Chapter 1; Rescue
A white flash...
Then black decended across his sight...
James woke up abruptly. His back was killing him (figuratively, of course); he was lying on something uncomfortable. He opened his eyes...
And was astonished.
He was lying under a tree in a dark forest. Foliage covered his view of the sky, though from what he could see it was daytime.
James sat up, trying to gather his thoughts real quick.
Okay, I get tired for no logical reason I can think of, I see a bright flash of light, and wake up in this... forest place with my bag under my arm... wait, what?
His bag; it was lying with his right arm hooked into it's extended handle. He quickly opened it up and looked inside, finding his Union kepi (unfortunately NOT a perfect replica, as it still had the plastic fasteners at the back), which he immediately put on to try to ward off the heat a little bit. The rest of his stuff was still inside, including his revolver and it's holster. He loaded the pistol, put it in it's holster and buckled the holster onto the left side of his shorts.
Well, now, where am I?
That was the $64,000 question. He wondered if he had somehow gone to his Pep're's and done some activity, and then forgotten everything up til now. He quickly cast this aside; his watch said it had been only 20 minutes since he had stopped watching MLP, and he would have been unlikely to have brought his bag with him for paintball or for manhunt.
James yawned, then stood up. He extended the handle of the bag, which had wheels, and walked over to a nearby... was clearing the right word? It was more like a small area where the sun managed to get a clear shot throught the leaves high above. He looked up, judging the sun's position.
He decided to head off in one direction that looked a bit more light than the others.
"Come on, lets go," he said to his bag, more to say something to ease the tension than out of expectation that the bag would talk back, and set off. It was not a long trip, but the bag slowed him down as it seemed determined to get caught on almost everything. He cursed as it got stuck in a small sandy place, and then got it out and kept going.
A town started to bear shape as the trees began to narrow. Well, at least I can get something to eat there, maybe found out where the frack I am, he thought as he continued onward.
There seemed to be a number of weird animals in the street, looking, from this distance like...
...No, it's impossible. This can't be...
And yet those animals did not change their appearance as they got closer. and the town's buildings looked really, REALLY famlliar...
...How in the world... this... is... IMPOSSIBLE!
He was in Equestria. That was the only immediate explaination his brain found. The animals on the street... were ponies. And the buildings looked familiar because...
This place... is Ponyville.
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It was a startling realization. I've gotta be dreaming. He pinched his left arm three times, each time adding more pressure.
All three times, he felt pain.
And Ponyville, and it's inhabitants, did not disappear or change.
He stopped a moment to let it all sink in.
Wow, I'm really here...
He had little idea how it was even possible to be here, never mind the fact that this world was supposed to be imaginary, although, now that he thought about it, it must have had something to do with that white flash he had seen.
What WAS that light?
He wasn't going to get the answer just standing here. He began to walk forward, to go into the town, but stopped.
Hold on, these people might never have heard off, never mind seen, an actual human before. They might think I'm a monster of some sort, or...
Various other scenarios went through his head, most of them going poorly. He shrugged. He'd deal with the problem of being captured or imprisoned when it came. First, he had to know where he was... On the edge of the Everfree Forest, I'd guess. He looked around, taking in the details. Each pony's head came up to about his chin (James was 21 years old, and nearly six feet tall). The type of pony James had mentally labelled as "horse" ponies were significantly taller; "horse" or "stallion" ponies (the latter seemed to be much more accurate, as they all seemed to be male) had hooves which were a different color than the rest of their bodies, and they came from all three types of ponies. Big Macintosh and Fancypants qualified as "horse" or "Stallion" ponies. The houses were much more colorful than most human dwellings, just like in the show, and looked solid. James tried searching (eyes only of course; he would not actually be going in town) for any buildings he had seen in MLP;FIM.
Yes, there's Rainbow's cloud house, and way over these is Fluttershy's cottage, and there, that tall building...
He turned back towards Fluttershy's house, which was to his right, realizing he had seen three shapes moving in it's direction.
Those three... I can't make em' out much from this far away, but... from their colors, I'd say they were Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle, but what are they doing?
James remembered how often those two got into trouble on the actual show. Until and unless he was proved mistaken, he would believe that that wouldn't change here. And... if that was true, those three fillies would be headed right smack-dab into trouble.
James chose to follow them, hopefully discover more about his situation while doing so, and maybe keep the three girls out of trouble... through indirect action, of course.
He decided to stay on the outskirts of the forest, close enough to the town to see it, but not close enough for them to see him too easily. He tried going towards Futtershy's, but the bag slowed him down.
I WOULD have this problem with this thing...
Stifling a mental roar, he decided to leave the bag where he could find it; a particularly big tree with some light shining from the the ceiling of leaves overhead. He continued onward. Although he was worried about some animal jumping him, it didn't happen and he was able to get to an area of the woods. Fortunately, the Cutie Mark Crusaders seemed too pre-occupied talking to have gone very far and were just out side the forest boundary when he managed to crouch and crawl under a bush near their position.
"Aw come on Apple Bloom, we could have a good chance to get our cutie marks" said Scootaloo, looking confident and perhaps a little annoyed that Apple Bloom seemed to be reluctant to go with he and Sweetie Belle.
"Remember that last time we went into tha forest, with the cocka-thingy going and turnin' Twylight and the chicken ta stone?" Apple Bloom replied in that southern drawl James just loved to hear from anyone. "Ah don't want ana-thing like that ta happen again."
"Aw that cockatrice is probably on the other side of Equestria by now, after Fluttershy stared it down," Scootaloo continued, clearly undaunted.
"Yeah and besides, we're not looking for chickens this time around, so we'll know to look away if we see something with a chicken head," Sweetie Belle said, which suddenly made James uncontrollably think;
Maybe packing a pair of shades would have come in handy...
"You go to Zecora's all the time, whats the big deal?" Scootaloo demanded.
"That's diffrent. When Ah go there, I'm usin' tha path ta git there. I don't go wanderin' off it. Anything could happen if we just go wandering around in the Everfree Forest."
James started thinking as the conversation continued in this vein. He had a number of options. He could go out into the open and tell them to go home (or at least back into town), but that would likely just raise their curiosity, and curiosity could be like an illness; the more you tired to avoid the thing you were curious about, it more it would reel you in. Not to mention the entire town would soon know about him.
He could just stay here and try to pretend to be on of their older sibling catching them in the act, but he wasn't confident, and the only one he felt he could copy to any great success was Big Macintosh, who James had never seen go near the Everfree Forest.
Or he could just follow them. True, that was also dicey; something could sneak up on either him or the girls, and it could mean game over at that point.
James decided to follow them and see what happened. He had a gun, after all; none of the creatures out there would be able to attack without resembling Swiss cheese shortly after. Yeah, that sounded good.
He suddenly realized that the girls were no longer in front of the bush, and their voices and hoofbeats were now coming from inside the forest. He sighed and began to follow their voices as best as he could.
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It seemed to be an uneventful trip so far. After 30 minutes of following the fillies and nothing even romotely interesting happening, James began to feel bored. And when he felt bored, he could become irritable.
He did now. He kept getting caught on branches, sometimes the girls would be out of his sight for a short while, and he tripped twice over large tree roots.
On top of that, the CMC seemed to have realized that someone, or something, was nearby.
It started when Apple Bloom, perhaps the most nervous in the group, heard something go "thump," which was James tripping for the first time. Scootaloo said that the noise had probably been made by a falling branch or fruit, and the group kept going, though they were clearly a bit more alert. The second times James tripped, he let out a small cry by mistake (or perhaps instinct). They all heard it, and this time it could not be said that something living was not nearby.
Scootaloo was insistant that they keep going, but both Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were reluctant to continue on whatever foolhardy quest they had wanted to go on. It was only when Scootaloo kept going, threatening to go off all alone that kept the group walking on together.
Frustrated that his unofficial job of protecting the three fillies was made even harder by his detection, James tried to stay quiet, but was incapable of completely being inaudible, and kept stepping on twigs and getting caught by branches. Fortunately nothing had yet forced him to use his gun, and he began to think that maybe nothing would happen, maybe the three girls would go back after an uneventful excusion into the woods, and he would be able to plan how to get food, water, and shelter.
Then he heard a low growl.
It was low, but it was clearly audible; all the girls heard it, and began to look alarmed.
"W-w-what wa-aa-a-ss that?" Sweetie Belle shivered, hugging Apple Bloom.
"I don't know." For once, Scootaloo had no quick answer.
There was another growl. It was louder, and sounded canine.
Then a shape moved forward from the trees. From his knowledge of the show, James found the shape unmistakeable.
It was a timberwolf... and it wasn't alone. Four more stood up; an entire pack.
The three fillies screamed as the timberwolves began to inch forward, some licking their lips at the thought of such fresh prey.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders took off, scared beyond all reason, their blind fear rushing them even farther into the forest. James swore violently but softly, then began to run; stealth was not a priority anymore, and he couldn't just stay here and let the three ponies get eaten.
As it turned out, the girls hadn't run too far; they got cornered against a large boulder by the timberwolf pack. The pack began to move in, knowing the girls couldn't escape, and that they had all the tiem in the world to make the kill. At least, that's what they thought.
James unholstered his revolver and cocked it (James was right handed). It looked as if it had been loaded properly. However, this was the first time he was actually using a real firearm against a living, breathing (if a creature made out of wood COULD breathe), thinking lifeform. He hesitated; he had come to love animals, and although dogs were not his favorite, he despised the idea of hurting an animal just for the sport of it.
This wasn't sport, though; If he did nothing...
... Those three fillies will end up dying. I can't let that happen.
He took aim at the wolf closest to the girls; Apple Bloom was in the middle of the group, with the other two shivering and hugging one another, sure that the next moment would be their last...
James pulled the trigger. The pistol roared, and his ears protested at the deafening thunder; his hand was yanked upward was the force of the gunshot made it's mark. A puff of white smoke rose from the business end of the gun. It quickly cleared, and James was able to look on the scene again.
The timberwolf he had been aiming was was down, with a massive hole in it's neck. All the rest seemed confused and dismayed, both from the loss of one of their members as well as by the roar of the gunfire. For an instant, the CMC cringed and shut their eyes, then opened them and looked at the situation, almost as confused as their attackers.
There was no time to evaluate the girls' mental state, however; three of the timberwolves had recovered their wits, and one jumped at them, hoping to bring them down and claim the fillies as prey.
He didn't get the chance. James had cocked the pistol again, and shot at the bulk of the thing's mass; it's torso. The force of the shot hitting it pushed it a little off it's intended course, as well as leaving a hole though it's side that James could briefly see through. The beast's teeth hit the rock, barely missing Apple Bloom's face, it's fangs breaking off and further incapacitating it; not that it looked like it was getting up again any time soon. One part of his brain noticed it wasn't bleeding.
What a surprise... wooden monsters don't bleed, he thought quickly.
He cocked the revolver again, looking for the most dangerous target. The remaining three timberwolves had decided to concentrate on the new threat. They were looking straight at James and growling; he realized that he had stood up to fire, and that he was now visible to everyone.
...Blast!
The girls followed the wolves's gaze... and they saw him too, with the smoking gun in his hand.
All three wolves got ready to pounce; if all three of them did so at once, James would likely be fighting in close quarters with nothing but the butt of his revolver, essentially a club, and it would probably spiral downwards quickly from there.
"You run along home now, you hear me!?" he shouted, more to stun his opponents into brief non-action than to address the fillies.
"It can talk?" Scootaloo sounded very surprised.
It was also a foolish move to say anything on her part, as the nearest timberwolf turned back in her direction.
James shot again, blasting it's right shoulder clean through. It dropped, but didn't die almost instantly as it's two packmates had done, and instead yowled loudly. Also, as he fired that shot, one of the other wolves - the one on James' left - pounced.
There was no time to cock the gun and fire, so he whipped the pistol around so that it was now a club; the butts of old wild west revolvers had sometimes been used as gavels in old vigilante courts, so maybe it could do some damage here.
He jumped to his right as the thing pounced, but he wasn't fast enough; it's front left claws sliced his left arm, leaving three deep cuts. James cried out as pain gushed forth from the wound like floodwater. It was fortunate he wasn't using it for much at the moment.
Now angry, James whipped around and bashed the offender in the back of the head with the pistol; the wood on the back of it's neck broke, and the timberwolf howled in agony.
The remaining wolf jumped as well, though James saw this out of the corner of his eye and was able to retaliate in time, smashing the thing's nose and throwing it back a few feet as it too howled with anger and pain.
Taking the time to cock the pistol again, James saw the CMC still sitting near the boulder, watching the fight. Their eyes widened as James looked at them.
"Go on! Go home!" He shouted, hoping they would take hims at his word and run off.
Apple Bloom was the first to recover as she shook her head.
"Come on! You heard 'im, let's go!", she said as Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo also tore their eyes away from the scene. They began to run as fast as their little legs would let them. One of the two injured timberwolves nearby tried to bite them as they passed, narrowly missing Sweetie Belle's leg.
James had problems of his own. The timberwolf he had hit in the back of the head had recovered, and growled at him. He shot at it.
And missed.
James stood there, surprised. He was feeling a bit low on energy, and his left arm was killing him. When he looked down at it, he was shocked to see how much blood was spilling from it. He was losing focus as well as energy.
I have to finish this quickly!
Luckily the wasted shot proved somewhat useful, was the gun had gone off not much more than a foot away from the timber wolf's ear; it was still stunned when he cocked the gun yet again (it was suddenly harder to do than before...) and leaned forward. The gun was almost touching the 'wolf's head as he shot it, blasting it's head clean off it's body.
Abruptly he was hit from behind; he fell over, the revolver flying from his grasp a and landing a couple feet away. He turned around just in time for the final standing wolf, the one he had hit in the nose, straddle his body, placing it's front paws on his right arm and chest, snarling.
Oh, I have had enough of you!
James used his injured left arm, the only part of his body that was free to retaliate, and struck the thing on it's injured nose with all the strength he could muster. His arm seemed to gush as mush pain as it did blood as he did this, but the force of the blow combined with his earlier attack on it made the timberwolf withdraw, yowling it's pain for all to hear.
James got up and leapt for his gun. he reached it as the 'wolf recovered it's senses.
James cocked the gun.
The wolf sprang.
James fired.
The timberwolf fell mid-jump as the bullet slammed into it's chest and tore through its body. It hit the ground, made one final effort to scratch James, who was out of reach, and then collapsed.
James took a moment to look around, wondering if there were more of the creatures out there. There didn't seem to be any, and the wolf that had tried to bite Sweetie Belle had apparently died while he was fighting the last two, so he stood up again. It was a lot harder to stand than it was supposed to be, and James figured, through the pain and loss of energy, that the blood he had lost had something to do with that.
Re-holstering his pistol, he took some of the leaves from a nearby tree and placed them on the wound. it wasn't enough to stop it, so he took more and piled them on the wound. Although the flow of blood was significantly less, it still didn't stop.
Groaning, he sat down next to the boulder where the girls had been trapped mere minutes ago; it seemed like ages had passed since he had first seen them there, in imminent danger. He laid his back to the rock, wondering if it was all about to end here...
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Ohhh! This story looks good, and I like the picture, it's a scene from a civil war movie!
Thanks guys, this makes me feel more confident about this project.
Also, the picture is from the movie Gettysburg, when a Confederate officer goes to shoot Chamberlain, and the gun either misfires or has no ammo, and Chamberlain raises his sword like a boss :)
At first I thought Rome total war. Cool!
Then the knowledge that he was a Brony who was afraid of being persecuted... gag.
But Celestia looking at him through his head... that was nice. More than nice even. It's fantabulous! There's the question as to why he appeared in the middle of nowhere near Ponyville, as that makes little no no sense as well as how he knows that it was someone looking at his life through his eyes, a little exposition would have been nice. But the thought that the Alicorn was looking at the big man from his own eyes was nice.
But then you gave him a gun. And you described it in 'I don't care' levels of detail along with all that other rubbish. Then something about 9/11,and enemies of freedom! My god. Then 'pepre' when anything else would have sufficed, you didn't even have to add that bit!
Maybe it's because I read a lot of fiction, but this is starting to smell like a self insert. Inane levels of pointless details that detract from the story lead me to this conclusion. which is a shame as the basic premise seems to be solid.
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Well that's fine, as everyone has their own opinions. I have my own on this matter.
In chapter 1,
"...until he saw that Death Battle video on Youtube where Rainbow Dash was paired against the Decepticon Starscream... Rainbow Dash won."
Yep, that's pretty much how I became a brony too.
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Sweet :)
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Finished the prologue, and I'm intrigued. There's the occasion spelling/grammatical error, enough to advise you to get a pre-reader, but not enough to condemn you for.
First chapter in:
-As before, getting a pre-reader to try and catch little things is probably a good idea.
-Gotta agree with Norse here, sometimes you add little details that are just distracting, the distraction may actually be by your use of parentheses, though it's probably a combination of both.
Who's telling this story anyway?
Sorry, I read a lot of Harry Turtledove and a bunch of the Halo novels, so much of my writing styles come from them, I apologise if that is the issue.
In any case, I'm going to start the next chapter, hopefully it's out within a couple of days.
If I had a penny for every time i read a human in equestria story that started like this:
>human shows up in new world
>human is hesitant to enter ponyville proper
>human rescues CMC from timberwolves with gun
>human is injured by timberwolves..
then i would have 4 cents. that is 4 times i've read a story with these exact same things happening. 3 of those stories even have the injury in exactly the same place (shoulder). I'm not sure if it is unoriginality, lazyness, or some form of hivemind. I don't know which of these stories i've read was the original one (probably none of them), so I don't feel comfortable down voting in the very off chance this is the original. I will however have to part ways.
Oh you're a southerner, then here's a Dixie for you
This gun is a revolver right? As in six shots? And wouldn't turning the barrel around after he fired be a bit oh, hot?
...
, I'm sorry, but you just can't keep my interest. Goodbye.
Meh, you took out the most important stuff that you need, so it's fine anyway.
Sport hunting results in the kills being eaten and the pelts and other parts being used or sold. I think it is eve illegal to just kill something and leave it there.
well, I find our main characters decision making process to be a tad flawed in the beginning... but who know what kind of disorientation would be had at his predicament. Rescuing the CmC from the Everfree is a bit cliche', but written fairly well. It's obvious this guy is no hunter with the way you describe him, but that's realistic. The binding of his wound with leaves is a bit odd to me, wouldn't you use your torn shirt? Just my 2 cents. Just to show the effectiveness of the type of pistol you showed I included a lil clippy. http://www.spike.com/video-clips/rt2sq5/deadliest-warrior-testing-jesse-james-revolver it's not the 'exact' weapon, but same style and type... even a colt :)
Damn that was fun rescue to read.
Er... No?
Should we know.....kill the wolf ?
No it wont come back to literally *bite* us later
Whats with the pun?
what are you talking about?
Wait, an average pony's head reaches up to his chin? Do you mean when the pony is standing on 4 legs?? Your MLP ponies are huge.
You do know MLP mares are no larger than an average golden retriever? But then, this was in 2012 so maybe you don't...
OK, thirty grains of black powder in a cap and ball pistol does not produce that much kick. And nothing special about using a pistol to make an attack, because every rifle, and pistol becomes a club, once you run out of ammo.
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F
Those wolves act unnaturally. Threats strongly take precedence over food. Flight from an obviously dangerous enemy takes precedence over engagement.
If he were to acknowledge that this is unnatural behavior, that would be fine. But you treat it as just another thing that happens.
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Maybe he doesnt know how wolves hunt, i didnt know until i saw your comment