I come, I go, and I make really stupid fanfictions.
Life before she got her cutie mark was simple. Ponies would wave and smile at her, while her family was like any other. Yet on that fateful day, her mask fell, and they all discovered what she really was..
As time goes on, puzzles pieces fit together, secrets are told and some are made. Yet the truth lies in the shadows... as the day blinds the darkness...
08/08/22- Uh, not sure what this was, but I all I know is I'm not continuing this-
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Well, it's going to be an interesting story.
Keep writing!
This is an interesting story idea. I’d definitely read it. However, you really need an editor to help catch numerous spelling, grammar, double word usage, and other errors throughout the entire chapter. There are groups for new writers on the website. I suggest you use them.
11144155
Would you recommend any if you can?? I've tried looking for a active group, but can't seem to find one
11144197
The first that comes to mind is the School for New Writers. ( https://www.fimfiction.net/group/916/school-for-new-writers ). I keep seeing new stories being added to the group and the forum, while not as active as before, still has people responding. I don't write so I don't know names of other groups off the top of my head.
Buy hey! Keep on writing! Writing more is how you get better. This first chapter was a good draft/concept to run with.
is this story a remake of "Is being different a..bad thing?" Or is this a completely new story? It's just that the descriptions of these stories seem to have a similar concept. But I can’t say yet because I haven’t read this story yet.
11144332
It looks like my question is no longer relevant. But still, I can’t say which version of the story is better, because both have only one chapter. I personally have no complaints about the prologue.
story is pretty alright so far, my only criticism is using Italics for all the dialouge, its better to keep those for inner monologues.
I agree with a previous user stating to change the use of italics; by using them for dialogue as a whole, you limit yourself in how you get across tone changes, not to mention italics, when used for chunks of text, are best applied to thoughts or, at times, past events.
I’m not crazy about most of the characterizations here, it feels like there’s little substance to the characters. As you work with the characters more, you’ll gain a better grasp of them and their motivations, and that will reflect in their portrayals. The only thing that could help here is character analysis, with my default method of doing that being character forms. Keep in mind this is a suggestion, it’s just something I find particularly helpful when working with a version of a character rather than the character themselves (though it’s helpful then, too).
I would also suggest cutting down on some descriptions; there’s a lot of seemingly unnecessary detail here, particularly where it concerns character appearances. There are multiple occasions where the mentions of their colors, especially for background characters, are just extra words that get in the way. Sometimes just “unicorn”, for example, is enough. Meanwhile, for things like “hibiscus (shade of red)”, remove the part in parentheses. If the reader is unsure of the word, they can look it up when they’re ready. Otherwise, you’re just interrupting the flow of the story.
Getting a proofreader would be most beneficial for you.
Quick question. How tf did you bold the description text? I could never get that to work for me.
LETS GO!!!!!!!!!! HYPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
11144981
ctrl + b
11144650
Thanks for the feedback. I'm going to edit it later then start chapter two :)
I can't say anything yet. I will wait for the continuation of the story.
Like the story so far. Looking forward to reading more. Keep up the good work.
Added to my read list.
11145225
im going to keep a watchful eye on this .... seems good ... keep it up
My question is: will there be a continuation?
11258141
Sadly no, I may come back to this in the future, but right now I'm working on something else :)
11263212
On the one hand, it's sad, on the other hand, there is a chance for continuation. In general, the future will show.
All the best to you and good luck with your other work.
11263225
Thank you hehe
Definitely better than the last story but, still the same as the last story, so much potential lost by just cancelling it.