"True Fact" is Redundant
Twilight smiled and closed the book in front of her, an index she had made of the information in her astronomy notes. It had been a peaceful afternoon, and she was proud of the work she got done, feeling that a good index was one of the joys of life. She set her quill down on the desk and started towards the kitchen to ask Spike how dinner was coming, when she heard a knock on the door.
Stopping to answer it, she found Applejack on the doorstep. AJ greeted her with a smile.
“Heya, Twilight. How are you doin' this evenin'?”
“Great! I just finished a project I've been working on. What about you? How are you?”
“Can't complain. I gotta get home for dinner, but I wanted to stop by and ask ya' somethin'...” Applejack hesitated, then added, “If ya' don't mind, that is.”
“Ask me anything! You know I love to help.” Twilight smiled.
Applejack took a deep breath. “Okay, well, would ya' like to go out with me sometime? On a date, I mean.”
Twilight froze with the smile on her face, trying to process the new and completely unexpected question.
A concerned look crossed Applejack's face. “I kinda figured ya' might need some time to think it over, or think of how to tell me you don't wanna.”
Twilight blinked, the only sign that she could move at all. She had no idea how to even start answering Applejack. Scenarios were compiled and played out behind her eyes as she furiously calculated the likelihood of each.
“You take all the time ya' need,” Applejack said cautiously. “Don't you worry 'bout tellin' me you'd rather not, if that's how ya' feel. I'm a big pony, I can take it and I'll still be your friend, just like always.”
Twilight finally broke through the fog of firing synapses. “I— I need some time to think about this.”
Applejack laughed. “Now we're caught up. You just let me know, either way.”
“Okay.” Twilight nodded. Then she grinned nervously. “Yes, I'll let you know! Um, do you mind if I go do that now? Think, I mean, not let you know, because I'd have to think before I let you know, or I might be letting you know the wrong thing!”
“I don't mind a bit, sugarcube, as long as ya' try and relax some.” Applejack smiled gently. “You're wound up like a fancy watch right now, and this ain't worth all that. The way I see it, either you'll wanna go out with me or ya' won't. Either way Princess Celestia'll keep on raisin' the sun. So you just decide what ya' think is best.”
“Decide what I think is best. I can do that.” Twilight nodded.
“I know ya' can. I'll see ya' later.” Applejack turned to go.
“Um...yes! I'll see you later!”
Applejack stopped and looked over her shoulder. “Oh yeah. Twilight?”
“Yes?”
Applejack blushed a little. “I just wanted to remind ya'... I might not be the smartest pony in Equestria, but I generally ain't foolish. Ya' know your heart'd be safe with me, and I'd never let nothin' get in the way of our friendship.”
Twilight stared at her.
“I— uh— just figured you're gonna make a list or somethin' about why ya' might wanna go out with me. Wanted to make sure you remembered that one.”
“Okay. I'll keep that in mind,” Twilight said quietly.
“Thanks.” Applejack started to walk away again.
Twilight watched her leave, then turned around and closed the door. She had a lot to think about and absolutely had no experience with this subject. She needed help, she needed guidance.
“Spike! Spiiike! I need every book we have on the subject of dating!” Twilight yelled. Spike came hurrying in from the kitchen.
“Dating? Who's dating?” A look of fear crossed Spike's face. “It's not Rarity, is it?”
“No, it's me! Or it might be me!”
Spike looked skeptical. “You're going out with somepony? Who?”
“Applejack. And I don't know if I'm going out with her, she asked me and I said I need to think. And by that I mean I need to read. And by that I mean I need a book!”
“Woah! Okay, here, hold a cookbook while I find a book on dating,” Spike said, holding up a book defensively. Twilight took it in her magic and opened it, staring at the page.
She sighed with relief. “I feel better. Now, I need to find out if I should go on a date with Applejack.”
“Applejack, huh? Weird,” Spike observed as he climbed up a ladder to one of the higher shelves.
“Weird? What does that mean?”
“Just, why would AJ ask you out? You guys don't have much in common, you don't really seem like her type.”
Twilight looked up from the page in front of her. Why would Applejack ask her out? There were ponies in town who were prettier and cooler and nicer. She might be the smartest pony in town, but why would that impress an apple farmer who rolled her eyes when Twilight tried to explain that second pony plural was still “you”?
There must be a simple explanation. With Applejack, there was always a simple explanation.
“Here you go, 'Details of Dating: A Step by Step Guide to Romantic Interactions,'” Spike said, holding up a book. Twilight dropped the cookbook and pulled the relevant book toward her.
“Thanks! This looks like a perfect place to start!” Twilight said happily, opening the book and starting in on the first chapter.
She studied the rest of the evening, but found very little helpful information in her books. The dating books she went through first were vague on the subject of what kinds of ponies one should go out with, except to say that she should like and trust the pony. They had interesting and, to Twilight, slightly terrifying sections on asking out another pony, making Twilight very glad that she wasn't the one who did the asking.
Once she had realized the dating books weren't helpful she moved on to the history of romance, and nearly got lost in the complicated romantic intrigues of the Roanman Empire. After a few hours, she realized that as interesting as it was that Eagleium married eight ponies, two of whom were his own siblings, it had absolutely nothing to do with the matter at hoof.
As a last resort she turned to fictional romance novels, but only got through a half of one. She wasn't sure either she or Applejack were comparable to “Torrid Fire” and “Raven Knight,” and the idea of AJ having a smoldering gaze made her giggle. Finding nothing really relevant to her situation, she stacked the books neatly and tried to formulate another plan.
Her questions were too specific. The authors of her books didn't know her or Applejack, so they couldn't offer advice on whether Twilight should accept this invitation, or why Applejack might have asked her out. She needed information from ponies who knew both of them, who understood why this might be a good or bad idea.
Twilight smiled and climbed into her bed late that night. Tomorrow she would talk to her friends and figure out the right answer.
***
Twilight left the library the next morning in search of Rainbow Dash. Being Applejack's closest friend, Twilight hoped Rainbow could tell her why Applejack had decided to ask her out. She also planned to see Rarity for romantic advice, but since finding Rainbow was more of a challenge Twilight decided to start there.
She scanned the skies over the park and all of Rainbow's favorite training spots, and levitated a mirror to check all of the clouds around town, but couldn't find Rainbow anywhere. Rainbow could be hanging out at Sweet Apple Acres, but that wouldn't help because she couldn't very well ask Rainbow what Applejack was thinking in front of Applejack.
After looking all morning Twilight was about to give up and go to the Carousel Boutique to talk to Rarity, when she was surprised to see a rainbow tail sticking out behind a large cloud moving across the sky towards the edge of town.
“Rainbow Dash!” she called.
The cloud stopped and Rainbow's face popped up. “Hey, Twilight! What's up?”
Twilight smiled up at her. “What are you doing? I've been looking for you all morning.”
“Um, work? I do that sometimes so that they keep giving me bits. I've been back and forth to Cloudsdale all morning.” Rainbow said, rolling her eyes.
“Oh!” Twilight said, slightly surprised to find Rainbow actually patrolling the weather. “Well don't let me interrupt you, but when you get a break could you—”
Rainbow was on the ground at her side in a second. “I heard somepony say 'break.'”
“But, I can't tell you when—”
“Definitely heard it, so it must be time for a break!” Rainbow leaned against the wall of a building. “So what'd you need me to do on my break?”
“I needed to talk to you,” Twilight said. “You see, Applejack asked me out, and I was wondering if you knew why.”
Rainbow grinned. “Applejack asked you out? Finally!”
“Finally? She wanted to ask me on a date before this?”
“Sure. It took her a while to work up the guts. Not a problem I have, of course. If I wanted to ask a pony out, I'd just fly up to them and be like, 'Hey, good lookin'. I must be psychic, 'cause I see a date with Rainbow Dash in your future,'” Rainbow said with a toss of her mane.
“Right. That's sure to work,” Twilight said dryly. “But we weren't talking about you, we were talking about Applejack. I need to know why she asked me out!”
“Because she likes you, duh,” Rainbow said, rolling her eyes. “I thought you were supposed to be smart.”
“But why does she like me?” Twilight was getting frustrated. “I am smart, but why would Applejack care about that?”
“Beats me.” Rainbow shrugged. “I know she thinks you have awesome flanks. . .”
“What?” Twilight's eyes went wide. She had never considered that anypony, let alone Applejack, had been looking at her flanks.
“We were just talking about flanks the other day,” Rainbow said with a wave of her hoof.
“Is that it? She just finds me attractive?” Twilight felt a little let down.
Rainbow shook her head. “Twilight. I seriously doubt she's been one of your best friends for years because of your flanks. I don't know what she thinks is so special that she wants to be more than friends, we don't really talk about all that mushy feelings stuff. But AJ is a special pony, and you should totally give her a chance.”
“Maybe I should. . .”
“And she has really great flanks too.” Rainbow grinned.
Twilight thought for a moment about Applejack's toned, muscular body, a blush rising to her cheeks. “She does, doesn't she?”
Rainbow just winked. “You crazy kids have fun, okay? Don't do anything I wouldn't do, 'cause whatever it is, it would be really boring anyway.”
Twilight giggled. “Thanks, Rainbow.”
“No prob! Seeya!” Rainbow said as she trotted off.
As Twilight walked to the Carousel Boutique, she thought about the new information she had. If a pony was one of your best friends and you thought she had nice flanks, that seemed like enough of a reason to ask her on a date. But Twilight couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. She'd hoped that there was more, that maybe Rainbow would tell her that Applejack admired her taste in literature, or her athletic prowess. Well, athletic competence.
The more Twilight thought about it, the less she could imagine Applejack and Rainbow Dash talking about things like why they liked somepony. That didn't mean that there wasn't a reason, Twilight just wasn't going to find it out from Rainbow Dash.
On the other hoof, now she knew that Applejack thought she had nice flanks, which gave her a proud smile and the tiniest sway in her step as she walked into the Carousel Boutique.
Rarity looked up from the dress she was pinning and smiled. “Hello, Twilight. You look like you're having a nice day.”
“I am!” Twilight walked over to Rarity. “But I need your help. I need an expert on romance.”
“Well you've certainly come to the right place, darling!” Rarity's smile widened to a grin. “Who is the lucky pony?”
“I don't really know yet. I mean, Applejack asked me out, and I haven't figured out what to say.” Twilight said with a slight frown.
“Applejack?” Rarity pursed her lips, then sighed. “Oh dear, how to let a friend down gently. . .”
“No, the problem is that I don't know if I want to let her down,” Twilight explained. “I've been doing some research and I think I might want to give her a chance.”
Rarity raised her eyebrows. “We are speaking of the same Applejack, correct? Applejack the farmer, with the constantly messy mane and muddy hooves?”
“Do you know another Applejack?” Twilight asked.
“I know that Applejack is a wonderful pony, I would honestly love to see her find love. But with you?” Rarity gestured to Twilight. “Surely you can see that Applejack is not exactly date material for a pony like yourself?”
“What makes somepony date material? My books just said that it should be somepony who you respect, trust, enjoy being around. That's kind of vague, but it certainly applies to Applejack,” Twilight noted.
“Well. . .” Rarity considered for a moment. “What is your ideal special somepony like?”
Twilight frowned and sighed. “A slender unicorn between four and five feet tall, with an excellent education who likes daffodils, the smell of chalk, and long evenings of calculus. They would have light eyes, a rumpled mane, and laugh at inappropriate times in the conversation but be embarrassed about it. They would know the history of—”
Rarity raised her eyebrows and said carefully, “That...may be a bit too detailed, darling. One doesn't usually get to order a special somepony to specification. But do any of those things describe Applejack?”
“Um...no.” Twilight admitted, looking down.
“That was my point. If she can't compare in any way to what you want in a special somepony, she isn't the right pony for you to date.”
“But. . .” Twilight tried to put her thoughts together. “I like Applejack.”
“Of course you do.” Rarity gave Twilight a comforting nuzzle. “This is why it's so important to find a way to let her down gently.”
“No, I mean...I've never met anypony like my ideal pony that I actually liked. I met a few ponies like that, but there was always something wrong. Applejack isn't my dream pony, but I really do like being around her. And I respect her, and I trust her. And there's something else, but I can't put my hoof on it.” The thought was tugging at the back of her mind, something simple she was forgetting or not noticing.
“It seems unlikely to work out.” Rarity said skeptically. “But I suppose there's no harm in a single date.”
“That a good idea!” Twilight smiled. “I can go out with her once, and if it doesn't work then I can figure out how to let her know.”
“Come and see me when— I mean, if that comes to pass, dear. I'll think of something to tell her. I do want for all of my friends to be happy,” Rarity said sympathetically.
“I know. Thanks Rarity! I'll head over to Sweet Apple Acres right now.”
Twilight left the Boutique and started down the road to Sweet Apple Acres, trying to figure out what that something else that she felt about Applejack was. It was something more than liking her, but it certainly wasn't love, at least not the way that the romance novel had described it. Whatever it was didn't involve yearning, passionate hunger, or burning desire. She was kind of glad, because those sounded uncomfortable.
She tried to analyze what she'd always thought about Applejack and realized that she never had thought much about Applejack. That was a little confusing, Twilight had thought a lot about her friends. Not as dates, of course, but just trying to find out what made them tick. They all seemed to have so many unexpected twists: Fluttershy's commanding presence when pushed into a corner, Rainbow Dash's paralyzing fear of failure, Rarity's shrewd understanding of how ponies think, and Pinkie...Twilight could write several books, a thesis, and a play for the Canterlot stage from the amount of time she spent trying to figure out Pinkie. But Applejack was just...Applejack. She was friendly and dependable, stubborn and proud, but anypony could guess those things if they spent any time with her.
Twilight grinned as she solved the puzzle of why there was no puzzle. Applejack was honest about who she was. She didn't try to pretend to be anything she wasn't, so Twilight never had to try to figure it out. That was refreshing, in a way. There was a basic fact to start from: Applejack was Applejack, exactly as she seemed.
So what did Twilight think about Applejack? She worked hard. She loved her family and her friends. She was usually a little messy, and stubborn, and some of the things she should have learned in the Ponyville school house didn't seem to have stuck, but Applejack would be the first to admit those things.
She felt safe around Applejack. Not that she didn't feel safe most of the time, but she felt extra safe around her strong, dependable friend. From the day she came to Ponyville, Applejack had been looking out for her. Even if Twilight could take care of herself, when Applejack was around there was always another set of eyes and ears watching for problems, and another brain analyzing what was going on. If Twilight had to pick a pony to take care of an issue when she couldn't be there, chances were it would be Applejack.
That seemed like a good thing in somepony to date. She remembered what Applejack had said to her, that she'd be careful with her heart and she'd never let anything ruin their friendship. Twilight knew that she could count on that, if Applejack said it then she meant it. As Twilight approached Sweet Apple Acres, she felt confidant in her decision. Going on a date with Applejack was the right thing to do.
She found Applejack carrying a load of apples to the barn. Twilight caught up with her and grinned. “Hi! I wanted to let you know I made my decision, and I'd like to go out with you.”
“Well now, that sure is good news!” Applejack grinned. “How 'bout we go right now? It'll just take me a minute to get finished up here and pick up a few things.”
The smile fell from Twilight's face. “Now? But— but— I only got to skim the chapters on actually going on a date!”
“If you got more studyin' to do, we can do it another time,” Applejack said, sounding a tiny bit disappointed. “But I got somethin' special in mind and this looks like a good day for it. So if you're willin' to trust me I'll make it real easy for ya', and I bet you're smart enough to figure what to do.”
“But what if I go home afterward and study and realize that I could have done something better?”
“Then we'll haveta go on another date.” Applejack smiled and nudged her. “But just havin' you there's gonna be treat enough for me, you got my word.”
Twilight smiled. “Okay. We'll go on a date right now.”
“That's the spirit. Just lemme take care of some things.” Applejack grinned.
Applejack dropped off her apples in the barn, then went into the farmhouse. She returned a few minutes later with a picnic basket on her back.
“All set. You don't mind a bit of a walk, do ya?”
“No, no not at all! It's a beautiful day.”
“This way then, sugarcube.” Applejack started walking through the orchards, away from Ponyville. Twilight walked next to her and tried to think of something to say.
“So, um...what do you think about?”
“What do I think about what?” Applejack knitted her brow.
“In general,” Twilight said with a shrug. “When you aren't thinking about work and the farm.”
“That's a strange kinda question.”
Twilight sighed and looked down. “Well you didn't give me time to study, so I don't know the right kind of questions to ask.”
“It ain't wrong, sugarcube,” Applejack said quickly. “It just ain't somethin' anypony's ever asked before. I guess I think some 'bout rodeo, and some 'bout plans for things to do. Mostly I think 'bout ponies in town, 'bout our friends. Sometimes I try and figure 'em out. I dunno if ya' noticed, but they can be kinda weird sometimes.”
“I do the same thing!” Twilight smiled and relaxed a little. “I was just thinking about that on the way here, and how I don't think about— um, I mean, so why do you think Fluttershy is so scared of everypony? She's certainly tough enough when she has to be.”
“I reckon Fluttershy just don't like tryin' to work things out, it makes her nervous. Ponies ain't always what they seem to be, and she gets all worried tryin' to figure out just what she's supposed to say. But you take that bunny of hers. Ornery little cuss, I'd buck 'im in the head after a day or so, but he lets Fluttershy know exactly what he wants. He don't pretend to be nice to her, or try to hide when he's mad. She likes knowin' just where she stands, and the critters give that to her more than anypony can.”
Twilight nodded. “That makes perfect sense. And since most ponies aren't entirely honest most of the time, she has no way of figuring out which ponies are being honest with her, so she has to worry that every pony might be hiding something. But she can open up with us to some extent, because we've proven ourselves to be generally honest in our intentions.”
“Right. So she loves us like she loves her critters. And with how she cares 'bout those critters, we're some darn lucky ponies.” Applejack smiled. “So, if you been thinkin' 'bout this too, think ya' can tell me why Rarity's really tough as nails, but likes to play at swoonin' and carryin' on? I never could figure that one out.”
Twilight smiled and explained her thoughts on Rarity and each of their other friends as they walked together. Applejack explained her thoughts as well, and it turned out that they both had some insights that surprised the other. Twilight hardly noticed how far they'd come until Applejack stopped.
“This is the spot. Why don't I lay out a blanket, and we can have some supper?”
“That sounds nice.” Twilight said, looking around.
They had walked a long ways, to the far edge of the orchard. The end of the neat rows of trees marked the edge of Sweet Apple Acres, and the edge of Ponyville in fact. Past that point was an unclaimed meadow, overgrown with grass and wildflowers, and beyond that trees seemed to indicate a forest.
Applejack spread the blanket on the ground and unpacked the picnic basket, pulling out cornbread and a covered dish of fried squash, and two bottles of apple juice.
“Here we are, Granny's best. And there's apples too, of course, but I didn't see no reason to carry 'em all the way when they're growin' right here. I'll get ya' one if ya' want.”
“This looks delicious.” Twilight sat down on the blanket.
"Aw, it's nothin'," Applejack said, as she sat across the blanket from Twilight. “Dig in.”
Twilight smiled and magically lifted some squash to her mouth.
Over dinner they had a winding conversation about things going on in town, Ponyville history, the magic behind zap apples, the Everfree forest, and the adventure where they'd first met. Twilight found it all fascinating, and Applejack seemed just as engaged, and before Twilight knew it the sun was going down.
She glanced in the direction of the sunset and gasped. “Oh wow, Applejack, look!”
The meadow in the shade of the trees was already dark, and tens of thousands of fireflies hovered over it, mirroring the stars beginning to show in the deep blue sky. The sunset shone through the upper branches of the trees like the flame on a candle lighting the whole world in a warm, rosy light.
Applejack smiled. “That right there's what I wanted to show ya' on our first date. What it looks like way out here, with the sun just gone down.”
Twilight was entranced, so much so that she didn't notice that Applejack had moved until she sat down beside Twilight.
“First time I heard your name, I thought of this,” Applejack said quietly. “Lotta folks would think Twilight Sparkle sounds like a fancy name, all magic and stuff. But it can be simple too, just the settin' sun and the fireflies dancin' and the stars peekin' though. I been meanin' to show ya' for some time but...I was scared it's a little too home grown for you. I thought you might take it wrong.”
“It's beautiful, Applejack,” Twilight said. Then she blushed. “I— I remind you of this? How could I take it wrong? It's one of the nicest things anypony has ever said about me.”
“Well that ain't right. I can think of a whole barn full of nice things to say 'bout ya'.” Applejack leaned against Twilight and gave her a gentle nuzzle.
Twilight smiled and returned the nuzzle. “I've been thinking a lot of nice things about you, too. Should I say them?”
“I reckon there ain't much nice to say 'bout me.” Applejack blushed and looked down. “But you can always tell me what you're thinkin'.”
“Well, I was thinking that...sometimes I think too much,” Twilight said sheepishly.
Applejack gave an amused snort, but there was a tender smile on her face.
“I know.” Twilight nodded. “But I was thinking that there's somepony that I don't think too much about. She's just there, exactly what she seems to be, honest and dependable and beautiful— um, er, I mean. . .”
Applejack smiled softly. “Go on, sugarcube.”
Twilight relaxed against Applejack's warm body, laying her head on her shoulder. “Well, it's nice to not think, sometimes. It's nice to just know somepony, to not worry that I'm missing something, or that I'm not understanding you. You're just something that's true. Princess Celestia raises the sun each day, spring comes after winter wrap-up, and Applejack is just who she is...and she'll always be there for me.”
“You know that's the truth.” Applejack whispered.
“I like that. A lot. And. . .” Twilight hesitated and looked into those big green eyes. “I like you a lot.”
“I like you a lot too, Twilight.” Applejack said meeting her gaze. “Uh, would ya' mind if I kissed ya'?”
Twilight didn't answer, she just leaned over and kissed Applejack tenderly on the lips.
As they parted, Twilight grinned. “See, I didn't even have to think about that! I'm with a beautiful pony whom I like very much, in a perfectly romantic setting. It was just natural.”
Applejack smiled. “Then I reckon ya' won't mind if I return the favor.”
Applejack kissed Twilight just as tenderly, but pressed the kiss slightly deeper. It felt loving and strong and gentle, Twilight decided it was a kiss only Applejack could give.
They parted slowly, their faces just inches apart. Applejack whispered, “Twilight Sparkle, you're the prettiest, sweetest, smartest pony I know.”
Twilight blushed and answered breathlessly, “Then will you believe me that you don't need the 'all' part of 'you all'? And when you use it for singular it doesn't even make sense.”
Applejack looked confused for a second, then leaned back and chuckled. “I reckon that ain't gonna happen, sugarcube. But that ain't why I think you're so smart, anyway. It ain't 'cause ya' remember all that fancy stuff 'bout words and big ol' math thingies and barrels of spells. What makes ya' so smart is that behind all that stuff you're just lookin' for what's real and true, all the time. That's what all that's for, right?”
“Well ...yeah. Yes it is.”
Applejack smiled at her. “Now that's a job I can respect, even if I'll never understand half of what you're thinkin'.”
Twilight's eyes lit up as pieces fit together. “The whole idea of study is to find the things in the world that are always true. I mean, it's really the dream of any scholar to discover a new fact, a new law of the universe.”
She glanced over and Applejack was smiling at her. Twilight smiled back at the pony who was always true and constant, dependable to the end.
“Applejack, will you be my fact?”
“Sure as sugar.” Applejack gave Twilight a nuzzle on the cheek and pulled her close.
Twilight watched the glow fading from the horizon, feeling Applejack's strong body against her, and whispered, “You know, that phrase doesn't really make sense. . .”
Applejack chuckled and smiled at her. “Just kiss me, Twilight.”
“That one makes perfect sense.” Twilight said happily, and she did.
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Whilst this story comes on the 3rd place of favorite shipping with me, this is a great story nonetheless.
OH MY GOD YES ANOTHER TWIJACK FIC
AUTO FAVE AND THUMBS UP
Not into lez ponies (especially Applejack, gotta crush on her), but this is still well written, so I'll give credit where credit is due; you're a good writer.
Verily, a sweet story,
Im about to read your story, so I don't know what to expect!
Nice, Sweet and Subtle. I liked it have a mustache
Well, it`s... factual?
I like this a lot. I've had my shipping goggles on for three days straight and I'm loving it!
Is Rarity really that petty?
Interesting Fluttershy theory.
Good story idea, good title, good description, good picture. I think this story is going places.
I give you thumb. For you did good.
1275433
It's my second or third favorite ship, and I realized I had never written it! There just isn't enough TwiJack around.
1275457
Thank you so very much. I agree, sometimes a simple romance can be just as a nice as something with more drama.
1275471
Thanks! I'm very into lez ponies, and Applejack, but then I'm a girl so you can take that as you will.
1275492
Thank you!
Whoa...well written TwiJack? Huzzah! You've made me a very happy brony.
1275539
Why thank you! I quite enjoy getting mustaches.
1275600
Thanks?
1275647
Thank you! My shipping goggles are hard to take off, but they're multi-ship goggles so I don't mind.
1275662
Eeep! Was I that bad? I didn't mean to make Rarity seem petty, just skeptical of Applejack as being a good pony to date. I figured that their friendship issues were resolved after "Look Before You Sleep," but that when it came to romance Rarity would have loftier ideals.
And you can feel proud that five words from you make me start frantically rethinking things.
(Oh yeah, and thank you. Not counting my ponies before they. . . um, I lost that metaphor. You get the idea.)
1275685
Much appreciated! Thanks!
1275707
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it! There should be more good TwiJack out there.
I thought this was wonderful, and I think it's because it introduces Twi to the concept of Things That Can't Really Be Learned In Books, an idea she might have scorned a week ago or so.
Well, that and Dash's reference to why she works, which made me laugh.
I didn't spot any overt grammtical issue and it flowed alright. I'm a sucker for TwiJack as well, and you didn't beat around the bush. That is very appropriate for Applejack, so good stuff there. It also broke the mold of the usual TwiJack ship story.
I can suggest a few things though.
You used the phrase "I'll still be your friend." twice in five lines. I partially understand that AJ would say something like that, but perhaps look for some different wording for the second use of that. It feels very redundant.
Twlight's dialogue was slightly cardboard'ish, almost forced in some areas (beginning and when they started in on their friends). AJ's was fairly good, but something about how it was worded felt off to me. It's hard to explain, almost...stereotypical. Also immediately going to the books and her friends fit that mold as well. Basically, a reader familiar with Twi's usual portrayals can simply skip that part without missing anything. Rarity also was very stereotypical without being flavorful. I guess what I'm saying is perhaps flush them out a bit. Give them your own twist without being entirely OC about it.
For example, Rarity has always seems kind of Omnisexual to me. If there's beauty in it, she'd have an attraction. Not the "I WANT YOUR HORN INSIDE ME!!!"
type, but more a casual, deeper type of attraction, almost Platonic? Perhaps explore those motives a bit? For Twi, while her naivety and reaction in the area is, more or less, canon, perhaps she should look a bit more outside the box? Just some thoughts.
That said, this is a sweet piece with a nice end scene and good flow. Thumbs up and good work.
Edit: I realized just now that there really was no way to avoid Twi going right to her books without exploring that part first. That's completely understandable. I guess it could be kind of "glossed" over without wasting too much time on it. That's just me though.
squees; a well written twijack is a guilty pleasure of mine
I find this particular pairing very adorable. Well done!
1275718
Her last line is,
It sounded to me like Rarity was looking forward to the relationship failing, and that "I do want for all of my friends to be happy" was supposed to sound creepy and either insincere or self-deceptive.
Is this featured yet? It will be soon.
"Will you be my fact?"
That quote is pure genius! You wouldn't mind if I used it to ask a girl out, would you?
1276035It is now!
Why is there such a lack of good TwiJack?
Good job!
1276145 Expected no less.
Simple and warm. A fine read.
That was sweet, well written and funny to boot.
Bravo!
I got excited when I saw a TwiJack story up, but that moment didn't compare to when I found out that you wrote it, and even more when it turned out beautiful!
Really brought warmth to my heart.
Thumbs up.
Fave.
Moustache.
I'm crossing my fingers for you. If this doesn't get featured, it isn't your fault - you can compare stats with the stories in the box and see this should be featured. The featured box algorithm is still broken - it doesn't discount views of things in the box vs. views of things not in the box.
1276710
I'm in the "mature content off" feature box. I have no idea how to count that.
. . . edit to add I made the "real" feature box! But you might have noticed that.
I'll definitely be reading this when I get home!
1275730
Thank you!
1275782
Thank you so much! I love detailed comments and critique. I hope you don't mind if I respond?
I can totally see some of the problems with Twilight's dialogue. I'll admit that I've written a lot more Applejack than I have Twilight, so my Twilight characterization could probably use some polish. I suppose I'm still finding my voice with Twilight.
There were problems with Rarity in this fic, I think I failed in my getting the tone I intended across (as Bad Horse pointed out.) Rarity is another character who hasn't moved past a supporting role in anything I've written, but I usually pull her off better. I think that having her react negativity brought out some of the flaws in my characterization, but I also feel that she would have set ideas about the types of ponies her friends should date, and be very skeptical of them going out with anypony that doesn't fit that.
1275804
Thanks! I would have mentioned it was in the works the other day, but I didn't know that!
i really dont like reading shipping as a whole but i still liked it
1276749
Indeed. Though Twi could use a bit of polish, your AJ is damn good. As I said, this is a very good story that wrapped up nicely and had a damn good flow.
1275823
Thank you! I do too. (AppleDash might be my number one ship, but I think this one is the sweetest.)
1275831
I totally see that. Bad writing on my part, I intended for Rarity to firmly believe that this wouldn't work, but be sincerely concerned for Applejack at the same time. I might actually try to edit Rarity's part because it seems like it should be simple to reword things to get my point across more clearly.
Thank for pointing that out.
1275999
Thank you very much! I'm not sure Mr. Kane has ever approved of me before!
1276035
Pinkie sense, right?
1276173
I have no idea. They're such a sweet pairing. But thanks so much!
1276085
Thank you! Go right ahead, and I wish you all the luck in the world.
1276269
Thank you!
1276271
Aww, thanks!
1276684
Thanks so much! I'm just glad I write stories you enjoy.
1276756
Thank you, I'm glad you like it!
Oooooh, TwiJack. Me gusta. I have to read this now. Love me some TwiJack.
Also, congrats on the featured bar. Heh, I made it up there with a RariDash fic and you make it up there with a TwiJack fic. What kinda bizarro universe are we in today?
1275433
^
I love TwiJack! It's criminally underrated IMO. Good job here!
Thoughts after reading: Loved it. Just as sweet as I was hoping, well-written, the characterization was great, and it even had me laughing out loud at several moments (Rainbow's pickup line
I need to use that someday).
Only problems I noticed were some punctuation derps (periods at the end of dialogue when it should be commas) but it wasn't distracting, and the rest of the story (especially the dialogue) was very well-crafted.
I always love a good TwiJack fic, and seeing one getting this reception really makes me happy.
Once again, great job
and congrats on getting featured.
Excellent work. Short, simple, and sweet. Sections with Rarity and Dash seemed a bit useless, but the overall plot, was just too cute.
Reading this did helped my mental state in ways I don't think you'll ever understand. So, thank you. Thank you for writing such a sweet story.
D'aaaaaw.
Beautifully done! Yours too, Razed - both of these are the latest additions to my favorites.
I did picture Twilight staying in a panicked books-can't-help-me mode a little longer; that's likely just my headcanon intruding.
Nice touch to this story: you didn't pull in Pinkie or Fluttershy. It would have been formulaic to have Twilight consult all her other friends (and probably the Princesses too) before answering Applejack. Luckily you didn't go there, which gave you more room to depict Twilight's interactions with the other characters. Quality over quantity, as it were.
Stories like this are the ones that deserve their Featured status.
WOW! This story gave me shit-tons of WAFF
I feel wonderful inside now. Thank you for this wonderful piece of love.
I've read the opening, and it feels a little stiff. The words are too simple and plain, and there's some repetition.
It makes sense that Applejack would be the initiator, although I think she might have less hesitation. It doesn't make sense that Twilight thinks of herself as "the smartest pony in town" when considering the dateability of other mares. Twilight's big thing is that she's constantly afraid of NOT being a smart enough pony. That's why she freaked out over a potential tardy in Lesson Zero. She sees her value and worth as something based on solid academic success, but also sees that success as something more fragile than a cotton candy bridge. AJ and Twilight don't seem overtly out of character, but the language and thoughts could be a little richer.
1276797 About the Rarity issue, I feel similarly to Bad Horse, and what I can say is that your base idea — that Rarity doesn't view Applejack as "date material" — is the very core of pettiness. That assertion implies to me that Rarity feels Applejack is at best not worth anyone's time, and at worst unworthy of love. Throughout the entirety of her and Twilight's discussion, the part where she said one date couldn't hurt was the one point at which I got the sense that she and Applejack are even on good terms, but that was immediately negated by the "getting it out of your system" comment. Full-on Bitchity.
To be honest, I'm actually fine with that, though. It was an interesting element to the story, Rarity coming off like that. It might not have been what you were going for, but I actually feel that it works. Like icing on a well-crafted cake, for me.
It's adorkable.
1276889>>1277020
I know! Here I co-admin the AppleDash group, writing one of the only non-creepy ScootaDash fics on the site, and I'm in the feature box for TwiJack.
But I'm glad you like it! Dialogue punctuation is something I need to work on, I know. Thanks so much for taking time to let me know what you thought and point that out.
1276925
Glad you liked it!
1276988
I agree. Thank you!
1277027
You know, I noticed that about the Rarity and Dash sections once people started mention that my Rarity might now be up to par. I thought about it, and I was like "Why did I put those in there again?" At least Dash got some good lines out of it.
And I'm really glad it helped. I've had that happen with fics before, and I'm proud that my fic could do that for someone else. Thank you, really. It means a lot to hear someone say that.
I liked the simplicity of it. No angst, just straight forward Applejack.
Ooo, it's moved up a couple slots in the featured bar since I last saw
in TwiJack stories! Like there was with Twinkie ones
Maybe there'll be a
Nicely done
TwiJack is such a nice pairing. I'd think I'd be one of the more, stable, ships
...
heh, stable...cowpony...