Lonely (Prolouge)
It was a warm, tranquil spring morning. Celestia's sun shone brightly over the horizon, and not a single cloud in the sky. The smell of cinnamon mango oatmeal woke the shy pegasus from her slumber. She stretched herself out and lazily walked down the cherry wood stairs of her small cottage. The birds and squirrels in her house had been awake for hours now, but they didn't mind waiting for the pink maned pegasus mare to wake up. She went on to brush her mane and wash herself up, and feed the animals before sitting down with Angel bunny for breakfast.
"Good morning, Angel. Did you have a good sleep?" Fluttershy sat down at the table, where her above average intelligence rabbit sat. Angel was almost as smart as a pony, he understood most commands and had learnt how to read. Now impatient after he had heated up the spice and fruit oatmeal Fluttershy had made the day before, he gave her a glare that said 'hurry up!' as she yawned and scooped herself oatmeal. "Oh, my... Angel! I almost forgot your salad!"
Before Fluttershy could even have a bite to eat, she was running around the kitchen, grabbing fruits and vegetables, cutting and washing them, and putting them on Angels' special plate. She gave him the salad, and he nabbed it from her hooves and went outside. There, out waiting for him, was Rosebud, a slightly red furred rabbit with green eyes. She smiled gently at the scene unfolding.
'So that's why I haven't seen Angel! He's found a special somep- I mean, some rabbit...' Fluttershy giggled at the thought, but then felt a bit gloomy. "I wish I had a special somepony... I wish...Big Macintosh was my special somepony..."
Fluttershy sighed. She had this hopeless crush on him ever since she met him, years ago, right after she got her cutie mark and decided to live on the ground with her father, Sunburst. She sighed again, only deeper and with a more distant look in her eyes. She was thinking about him, her earliest memory of them together. She remembered that she, not being a terribly good flyer, for Rainbows' incredible speed had knocked her to the ground. She had been stuck in an unkown place, and found an apple orchard with the largest, juiciest apples she had ever seen. Fluttershy, feeling bad for stealing, put her lunch money on the ground. It wasn't a lot, six bits to be exact, but it should be enough to cover four apples! Then, a rustle and a loud THUMP! scared the meek pegasus out of her mind. She squealed and hid behind the tree she plucked fruit from.
"Huh? Who's there? Ya better not be stealin' our apples!" the voice of a young colt rang out in the air. Fluttershy, almost as tall as the colt, stepped out from behind the tree.
"Oh, um... I'm sorry I didn't know... But I left my six bits over there for these apples... Uh... Sorry... My name is Fluttershy..." Fluttershy nervously replied to the menacing threat.
"Aww, shoot. It's all righ'. Hey... Y'all new 'round 'ere? Ah've never seen ya before. Mah name's Macintosh!" he said, glee in his voice. "C'mon, Ah'll go introduce ya to mah fahmily!" he trotted along. She stayed behind. "Hey! Aren't ya comin'?" he
yelled over the hill, waiting for the butter pegasus to drift over.
"Y-yes..." she told him, gracefully hovering towards the hill.
"Their gonna like you, 'Shy!" Macintosh said, giddiness overwhelming. "Applejack'll have somepony else to play with! And..." he trailed off about wonderful adventures to come, and Fluttershy couldn't help but smile. When she got to the house, the greetings were warm and comforting, like Macintosh's, but Applejack's was... Peculiar.
"Y'all his mare-friend? 'Cause granny said Mac ain't allowed to have a mare-friend 'till he's older." Applejack, two years younger than Fluttershy and Mac, was still naïve to the subject of dating. Macintosh denied it completely and utterly, while Fluttershy awkwardly looked around the room at pictures, doors, anything really, except for Macintosh.
That's when the crush started. Fluttershy stayed with the caring Apple family until she saw her father walking on the streets in ponyville.
Years later, when Applebloom was born and his mother died giving birth, and his father died of depression after losing his wife. Macintosh became more reserved after the incidents, isolating himself to the farm and the apple stand. She felt horrible about it, and when she tried to talk about it, he shrugged it of like nothing happened. After ignoring it, he'd go cry at their graves. She wished she could be there to comfort him...
"But...he deserves someone pretty like Rarity... Or smart like Twilight... Or strong like Rainbow..." Fluttershy sulked, feeling sorry for herself. She kicked her hooves at the ground. She had always had gotten this way when thinking about him. Thought of some excuse of why she wasn't good enough, or how she could never have enough assertiveness to tell him.
A sudden knock came to the door when Fluttershy finished her breakfast. After the knock, and an uneven noise of wing flapping. Ditzy Doo, the mailmare was outside the door. Fluttershy opened the door to Ditzy holding out a letter, eating a muffin, and trying to pick up the packages she dropped.
"Oh! Hey Fl-utt-er-shy!" Ditzy said with a goofy smile on her face. "How ya doin'? Has anyone asked ya to Pinkie's Hearts and Hooves day party?"
"Umm... Quite well actually. And, uhh, no, no one has asked me yet... Ditzy, this letter is addressed to Rarity, not me." Fluttershy replied with a confused look.
"Oh Yeah! That's because I can't find Carasol Boutique! Can you deliver it for me?" Derpy asked, still with a goofy smile with muffin crumbs all across her mouth.
"Of course. Anything for a friend." Fluttershy replied sweetly.
"Thanks Fl-ut-ter-shy!" Ditzy thanked her and crookedly flew up into the air. Fluttershy awkwardly looked at the letter. 'Oh my... I can give her the letter and talk to her! Perfect.' Fluttershy thought.
She started trotting into town and saw the school children on a field trip to the library. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were pestering the CMC's and Snips and Snails had absent mindedly kicked up grass on the library's front lot. The scene made Fluttershy giggle a bit. She walked towards Carasol Boutique but had gotten sidetracked again, this time at Sugar Cube Corner, where Pinkie was juggling cupcakes. Fluttershy quietly walked past Pinkie without being spotted. She sighed in relief after she passed her Cotton Candy smelling friend.
Finally, she had reached Carasol Boutique. "Come in~" Rarity's sing song voice filled her ears. Almost all of Rarity's greetings are in a musical tone.She trotted inside to where Rarity was standing,and dropped the letter on the side table in the designing room. "Oh, darling! Just the pony I wanted to see! How are you?" Rarity asked.
"Umm... I'm...okay..." Fluttershy replied, uneasy. "I uh... Came to ask you something... If that's okay with you..."
"Of course it's fine with me, darling! Now, I know... Hearts and Hooves day, Big Macintosh, am I correct?" Rarity asked, spouting of everything correctly. Of course, that's because she was the only one that knew of her crush.
"Umm... Yes..." Fluttershy said, quietly. She wanted to make sure, even though it was just her and Rarity around, nopony could hear.
"But- I don't think I'm ready... I'm not courageous like Rainbow... Or pretty like you... Or smart like Twilight! Orhardworkinglikeapplejackorfunlikepinkiepi-" Fluttershy was interrupted by a silencing hoof.
"No. You're not." Rarity said, monotone. "You're you. You're brave, smart, pretty, fun, hardworking, kind Fluttershy. You MUST stop giving your self a hard time." Rarity said in her caring, older sister tone.
" O-okay...I think I'm ready Rarity! I mean, if that's okay with you..." Fluttershy timidly backed down, only to find Rarity congratulating her and telling her she wouldn't fail. "O-okay! I'm Ready!" Fluttershy said in a normal speaking tone. "I'm Rea-"
"Uh- Miss Fluttershy?" A deep, southern drawl said.
"EEP!"
Author's FRICKIN Notes
Well, here's my first chapter. It wasn't really, um, good. I was so tired when I was doing this that I fell asleep once or twice.
The reason I did this was because I haven't seen a lot of advances lately in the really good fluttermac fics so far, so I decided to make my own. Just a little Prolouge here, so not a lot is going on.
IF YOU DON'T LIKE FLUTTERMAC, GO AWAY. DON'T COMMENT, DON'T BASH, AND NO OTHER SHIP COMMENTS, OKAY!? I DON'T WANT ANY BUTTHURT TWELVE YEAR OLDS ON MY STORY. THANK YOU.
Also, if anyone could give me ideas for the next chapter, that would be amazing! Thank you!
I'll do the next chapter soon...
It wasn't until someone posted a good-luck post of FlutterMac for me and my fiancee that I got into FlutterMac. I can't wait for more!!
~Raxel~
1262981
Thank you ^^
1266339
xD I laughed so hard!
You, are amazing.
I don't understand where the 8 dislikes came from....this story's pretty epic to me :3 keep up the awesome work.
And also FINALLY someone else notices the lack of FlutterMac on this site. Shoot, its like all I see in the mew stories is FlitterDash :P
I HAVE BROUGHT PEACE TO THE WORLD BY GIVING THIS FIC ANOTHER THUMBS UP!!
1266532
Ikr? The only fanfics that pop up are Flutterdash and Twimac.
Ugh, the dislikes probably came from some spam trolls and haters. Oh well Dx
Thanks! Too many spelling mistakes due to auto correct, and I have the overuse of punctuation, but thanks!
1266592
Thank you! I appreciate it very much!
1266750 and with that thumbs up I just pushed this fics like ratio over the dislike. You can thank me later. TwiMac? Hmmm dont see a lot of that...don't mind not seeing it either. Either way heres some FluterMac love
FFFLLLLLUUUTTTTTTEEEEERRRRRMMMMAAAAAACCCCCC!!!!
I really like this story so far. A couple typos such as "wong flapping" lol but still, great story.
Couple typos, but hey, the concept is well done, and it doth give unto me mine warm fuzzies.
>> budswillblossom No problem man/woman it deserves it.
1267242
Stupid effing autocorrect...
Thanks!
1268404
Woman.
xD
1267646
As I said, my autocorrect is sh*t...
I can't get away with anything Dx
1266841
THANK YOU I OWE YOU MY LIFE -shot
Ehh, I think the only other Mac couple I like seeing is Cheerimac, the others don't make sense to me...
1268693 crap where did those hearts come from? Ah well glitchy glitchy computer.
1270893
Glitchy glitchy!
Cuteness within acceptable parameters, if somewhat generic so far.
Alright, let's do this. I'll try to only comment on important things, but I'll probably fail.
That's a bit much for a compound adjective, if you ask me. If you want to tell us that much about a character (one whom we already know, by the way), just devote a whole sentence to it.
I'm liking that use of formatting, excellent touch! It's very Fluttershy. Throughout the story it's used very nicely.
Sorry to go all editor on you, but you really should split that into two sentences, right where the comma is.
I can't help but think that separating the flashback in a more significant way would have been a good idea...
Now, this last bit is hard. In fact, it's almost impossible to fix. But I really think that Macintosh talks too much. I'm sorry, I just had to say it. There's nothing you can do, really. Without dialogue, nothing happens.
Anyways this is pretty good. Not as random as I hoped, but... Anyways, can you please take out the "Announcement" Chapter? And maybe get an editor. And maybe try and make your author's notes a little more subtle.
Okay, nothing left to complain about! Write on, my friend, and you will improve!
1328737
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! You helped me a lot, and I appreciate it .
Also, fixed the areas! About the editor part, I dunno. I'll have to over look my stuff before posting it, that's for sure.
1328737
Also, the reason why BM talks so much is because he was little, and became more reserved after the death of his parents.
1329041 Anyways, don't mention it. I know what it's like to be a new author and needing criticism. Heck, nobody ever really stops needing criticism. Anyways, there's a few more minor things that I'd like to bring up, but I haven't the time right now. I'll come back to this tomorrow!
Okay, about that flashback. Just to clarify, in my mind this is where the "flashback" begins.
But you see, it's not very well introduced. We're just sort of thrown into it. My advice would be to have a paragraph whose only purpose is to say "Okay, now you are reading a flashback."
It could look something like this (edits in bold):
See what I'm saying? Because you've devoted a significant portion of the chapter to that memory, it makes sense to give it a proper introduction. Plus, this way you can avoid having it all in italics.
That's a huge run-on sentence, better split it up.
That's a redundant past tense.
Dunno what went on there, but it's quite the mess.
Perhaps you mean courageous?
Everyone's favourite mistake...
Anyways, there are a bunch more little things, but that's as much as I'll be doing for you for now. There are lots of people on this site who would be willing to help you out, though. Check out the two major proofreading groups, the Proofreaders group and Looking for Editors.
Good luck and happy writing!
D"AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW S-SO MUCH CUTE *Dies from cuteness* +=FORVEVER