do hope my words didn’t make ya change this chapter as I want you to write what ya want to not what others write. But still either way glad to see an everyone wins scenario here!
You should delete that comma.
Same here.
I was about to say the ursa minor/major thing, but you changed it to major and colossal. There's an alternate universe tag so I can't say anything
Just pointing out that I think that you didn't mean for about ten paragraphs to be colored red.
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Thank you for pointing that out, it should be fixed now.
Huh, don’t remember who the fuck Alexis is for one two…feel like this was a spur of the moment cut off point and a terrible one at that but it was a good read and enjoyable thus I hope to see the sequel soon. I hope ya give some sort of notice that the sequel is up for us at a later point as at times it can be pretty hard to end up at the sequel to a story you’ve already read with the amount of other stories it can get buried behind. Anyways good story, hope to see more, and keep doing what ya love!
oh no, a cliffhanger!!!!
keep it up!~
Eeehhhh..... seems a bit too rushed and sudden to end there imho.... but, imma stick around for the sequel for sure
The song was originally sang by Elvis Presley. I know several people have done a cover for it, but please be sure to credit the original artist as well. Without the original the cover would not exist. Sorry for the rant and thanks for the story. I am enjoying it so far.
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I know the Original artist is Elvis Presley, I was just putting the singer for the version I used. But, I hope you enjoy the rest of it.
11217595
Ok. I just wanted to throw that out there. Believe it or not, I used to work with someone who didn't know that.
"I can’t hit a girl though" Oh fuck off with that shit, just because they have a vagina instead of a dick and balls doesn't make them any less deserving of a beat down when it's the time and place for it.
where more???
Gets asked what happened could have just told was getting Jem's and got attacked, proceeds to tel about the surprise gift in the most detail possible
You are evil stopping the story here. Now I have to wait for a proper ending to this. Though U'm guessing Ash's Sister is just a pawn for the true big bad. Because if his sister is the big bad then you are more evil than you are for ending in a cliffhanger. Because that means that you are going to force him to kill his Sister whom he loves deeply.
Now I wait for your sequel story.
FYI i'm calling you "evil" not as a hateful or snide comment. I'm calling you it because now i'm eagerly waiting for you to upload the next story. I'm going to be passionately waiting. Not many stories leave me wanting more.
That is what i mean when I call you "evil"