Personal Responsibility
In retrospect, Twilight realized, the real problem was lack of caffeine.
It wasn’t just that they had stayed up all night, although running around in the woods was more exertion than she was used to. The most exercise she’d had at Canterlot Castle was turning the heavy, ink-stained pages of Magical Potions And Curses, Volume XII. Second edition, sadly, since the margin notes in Celestia’s personal first edition were considered inappropriate for students. And to be fair, she did occasionally get winded lifting a heavy bookmark.
But the main problem with the spooky abandoned castle in the woods wasn’t the the spookiness, or the running, or climbing dangerous staircases, or even that it was briefly occupied by the evil shadow of her mentor’s sister who had tried very hard to kill them all. It was much more basic than that: there was no coffee.
Shortly after getting access to the castle library, Twilight had calculated her optimum consumption at roughly two cups every three hours. Whereas it had taken them more than twelve hours to defeat the ancient evil, and rescue Princess Celestia. Not to mention hoofing it back to Ponyville for a massive party, and somehow even finding time to give Princess Luna a garland of flowers. During all of which she had consumed zero cups of coffee.
Twilight blinked foggily in the blinding sunlight, trying to focus on Celestia’s inspiring friendship speech. The Princess’s royal, melodic voice crashed into her like a chainsaw, while Luna nibbled deafeningly on her flower-garland.
The chainsaw paused for a moment, and she realized Celestia was finishing up. The Princess smiled radiantly down at her. “Why so glum, my faithful student? Are you not happy that your quest is complete?”
Twilight shook her head, trying to clear the cobwebs. “That’s just it! Just when I learned how wonderful it is to have friends, I have to leave them...”
The Princess lit up, as if an idea had just struck her. “Spike! Take a note, please.” In a flash, Spike had quill and parchment in hand. Choosing her words carefully, Celestia began to dictate in a clear, regal tone:
I, Princess Celestia, hereby declare that the unicorn Twilight Sparkle is a very hard worker, and has distinguished herself magnificently while serving as my student. She has shown a level of magical aptitude, diligence, tenacity, punctuality, and team spirit that will make her a tremendous asset to any organization.
I therefore recommend, in the strongest possible terms, that you consider her for any open position appropriate to her qualifications. If my experience is any indication, she will not let you down!
HRH, Celestia (Princess)
There was a worryingly non-dramatic pause. Twilight tried blinking again. It didn’t help.
“Oh... my,” mumbled Fluttershy finally. “That’s....”
“Awesome!” finished Rainbow, hovering off the ground. “A reference letter from the princess! You’ll be on top of the resume pile for sure!”
There was a collective murmur of agreement from the other ponies; even Spike nodded appreciatively. Twilight’s cobwebs fled, replaced by a terrible feeling of apprehension. This wasn’t going at all like she imagined. But what had she imagined, exactly? Save the world... and then?
“I, um... a, reference letter?” It wasn’t really a question.
Celestia nodded, with a twinkle in her eye. “And that’s not all, my little pony. A little birdie told me there happens to be a vacancy at FlimFlam International Plastics. In the magical research department! Twelve bits an hour, well above minimum wage. And what luck... their campus is barely an hour from Ponyville, courtesy of the Friendship Express Light Rail System.”
That brought another chorus of ooohhhs and aaaahhhs from her new friends, but Twilight’s head spun. “An hour from Ponyville? As in, an hour one way?”
Rarity giggled, adjusting her scarf. “Darling, they’re a very highly regarded conglomorate. I have tea now and again with their vice president of marketing, and she raves about Hawaiian Hat Fridays. And employees are allowed to work from home now, up to two days a month! With management approval, of course.”
“This is very, um, considerate, Princess,” Twilight started, desperately trying to ground the conversation again. “But to be honest, well, I hadn’t even thought about work...” She trailed off.
Five ponies, two alicorns, and one dragon looked at her with varying degrees of confusion.
“I mean, it’s funny, actually,” she stumbled on, trying to grin. “Between solving the Mare in the Moon mystery and my research, I hadn’t considered a job yet. And I just got to Ponyville, and there’s this wonderful library...”
Applejack shook her head. “Not sure I follow, sugarcube. You don’t expect to just hang out in there all day readin’ books, do you?”
“W... well, I...” Twilight spluttered, “I don’t... I mean, there’s lots to discover about the magic of friendship, isn’t there? We could have picnics, I guess? And go on friendship adventures!”
“Oh, Twilight!” Celestia laughed gaily. “There will be plenty of time for that! On nights and weekends, of course. Sure, you’ll be exhausted and just want to sleep, but with grit and determination, you can push past that. Here, let me lend you a book.”
With a sparkle of sunlight and magic, a glossy paperback popped into existence and thumped onto the ground in front of Twilight. An inanely grinning stallion graced the cover, wearing a crooked tie and holding up two mugs of coffee, one in each front hoof. Hustle Your Way To The Top, promised the title.
“And who knows,” added Celestia, with a mischevious wink, “if you work hard and meet your quarterly targets, you might even become a Princess someday!”
“Thank you,” Twilight lied, “but I don’t know if it’s for me.”
Celestia furrowed her brow. “I don’t understand, my little pony. Without a job, how will you pay off your loans?”
“My... loans?” Dim memories sparked in Twilight’s mind, of her first visit to the School for Gifted Unicorns. She sifted through them. There had been Spike’s egg, of course, and the brilliant torrent of magic that followed when she tried to hatch it. Then the overwhelming joy of getting her cutie mark, and the big sheaf of papers Celestia’s assistant had them sign...
“Yes,” said Celestia, producing that very same parchment in a flourish of sparkling golden sunlight. “And only fifteen percent APR! I remember you were so eager to start your lessons, you practically tore the pen from my magic.”
“I was twelve!”
“That’s an excellent point,” mused Celestia, inspecting the document closely. “Ah, I see your parents co-signed. Of course, should you fail to pay, they would become responsible for the balance. The entire balance. Immediately, of course. You wouldn’t want to ruin their retirement, would you?”
Twilight looked sick. “I guess not... they’ve always supported me.”
“That’s the spirit!” beamed Celestia. “Really, plastics are the future. And of course a steady salary will help with the rent on your new library-condo. I doubt you’ll need more than one or two roommates.”
“Um,” said Fluttershy, “I don’t mean to be a bother, but, um, I remember reading in the Canterlot Times, something about loan forgiveness? That you were, um, doing it in honor of the thousandth Summer Sun Celebration. And um, now Nightmare Moon is defeated, it kind of seems...”
Celestia nodded. “I could see how you might think that,” she said sagely, “considering I specifically promised to do it. But unfortunately my hooves are tied. We don’t want Equestria to become an entitlement society.”
Twilight sat down heavily. “Princess, I... is there any way I could just continue as a student? Maybe for a more advanced degree?”
Celestia frowned in concentration. “Hmmm, technically the School for Gifted Unicorns is a feeder school for Canterlot University. I suppose I could put in a word with Dusty Notes at the Equestrian Research Council.”
“Oh, thank you Princess!” said Twilight, “I’ve learned so much studying under you, and I love research more than anything...”
“Do you have three letters of reference, and at least two publications in a high-impact journal?”
“Two what?” wailed Twilight. “I’m early-career! Not even early-career! I’m pre-career!”
Celestia shrugged. “Those are the going requirements, I’m afraid. And it would be minimum wage for a while, too.” She raised a hoof to her chin in thought, and then smiled down at Twilight again. “It occurs to me that some students do take a non-traditional career path, as long as they can keep current with their payments. Maybe your new friends have some advice?”
“Well I for one would strongly encourage you to consider entrepeneurship,” declared Rarity, tossing her mane. “Running the boutique has been a magnificent experience for me. Maybe you could run a literary establishment of some kind? Rare books?”
Twilight nodded desperately. Wonderful images flashed through her mind; tall shelves groaning under the weight of knowledge, dusty sunlit afternoons taking inventory, shelving, re-shelving; even travelling Equestria in search of the rarest works of literature.
“Of course,” continued Rarity, “you would need a little capital just to get started. To put together some stock, rent a shop somewhere, get insurance, hire an accountant, etcetera.”
How much did she have in her bank account? Nearly two thousand bits, wasn’t it? And her parents weren’t rich, but if they could chip in another couple thousand...
Rarity noticed her expression and smiled. “Don’t fret, darling! It’s never been easier to get your start. Why, for the first few years at the boutique I got by on just a teensy half-million-bit loan.”
Twilight boggled. “Half a million?”
“Yes,” said Rarity, shaking her head sadly. “And that was with calling in all my connections, even my lunatic great-uncle. Honestly, with the amount of golf that pony plays you would think he’d know a billionare or two. In the end all he provided was introductions to my first thirty customers.”
Twilight mentally pulled up her family tree. No well-connected great-uncles, as far as she knew. Just one slightly batty aunt in Las Pegasus. Did slot machine players buy rare books?
Pinkie hopped into view. “Well, I can’t give you much advice. Except to buck up and smile! That’s always good advice!”
“Don’t you work at the bakery?” asked Twilight, confused.
“Yep! But it’s minimum wage. I paid off my loans years ago, with a little help.”
“Let me guess,” Twilight groaned. “You play golf with the head of Haycrosoft.”
“Nope!” she replied, bouncing in place. “I could never make it through the little windmill.”
“Then how...”
“Legal settlement,” Pinkie replied, scowling for a moment. “From ponies who manufacture things that look like food but aren’t. But maybe Dashie has an opening on the weather team! You could be Equestria’s first weather-control unicorn!”
Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Nah, that’s just a volunteer thing. I do it for fun, mostly. My dad set up a bust for me.”
“Trust, Rainbow,” corrected Fluttershy gently.
“Yeah, one of those. Plus my mom got me that awesome cloud-house after they divorced, so it worked out pretty well.”
“But what about you?” Twilight asked Fluttershy, getting increasingly frazzled. “Being a small-animal vet couldn’t even pay your loans, let alone a mortgage on that cottage!”
“Oh, I don’t have loans,” said Fluttershy, smiling. “Education is free in Cloudsdale. And the cottage, um, technically belongs to Rainbow’s family too. They’re very sweet letting me stay there.”
“Cloudsdale College ain’t free,” scoffed Applejack, stomping a hoof. “It’s paid for with taxes. Taxes taxes taxes! All them pegasi got their heads in the clouds. They’ll tax you soon as look at you, then turn around and give some apple-thieving lazybones a handout!”
“Hey!” shouted Rainbow. “What about all those bits the government gives you every year for not growing food!”
“That’s a darn myth!” Applejack shouted back. “We only get paid for not growin’ food every other year! And it’s to keep the soil from fallin’ to pieces! You ever hear of the darn Dust Bowl? And if you don’t like it, then how about you try planting corn in a cloud sometime!”
“Oh yeah? Well, I’ll tell you where you can plant your corn...”
“Girls,” said Celestia quietly. “I think your friend needs you.”
They turned to look at Twilight, who had turned an odd shade of green, and was gripping her head like she was afraid it would fly off. Rainbow sheepishly backed up, and even Applejack kicked the dirt regretfully. She trotted over and slung a foreleg over Twilight’s shoulders.
“Now, what’s the trouble, sugarcube?” Twilight shook her head, busy exploring whatever came after hyperventilation.
“Sorry, Twilight,” said Rainbow, coming down to earth and folding her wings. “I guess I got a little carried away. I’m here for you.”
“We all are,” said Fluttershy, stepping forward. “It’ll be OK...”
“No it won’t,” whispered Twilight, eyes wide. “It won’t be OK. It won’t ever be OK. I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life working. And after studying for ten years, learning the most advanced magic ever conceived, and defeating an eldritch god-pony of darkness, the best I can do is twelve bits an hour.”
“Now that’s just nonsense,” said Applejack, shaking her head. “We pay more than that at the farm, even. Good honest work, too. Nothin’ wrong with shoveling a little, er, stuff, now and again. Can start next week if you want. Whaddaya say?”
Twilight gazed over at Sweet Apple Acres. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad? Breezing in from the distance, the clean country wind ruffled her mane, bringing with it the scent of ripe apples, honest labor, and just a tinge of adventure.
And manure. Definitely manure.
Twilight turned to Celestia. “So, tell me about the plastics thing again?”
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Alyssa Hartwick · 5.6k words · 29 5 · 1.5k views
- Mica · 2k words · 102 2 · 1.3k views
- Coyote de La Mancha · 5.1k words · 27 1 · 498 views
- Lonely Fanboy48 · 1.1k words · 27 7 · 1.6k views
- TheDriderPony · 3k words · 25 1 · 364 views
- Justice3442 · 5.3k words · 111 4 · 2.4k views
- GaPJaxie · 5.8k words · 113 6 · 847 views
- The Red Parade · 1.2k words · 41 3 · 277 views
Stats
Page generated in 0.557 seconds
Total duration
557 users online
706,763 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Oh no, that hits too hard. I come here to forget about my college debts, not be reminded of them!
11106610
na this bit hits harder
at least she's up front about it, some of us prefer our politicians to practice a bit of praxis every now and then especially when they have all the statuary authority to do the half measure they were going to do.
Facing off with an ancient, evil alicorn? That's scary, but nothing beats the mundanity of evil that is daily life.
Be afraid, Twilight. Be very afraid.
Come to think of it, the library job would be Civil Service, and she'd have to apply. Of course after filling out the application and taking the Civil Service exam, she would start at the bottom as a GS-4, which would barely give her enough bits to make a minimum payment on her loan and live in a studio apartment in Ponyville, working unpaid overtime while Spike (who is a minor) attends public school. After five years, she would be eligible to be promoted to GS-6 or even GS-7 with good annual reviews, which might allow her to start paying some principal on those loans...
This is excellent humor. The Mane Six's interactions with economics were ebulliently entertaining--especially Pinkie's legal settlement.
Lel, welcome to the proletariat, Twilight.
11106900
Thanks!
Yeah, that's quite the issue with the new potential members of the workforce: they don't want to get their hands dirty.
I remember a rather interesting encounter at my work place some years ago: we were letting some guys from a nearby Agriculture school intern for a day, and one of them didn't want to touch a rotten apple even with gloves and absorbent paper.
I’d hock the elements. That should net some breathing room. Or give Celestia an invoice for services rendered.
And that's how Twilight decided to become a supervillain instead.
11107369
I am the Twilax and I speak for the tenants!
11107113
I have had the opposite experience. While i have seen what you have seen i have more often been treated badly by coworkers. They take one look at me think "millennial" and start hazing to make a real adult out of me. Cue six months later when they are upset when i don't return the comradere and respect they finally show; teamwork and respect go out the door once you alienate a person.
11107691
Yeah, there's also that problem. On that I'm lucky, my boss doesn't tolerate that kind of bullshit...
11107691
Anybody aged born between 1985-1997/98 is a Millennial... aka majority of the workforce now.
Twilight should have apprenticed as a tradesmare magician, clearly
Well, Twilight...you could always join the Military, become a veteran, then apply to have your student loans forgiven.
It worked for me!
I work part-time on the local campus in one of the dining halls, I can max out at 40 hours a week (although it's usually between 30-35) It's definitely not the most appreciative job out there in terms of benefits or that "good honest labor and satisfaction feeling" that AJ was talking about.
But someone has to feed the hungry college students. One of these days I'll get off my lazy tail and start looking for something a bit more invigorating, maybe go back to school and get some more training in my current field or go for one of the other fields that I am interested in exploring (even if it was just for the extra-curricular)
I dunno, I'm 30, single, and in a bit of a rut life-wise.
Very American.
Yeah, really not helping to sell this here, Celestia.
I do believe that's part of Celestia's point that she's attempting to make here.
Yeah, back to Celestia not doing the greatest of jobs selling this. I mean, I can understand not wanting to hand Twi everything on a silver platter, but...c'mon...can't you try just a little harder to get her set up with a job than plastics manufacturing? Something at least within Twilight's fortes and interests? I think you owe her at least that much.
All in all, this just goes to show how messed up and...unrewarding...the modern job market of the real world can feel sometimes. On paper, it looks like it makes sense, done all in an attempt to not show favoritism, complacency, whatever you want to call it, but in practice it just feels grossly unfair most of the time that this is the best work you can get despite it all. I don't know how it'd go about doing it, but I do feel some days it could be trying a little bit harder to at least make it more worthwhile for its workers, somehow.
11107181
Absolutely!
And wait until she sees the bill the next time comes around when her country needs saving and the only pony on the planet capable of doing the job charges a cost appropriate to the scarcity of service available.
11108250
I’d just like a moment where Celestia says she need Twilights help and then has to negotiate her getting hours off with Flim or Flam.
Also did anyone else see the title and expect a King Georgesque song?
Oof, I thought this was normal, I have to make an hour and a half every day just to commute to university and back.
Reminds me of back in America where I couldn't pay the tuition for Santa Barbara because I was technically now a foreigner and needed to pay the non-California resident tuition rate. How your average Mexican private university can offer lower tuitions and shorter careers compared to supposed elite American public universities I'll never know why.
Celestia your a fool.
with the rate of nation saving she will bankrupt the state because of this.
and when she takes the throne from you that "entitled society" will be the law of the day.
Haha look, the exact position I'm in! I've got my $200,000 degree, but I lack the certifications required to get a job right away, so I'm back to my $12 an hour job!
I hate this world.
11107979
then you only have to deal with physical injures, mental problems, etc that comes from war.
And if you expect people to care beyond a parade every few years, or government support, you might as well just lay down and die.
Ah. Equestria seems to have made every mistake that the US has done and then some and now a Sorceress that can teleport and lift thousands of pounds with her mind is going to be a wage slave.
Grand.
You know. I think Twilight should consider taking over Equestria.
11108781
And this was the beginning of how Twilight Sparkle teamed up with Starlight Glimmer and took over Equestria.
Plus it explains why Sunset Shimmer went through the Mirror....
11107979
This is obviously what Shining Armor did to pay for his loans.
----
Another possible way of netting some bits would be a behind the scenes expose on Princess Celestia. I am sure some pony would want to be able to write about her 10 years directly under PC.
Well, if you want higher wages. . . . Let me tell you what to do. You've got to talk to the workers in the shop with you. You've got to build a union, got to keep it strong, and if you all stick together it won't be long - you'll get shorter hours, better working conditions, vacations with pay. . . . Take your friends to the seashore.
(Well... this has set up Twilight's villain arc very nicely.)
11108962
Those sound like song lyrics or something, but I dunno what from.
This is some real villain backstory material. She'll probably have a base in a random warehouse or a volcano because she can't afford an actual place.
Hold up. Princess Celestia saddled a 12 year old with tens or possibly hundreds of thousands of bits of debt, at 15% interest compounded continuously, trained her into an obedient servant to battle an ancient evil that she sealed away (after she created it), and once that's done and over with, she discards her "faithful student" like China discarded the rights of the people of Hong Kong with only a reference letter that was so poorly dictated it wouldn't get her a recruiting call, never mind an interview?
Are we sure Nightmare Moon is the villain?
11109434
That's what college debt is like, mate.
11109506
Tbf? College is an antiquated system in the modern age of information sharing. The same information from more invested teachers with real experience for a percentage of the cost, requiring no loans and maybe just a subscription service.
11109434
that's literally college
11109580
Huh. I certainly enjoyed my college time.
11109434
that's the kind of situation that would have me declare personal bankruptcy.
11109434
No, of course not! That would be crazy.
In Equestria, interest is compounded monthly.
11109784
Oh, my mistake.
Princess Celestia saddled a 12 year old with tens or possibly hundreds of thousands of bits of debt, at 15% interest compounded monthly, trained her into an obedient servant to battle an ancient evil that she sealed away (after she created it), and once that's done and over with, she discards her "faithful student" like China discarded the rights of the people of Hong Kong with only a reference letter that was so poorly dictated it wouldn't get her a recruiting call, never mind an interview.
That's, you know, significantly better. I don't know what I was thinking.
You know, interest wouldn't compound if there wasn't a changeover from month to month. Like, for instance, the moon stayed in place in the sky. Or if time stopped.
11109176
Yes.
Take the manure job Twilight! Constant exercise and under-the-table-pay is way better than $12/hr taxed and ending up with some disease due to plastic fume inhalation!
11108328
I commute an hour and 10 min, unfortunately. You're a trooper for commuting even farther than that.
American schools preach diversity and then belittle foreign degrees and foreign universities, in my experience. At my university it's mainly an upper administration issue the majority of the time; us grad students and profs are getting real sick of their sh*t. (Not that all students and profs are without elitism, of course.)
What's scarier than an omnipotent malevolent horse goddess that descends from the moon after 1000 years of banishment to enact her ultimate revenge by covering the world in darkness?
...
Student loans.
"Why, this is hell, nor am I out of it" - Mephistopheles
“Now that’s just nonsense,” said Applejack, shaking her head. “We pay more than that at the farm, even. Good honest work, too. Nothin’ wrong with shoveling a little, er, stuff, now and again. Can start next week if you want. Whaddaya say?”
I'm a Unicorn. I can just levitate 'stuff', thought Twilight.
"Of course, you won't be able to use magic to do your work. That's not the Apple Family way!"
"Buck off, Applejack."
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
-U.S.A. Edition-
You know...this would have been a lot funnier if it wasn't so real. I'm stuck between laughing and falling into anxiety from how hard I relate to Twilight here, lol.
11109670
If memory serves me correctly, you can't get rid of student loans by declaring bankruptcy. So... yeah, sorry about that.
Man, reading about how sucky student loans are makes me glad I managed to get through collage without them. Now if only I could get the five years I wasted earning a less than ideal degree back, that would be nice.
After 1000 years of difficult princessing, Twilight will have finally paid off her student loans!