Chase the sun, and it will smile upon you.
Living quietly in the Manehatten country is a little-known painter...who sees other ponies' dreams. Most of them are a little risqué. A few of them are utterly horrifying. And the only way she keeps herself sane is to paint them.
See them the way Reverie Dreamflight does...through the view from the window.
A series of shorter stories aimed at exploring the potential unmasked thoughts and desires of some of our favorite pastel equines...for better or worse.
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Just...... wow.
I don't have time to read the whole thing now, but the concept and what I did get to read look like one of the best things I've seen on the site in a long time. I'll check out the whole thing tonight, and give a slightly more detailed comment.
I want to see these paintings. You should get someone from deviant art to create them.
Also, I am guessing Rampant Pandemonic is Celestia's dark desire or maybe Discord.
Master of Harems. Obviously Blueblood.
Light of Moon and Fire. Got to be Princess Luna.
Can't wait to see more.
That was amazing....what I would give to see the paintings for real, like on DeviantArt. You've gotta try to contact somebody about that....
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Is it Blueblood? That would make sense given his personality to be the center of a harem in a dream. On the other hand, given how the painting seemed to focus on the white unicorn and not the stallion, I imagined that it wasind of a submissive fantasy of Rarity's or something.
I'm planning for all of the Dreamscapes paintings to eventually be faced by the ponies whose dreams they are, so don't worry, the answers (and associated shenanigans) will come.
And just you wait until the first real dream-in-text goes up. Then it really starts to get fun.
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When you saidd dreamscapes, I'm expecting a level of WTF to make Pinkie Pie look as sane and civilized as Rarity.
More detailed comment time: This is amazing. I can't wait to see where you go with it. It is indeed some of the best writing I've seen on the site, and you should be proud. I'm blogging about this one, and telling anyone who will listen how awesome it is.
Okay, so that wasn't much more detailed. But I hope it makes you feel good!
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And how! I mean, I'm writing this for myself, but still; ideally other people will also like it. And the more exposure the better!
(I only quietly dream of feature box, honest.)
Also, new chapter is about to go up!
bookplayer says you are amazing, and whatever bookplayer says goes. Seriously. Anyway, here I am, reading your story. Thought I'd make my presence known.
Ooooh, so is Rarity or Celestia's fantasy? Probably Rarity.
No words to say other than this is amazing. I am greatly looking forward to the next chapters.
Again, please get someone to create pictures! Your words, while eloquent, are not enough.
I'm seeing the pictures already, with a clarity I didn't anticipate. (Obviously I spent too much time as a foal in art class.)
I need to see these as actual paintings
please
WOW. Your diction and imagery are amazing! I suspected you had that when I read your Cheerilee story and this is only a stronger indication that you are amazing. Amazing as this painter of yours, only with words painting your pictures. It's stories like these that actually feel like paintings to me and I'm not just saying that because your character's a painter. That's just how I see these things. Have an eyeball.
I got here from your Cheerilee story in The Album. You had a great, engaging style there, and it really shows through in your stories. I'm looking forwards to this
" ... And getting steel shavings and coal dust out of her feathers?
Reverie groaned,"
Hmm, this sentence could probably do with some rewording, as beginning it with 'and' makes it slightly awkward and disrupts the flow. Also, if you're going to use it as a question, you will probably need to make it more evident that it is her own thoughts, because right now it looks like the narrator is asking the question. Perhaps re-phrase it from:
" ... And getting steel shavings and coal dust out of her feathers?
Reverie groaned, and very deliberately took herself a half dozen steps away from the blast area."
to:
"The thought of getting the steel shavings and coal dust out of her feathers caused Reverie to groan. With a few tired [or any adjective really] steps, she took herself away from the blast area."
There was maybe one or two more instances in there where you could tighten up your grammar and the flow of your sentences, but they were only minor things. On the whole, the chapter was very enjoyable, and I'm liking this concept you've got. However, does the dream-viewing have a range limit on it? (Heh, I'm going to feel like a fool if this is explained in the next chapet
)
Man, it took me way to long to get to reading this. And I can't believe it took my 'til this chapter to wonder. . . is Mareford based off of a fictional city, perhaps?
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Mareford is drawn from Medford, which is a stone's throw from 'the Hamptons' proper. Relatedly, the Sunrise Express rail line is a play on the Sunrise Memorial Highway, and Cafe Gia is a highly-recommended cafe there. Apparently they have the best pizza in Long Island.
Since they put out a canon map of Equestria that's clearly an AU North America, I decided to ape existing geography and ponify it. I'm nothing if not shameless, after all.
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Okay, that makes sense.
I was just wondering if you were subtly ponifying Newford, the city from Charles de Lint's amazingly awesome books. He writes a lot about artists of many sorts, and your story so far seems very much like one he might write.
I'm really starting to dig this fic, although it does update fairly slowly. We're all human though, so thanks for writing at all!
Oh please continue this! I hardly ever read OC stories but this is just so very well written
1694745 Oh, don't worry. Reverie's telling her story, just not as fast or directly as I'd perhaps prefer. But it'll be finished
Okay, I've had you on my watch list since basically day one on this site – I had the good fortune to come here when The Lavender Letter was hitting the charts – but I think it's about time for me to be a good baronial subject and read more things, and this story looks underloved.
I like this. It reminds me of some of my own stuff from a while back: not in plot or structure, but in style of telling (e.g. the image of Reverie crying at the end). It's not quite unreliable narrator; more like not-very-forthcoming narrator. And I think it serves an OC well. Speaking of which, I love Reverie's conflicted attitude toward her paintings. The fact that she just wants somepony to acknowledge her real work is what really grabbed me with her characterization. Not an obvious choice, following from the premise, but an excellent choice and one that gives this story most of its potential as more than a gimmick.
In the first 1500 words, I don't know that there's a lot more for me to say. I definitely enjoy reading about Reverie, and with an OC story I imagine that's really the critical first step. She feels like a real character with some depth to her, I want to know more about her, and I'd like to see her problem resolved. To be fair, I think I could have been more sucked-in. The chapter, while providing a good character sketch, doesn't have a lot of activity to latch onto as a reader. But I know I like your stuff already, so you've earned yourself more indulgence than I might give to an author I didn't know.
Oh, one last thing. I very much like the choice near the opening of the story (and perhaps it's used throughout, but the opening is where I really noticed it) to present the story in language that reflects the mind of a painter. Lots of discussion of color and levels of visual interest. That said, I also found the opening a little jarring for reasons of word repetition. A form of 'ignore' is used in each of the first two sentences, and in ways that are structurally very similar. I can understand that as a stylistic choice, but coming so early it feels jarring to me. 'Teal' also gets more than its share of play in the first three sentences. Again, I know you're good and that I like your stuff, so it's not enough to put me off of reading further, but I might feel differently if I weren't already predisposed to like your work.
Okay, I'm going to do this one the other way around: criticism first, then praise.
So, I definitely feel like the language could be tightened up in this chapter. At the same time, there are just so many turns of phrase that I wouldn't pick, I have to assume that a good chunk of this is a difference between my voice and yours. Because of that, I find it hard to really evaluate particular passages for flow because I suspect I have a bit of a biased viewpoint. I think this might be a great case for the "read your chapter out loud" advice (which I'll admit I wasn't doing), to see how these passages flow in natural speech. I suspect they flow fine if you're used to that sort of structure, but I don't really know for sure.
Two points I want to highlight, because again they come so close to the start of the chapter, and thus impact a reader's ability to engage.
The 'plenty' here seems a bit jarring and unneeded.
This feels like it would work better as two sentences.
Okay, on to the good. I absolutely loved the train station work. Your descriptions there really sucked me into the story, far more than in the first chapter. I think one of the big factors was the addition of some active storytelling, with the steam blast and the station manager, but it goes beyond that as well. The clack of the train was a nice touch. I've heard it say that descriptions work best when they engage three or more senses. You're hitting visual plenty, but you pick up aural well here, and the image of Reverie getting blasted by the train really makes the hat trick. Excellent stuff.
And the dream. Well, I knew you favored Twilestia already (and were my first exposure to it, and were good enough to make me a fan of it despite some initial reservations). But I hadn't been paying attention to the Teen rating on the story, so that scene... shall we say... took me by surprise.
I have... some... small experience with more mature fiction (no, really, that's not me being coy – it is small). And I've come to the belief that in writing stuff like that, less is absolutely more. Readers have lurid imaginations, and there's probably nothing better to do than cue them up and let them deliver for themselves. Despite this story only being rated Teen, I found that passage substantially more hot-and-bothersome than I suspect most full-on clopfics ever manage. It was very... intimate. And very well done, particularly in Celestia's characterization. Hints and characterization trump a trip to IKEA any day of the week. Once again, excellent stuff.
2172355 Zomg! Comments on View! *single tear* It's all I ever wanted.
View from the Window is, as you may note / may be obvious, my first released story. Furthermore, the first chapter went from idea to post in a single night, and the story overall has no real official plan or structure. It's something of a character study of my writing overall, really.
To that end, a little study (read: a passing glance) reveals that my writing has visibly improved since I did those first chapters (the later ones are likely more to spec). In particular, the opening lines of Ch 1, where you pointed out my overuse of 'ignore' -- I would never do that now. It took me two seconds of looking at it to realize that the second case, "allowing it to be ignored" doesn't even need to be there at all.
So, yeah, it could absolutely be tightened up. In particular I've started polishing up my environmental details, and want to work on more reliably utilizing body language (in particular, ponies' tails and prehensile ears). I won't be changing anything current, though, at least not yet; perhaps once it's finished in entirety, it may merit a revision.
In regard to Reverie herself, oh, it's not just her paintings she's conflicted with. Being an OC-centric story, View allows me to return to my old authorial habit of being an absolute bastard to my characters, and...well, once I kick my ass back into writing it, you'll see.
Now, as to Shameful Reflection...I do indeed favor Twilestia, but my close second-favorite pairing for Twilight is with Rarity. Are we so sure it's a princess?
Mature fiction...I may try my hoof at it, though not in any contrived oversexualized way. I have a story or two planned that could leverage a mature tag for a blatant, unabashed rendering of their relationships; but that's for later. At present, I can't write sexual scenes to save my life. But sensual? I'm can make some heads explode, I tell you what.
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I completely missed that you replied to this!
Anyway, sorry for not getting back to it faster. I'll try to do some more reading this weekend and continue with some thoughts. (I've been off pre-reading for PoweredByTea and getting some of my own stuff pre-read)
It looks like I gave you a bit of a readership boost on this one, though! I didn't really expect that to happen, but it makes me very happy.
First of all, I went back and read Shameful Reflection again (the scene, not the chapter). Well. Well, well, well.
I think I know who it is now, but it's truly stunning how well that works for both of them. There are cues for Rarity that I missed, but there are some things I'd consider very significant clues for Celestia as well. And then there are the clues that apply so well to both. The little sister to whom this mysterious mare doesn't want to have to explain herself? The pearly white coat? Very interesting indeed. Out of curiosity, did that come about by design or by happenstance? I'm guessing happenstance – I know you're clever, but that'd be some impressive reader-leading for your second chapter of your first fic here. Then again, who am I to talk? That feels like the sort of thing I might dream up (and I'm looking at you, Iain M. Banks' Use of Weapons), and I haven't been writing here a particularly long time.
In any case, happenstance or design, it's still great stuff. But let's move on to "The Golden Road"!
I'm probably not going to be quite so lucid here. Turns out I'm doing this slightly too late in the day for myself, and I started drifting off to sleep when the painting hit. That's a shame, because I do like your descriptions of the process. They are perhaps more detailed than necessary, but they're also a window into a world I don't know – although as an amateur photographer, I can relate very well to the idea of getting oneself in place to capture the image when the light is right. Transient weather and lighting effects are how I've gotten pretty much all of my best work.
Shameless self-bump: fc05.deviantart.net/fs28/i/2008/203/2/7/Sunrise_at_Moeraki_by_Yakaji.jpg
There's not quite as much going on here as there was in Chapter 2. I really did like that train station scene. But the insight into how Reverie's talent works is a welcome thing, and I'm very much a fan of the small touches you use to give your story more texture. Case in point, the strawberries. There's no structural reason for their inclusion. At least the sun dress serves some purpose, giving us a window on Reverie's personality through her buying habits and her fashion. I don't feel like the strawberries really tell us much about Reverie at all. And that's why I love them.
Some people might complain that this chapter tells a lot more than it shows. I've gone on record a couple times saying that I think the showing vs. telling dichotomy is far from the best way to judge writing. Telling or not, one of the things that stands out to me in this story is its sensuality – not in the sense of eroticism, but rather in the sense of sensory engagement. I commented on that with respect to the first chapter, where you start out a little slowly but with a real sense of a painter's palette and her unique view of the world.
I've heard it said, and generally believe it to be true, that good imagery requires the engagement of at least three senses. That's why I love those strawberries so much. They may not have a direct purpose on a characterization or plot level, but they're evocative. Imagery, being much more poetic than prosaic, is something I don't get to read a lot of in fanfiction. It's nice to see that switched up for a change.
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Entirely by design. Careful design, as the first draft was revised when my editor told me it was weighted clearly toward one over the other. Also, while View is my first published story, it's very, very far from the first thing I've written. I've been writing for years, just never released anything until ponies viciously wrenched the creativity from my tenuous grip.
Also, the strawberries tell you something critically important about Reverie. She likes strawberries.
Yes, that's all.
I take certain liberties with View that I wouldn't with other stories, because it's a dyed-in-wool Slice of Life. There isn't a great epic conflict, there aren't clashes between good and evil, there aren't archetypal characters with deep issues to resolve through narrative. It's just a story about the day to day life of a pegasus mare who paints. Oh, and she happens to see dreams, too.
Slice of Life, at least in my opinion, by nature necessitates little mundane details like her snacking on strawberries, and getting up at dawn to wait for the perfect light for a painting everyone but her is going to ignore. Other things like that are also present in later chapters, but I'll not spoil them.
As for show vs. tell, that's something that's been mentioned so many times since I started writing pony that I near viscerally despise it now--particularly because it's often stated as a catch-all excuse by editors / prereaders who don't know how to give proper critiques. This is neverminding the fact that many great famous authors will tell all the time, and showing for an entire story leads to something aptly described as new-age zen philosophy, where it sounds deep and moving, but you can't be sure what anything means. This isn't intrinsically a bad thing--see Twilight Sparkle Makes a Cup of Tea for example--but as a rote law of writing, it's summary bullshit. (I may or may not have strong feelings about how some people in the fandom talk about 'good writing'...)
That about sums up my ranting. I look forward to future dialogue
Oh, and a lovely shot, that, if a little contrast-heavy for my particular taste.
A longer chapter! Well, I may have to break this into two, depending on how the chapter goes, since I'm interested in continuing the dialogue on the earlier points as well. We'll see if such discussion comes up organically, of if it's better left to itself.
So, I wound up taking a few comment notes while reading this, and I think I'll just step through them sequentially. Despite the fact that I think this may be my favorite chapter of the story so far, there are a couple small things that make it a bit of a mixed bag for me. I know you said you don't plan on revising these chapters now that they're up (a sentiment I share in my own work, for anything more than spelling and grammar errors or poor wording that was missed in the editing stage), so the issues I mention aren't meant as ways to help this story so much as things to think about.
First of all, I haven't been doing a whole lot of line-item, but I want to mention...
It's not often I learn a new word, and perhaps it's a bit surprising I didn't know it. 'Hence' and 'whence' aren't that uncommon, after all. Nonetheless, I found this interesting.
Second, it looks like that hated "showing vs. telling" debate has reared its ugly head again, though in a very different capacity. For brevity, I'm going to let the discussion be framed in terms of those terms instead of proceeding into a diatribe about the level to which they are mis-specifications, as I did on Bad Horse's blog, because I figure we're both sensible enough to know the actual shape of the issues at hand. That said, my goodness but there's a lot of showing afoot when Reverie enters her apartment. And I don't say this in a good way.
Some of this material feels good and useful, but some of it – in particular, the intricacies of body movement, just seem unnecessarily distracting. There is some characterization buried in these bits, specifically about the physicality of how Reverie uses teeth and wings for so much of what she does, but this doesn't feel terribly important at this juncture. For a parallel, contrast "sorted through [her keys] with a free hand until she found the one she needed" with "fumbled for her apartment key"; and similarly "pushed the door open with her hand" with "opened the door". In certain spots, the ponified action is very nice and reminds us of what sort of characters we're reading – for example, with the tea kettle a paragraph or two further in. But in other spots, such as such meaning-divested actions as that of unlocking and opening a door, I think it's just a little distracting.
Third, I really liked the descriptions of the tea preparation, but I've just been saying as much, so I think I can move on.
Fourth, and here's my nerdy side really kicking into overdrive. If they're Istallians, wouldn't that mean they're from Istally? I suppose Istallia would also work, and... actually, no, Istallia is just fine. Istallian is a great ponified word. Istally, however, is pretty bad. But I can content myself that they come from the more correctly pronounced Istallia.
And speaking of the Istallians, omigosh omigosh omigosh. This was wonderful stuff, arguably my favorite out of anything in this story and "Lavender Letter." Perhaps it's just that I'm more naturally attuned to words than images, but in six short words, you completely knocked this scene out of the park.
That was all it took. Six words, and I was so sucked into this scene that you could have sold me anything. I'm still sitting here in some abject wonder. I mean, you do write long. I'm not a big fan of long writing, but you're good enough that I'm willing to put aside my predilections for the sake ow what I know is going to be some good imagery. And then this comes along. It's a bit like getting punched in the face.
Though it wasn't all wine and roses.
I found the Istallian stuff pretty much note perfect up until this exchange, which hearkened back to the earlier "dangers of showing too much" bit for me, with the door to the apartment. Reverie's been using limited Istallian in conversation. I get it. But for my part, I'd never actually write out this line of dialogue in English, and so it feels very odd to me to see it written out in another language. It's a greeting, and the only thing said between these two. It's just not important enough to deserve the highlight of literal dialogue. Even if (as I somewhat suspect) we may find out there's more to be seen of young Ancora, this doesn't really serve to highlight his presence – just the fact that the author wants to write foreign dialogue.
And speaking of dialogue, I had kind of mixed feelings about the conversation between Reverie and Temperance. There was important information communicated here, and information I wanted to know. I found the dialogue generally enjoyable (even if there was an awful lot of tea-sipping and not much else for practical staging). No, I'll be firmer. I just found the dialogue enjoyable. This was fun to read.
But, unfortunately – and understandably, since you were at pains to describe their similarities – the dialogue didn't really help me distinguish Reverie and Temperance as unique entities unto themselves. Their roles were different: daughter and mother, artist and financier. But their voices felt nearly identical.
I want to make particular note of the fact that I did not have trouble following the dialogue. Everything was well put-together, and I don't recall ever feeling any confusion about who was talking, despite coming away with the sense that the two had almost identical voices. But in my own writing, I often try (with who knows how much success) to write dialogue that can be stripped of all narrative referrands and still be perfectly intelligible because of characters' distinctive voices. (And yes, as far as I can tell I just made up the word referrand. But we need to have some sort of word for the part of a reference relationship that refers to the referent)
It's understandable that Reverie and Temperance would have very similar voices, and as I said, I could follow the dialogue without difficulty as presented. But this differentiation of voices is something I look for in dialogue, and I thought its absence deserved some mention.
That came out as a pretty critical list, it seems. It's odd to me how that can happen. I enjoy this chapter more than the three previous ones, and yet it seems to be the one on which I'm the most openly critical. My apologies if that came off as substantially negative. This was a great piece of writing, and exceptionally enjoyable.
------------------------
And I didn't get to talk about Slice of Life, but y'know, I think I'll just wait for you to read this and then talk about it after that and before reading Chapter 5.
Well, I couldn't resist. I had to read another one. Sadly, there's just one left after this. I don't know whether I'll be able to save it for tomorrow or not.
There were a few spots in here where the language could definitely be cleaned up, notably one of Chase's lines, but I'm not going to hunt them down, owing to your previous comments on the subject of line edits. So let's talk about more interesting things.
Chase was fun, and it was interesting to see a side of Reverie we hadn't gotten much of a look at before. I see he'll be making a second appearance in the next chapter, and I'm looking forward to that. I think he might have come off as a little inconsistent – persistent early on, but then seemingly more shy toward the end. It's a minor point, though. He still felt well-characterized to me, and the back-and-forth was definitely quite enjoyable.
I really don't feel like I have a whole lot to say about this chapter, but perhaps that's a bit of a good thing after my attempt at Reader Filibuster after Chapter 4. But there is one more thing I want to mention particularly: Applejack.
This is a bit of a two-edged sword for me. On the one hand, I think I need to say that I don't think you have her voice quite right. It's close, but there are a few spots where she sounds a bit off. The misses seem to be balanced about half and half between trying too hard and the disconnect between Applejack's voice and your own (slower, more passive, more Rarity-like) voice as a writer. That said...
This Applejack was wonderful!
Not perfect, no, and I'll admit I haven't read a whole lot of Applejack yet, but this was very different from what I've read thus far, and so very much better. I haven't had to write her yet, but I expect to have to do so soon, and this is definitely going to be my starting point for how to proceed. Where most writers I've seen thus far seem to rely on imitating the sounds of her speech, you've gone in almost entirely the opposite direction by focusing on word choice. There are a few contractions and elisions, and there need to be, but they hardly overpower the narrative. And most of your word choice for her seems pretty much pitch-perfect for me (though as I said, there are a few odd times where it feels like you might be trying too hard). This approach has paid very good dividends here, and I'm very happy to have had the opportunity to read it.
Dah! There isn't any more to read now! And what a place to leave it!
This is becoming a decidedly odd story. I liked the premise quite a bit – a pegasus painter who saw the most intimate dreams of those around her, painted them, and really wanted to get out from under that simplistic summary. And, as of this chapter, I'd say she officially has. The dream story is interesting, and integral to my understanding of Reverie, but at this point I care a lot more about her and learning what you have in store for her. I don't know if it's an intentional bait-and-switch, though I have to think so, given how this was nearly discussed verbatim in the first chapter. I certainly don't mind. I thought the story as it was presented in the description sounded interesting and fun to read, but I find the story I'm getting to be much the better.
Okay, so let's do my habitual pick-apart.
I don't know if it was because you seeded the weather so well in the earlier scene, or if it's just that this is a very well constructed bit of writing – probably both – but this jumped right off the screen at me. I've enjoyed your descriptions elsewhere, but not like this. I found this particular bit positively immersive. I don't know that there's a whole lot useful to take away from that, but I wanted to highlight it. And I'm still loving Gia's. A lot.
In fact, if I let myself succumb to my full quota of native nerdiness, I really want nothing so much as to see Dotted Line visit Gia's. This is a thought that won't leave me alone now.
I know, I've been remiss, I haven't read it yet, but was this actually the veiled reference I expect it was?
And finally, Chase.
Well. Wasn't that interesting. I've got some serious expectations building here. I feel like his assertiveness here reinforces what I was saying last chapter, somewhat, about it feeling odd that he gave up in quite the manner that he did, but I recognize that real people aren't fully consistent characters, so I can't really get too worked up about it. That said, I love him here. He's just a pleasure to read, especially when he's being masterful, and I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes.
One other thing I want to say, and interpret this how you will. I was just reading Ezn's writing guide the other day – I always enjoy reading writing guides – and I believe it mentioned something about the differences between fanfiction and regular fiction. That's been on my mind a fair amount today while I've been working on my next sizable piece of writing, which involves a canon-connected frame story but otherwise very much a piece of original fiction that happens to be set in this world. And I'm finding that this story reflects a few of the concerns I've been having about my own story. It is a piece of MLP:FiM fanfiction – it does involve canon characters, and it takes advantage of the special talents of pegasi (and to a lesser extent unicorns). But it's a close-run thing, and I think clearly this story could be told outside the fandom with little difficulty. I'm not really sure how, or if, I feel about that, but it's something I'm noticing tonight. I could elaborate the thought and its implications further, but I'll leave it alone for the moment and let you think of it what you will.
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Hm. I suppose it does look that way, doesn't it? Clearly she has nothing to worry about...
The same thing happened to me; I'm rather smitten with Reverie. And in great regard, the story has shifted to that--but it's alongside the original premise, rather than supplanting it. At least, so it seems to me based on what rough 'plan' I have going forward.
Shhhh! If you mention the Service three times they will appear! I don't know if Mamma Bello has enough tea in all the shop.
Put plainly, whenever I use the word composure, it's always a reference of some degree. Yes, it's that good. You're denying yourself for not having read it yet. I was going to say, your followed authors list has a conspicuous gap...
Now then.
Chase...Chase is a guilty pleasure, I suppose you could say.
I was out walking one day when it popped into my head that Reverie happens upon a love interest, and I ran away with it. Chase Justice is the result: The essential Hooftons' stallion, shaped by a wealthy, high-class upbringing. He's confident, he's (supposedly) charming, he's used to things--and mares--simply coming to him, because that's just how it works. And then he meets Reverie, a gorgeous pegasus with the artist's aloof mystique, and obviously she's just going to melt under his suave attentions, right?
Except that Reverie is the essential Hooftons' mare, and with the addition of having long been socially maligned, because of her work. In response, she's learned very well how to recognize, and deconstruct those who walk that world--which is why she takes Chase's supposed-charm, shreds it to tattered ribbons, and pats him on the head with a bemused smile. She's not just out of his usual league, she's in an entirely different realm.
But then, of all things, he takes it like a stallion. Which rather surprises her; just maybe he isn't what he looks like at first glance. Maybe he can learn to play a better game--which he does, very well might I add, the next time they meet. Reverie went into that cafe planning to have a nice cup of tea, and gently push aside any idea of romantic involvement. Now, I mean that seriously, as the author; I sat down to write a scene where she turns him down, and it was going to go into how she's had to do it before, and why, and the baggage she's forced to carry with her.
Instead, she left with a date. (She's still not quite sure how that happened.)
View could very easily be an original work, along with a few of my other ideas that are vibrant worlds and sets of characters that are then situated in Equestria. And hey, maybe someday I'll rewrite the whole thing as an original piece; it's not like precedent doesn't exist for publishing that sort of writing (quality-suspect precedent though it may be...).
At present, though, I didn't start writing View, or even start writing again at all, to make original works. I started writing again because of ponies. Because through ponies, I found things like Eternal and Composure, and seeing words dance on the page like that stirred in me the wayward embers of ancient warrior-poets, long consigned to ages past, until I was once more seized by an impatient muse.
I've written enough again that I could step away from ponies if I wanted; it's served its term as authorial triage. But the time I've spent watching the show, basking in the community, reading dozens of, and then writing a few, stories--there's an Equestria in my head now, with its own mane six, and background ponies, and in particular a very precisely defined Princess Celestia. And I'm rather content to live here for a while. Hell, part of me may never leave, and that's okay.
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Okay, okay. This is next up in my queue, then. I've put it off long enough, and it's not the word-monster that the other apparent classics are ("Past Sins" at over 200,000 words and "The Immortal Game" at nearly 300,000). I'm out of View, so Varanus is going to be the new recipient (victim?) of my extremely detailed commenting habits.
2216650 Feel free to tell him I sent you. I'm shameless in milking my exposure.
Past Sins is pretty good, I would say certainly worthy of the praise it's earned, though it didn't strike me stupid the way Eternal, Composure, some other stories have.
Some other stories does, however, include The Immortal Game. Absolutely fantastic stuff.
Edit: Oh, and I ought to mention, View chapter 7 is in the wings, over half completed. I've just been distracted by oneshots of late.
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Yup. I do remember seeing that while digging through your old blog posts, as well as a suggestion that it's about half done right now. I live in hope!
Oh, and...
Don't worry, I did.
She needs to swap the sugar for black pepper, trust me on this.
Also I too must agree that Mamma Gia's café description as previously commented on, did indeed work spectacularly as a piece of descriptive world-building. I know when prose is good because I get HD pictures in my head; I could see my reflection in the brass lamps. Likewise the train journey.
I'm very sorry to be making such a mountain out of this, but that absolutely must not be a question mark. It does not work. Not only is it not a question, in-context it's not even a proper stop; so you can't just swap in a period. (I originally thought my problem was that it's not a question, but it's more subtle than that.) A semicolon, however, would work perfectly there; it doesn't have the full-stopping power of a period or some such, but more power and appropriateness than a comma, dash, or colon.
Got linked here from "Purple Prose". I enjoy a well written OC story with good world-building. Thanks.
I have to say, one of my favorite things about getting a hit boost on Purple Prose is watching people read the author's note and trickle over here to read "View from the Window". It's wonderful, and it makes me happy every time new people read it.
Though, of course, chapter seven would make me even happier.
I've quite enjoyed reading through this story; it's a rather unique concept, Reverie's dreams. I'm looking foreword to the next chapter, whenever that may be.
This.
I think I'ma finish this up in one go in a day or two.
I really do hope you finish this story. sorry to bother you.
I haven't cracked this story open in -- years, probably -- but I saw it while scrolling through my tracking list for unrelated reasons, and was reminded that it's left quite an impression on me. It's not even the premise or characters I remember, but the setting and excellent sense of verisimilitude. Maybe I only remember it that way because I read this in my enthusiastic first blush of fanfic reading, but I definitely remember disliking a few stories from that time too.
Keep writing this you fuck
Seems legit. c:
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glad to see you're still around even if this story isn't