• Member Since 24th Dec, 2021
  • offline last seen Last Thursday

Antoninus


There is always a way!

T

To Luna, Anon is very good at two things--bantering, and staying up far too late. One night, she devises a cunning plan by which to see him off to a good night's sleep once and for all!

The cover artist is SilFoe!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 14 )

Good work! I like the banter between the two, especially relating to “the mortal Anon and goddess Luna.” The word choice was excellent, and the story read well.

Some suggestions would be to 1. describe how Anon looks (clothes), and 2. describe the room they are in. These would make the story more detailed so they aren’t talking in an unknown room in my mind.

Also, one grammar mistake here:

Luna’s voice barely registered in the mind of the half-asleep human slumped over in the chair before her. His face was almost entirely blank, his gaze transfixed on a specific point on the far wall of no particular significance. His clothes with ruffled and unkempt—his hair equally so.

Overall, I give it a solid 8/10! Well done!

11101931
Argh! Thank you for pointing out that grammar mistake, it has been fixed!

I'm glad you enjoyed it, thank you for reading! I appreciate the constructive criticism as well!

11102000
No problem. Btw, you made it to the Featured page!

Just a little thing that bugged me -- after her first victory count, Luna seems to quietly drop a hundred points from her score when bringing up her lead. So, what was it actually: 297, or only 197? Or was Anon’s score perhaps 150 rather than 50, which would also work?

your characters are wonderful, I'd love to see more of this:rainbowkiss:

11102106
Oh, sorry this wasn't more clear! She was listing how many she was ahead by ^^

11102247
Aw, thank you, you're too kind; I very much appreciate that!

>checking dem dapples in the cover art

Thank you Kanye, very cool

she considered stating the new statistic of her now 148 lead over the human

Missed opportunity. She could have pointed out that they both won that one. :raritywink:

I see snuggles in the title, I give it a read! This was cute!

Ah geez, Im a little jealous now lol
Great writing BTW, Luna is so well written!

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