• Member Since 5th Aug, 2021
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

KingSombraTheTyrantRuler


FREE PALESTINE

E

Hitch falls asleep on Pipp's wings one night. They're the most fluffiest thing that he's ever felt.

Warnings: About half of this will be a song. Will have Hitch x Pipp.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 51 )

You're going to need to pull the !yrics; including them in a fic breaks some of the content rules since they're written by somebody else.

Otherwise cute, if short.

11099214
Pony songs can be used, but this is still extremely lazy.

11099214
The rules say that MLP songs can be used. And thanks.

11099221
It's not my fault that my cutie mark isn't song writing. I only write songs when I need to get rid of my feelings. Like if I get too depressed I write a song inspired by it.

11099214
I'm pretty sure it's just for Copyrighted Lyrics. Though using lyrics JUST to get past the thousand-word limit is a bit uhh... yeah.

11099228
I didn't use it to get past the 1000 word limit. If I didn't use that song, I would've used a different one.

11099230
Well it takes up half the fic, 1,034 words, so that's maybe 500 or so words of actual writing. And the higherups (Admins, Moderators, whatever they're called) don't count song lyrics.

I'm not bashing on the fic or anything. It's cute, but still.

Silly Zipp all Pipp has to do is open wide and Hitch can come for breakfast!

UwU, time to read!

Not bad at your first time writing a story and somehow I really like the shippping between those two although the song lyrics which I like kind took over half the stories so try to shorten it down I think the music video is good enough but other than that not bad and very cute keep up the good work

11099303
Thanks. PS: This isn't my first time writing stories, it's my first shot at G5.

Well, Pip's wings are so fluffy.

11099473
It's true. My special talent isn't song writing, but sometimes I let my feelings overtake me and write a song.

Well, even if the song lyrics weren’t against the rules, they don’t really do much but add to the word count for the “at least 1,000 words in a story” rule.

11099221
What he said. Bad form.

11099512
Oh indeed.
Can I ask how old are you?

Comment posted by KingSombraTheTyrantRuler deleted Dec 28th, 2021
Comment posted by KingSombraTheTyrantRuler deleted Dec 28th, 2021

11099544
Your stories, your replies to comments all imply to me you're probably some kid. This isn't a kids' website though. You must be at least 18 to post here.

11099546
Said whom? The rules said at least 13.

JK

Just a tip: Plagerizing song lyrics doesn't make for good writing.
It actually comes off as lazy copy/paste writing and (as you can see by the other comments on here) is very frowned upon in the fandom, so I'd avoid it in any future stories if I were you.

Now if you HAVE to incorporate a song in your story, there is actually an acceptable way to do it. The idea is that you use a popular song with recognizable lyrics and only use a single line from the song every few paragraphs to work as "audio cue" to let the reader know how far into the song the current dialogue is taking place.

In the case of your story, you have to effectively flip it around 180, you have WAAAAY too much song lyrics and barely any character interactions or dialogue.
Just think of it this way, take everything from the start to the end of the song part and replace everything that is a song lyric with character interaction, dialogue, etc. and then take those very few snippets of character interaction in there and change it to the song lyrics that most appropriate around that time of the character interaction.

11099610
*sigh* Ohk. I just wanted to write something short and fluffy.

I really like this ship. I'm not going to go on about the lyrics because you've heard it all before, my advice would be adding a few more descriptions here anf there, such as Pipp's opinion on the situation, Zipp's more detailed reaction, and the source of Hitch fantasizing about Pipp's wings, not only would it be fun to write (and read) but it could help you add on to the length of the story. Pretty cute and fluffy overall! There's nothing that can't be fixed with some more practice.

11099546
This isn’t true. You have to be a minimum of thirteen years old to use the site. The rules on that are here: https://www.fimfiction.net/rules on mobile it appears as the third bullet point under the “General conduct” section.

Ok I read it now I'm commenting :twilightsmile: and I have to say the plot of the story is pretty great, try to add some more details here and there, but other than that you're all set.

Also I'm not going to talk about the song lyrics because 1) everypony's already said that in the comments and 2) I don't want to be annoying.

11223997
Ok thanks, and next time I'll try to add more detail.

11224309
No prob, and your story really is great

That was so cute! Maybe people didn't like this because of the song being typed out, and they probably thought it was long and repetitive, but I think that this story does not deserve all of the dislikes and this fic is really cute, sweet, and a bit interesting! Nice job!

11352430
Hee, hee! Maybe next time, just have the song clip and then describe the specific lyrics in which Hitch interrupts with his infatuated thoughts about Pip's singing and wings instead of repeating the whole song when you had already inserted it (the video) into the story. Good luck with other stories!

11354406
Yeah, I should've done that... Thx!

11355047
You're welcome!

I thought it was good. Didn't entirely like having to read through the song but other that cute.

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